what they don’t tell you about being a writer is that returning to a long fic you haven’t touched in a while means rereading 50k words first because you don’t actually remember your own fics that well
eating disorder culture being normalized will not win in this house if nothing else i need other ppl to know they need to fight this as much as possible yall cannot let this shit happen to you please dont fall for it
Sometimes I think Pete still believes he’s trapped in the safe house. It’s as if he can’t move past the vulnerability or what he sees as his defeat that he experienced there. (I say ‘defeat’ only because that’s how he seems to view it.. personally I don’t think anything he endured there made him weak)
To him, Vegas is still the man who kidnapped and abused him, and he’s still Vegas’s prisoner. I guess that’s what trauma does. No matter what happens, no matter where he goes, the slightest trigger seems to drag him right back within those four walls.
Even if Vegas has changed, Pete seems to have resigned himself to the belief that he’ll never truly be able to move past it.
I see the point you're making but I would counter that pete doesn't think hes trapped in the safe house hes trapped in his own self image and expectations of himself.
Of course yes exactly nothing he endured there made him weak! But this is his pov and he cant forgive himself for being caught out and put in that situation. Especially as he's been taught (see physically hurt whenever he's shown what his father would classify as weakness). This is why he's become so good at masking his emotion to not prompt a violent reaction from his father. Emotions are weakness and have put him in danger before so of course pete would struggle with emotional vulnerability because of this. And even worse now that he has survived both a traumatic childhood and a traumatic event with vegas its only encouraged the belief that repressing his emotions works as a survival tactic- because in both those cases it did.
Pete has learned this behaviour and built it into his identity as a competent person even as an adult so that makes it even harder to break as a habit.
Hmm thats an interesting perspective. I wouldn't say hes resigned himself to never moving past it. Its been barely a month since it happened hes not moving past it yet because hes still angry. This is going to take years for him to process and even reach some kind of acceptance about it. He is nowhere near that stage yet so of course a lot of vegas' behaviours now even well intentioned are still incredibly triggering to pete. Yes youre so right trauma does put him back there with the idea that hes under threat even when he might not be. And this is not something thats going to be resolved by the end of the story either. But im trying to leave the readers in a place that they feel hopeful that the two of them will find a way to work it out together over the years (because they will)
Hello, how are you? You mentioned that you weren't feeling well and that work has been pretty hectic. I hope things are getting better.
I also have a question. I've been rewatching some Narnia and, because of that, reading some fanfiction. I find it very difficult to enjoy most of it because writing characters who have lived a full life as the Kings and Queens of Narnia seems incredibly challenging.
It feels like you have to capture a very specific balance: the wisdom and patience that come with age, while also preserving the youthful energy and impulsiveness they still have. On top of that, you need to keep their personalities intact and tell a story that feels both interesting and believable. I think that's an incredibly difficult thing to achieve.
So I figured I'd ask my favourite author: how would you go about writing fanfiction set in the Narnia universe? Are my expectations for these stories simply too high or unreasonable?
Also, with the remake on the way, would writing something in this universe interest or challenge you? And if you were to write *Narnia* fanfiction, what pairing would you be most interested in exploring?
Thank you for your answer!
Hi sorry I did see this one just haven't had the chance to respond!
Yes bad combo work is very busy and stressful and im on antibiotics but we push on!
This is a pretty interesting question but tbh I think its relatively easy to understand when you think of what the author is trying to portray- which in this case is some variation of what war does to kill off childish innocence- and what kind of disturbing adult minds in childlike bodies that results in. Essentially its trauma wrapped up in alternative universe repackaging. I do think trauma is difficult to write and difficult for readers to read- because at its core traumatic experiences are not universal and how people respond/react/act afterwards is a totally person based thing. It cannot be generalised and its even harder to relate to when its localised. Plus there's also the risk of being too generic and unintentionally painting a caricature of trauma instead. I dont want to go down the path that says only people who have experienced trauma can effectively write it because I think thats not a reasonable approach to apply to writing but hard topics certainly require an understanding of empathy and care as well as caution.
