[huntalie]

its a writing blog for nat from yellowjackets, the huntress slash presumed antler queen slash last straw of humanity burning at the altar of a cruel goddess slash the wilderness' favourite

eve, twenty-two, fully vaccinated, and really obsessed with these cannibalistic girly girls

[violenthunted]

feeling quite comfy here so i'm moving back the other blogs, spencer reid and natalie scatorccio.

[huntalie]

nat will be found over there. im moving threads and plots as well 👹

[huntalie]

hey im around just struggling w the heat ✌️will post more meme starters this weekend

[huntalie]

how do we feel about the secret episode 10 that will be posted somewhere between now and the next season

[deathlikelead]

thinking about lottie being sent out weaponless, expected to compete and find them food based on her faith alone. thinking about "does a hunt that has no violence feed anyone?" thinking about her handing the team over to natalie who had been killing to feed them all along.

[nataliesscatorccio]

pretty painful that lottie and misty spent the entire show trying to protect natalie and it’s lottie and misty who kill her. (Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the crew I ask that you please direct your attention forward as we review the emergency procedures). pretty painful that natalie and travis put in the footwork to find and protect javi but both kill him in the end. (There are four emergency exits on this aircraft. Take a minute to locate the exit closest to you). these people love and understand each other so uniquely, but they’ll never be able to help each other out of the woods because they are ALL lost in them. (Note that the nearest exit may be behind you. Count the number of rows to this exit). their efforts, while so sincere in their good intent, are rotten from inception because they’re each so deep in anguish themselves all they can do is hurt others. (Should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, stay calm and listen for instructions from the cabin crew. Oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat). it feels like at the end of season two they all begin to see what we’ve known: it isn’t Lottie who is the especially crazy one or Natalie who is the singular fuck-up or Misty who is the outlier nutjob. it’s all of them, equally. (Place the mask over your mouth and nose. Pull the strap to tighten it). natalie was so shocked when she realized “oh. we’re all like this.” reaching out for the world trying for tenderness with weapons where their hands should be. (Make sure that your own mask is on first before helping others).

[nataliesscatorccio]

obsessed with the way natalie is a complete fucking wreck in the real world, but kept every one of those girls alive in the woods. tai and shauna acknowledge this in the car during the cash drop. why do you keep paying for her treatment? because she kept us alive out there. if jackie was the emblem of society and had to die in the woods, i think natalie—even more than lottie—is the woods and will have to die in society.

[enslaughts]

@huntalie. . . liked for a starter.

life had stopped making sense to laura lee the moment their plane plummeted from the sky. glimpses, maybe, here and there, shapes in her periphery, but by the second plane raining fire and brimstone upon them, she'd only kept on falling. head over heels far after she'd already hit the water. o thou of little faith. wherefore didst thou doubt ? maybe it was the moment you let us fucking sink. and yet, there is no other word for it but faith, this hellfire reflection in her eye. it devours the cabin, their home, like a lion, leaving nothing but skin and bone to pick through, blacker than black. at least it's warm. it'll be warmer in hell, something certain in her whispers, a root taking hold. a certainty of the un - seen, made seen before their very eyes. faith. the only thing that's made sense to her since the moment their plane plummeted from the sky ; this is judgment. righteous, holy fire for the blasphemers.

but the innocent were always damned with the guilty. firstborns swallowed in the plague. travis didn't deserve to lose his only home now that his brother was dead. lottie didn't deserve it either, akilah, gen, melissa, natalie. they were already suffering, half frozen, half starved, half dead. what more could it want from them, what more could it take ? what more could they give ? a home. their only home, for their only meal. maybe it was a fair trade after all. but no. no, it's only fair the taste of javi is forever turned to ash in their mouths, but not for all of them. travis, natalie— natalie tried. she was going to feed them all, despite lottie's offering, despite their heresy against it, she was going to feed them. heed the altar call and lie down upon it, and now look at her. ram in the thicket made archangel, forged in fire to light their path forward, chosen by the cards, the wilderness, lottie. who was laura lee to question it ?

