The Beginning
I debated for a long time whether to write anything, but, being me, I wanted to have a space to document this journey. A journey to being my best self.
How did I get here?
I think it all really began back in university. I had always felt my whole life that I was bigger. I am quite tall at 5'11" and I had always had lots of muscle from the years of sports I played, but a head injury brought my active lifestyle to a halt when I hit 20. I had to work hard to try to balance out my less active life with more gym use, and had to try to better understand how my body was changing. It worked well for a while, but then my mental health also took a dive, and I became a bit more of a binge eater. I worked hard to try to manage this, and when I had moved abroad for 2 years in England, it had gotten better. However, my weight was at that time the highest ever, around 230.
During the pandemic, it got worse. Lack of routine and working midnights for 2 years led me to horrible eating patterns and pushed my weight up to around 270, where I have now been hovering since then. Writing that down, I cannot believe that it has gotten that bad, but it hasn't been without trying to lose it.
And I really have tried!
I have increased activity levels, hitting 10k steps most days, working out 3-4 times a week, and have really worked on trying to develop more healthy eating patterns with appropraite portions. I have tried all the things that I'm told to try...but the weight isn't coming off. It's so defeating to be working hard at trying to manage it, and nothing is helping. People keep saying, "try this" or "try that" because it worked for them. I feel defeated when I have tried those strategies, but it hasn't helped me at all. It feels horrible when my friends don't understand my struggles, as they are all much smaller. I feel embarrassed about it getting this bad, but I also feel like I have no one who really understands or supports me. They complain about people not being active or eating poorly or taking medication to help them lose weight, but don't really understand the struggle it is for many people. I've gotten to a point where I feel so defeated because I cannot do it on my own.
So...I talked with my doctor and explained all of the struggles I've been going through. We've decided to start a GLP-1 medication. I avoided this for as long as possible, but nothing I'm trying is working, and I'm just so tired of everything. I'm tired of always being out of breath. I'm tired of being told to try new diet trends. I'm tired of being watched while I eat my food. I'm tired of never being able to shop in regular stores. I'm tired of not being able to do things with my friends because my size holds me back.
I need this change. I didn't want to resort to medication, but if it's the thing that will help, I'm to the point where I just want something to change. So, hence my post. I want to document everything that's going to be happening: my results, my weight loss, my challenges and successes, my side effects, and anything else that comes up.
If you want to follow along, that's great! It's always nice to have people to talk to, but I'm doing this for me, to finally get my life back, and I want to have a place to share, regardless of having an audience.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, and I appreciate any support, conversation, and community along this crazy journey to being my best self. <3
- H
