Further 3/25 - Leaving WR Farm
The lenses we use between and of presumption and assumptions/coupled with avoidance were the theme of a very mercurial dream I had the second week of my work at W.F. Farm.
I was being led through a cityscape of neutral tones by a giant of a masculine presence. Leading us through a concrete gray scape of blame and adversity to others who may walk the same scape. We passed a strawberry blonde presence, who presented as dismal or jaded, and had an uncanny likeness to someone I met twice; once in New Hampshire Hospital in 2016, and again in February of this year at the N. Main Street Cold Weather Shelter. For sake of privacy for their journey, I'll leave it at that.
- dream walk 4/20/21 (5:47-ish)
(Lesson synopsis first impressions, cement gray/ strawberry blonde/ translucent under a massive sky)
Woke from secondary, interpreted as flipside of coin of from prior dreamscape, series of blue and dark guess maze, green/purple huntress presence manifested in a past lover taking down a multiplicitous beast/monster interpretation of v similar and familiar hues with bow
Yesterday was less a challenge of silence and more a unifying and conscious choice of solidarity with our LGBTQIA siblings, among other perceptions of others whom have suffered alienation throughout time. To acknowledge and value that serenity and sit with our thoughts, to reset and feel/listen the waves of joy and emotion, experience them lapping over our shores and rolling out all the same.
We have so much still to gain with eachother. I remember taking my time with the day, starting it off with a moving meditation between mysf and the perception of my best friend from high school, bolstering hopefully in a way and pattern that has benefitted me and helped my stoic resolve in silence at times.
I went down to the garden rows, watching my steps along the edges, careful as I could be surefooted to do little harm, while bearing in mind toil must occur in a garden to attain any progress.
I continued broadforking with the method I was taught, sure that I would make some accomplishment, chattering at times in my excitement and joy, reveling in the breeze and the motions as they passed by. The sun directed me, beating down on a hot day, to layer down, and I was rewarded today with a light shoulder burn. Mid way through the broadforking, I switched my pattern to backward lunging and switching stance,
a sort of backward-warrior-bow stance. At this time, I was listening to one of my favorite anthems for energy, and got carried away, the metal handle of the broadfork slipping as I stepped and colliding with my right brow.
Pausing briefly, I began to chuckle and laugh to myself, undeterred, sending myself healing and vigor in that adrenaline-induced moment, and began to tear through the next leg of the row, stopping only to mind my breathwork and poise, to tackle this challenge with some grace, and also laugh at my audacious self struggling to bring rocks up from the soil for seeding.
I do feel like you can give something/someone/ anyone your best efforts, and still they must in turn decide what that means to them. While time and persistency of energy conquer many a feat, the capacity to understand someone is exactly as they are and accept them for that, and still confronting our obstacles without causing further injury to eachother, but hoping for mutual understanding, harmony and growth with eachother and in service of someone who deserves Our collective best after all this earthly time, is indeed a beautiful truth.
This morning I awoke late, dozing in and out from sleep. Having had that minor accident (no physical traumatic injuries occured there, which is to say something knowing me), but the morning and night that presented me with a series of very lucid dreams, which I believe was in part a telling sign and also a reward of the blood and sweat I out forth in this current place. More on this another time, but the distinct symbolism of a spirited, diamond-shaped image came to mind and persisted as I awoke. Red by color and hue, naturally. I felt at some point for a passing moment, not clinging or attaching to the idea, that I may be hard pressed to find a continuity of a physical place in the future to call a permenant home for a time, despite feeling at home in my answers and self, and still growing and learning on my path.
The dreams that persisted were conversations, or tidbits of, whispering gentle observations and steady acknowledgement that I wish at times people could be so transparent about in waking life, knowing that there are those others who will accept the idea and reality of these things in this day and age, and love us for it all the same.
My driver, Fritz, picked me up on the way down to the hotel I'm at in between White Rabbit Farm and my next host site, Agape, where I hope to continue living intentionally as capable, learning, working and more. We had a long, beautiful and friendly dialogue about avoiding allowing others disrupt your peacefulness or upend your energy for their own behavior, endeavor, actions, etc and avoiding both blaming them, as well as compromising our own character.
This is a lesson I will continue to relearn and practice as I meet new people on my journey with the world(s) and company we exist alongside.
The places wherein we pause, reflect and acknowledge our journey, I am reminded, are quite valuable, the tangible moments in between what we believe are our destinations, are still very much in fact the beauty of our road, just as much our narratives and pinnacles, for what would be the climb of a staircase fight without lifting our legs each step?
