Here

almost invisible

[i-can-t-be-here]

How I wish to sleep a sleep with no awakening, that the night would draw its curtain over me forever, quietly, without resistance.

[i-can-t-be-here]

we going to change wether we like it or not, its a matter of accepting it and not waiting for the old feeling to comeback, we won’t feel the same but we will feel something new, mostly different, and life will keep on changing, and we will keep changing with it.

[i-can-t-be-here]

I am a nobody, just a dust of atom in this whole big universe, yet i feel like i’m the only one.

[i-can-t-be-here]

Only if you’d let me in, i’d love you truly and the way you were supposed to be loved, but you still refuse it, saying you wanna heal first, but darling, healing doesn’t mean hiding.

I’d hold your broken pieces gently, not to fix you just to remind you you’re still whole.

[i-can-t-be-here]

An emptiness gnaws at the fathomless abyss of my being, not merely the void of loss, but the haunting echo of a life never lived, of shattered dreams staggering like shadows unmoored from earth. I turn, seeking faces, seeking meaning, yet all I find is a hollow expanse, and a mirror that glares back with the ghost of a life doomed never to be born.

[i-can-t-be-here]

This void is not like death,

It resembles what came before birth—

that pure nothingness,

where there is no name,

no sound,

no shape of self,

only a quiet, unconscious waiting

for something that will never arrive.

[i-can-t-be-here]

The deeper I delve into existence, the more I realize that boredom isn’t a fleeting feeling, it is the inevitable consequence of consciousness when it finds nothing to justify itself.

[i-can-t-be-here]

I wanted to love you - truly, I did.

And maybe I did, for a while.

But you wore me down.

You’ve always been difficult, and I kept hoping love would soften that.

I thought, somehow, it would find its way into your heart and ease the weight you carry.

But I was painfully wrong.

[i-can-t-be-here]

You look at me differently now, and I look at you with indifference. I don’t even know how to feel about you anymore but you already made up your mind about me.

[i-can-t-be-here]

There I go again, learning how to live without waiting on you.

It’s still hard — some days it claws at me — but I manage.

I don’t sit at the table anymore, waiting for the door to open,

for you to walk in, sit beside me,

share a drink, pretend the silence between us never grew teeth.

[i-can-t-be-here]

I screamed, not for you, but because no one ever told me love could decay like this. That someone you once trusted with your soul could make you feel like you were nothing—less than nothing. Invisible. Erased. You made me believe I didn’t matter, not to you, not to anyone. And in that moment, I didn’t want to exist at all. That’s the kind of damage you did: the kind that stains, the kind that stays. The kind you never come back from.

[i-can-t-be-here]

but i felt the way you felt about me, and you cannot lie, i felt how my heart melted into my rips, the way i knew you no longer love me, it made me want to scream in agony, scream this hurt out of my chest, i never felt more alone, how can someone do this kind of damage to another being, the kind that makes someone feel as if they don’t matter in this world anymore.

[i-can-t-be-here]

it’s really hard to like anyone when you don’t even like who you are.

[i-can-t-be-here]

i could tell you what i felt that night, but you no longer with me, and i no longer myself, its all behind me now, but somehow it always catch up to me, and sometimes i see it right in front of me, at the end of the line, it awaits me, and i can’t turn the other way, it always follow and everything leads me to it. To that feeling, and i don’t know why i call it a feeling when it doesn’t make me feel like anything, it just a soft reminder of how my existence sits heavy in everyone’s heart, mine especially, it sinks it, to the deep end. its just there to tell me what you had was nothing, thats why it was so easy for you to let go, but what i had was all i ever known, it was somehow part of who i am, maybe all of me? I rlly don’t know what shapes a human other than an other human, just like when you were a kid, and how you parents supposed to shape you into something beautiful, or something that barely exists, just like when i was a child, how i wasn’t even there half of the times, and other times id lock myself up in someone’s bathroom, just cus I didn’t want anyone to feel how alone it is for me, so i hid it, didn’t want to be a burden, but i was, and i still i am.

[i-can-t-be-here]

I miss him, hes not gone, but he’s not present either.

[i-can-t-be-here]

I have learned: truth is never given —

it is carved through the cracks of suffering.

[i-can-t-be-here]

what we don’t know can’t hurt us.