I Should Be Sleeping

[tachyon-log]

"'Effect' is a noun, and 'affect' is a verb," reprimanded the schoolteacher. The students merely looked on with dull affect, bearing no genuine desire to effect change in their own vocabularies.

[deadchannelradio]

i dont personally like bernard (sorry bernheads) but i do really like the concept of "first boyfriend". the First Boyfriend is not always someones actual First Boyfriend and sometimes people skip the First Boyfriend entirely, but First Boyfriend is defined as "someones first real boyfriend who is Just Fine." there is nothing special about First Boyfriend. First Boyfriend tends to last a long time because there is nothing to really hate about First Boyfriend. First Boyfriend is perfectly affable. First Boyfriend likes to Look at Cars/Birds/Manhole Covers/Comics/HB Pencils. First Boyfriend will sometimes play A Video Game. you can bring First Boyfriend home to your Parents and they will say "First Boyfriend seems Nice." nobody has anything to say about First Boyfriend other than the fact that he is Nice. First Boyfriend has no particular strong opinions on anything other than what types of pen are nicest to write with. First Boyfriend just wants to do Whatever You Want To Do. you can watch First Boyfriend eat a Burger at a Cookout and he will put ketchup And mustard on it, to be daring. First Boyfriend likes Bread And Butter Pickles. First Boyfriend will be dated for far longer than you would think simply because First Boyfriend is so forgettable. You can bring him along on vacations like a waterbottle. He tends to blend into the background of all photos. he doesnt ever seem to really Need anything. he is just Happy To Hang Out With You. There's never anything Wrong with him. You never have any real arguments or intense discussions or differences of opinion. He's just kind of there. he's like peel and stick wallpaper in the shade Beige. Eventually First Boyfriend will be broken up with and the breakup will not even hit that hard because the relationship was always just kind of middling for both parties, but it lasted so long that yeah it kind of was upsetting. bernard is First Boyfriend to me. Your dad never actually really remembers his name.

[deadchannelradio]

like that's just bernard to me he's the plain vanilla ice cream in a cup of boyfriends. i want them to break up in like a year for no big or dramatic reason and i want bernard to live like a perfectly normal average life post tim where nothing ever truly bad happens to him. i want him to be 2 years into a relationship with somebody else as their like second or third boyfriend (no important capitals needed he's just their boyfriend) and he's like in the middle of being photographed on family vacation in the group photo when he remembers how tims family always made him stand on the outside of the photos w/o touching tim (so he could be cropped out later) (they didn't actually say that to him but it was the vibe) and his new partners mom is crafting the caption to mention him and he's like Wait A Minute. THEY WERE RUDE!

[deadchannelradio]

The thing is tim isnt trying to be mean he is just seventeen years old for the seventeenth year in a row. none of this is like. people actively trying to be mean to each other (maybe damian is trying to be mean like who is this blonde in My House) it's just people learning the ropes of relationships and not actually being quite right for each other and not communicating as quickly or effectively as they could have due to all the situations being non-emergent. teenagers and young adults having teenagey young adulty relationships. this is the kind of thing that just happens in the world and it's kind of enchanting to me as a concept but not enough to write about it or read about it in a serious fashion.

[deadchannelradio]

i know bernard dealt with many a "My Friend Kon" sentences and situations. again tim is not actually trying to be mean he is just 17 (for the 17th time) and thinks generally everything is more fun when his buddy kon is there and that because HE thinks kon is so wonderful to think and hear about surely everyone else wants to hear about his friend too. He has not put together that if you have more fun with someone else than your significant other in literally every aspect you should maybe think about your relationship (seventeen) and "everything is better with kon" does not yet mean anything in his brain.

he is going to be really, really, really embarrassed about this in like 3-4 years bernard so dont worry man you'll get him back. not in a relationship or anything just like, emotional revenge. he's gonna wake up w a new piece of his frontal lobe developed and cringe so hard his soul leaves his body. you'll get him back.

[deadchannelradio]

tim is the kind of uncomfortable and embarrassed that makes you want to crawl away from yourself only you cant because you like, are yourself. he's gonna call dick to lose it a little about how bad he feels and how he doesnt know how to apologize and (after tim reminds dick of who bernard is) dick is gonna be like Yeah he should have just killed you.

tim: dick that is so not helpful i called you for ADVICE

dick: i dont have any dude like yeah that was real bad you did bungle that one. you should grovel only don't actually speak to him. leave him alone.

dick: send him a whole imported italian roast pig and an apology letter only don't do that just let him forget you exist because you did really bork that thang up good.

tim: i thought you would have advice or at least a story about when YOU were a kid to make me feel better!! why are you useless

dick: no way dude i kissed all of my friends that i liked hanging out with so that i could hang out with people i liked and get kissed. this is a personal problem. I try my best to only be really mean and rude on purpose.

[asidewalksymphony]

UPDATE! They found the original photo!

[textonly]

[zoesupreme]

Christopher Nolan almost allows colors into his mythical epic shot on 70mm IMAX film. thank god they stopped filming in time.

[kheru-post-randoms]

Sir the METEOROLOGICAL SYMBOL OF HOPE just invited itself over the Castle where the Hero Finally Comes Home After Way Too Many Trials And Tribulations

And you just.

Said no????

It's free symbolism and you said no because it's a rainbow and it's not gritty enough?????!!!!?

[lifebloodblue]

The goddess Iris herself offered to make an appearance in your Greek mythology movie and you dare deny her??

[penny-anna]

okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:

1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader

(Pictured: Darth Vader)

1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)

1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.

(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)

To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)

1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)

2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.

He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)

2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)

2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30 cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)

Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.

(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)

He has a point.

2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.

2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.

May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)

July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)

June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.

