Hyper Alienation

He has become, one might say, estranged from himself. He does not experience himself as the center of his world, as the creator of his own acts — but his acts and their consequences have become his masters, whom he obeys, or whom he may even worship. The alienated person is out of touch with himself as he is out of touch with any other person.

[hyperalienation]

My boyfriend wants me to move into a new place to prepare for him moving to my country, and it’s like I want to do that so we can have a place on our own but any time I spend away from family makes my ARFID worse lol. Like once I don’t have my family bringing me meals and I have to make my own food choices I just break down and the food obsession becomes even worse

[hyperalienation]

The worst thing about learning a new language is inevitably the topic of food comes up and you have to pretend to enjoy food more / have a wider variety of meals than you actually do

[homageforsatan-deactivated20231]

[weird-dreamz]

[uglygerm]

[hyperalienation]

[dollhouseattic]

[aridante]

home, daliah ammar // when god talks to your father, salma deera // lost river, dir. ryan gosling (2014) // aloha from hell, richard kadrey // punishment, marcin cienski // ghoul, mud howard // pet sematary, dir. mary lambert (1989).

[trauma-ruined-deactivated202110]

[1xc999]

[skrewz-deactivated20190113]

[de4tth-deactivated20141001]

[unorcadox]

[eliselaserre]

[90schickdotcom-blog]

[yayofairie]

[hyperalienation]

Sometimes, I make myself sick thinking about how I wish I could be worse. Worse enough that I would be able to actually access treatment and support. Worse enough that my family would stop mocking me about my mental health issues. Worse enough that I wouldn’t just be screaming into a void with nobody to listen. 

And I know it’s such a disturbing and fucked up thing to think. But sometimes it feels like the only way out of this is by becoming worse. Sometimes it feels like I don’t even deserve or want that.