Alice Running

Someday, you will find someone with the same sense of humor as you, and maybe that day is today. But for now, I'm here for my own enjoyment ☆if youre in my dms asking for handouts, youre getting reported for spam☆

[samepictureoflegolas]

Follow to see this picture of Legolas every day

[oupyfactory]

maybe the single funniest twitter comment I've ever seen

[guerrillatech]

[utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat]

[poorghost]

no one follows the trees warning

[rapidashrider]

You know the parable about how the foolish man built his house upon sand and the wise man built his house upon rock and it’s always about having a sturdy foundation well there is also the fact of location which is that the sand probably used to be rock except it’s been eroded to sediment because it’s a FUCKING FLOODPLAIN

[whereserpentswalk]

flood Plain perfec t size for put town in to b\uild! inside very Soft and Comfort town safe happy put town in Floodplain. Put Town In Floodplain. no problems ever in flloodplain because good Shape and Support for town roads weak of big town citizens. Afloodplain yes a place for a town put town in floodplain can trust floodplain for giveing good place for town. friend flood

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

okay so on the one hand, Peppercorn passed a month and a half ago and I still feel pangs whenever I pass the enclosure in the kitchen, I'd not planned on getting another snake soon, didn't know if I'd be ready

but as it turns out my friend needs to emergency rehome a small handful of reptiles (someone in the building snitched on their fancy enclosure-wall setup) and now we're arranging transport for one of her two corns for me

the universe said more snake time i suppose

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

Folks here she is, everyone behold:

Alfredo (freddie for short)

She's gonna turn one in a little over a month (July 15) and has a little mouth defect that hasn't really affected her feeding, but I'll prob check in with a vet nontheless. Anery palmetto morph-wise.

Here she is hiding in her travel enclosure:

We got her home and realized that she would disappear into my huge forty gallon never to be seen again so I've sent my girlfriend out for her 20 gal to house Freddie in til she gets large enough that I'm confident I won't lose her immediately in her bedding

[dyke-parade]

i think the funniest thing rocky does in the phm book is straight-up refuse to believe grace for multiple hours when grace explains relativistic physics. and then finally accepts it in the face of evidence but stays really pissed off about it. i wish we could’ve seen that shit like “where is einstein now, question, rocky just want to talk”

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

graffiti discourse is so stupid why the hell would I give a shit if people spraypaint their names or do some cool paintings under a bridge

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

sorry didn't realize the bridge has to be plain beige concrete. that was a load bearing plain beige concrete if anyone tags it the whole bridge collapses

[civil-defense-system]

accidentally let slip "you will be buried in my pyramid when I die" to a coworker last week btw

[pocketss]

Ummm she's literally sensitive :/

[tanadrin]

would be fun if language acquisition echoed language evolution a la recapitulation theory. kids going through an indo european phase.

[jadagul]

https://xkcd.com/2567/

[tanadrin]

fuuuuuck there really is an xkcd for everything

[bigscaryd]

Quick put an animal book in front of him and ask him what this guy is

[nordenflycht]

there's an xkcd for that also

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.

[notjusthespongenextdoor]

#every time I read this phrase the same thing happens#I read it as shittable and go wait that can't be right#oh right they were talking about public benches that makes more sense#but public bathrooms available without fees should also be a thing tho#cities should definitely be shittable#it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME

it must also be shittable

[vomitdodger]

[scarlct-vvitch]

grace, who has been alone for five minutes: oh my god. an alien! im not alone anymore! i hope he wants to be friends :)

rocky, coming up on 50 years of solitude, imprinting on grace in ways baby ducklings can only dream of: if you leave me to sleep where i can't watch your heart beat i am blowing up this tunnel with us both in it

[scarlct-vvitch]

free fic idea up for grabs. godspeed

[srsfunny]

I’m Going to Find That Guy, and Make Him Play the ET Game and Hareraiser for Eternity

[not100bees]

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

[spiderbitesandvampirevenom]

can we bring back the term "fair-weather friend" bc I feel like if fair-weather friends got called that more this whole argument about whether or not you should be there for your friends when it's inconvenient/at what point of personal inconvenience it's ok to bail on your friends would kinda fall apart bc like. we literally have a word for "friend who's only there when you don't need something from them" because the baseline expectation is that a friend should be there even when it sucks. like we used to make fun of people for bailing on their friends.

[charlesoberonn]

Mammu! Finius and Ferbingetorix built Rome in a day!

[charlesoberonn]

[charlesoberonn]

[asphor]

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

[charlesoberonn]

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

[asphor]

Yeah that checks out.

What's the doofenschmirtz contraption/scheme of the day?

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Ostrogoth (insert jokes about his daughter Vanessa being "Goth" but in the modern sense) invented a City-Mover-Inator to move Rome across the Danube so his Germanic confederation could sack it.

Thankfully, Agent Pericles stops him by redirecting the Inator to Finius and Ferbingetorix's New Rome instead, moving it to the Bosphorus.

[charlesoberonn]

While Pericles and Doofenric are fighting over the controls of the Inator, it gets accidentally changed to paint remover mode and then fired at a random direction.

Somewhere nearby a painter just finished coloring the statue of the emperor when suddenly all the paint gets removed.

Painter: Aw...

Painter, giving it a second look: Hmmm... 🤔

[charlesoberonn]

Candysseia: What animal even is Pericles?

Finius: We named it "platypus", meaning flat-foot.

Ferbingetorix: On account of his feet being flat.

Candysseia: And where did he come from?

Febingetorix: We have no earthly idea.

[charlesoberonn]

Doofenric the Goth: Pericles the- wait, what animal even are you, Agent Pericles?

Pericles: *hands him papyrus*

Doofenric: *reading* A "platypus", meaning flat-foot... oh, on account of your feet being flat!

[charlesoberonn]

To be clear, the Emperor Constantine looks like Roger Doofenshmirtz.

Also, I agree with everybody who says that Greco-Roman Candace's name should be Candassandra (since nobody believes her warnings).

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

happy pride

[torsamors-deactivated20250510]

okay so spock (the alien in blue) essentially goes into heat. like literal heat like an animal. Anyway, spock’s in bloodlust in this episode and must go back to vulcan to have sex with his finace (or someone. but its supposed to be his fiance) or he’ll literally die. this is called pon farr and some backstory spock is half human and thought he wouldnt go through pon farr so he abandoned his HOT fiance to fuck around in space except oops pon farr happens so. he and kirk (in yellow getting his tits cut open, he’s also spocks captain and best friend) and their other friend mccoy go to vulcan so he can have sex with his fiance or get married or whatever so he doesn’t die. but then spock’s fiance (t’pring) is like no i dont want to marry spock i want to have him fight someone to death (which she can do) and spock at this point is fully in the ‘blood lust’ and is basically not in his right mind and doesnt get what’s happening. and t’pring picks kirk to be her ‘champion’ in the fight (her logic is that if spock dies in the fight she doesnt have to marry him and if kirk dies, spock will be so upset with her he won’t marry her anymore anyway). anyway kirk doesnt know that its a fight to the death and so he’s like of course i’ll do this fight if it’ll help spock and then he gets told it’s a fight to the death and he goes WHAT and right afterwards spock slices his titties open like in the gif. also eventually spock and kirk roll around in the sand and kirk fakes his death and THIS somehow knocks spock out of his blood lust and he goes back to the ship super sad bc he’s killed his ‘best friend’ only to discover kirk’s alive and we see one of his biggest smiles of the series (a big deal bc spock is vulcan and they dont show emotion). anyway this aired as the season opener in 1967. know your history and all that happy pride

[trekheritageposts]

star trek heritage post (June 1st, 2022)