so she doesn't. she has faith in lottie, and lottie put her faith in natalie. and god saw the light, that it was good : and god divided the light from the darkness. laura lee knows this, if nothing else : natalie is good. and because she's good, she will doubt herself, just as lottie did, and this is why they're good, why they're chosen. their home is in each other. “   you're not alone in this,   ” she whispers, fierce, forcing the glow in her gaze to shine on natalie's. what a way to start a reign. but light will always shine brighter in the dark. “   have faith in lottie. in yourself. we've made it this far.   ” what more could they lose ? where could they go now but up, after they'd already walked through the gates of hell ? doesn't that depend on which way you're going : out, or further in ? “   you got us this far.   ” not only your skill, but your kindness, “   you've been a faithful servant, natalie. now it's our turn. we just have to give it. . . more of the same.   ” here, cold hands find another's, slow, wary as an animal, but holding tight. “   more faith in it. trust, in each other.   ”

[huntalie]

to the bones of a dead teenage girl she had never considered a friend, nat expressed with mournful apathy that shit was going to get a lot worse a lot faster than any of them could stomach & it was a goddamn mercy jackie had made it out painlessly. lo & behold ! the world goes up in flames while javi's meat rots between their unwashed teeth. perhaps it is time to play the lottie card & pretend she is a prophet, if only because she failed so badly at being a martyr.

after the queen was drawn, still heavy in her hand, with the cold blade against the soft skin of her throat, nat asked shauna to look her in the eye. she didn't want to go down that rabbit hole while looking the other way. faith is that. having a window to look through & yet still repeatedly bashing your head against the wall. doing it until you bleed. and then, of course, thanking someone else for the colorful gift. nat has always watched the hard shit with big, dumb eyes. that's her thing, she watches. she watches and stays on her feet and takes it. daddy steals the gun from her hands & calls her worthless, nat watches as he blows his brains out. daddy calls mom worthless & nat fires the gun in a heartbeat, she hasn't blinked. neither did she when the cabin burnt. teeth crissing against one another while her jaw tried to shatter itself, but she didn't blink. the world goes to shit & nat sees it for what it is.

faith is a perfectly good mask to put on, one to hide the view & hide you from the view as it watches back. worse than pink-colored glasses. worse than akilah's youthful belief that everything is going to be normal if she ever gets the fuck out of that forest. worse, because faith is a load of bullshit. faith doesn't bring food : lottie's failure at the hunt showed them just that. faith doesn't get you fed & faith doesn't get you saved. in fact, faith is just like everything else in this godforsaken place : something to hide behind while the cold and the hunger gnaw at your bones.

hence the question, a little bewildered, "laura lee… are you. are you fucking joking?" she doesn't know if the statement is rhetorical or if her tone is borderline desperate for an answer that will satisfy her morbide curiosity. "this--" her hand flies between them like an unsteady butterfly trying to get out of its jar, only to point toward the rest of the group. the yellowjackets are huddled together over a tiny fire. nat tried to walk away, but the little fucking angel thought it was time for a lecture. spoiler alert : it's not. "--isn't faith."

& yes when @enslaughts captures her hands to hold them, nat jumps like she's surprised she can still be touched. and yes, when laura lee's fingers close around hers, and some warmth seeps through the rigid ice, nat can't help but close her eyes tightly. would call it absolution for her sin (not keeping them safe) if she wasn't fucking tired of religion being another cover the girls put on themselves before sleep to justify something that doesn't need any fucking explanation other than fire got their ass (somehow) nat failed them (again) & now they're gonna go jackie style (like she wanted). nat breathes through her nose & stares the girl dead in the eyes : "if your god is real and did that, if he d-did that" coldness as a stutter, coldness as a breathless sound, "to us them, he's so so fucking evil. can't you see that?"