I can't really comment on the narnia fandom tbh because I dont read fanfic for it- but my suggestion to you if you're struggling to find something to your taste is- have a go at trying to write it! That's honestly what got me into writing, wanting to see the stories that I imagine so why not give it a try! I do also think trying it for yourself will help centre some of your expectations when it comes to reading in the fandom too. Hop over the fence its worth a try!!
Im not very likely to be writing in that fandom tbh i think i maybe read the lion the witch and the wardrobe when I was younger but my memories surrounding it mostly relate to the movies. My favourite character is Edmund! Love a character learning from their mistakes and being allowed to grow and become wise from it.
I have a question: Throughout the story (both while he was being held captive and afterward), is the reason Pete can’t fully give himself to Vegas or accept being with him because he can’t come to terms with feeling sexual desire for the person who kept him captive? Or is it because he realizes that his feelings have gone beyond physical attraction and are developing into love?
If their relationship had remained purely physical, would it have been easier for Pete to accept? Or was it the depth of his feelings beyond just sexual desire that left him so conflicted?
While reading the story, I noticed that they seemed to progress much more quickly when it came to sex, but whenever it came to either Pete’s or Vegas’s feelings, Pete set much firmer boundaries.
Hi anon great question!
I think tbh the physical is more acceptable to pete because he was able to rationalise his desire and pleasure occurring whilst being vegas' captive as just a human reaction- not a weakness on his part. Which is a lot more forgivable/ helps reduce some of the shame around his assault.
So of course later on when trust is developing between them that makes it easier to convince himself into continuing a physical relationship with no blowback because again its just pleasure and sex and vegas has already suggested to him that he doesn't indulge. And everyone indulges so of course why not? Why shouldnt he too? That's perfectly rational and easy to forgive himself for relenting on. Its just sex thats fine.
Again, lol not true for pete- but working it out like this in real time is helping pete to accept what he wants without taking blame for it or feeling like he compromised in any way against his sense of self. Theres nothing to be ashamed of here for wanting his rapist, nope, no siree.
So when it does delve into feelings- suddenly this is a much more conscious move on pete's part because he is constantly trying to manage and control his emotions- because he was taught to be self reliant from a very young age and developed these internal guardrails to take care of himself and ensure he survived. So emotions- these are all within petes control- which like again probably not a healthy approach (nor an accurate one) but hey this is all from his pov and thats how that cookie crumbles.
So if pete chooses to accept his emotions for vegas are romantic then suddenly its not longer a 'just a reaction of the flesh' easy and forgivable thing. Suddenly the responsibility is back on pete and he's forced to confront not only that he has intense and developing romantic feelings for his rapist, but also that he cannot control these feelings. And maybe he was never actually fully in control of his feelings to begin with and was in fact actively suppressing them instead. All of that is extremely hard for him to face because it goes against his belief that he's competent and able to function well and live a good life despite his upbringing. These are all the pillars of how he self identifies- how he's convinced himself that he is which makes them even harder to confront once the ideas and brought into his identity. I.e. thinking im a good driver, and then bringing that into your sense of self and getting good esteem at that- only to be confronted by the fact that hey you regularly drive 10ks under the speed limit and thats actually dangerous- it becomes very difficult to go against that first established belief in yourself to accept the truth of your actions- i.e. im a good driver.
And thats the core of what pete is struggling against. The- 'Im a rational person and collected person nothing sways me' belief doesnt really jive with the whole- ive fallen in love with my rapist reality. So of course pete is at war with himself.
What pete actually needs to do here is let go of the survival tactics he employed to get through his childhood, accept those same reactions and responses to adversity is not in fact helping him now as an adult and reassess (seek therapy lmao) but again this is meant to be messy so we know he's not going to do that haha. He's just going to try and find some way to bring these two realities together so they make sense to him.
But yeah see above this is where the hesitation is coming from in terms of accepting his feelings vs accepting physical attraction and desire. The body for him is all instinct and easier to convince as natural and somewhat guilt free- just reacting to what his body wants. Rather than tuning in and recognising his body wants this because his feelings are there propelling things forward. Everything is being complicated by trauma here basically!
sometimes artists worry if their art is actually capable of making the world a better place, or if its all just wasted effort. what you need to remember is: all art is evil, and the sole aspiration of the artist should be to maim as many onlookers as possible.
