staying fiendish

G A R R U S V A K A R I A N K I N i'm garrus vakarian and you can bet your beautiful, show-stopping ass that this is, like, my third-favorite place on the internet.

[sleazeburger]

This store is called “Perfect Furniture”

[faggang]

[institute-for-thermal-research]

oh you eating my ex’s ass? how do my toes taste?

[ginger-ale-official]

i don’t like this post at all I gotta say

[benwarheit]

Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window: -the insane orange waiter -that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman -the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point. -the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein -but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses -there’s three wine glasses -one’s for him.

[maryburgers]

This makes me laugh to the point of tears every time I see it

[etsyifyourenasty]

Dagger Earrings

[habboheroes]

[sabertoothwalrus]

Good Linguistic McElroy Jokes

portmanteaus

when they describe something specific with vague words e.g. instead of saying something like “I go to Chuck E Cheese to play skee ball” they’d say “I go to the fun mouse place and play games”

when they describe something mundane with specific words e.g. instead of saying something like “I put my binder in my backpack and go to class” they’d say “I put my Unicorn Lisa Frank binder in my Jansport and then hop on to my Razor Scooter and zip on over to Harvard University”

saying words phonetically

saying words with Emphasis

putting emphaSIS on tHE wrong sylLAbles

singing a word for emphasis

wrong grammar e.g. “a orange”

using bigger vocabulary the angrier they get

feel free to add more

[qaliqo]

Everything is a boy

[xbunnyclawsx]

[petalpetal]

why is he everywhere?

[toddhowardsblog]

[maeborowski]

buy skyrim

[fuckmountain2-deactivated202204]

[anzfaulkner]

My mom has these winnie the pooh salt and pepper shakers on the stove but christopher robin fell over and it looks like he’s having a breakdown while pooh dissociates

[lifeinpoetry]

A yellow scraping across my skin when I write the word “sky”

Not sky but scything :   to let day be scraped out         by night

— Eleni Sikelianos, from “Not Verb, but Vertigo,” published in Poem-a-Day

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

so the thing about my family is that we have two ancestors on my dad’s side who were buried in france, where I currently live. one died in the spanish civil war, and one died prior doing…we don’t know what. but he somehow managed to get buried in père lachaise. 

so anyhow, my gran sends me a message like “pls put flowers on ur uncle samuel’s grave because he’s gone over a century with none and it will make the ghost mad if he hasn’t already” because my family spends time in europe but never long enough to go all the way to père lachaise and give ya boy samuel jr. his death rites. so im like “ok gran I can do that” bc im a good grandson and you do not fuck with gran she doesn’t DESERVE THAT 

i figure out which plot he’s on and ask someone specifically where you can find uncle samuel jr. and they tell me where and so I arrive at the junction and. 

HE GONE. 

WHERE DID YOU GO UNCLE SAMUEL. 

*celine dion’s smash hit “my heart will go on” playing in the distance* 

in other words either someone stole my entire great great uncle samuel or he has risen again, ready to party in paris for all of eternity. 

[palindrome-mystery]

You’re pretty chill about a corpse disappearing.

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

My guy, my dude, he’s been dead since 1851. He could be anywhere. He does what he wants.

[departmentofinteriors]

venetian museum - naxos, greece

[malscare]

the thot thiccens…