sentence meme --- how i met your mother
Are we being punished or something?
Yes, perfect! And then you’re engaged, you pop the champagne, you do your toast, you have sex on the kitchen floor! Don’t have sex on our kitchen floor.
Hey, so you know how I’ve always had a thing for half-Asian chicks? Well, now I’ve got a new thing. Lebanese chicks. Lebanese chicks are the new half-Asians.
Oh, yeah, you just know she likes it dirty.
De -wait for it- Nied! Denied!
Yeah, I was never going to go play laser tag.
Like—let’s fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice.
I’m not gonna force sports on them unless they’re interested.
This is gonna be legen— wait for it, and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant because the next word is— DAIRY!
It turns out that Krav Maga is not a form of yoga. It’s a form of guerrilla street fighting developed by the Israeli Army.
No, no, no. We are not laughing about this. This is not gonna be some funny story that we’re gonna be telling in a couple of months. It’s not gonna be like “Remember that time when you were grinding with-” NO. And do you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen.
I’m no VIP, I’m not even an IP; I’m just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter.
Nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.
Well, I’m pretty drunk. Look I know the odds are, the love of my life isn’t going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning. But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait.
Why do they call it karaoke anyhow? Was it invented by a woman named Karey Okee? These are the kind of things I think about.
Look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs… It’s like we’re the president.
No. No unless. No e-mails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight, we’ll make a memory that will never be tarnished. Then, when we’re old and gray, we’ll look back on this moment… and it’ll be perfect.
Tell me about it! That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like “Hey bro, I don’t know what you’re eating cause I don’t have any eyes but it’s basically awesome so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.”
I will tell you my most humiliating story.
OK, it involves a game of “Truth or Dare”, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparent’s retirement community.
Oh, this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.
Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.
Every woman that lives alone is not a lesbian.
We had sex in your car twice and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
She’s still drunk from last night.
Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You’re like God. There is no one hotter than God.
I love it when you quote Scripture.
Hanging out at a coffee place… not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.
If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don’t think there would’ve been a feature about it in Details magazine.
You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life as we know it to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened!
Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy?
Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
I know, I’m beautiful! I’m a fairy princess!
Seriously, where do you see yourself in five years?
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