As a fellow dysthymic person, I'm curious, how do you maintain a long-term romantic relationship? I find that whenever things become serious, I start telling myself that the energy my partner's spending on me is energy they're not spending on finding a stable, healthy partner who can actually contribute to the relationship, so me dating is unethical. I don't act on these thoughts, but without a reason they're wrong, they don't go away. Do you have a way around this, or does it not happen to you?
Hey Anonā¦I really wish I had an answer for you. Some sort of mantra you could say to yourself or medication you could take or any kind of golden ticket that makes this easier.
Truth is, every single thing you experience - the feelings of guilt, the āitās unethicalā excuse, the self-loathing for seemingly wasting someoneās time, the constant thoughts of unhealthiness - are all things that I experience every damn day.
If you were to ask my doll, she would probably brush it off and say something like āI mean, itās not easy, but we both find ways of making it workā, so Iāll set the record straight: I donāt make this easy for her at all. I withdraw, I hide, I lie about how Iām feeling, I go long days moping. Sometimes I turn my phone off without warning and just keep to myself. By definition, I am not always a good boyfriend; sometimes I am an absolutely shitty boyfriend. Any other person wouldāve left me ages ago.
For whatever reason, she hasnāt.
Iām not saying āwait around for someone to put up with your toxicityā or whatever. Iām always trying to learn and get better, and Iāve made some great strides since we started dating. But, like you and everyone else out there with dysthymia, every hour of every day is an uphill battle. Youāll stumble and fall and freak out and feel miserable and no matter how hard you try, thereās a poison in your head thatās going to constantly tell you āyouāre a bad person.ā
The trick is that not everyone can handle that. Not everyone should. Iām not going to mince words: there are a lot of people out there who want a stable relationship thatās simply easier to handle. We bring with us baggage, and not everyone is capable of dealing with it. And thatās okay, and as much as it sucks, we need to accept the fact that thatās okay. Mourn, feel shitty for a while, and then press onward.
That being said, you - and everyone with this illness - will eventually find someone whose love for you will be on par with their ability to stick out a relationship like this. Someone who can look at you, the poison in your head, the way you withdraw and all of the other unique symptoms that come with dysthymia, and say, āNot only can I do this, but I love you so much that I want to do this.ā
And that someone is for you to meet along your journey.
Iām really sorry, I wish I had better advice. I donāt. I really hope that this helps though.
