speaking hypothetically

i was bothering my friends...

[sandmandaddy69]

[slytherverse]

friend is trying to sell her car bc shes moving to a state with vehicle inspections and her prius lives in defiance of god. anyway so shes cleaning it out at my apartment complex bc we have dumpsters and her roommate forgot to pay the trash bill. i will be liveblogging my experience watching her do this and you will understand why i refuse to help her

[slytherverse]

-threw out the floor mats entirely bc theres magic the gathering cards molded into them

-found an axe formely belonging to a friend who is now in jail

-four trash bags worth of clothes and an untold amount of fast food trash

[slytherverse]

guys theres a pile of chicken bones down there from wingstop im so scared

AND i hear "hey dude can i use ur washing machine real quick" and she pulls out a pair of pants from, i shit you not, 1940 and theyre moldified into a SOLID. those pants survived a war and couldnt last a year in her fucking shitbox istfg

[slytherverse]

shes cleaning out the Broken Glass Area of the backseat (normal thing to have. been there FOUR FUCKING YEARS)

fuckin blindly sticks her hand under the seat and pulls out a fully intact URANIUM GLASS PLATE. "for you :D" ... GIRL

[slytherverse]

"oh no i disturbed the nursery section of The Colony!!! D: D: " awesomesauce. i hope an asteroid comes and kills us both

[slytherverse]

i swear to god im not exaggerating here. anyway heres an incomplete list of everything we found inside:

-axe (stolen)

-earrings made out of dentures

-flavored condoms

-a quilt

-hello kitty sweater (stolen from a DIFFERENT ex-friend with a felony charge)

-deer spine

-baseball sized wad of human hair

-""sex apron""

-uranium glass plate

-pile of non-uranium non-car glass

-rollerblades

-complete phantom of the opera cd set

-magic the gathering cards mold-ified into a brick

-lego millennium falcon

-a CUTLASS??? (for "self defense")

-the back bumper of the car

-an entire fucking ant colony

and finally, perhaps the most disturbing,

-a pack of vanilla wax melts, inexplicably unmelted and intact despite sitting inside this terrarium-with-a-prius-wrapped-around-it in 100 degree heat for god knows how long

[slytherverse]

i must stress: before today she DID NOT KNOW about the ant colony in there . she thought ants just really liked to climb inside anytime the car was parked.

[slytherverse]

guys i cant take it anymore

[slytherverse]

bringing this post back bc i found a video of her offering me the phantom cd set and i said no because the box was coated in a syrupy mat of human hair and she was confused because "we know whos hair it is" ???? as if the origin of the hair was the only fucking holdup

[stupidestasshole]

what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments

[hypotheticallyaaron]

Was the first blowjob given or requested?

[bigcommunity]

I’m literally in bed rn and THIS woke me up

[hypotheticallyaaron]

Do you think Cardasians do party shots with their forehead indent?

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

is it weird for a hermit crab when it runs into a guy wearing its old shell

[turquoisemagpie]

There’s been a couple fantasy IPs that depict dragons as eternal beings, but have any of them made dragons fully non-linear creature?

Like standing before a dragon and talking to them, they see you as your present self, your past self, and your future self. They see you as a newborn and a rotten corpse. They see you as arriving to meet them and leaving them. They see you as right in front of them, as all the numerous times you will see/ have seen them again, and as not there at all.

If you stand before a dragon, it will take a while to get their attention, as they don’t know you’re there: they see you alone AND you not there at all AND among the millions of others who are both there and not there. So do they ever notice you? How would they answer your questions when they can hear endless voices of other questions asked and to be asked by others? Would their answer make sense? Would they constantly mess up the past/present/future tenses of their sentences? Would they talk to you like a baby or an adult or a dying person?

Would you even be able to physically touch them? They won’t attempt to touch you, because you are both there and not there.

Maybe you can only touch dragons that are killed - their eternity ended with the taking of their life. Riding a dragon is not even thought of, since a person who is able to lay their hands on a living eternal dragon is someone who has left the human concept of linear time…

[hypotheticallyaaron]

Do you think mitosis hurts?

[hypotheticallyaaron]

Do you think the first few species that had to fuck to reproduce, knew that they had to, or knew how?

[hypotheticallyaaron]

I wonder how long it takes babies to get used to not being wet all the time

[hypotheticallyaaron]

Do you think cavemen ever forgot what they walked into the cave to get?

[hypotheticallyaaron]

I wonder how long it took for the "american" accent to come about

[dragon-in-a-fez]

do bugs get muscle cramps? do fish get tension headaches? how big and complicated does a body have to get before it'll just fuck itself up for no reason?

[hypotheticallyaaron]

I wonder what cavemen craved to eat

[hypotheticallyaaron]

If I put dry grapes in the freezer and they are covered with ice when i get them out, that ice is frozen grape juice

[kushblazer666]