hylia

the ramblings of an autistic, bisexual hopeless romantic who was disappointed too many times

[hyliabunny]

what's the point in being my own person if i can't even have my own goals or aspirations?

what's the point in being my own person if my life is just someone else's projection that im forced to live by?

what's the point in being my own person if i can't even let my guard down in my own home?

✨ just dysfunctional home things ✨

[hyliabunny]

the way I cry and need to be held like a fucking baby when I listen to Euclid by Sleep Token...

I need to be sedated 🥲

[hyliabunny]

That was a 2-day crying marathon 😅🫣

[dreamgirlvibes]

The sexiest thing you could ever do for me is consider me.

[stricatul]

Been craving intimacy, not lust. Show me your soul, tell me what makes you cry, let me learn you in ways no ones ever imagined.

[hyliabunny]

the way I cry and need to be held like a fucking baby when I listen to Euclid by Sleep Token...

I need to be sedated 🥲

[hyliabunny]

the sheer amount of depraved, humiliating things i would do to hear the words "im so proud of you, sweet girl" from his mouth

[narcissistichedonist]

pretty girls who look innocent have the most depraved sexual fantasies

[sweetchampagne]

She's just waiting for that one person to sit her down, look her in the eyes and say, "I'm not giving up on you, you're worth it. I'm going to learn how to love you right, and I'm not going anywhere" and actually mean it for once.

[hyliabunny]

One of the worst parts about being a hopeless romantic and being deprived of a loving touch for so long is how often I'm having dreams about my ex-boyfriends.

Some are frame-by-frame memories, some are "what if we had stayed together" and "what if I had done/said this differently" scenarios.

Waking up, i feel so stupid for having those dreams even though I know in my heart that there wasn't anything I could've done to "fix" things.

What hurts the most about that is the fact that my nervous system is holding onto specific memories of being loved and seen and appreciated in my past relationships because I have the polar opposite now: nothing.

I'm touch-deprived, emotionally hungry, and my body is begging to feel loved again...

[longhairvixen]

[hyliabunny]

Love goals

[hyliabunny]

its crazy how ysf audios literally help me fall asleep. and im talking about the rough n spicy ones, not even the ones he made specifically for sleeping

[hyliabunny]

Lately, I've been thinking a LOT about hyper-independence and how it effects dating/relationships. I'm extremely hyper-independent. I solve my own problems, I handle things on my own, and I rarely ask for help. And it's not because I don't WANT support. It's because at some point, for me, relying on people directly correlated to being let down/disappointed.

I've been let down by the people around me so many times in my life that my brain learned: "if I just handle everything myself, I won't have to feel that drop in my stomach when someone doesn't show up."

But the thing is is that hyper-independence doesn't mean I want to do life alone.

What I REALLY want is a relationship where someone is steady enough that I don't have to be the strong one all the time.

I want a relationship where I can be soft and feminine.

I want a relationship where I can be needy sometimes.

I want a relationship where I can relax my guard because the other person consistently shows up.

And I'm realizing that those who are hyper-independent, like myself, don't need someone to "save" them.

We need someone consistent enough that our nervous system slowly learns that it's safe to let go of the armor.

I've been catching myself daydreaming a lot about being able to let go of that weight and grow into the version of me that has yet to surface, that has yet to feel safe enough to be set free.

...one day...

[xultraviolentlightx]

Cupping your jaw in my hand. Squeezing gently so you can’t help but drool a little. Pushing my thumb into your mouth.

[hyliabunny]

i had an ex who complained that i have "too many folds" (i don't) and used it as an excuse to not eat me out our whole relationship.

like, okay? go take that up with god or some shi, that's not my fault and not my problem

[mariahenriiquez-deactivated2021]

[grlstlker]

i just need you to pull on my hair and fuck my thoughts out of me i’m not asking for much

[hyliabunny]

i want a love that looks like a renaissance painting and feels like a sleep token song.

i don't just want to be cared for; i want to be craved.

i don't just want love; i want mutual passion.

i don't just want a relationship; i want something so deeply emotional, so vulnerable, so romantic, so intense, so warm, so erotic, like a hopeless confession of devotion and obsession that says "i would happily watch the entire world burn with you by my side."