[huntalie]

you know what... i'm really happy the yj rpc decided to say fuck same-muse anxiety and fuck being exclusive

[huntalie]

you know how jackie was the last sham of humanity holding the girls back, as seen during the prom scene? and then how she was their first act of savagery? taissa was the ruthlessness. being the one to choose allie's fate. enacting that choice coldly. violently. being the one to save lottie, "it cant be her" (i think)

nat was their conscience. in ep1, when they talk about freezing allie out, she's the only one being loudly against it. she wants them to "play like a fucking team & win. it's worked so far." jackie, shyly, after the incident: "we're still a team, we still have each other." but nat pushes the metal door of her locker & leaves. she disagrees. but that disagreement wasn't signed in blood. it's null & void.

when. during the whole post-crash frenzy, she's lottie's loudest opponent. during the post allie incident, laura lee says "the lord works in mysterious ways" to try and justify what happened. nat doesnt give a shit. she disagrees. it doesnt matter if god is there or not, cause this is bad. and if there is a god then hes just as bad as the rest.

but then they push nat too far... the hunger, the cold, the fear. death all around. the hunt, the chase. hunter becomes prey. javi. javi. javi. she ends up playing the game too. that's why the crowning was in the last episode of s2 : it was the last tipping point. the big change between s2 and s3. the burning cabin is only a physical representation of that narrative change : one moment they were girls in a forest, the second they were predators in the wilderness, a pack of hounds around their leader, a swarm of bees around their queen.

and when, in that same episode, nat dies, the coin reverses in the adult timeline, its because they are responsible for the death of the one who knew what was right. "we're still a team. we still have each other" but that's not true anymore. you were desperate to sacrifice someone, even when the wilderness didn't choose. you pretended to participate, lied to each other. you weren't a team and because of that you lost. you scored against your own side and it was deadly.

god. they killed her. their horrified faces haunt me. "play like a fucking team & win". if they don't do that next season shit is gonna get a lot worse very fast.

[huntalie]

happy pride to the sapphic gals and nb pals and happy pride to them only

[notmorbid]

lila, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from lila by marilynne robinson.

you still don't trust me at all.

maybe you should just tell me those things, whatever they are.

i was thinking about you all the time.

i was thinking about you, and wondering about myself.

do you still pretend to talk to me, now that i'm here?

i'm very trustworthy, so there's no need to cry.

the way we used to laugh was better than anything.

everything you tell me surprises me. it's always interesting.

you never could let anything be.

i guess it's been a while since i had dreams worth talking about.

no point making it worse than it has to be.

you shouldn't have waited up for me.

i can't go on protecting you from other people.

did i do something i shouldn't?

i'll tell you about my day if you'll tell me about yours.

i have a lot of memories, these days, and i have some pretty bad dreams.

no matter what happens, i am on your side.

there are people you seem to know the first time you see them.

i thought i'd learned not to set my heart on anything.

i did know you. i do know you.

you don't mind all the scars and scratches?

folks are their bodies, and bodies can't be trusted at all.

there's no point being scared of pain.

nobody knows what to say about sorrow like that.

it's amazing that anybody in the world can hurt your feelings, if they want to.

i've got feelings i don't know the names for, but i wouldn't wish them on a snake.

i don't want you looking at me that way.

i can talk better than this. guess i just don't want to.

you never told me what you're scared of. there must be something.

i think through things. it calms me. otherwise, i don't react as well as i might.

some things you want so much, you can't believe you have them.

sometimes i just laugh because i'm surprised.

i'll come to find you, like i always do.

how can i tell you about things i don't understand myself?

it's worse every day because it's the same, every day.

you have been a miracle.

don't hope. just wait.

how is praying different from worrying?

stealing is stealing, especially if you get caught at it.

just crawl under the covers with me until i get warm.

i won't cry if you won't.

i tried praying a couple times, and nothing came of it.

the best things that happen, i'd have never thought to pray for.

fear and comfort can be the same thing.

i think you've been playing possum.

we'll be nowhere, and it will be all right. i have friends there.

when you're scalded, touch hurts. makes no difference if it's kind or not.

you have to stay out of trouble, for the sake of your child.

that's what my heart is like sometimes, secretive and bitter and scared.

i can't love you as much as i love you. i can't feel as happy as i am.

i know you'll do the best you can, the best that can be done.

stepping back into the loneliness is a dreadful thing, like walking into cold water.

what you think, you might not have to feel.

i feel like moses on the mountain, looking out at the life he will never have.

did i ever say that? that i love you? i always thought it sounded a little foolish.

i used to read to myself out loud, just to hear a voice.

there is goodness at the center of things.

it's not fair to punish people for trying to get by.

sometimes we think terrible thoughts to blunt our own fear.