(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)

July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

For clarity's sake, Robert Pownall is dressed as a fox because he's an anti-fox hunting campaigner, and also he will be standing in the Farage Vs Binface election. So that's fun

[klapollo]

it's funny when ppl screencap a post where op turned off the reblogs and that version gets tons of notes, bc i can guarantee you 90 percent of the time it's because the original op was getting all kinds of bullshit in their inbox/notifs/etc because of it. it's like seeing a cursed necklace that someone shed and being like "why would someone throw out this beautiful necklace!? let me wear it right now"

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[inthefallofasparrow]

[scorpio-system]

AAA video game publisher voice: "Look. The goose layed a golden egg, and that's nice! Everyone loved that egg. But keeping the golden goose means paying for bird feed and I don't want to, so I killed the goose."

[senatortedcruz]

I hate Elon musk so fucking much

[senatortedcruz]

Exactly!!!!!

[maryfitzroy]

as joyce carol oates once said, “the poorest persons on twitter may have access to more beauty & meaning in life than the ‘most wealthy person in the world.’”

[lilliankillthisman]

Confession scene verdict: peak.

[tomatotext]

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

[ao3commentoftheday]

I'm not saying you'll always find what you're looking for on ao3, but I am saying it's always worth checking just to see

[ao3commentoftheday]

this post was inspired by finding fic for a 1976 prog rock sci-fi album

[rainy-daze1]

is this anything

[athenaspetsnek]

@ominous-signs do these count?

[ominous-signs]

damn...

[mochlus]

Disney is doing crazy things in the japanese mobile game sphere rn

[mochlus]

you may be familiar with disney twisted wonderland, the gacha game in which various disney villains are used as direct inspiration for handsome anime boys. well that game was so successful that disney is trying to do it again but this time they're just animeboyifying whatever

here's mickey, goofy, donald, and chip & dale. yeah they turned mickey & friends into anime boys. they're an idol unit or something. they're technically not anime boy versions of the source characters, they have different names. mickey's guy is "Neo Michel". not michael, michel, like he's french. chip & dale are "Ruska Moncrief" and "Ranka Monk", they have different last names, they're not brothers anymore so that they can be yaoibait instead, anyways this post isn't actually about these guys I'm just setting the stage for the actual humanizations I wanted to show you

They also did monsters inc. And. Well it's obvious from the designs who mike and sully are. but you will also notice. the blonde one on the left. with glasses. monsters inc is kind of famously about just the two guys so they didn't really have a lot of other non-villain characters to take anime boys inspiration from, I guess, so, well,

Yeah it's her. they made an anime boy version of the mean receptionist slug. her name is roz btw, as all of boygachagame twitter has become extremely aware of in the past 3 days as we speculated prior to the release of the full image who tf the third guy was. the anime boy's name is "noah slugger". at this point no parody of the types of things gacha games will make gijinkas of will ever be able to live up to what disney is officially spending their own real money on designing

[danshive]

👨‍🏫 “So here’s the premise of Newcomb’s problem: Box A is transparent, and definitely has a thousand dollars in it.

Box B is opaque, and MIGHT have a million dollars in it.

😗 “Okay…”

👨‍🏫 “You have two options: You can take both Box A and Box B, or you can JUST take Box B.

BUT! There is a super computer. This super computer can predict with almost perfect accuracy whether you will take one or both boxes.

If it predicted you’d take BOTH boxes A and B, Box B will be empty.

If it predicted you’d ONLY take box B, Box B will have a million dollars.

This is only explained AFTER you enter the room, and you have no advanced knowledge before entering the room.”

😗 “So whether Box B has a million dollars in it is decided before I enter the room. What’s in it will not change.”

👨‍🏫 “Correct!”

😗 “And I have no advance knowledge of this challenge, and therefore no opportunity to try and trick the super computer. I cannot consciously influence its prediction.”

👨‍🏫 “Correct!”

😗 “By the time I’m in the room, it is literally impossible for me to change whether there is a million dollars in Box B.

The question may as well be simplified to ‘do you want to chance walking away without any prize money for no reason?’”

👨‍🏫 “Well, philosophically, there’s more nuance than—”

😗 “Even if I genuinely believed it made sense to only take Box B, nothing I do once in the room will change whether there’s a million dollars in Box B. That decision has already been made.

There is no objective benefit to not taking both boxes regardless of what I thought prior to entering the room.

The idea that I can manipulate the outcome by only taking Box B is an illusion of power. The only power I have in this situation is whether I’m out that thousand dollars.

I might not care about that thousand dollars if I get the million, but nothing changes if I only take Box B beyond not getting that thousand dollars.”

👨‍🏫 “What if the super computer is infallible and can’t be wrong?”

😗 “Then I fry it with my laser eyes.”

👨‍🏫 “What?”

😗 “If the super computer can be magic, I can have laser eyes.”

[edorielle]

One of the things I’ve been meaning to do for a while now: update my map of the Yeerk Empire. I’ve made a lot of progress on my fic since the first version, so it was about time to tweak a few things.

Not a ton of changes, just:

I moved the Yeerk, Taxxon, and Hork-Bajir homeworlds around a bit, because it’s going to matter (for a tiny paragraph in the middle of a chapter no one will notice). That’s just my nitpicky side—I can’t stand fantasy novels where the heroes somehow cross 300 kilometers in two days... Okay, I didn’t go so far as to double-check all my travel distances either, but you get the idea. (Anyway, canon says Z-Space can shift around so…🙃)

I added three new worlds: Makersa (Mak homeworld), Solerki, and an unnamed Andalite colony. The first two will only get a brief mention, but I still think they’re important enough to place on the map. The third one will be where the Ongachic lab arc ends—but for now, I’m not ready to give it a name.

On that note, I'm going back to my fic, hoping to post a new chapter before Friday 🤞