[huntalie]

"after they rescued us... i lost my purpose" shut up im gonna cry. imagine your whole job is keeping the group fed then safe. making sure you stay alive. and then you get rescued and they take that job from you, they take your girls from you. suddenly you're alone with everything you did to save them and no purpose to save you

[huntalie]

taissa "i wanna lead new jersey out of the wilderness" turner

[huntalie]

natalie being dressed in purple looking like she's meditating IN HER VERY FIRST SCENE OF THE SHOW, a dude calls her for group therapy. she's in rehab for drug addiction. to all the peeps who're dead set on saying this isn't a tragedy (in the greek sense of the term) : she died at the exact same place she started. everything was there long before her death. the drugs were there. the purple clothes. the introspection. the view on the water thats so specific to lottie's cult. the group therapy. it was there from the beginning of the show. natalie saying "i don't belong here" because she's not javi she's not the prey she's the hunter. she's still the kid in that plane and young!nat isn't meant to dien right? not yet. but that's the thing. she's no longer young!nat. the wilderness is asking for its queen back. "this is exactly where we belong. we've been here for years", yeah she has been here for years. the only thing who kept her from this fate was travis, and the wilderness took care of that. life took care of that. lottie took care of that. this is a circle, this is a tragedy, you saw it too, you just didn't notice

[huntalie]

nat at her group therapy : "and thanks to my time here, i finally know how to get it [my purpose] back" vs her thanking lisa and telling her not to get out during the night. finding her purpose, which is not to hunt but to save. or maybe her purpose is to feed. and she's feeding alright, making lisa and callie two new victims to the wilderness' manipulation. who knows. anyway the parallels don't stop paralleling

and tbh coah's speech "when things get tough out there these girls are gonna need someone to guide them. can you handle that?" no one expected deadbeat nat. cause nat doesn't have what jackie had (influence) & yet, when asked about the best thing about her, its easy : nat is so nat. nat is unapologizingly herself. and in the wilderness? that sense of self? that strength and steadiness? its fucking gold. while everyone is falling doubting hesitating nat is nat. steady as a compass. she'll handle it like she has handled everything in her life so far. she can guide you. she will guide you

[huntalie]

natalie being dressed in purple looking like she's meditating IN HER VERY FIRST SCENE OF THE SHOW, a dude calls her for group therapy. she's in rehab for drug addiction. to all the peeps who're dead set on saying this isn't a tragedy (in the greek sense of the term) : she died at the exact same place she started. everything was there long before her death. the drugs were there. the purple clothes. the introspection. the view on the water thats so specific to lottie's cult. the group therapy. it was there from the beginning of the show. natalie saying "i don't belong here" because she's not javi she's not the prey she's the hunter. she's still the kid in that plane and young!nat isn't meant to die right? not yet. but that's the thing. she's no longer young!nat. the wilderness is asking for its queen back. "this is exactly where we belong. we've been here for years", yeah she has been here for years. the only thing who kept her from this fate was travis, and the wilderness took care of that. life took care of that. lottie took care of that. this is a circle, this is a tragedy, you saw it too, you just didn't notice

[huntalie]

CALLIE @shipdecki : it was miserable, thanks.

"uh." so that's what having a teenager would feel like. good thing she never bothered going down that particular route, right? not that the girl is a nuisance, but callie sure has an attitude, all raw & bloody like her mother's. difficult not to see shauna's skeleton under all that pretty youthful skin & healthy pink full of baby fat cheeks -- although, truthfully, you gotta see beyond it. by you, we mean nat. because young shauna would mean young nat, and we all know where that one goes, right? change the tape, baby, that one's rotten. "figure. didn't like school either. well. let me make your day better, 'k? we can go…" don't say drink, nat, don't say drink. "i dunno, shopping? is that what you lot do?" you meaning teen girls meaning pretty popular girls meaning who she never got to be meaning who she never wanted to be & now longs for so badly. who knew she'd be desperate to bond with the probably overly popular pretty thing, the one that would have found a way or two to look down at her had they grown up together in whatever little microcosm of an highschool she's currently studying in while mom stays at home & dad pretends to be working (even though the little bell above the door never clings). shauna really got herself the perfect white-picket-fence tragedy of a tv-on-all-day-long life, alright.