I. U. D. S. I. S.

Fight for your right to do whatever you want with your own genitalia, stand up for equality, and stop being so polite.

[rachelmaddowheygirl]

[bttmlk]

[all-about-male-privilege]

I think some men really just don’t understand how privilege works; as men, you’re not SUPPOSED to see it. It is MEANT to be invisible to you. That’s how these things last for centuries. You need to LISTEN to other points of view, and take them into account, to see the whole picture.

We’re not...

[all-about-male-privilege]

This list is based on Peggy McIntosh’s article on white privilege. These dynamics are but a few examples of the privilege which male people have.

Mod note: This list appears to have been written with a particular cis, het, white slant.

On a daily basis as a male person…

1. My odds of...

[nineprotons]

[madamethursday]

[Image: A hand drawn illustration featuring a light skinned figure with a goatee standing next to a large block of text that reads: Be advised: The First Amendment protects your right to say (almost) anything you want. It does not protect you from criticism, ridicule, or society repercussions resultant from the fool things you say.” The text on the figure’s tee shirt reads: “I can believe in free speech AND disagree with you!”]

[chasingequality-blog]

Do not tell me that there is no war against women.

Since we invaded Afghanistan in 2001 and Iraq in 2003, approximately 8000 soldiers have been killed in action or by friendly fire.  In that same time frame 12,000 women have been killed by domestic abuse.  Do not tell me there is no war against women. 

[all-about-male-privilege]

Male privilege is when you get think you’ve heard enough of me talking about feminism.

[i-u-d-s-i-s]

Seriously, check your privilege. (and here's a step-by-step list of how to do that)

Learn What is Meant by “Privilege”

The Free Dictionary defines privilege as, “a special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste” and, “such an advantage, immunity, or right held as a prerogative of status or rank, and exercised to the exclusion or detriment of others”. The first step that needs to be taken in order to go from pro-equality in spirit to pro-equality in deed is to understand this concept and what it means in an anti-oppression activist context.

Accept Your Privilege

Once you have a basic grasp on the system of privilege, the next step is one simple self-realization: you are privileged. Chances are, your reading that has made you feeldefensive. While it’s a perfectly natural, and common, reaction, don’t let it get in your way of actually thinking about what the statement means. What you need to realize is that we all have privilege to some degree: white privilege, male privilege,heterosexual privilege, etc. The hardest thing is to do is to get over your instinct to fight and say, “But I’m not like that!” If you can do it, you’ve completed the first step towards being a pro-equality in reality rather than simply saying and believing that you are.

Understanding Your Privilege

This step is one of the most important ones I’m going to talk about. Understanding privilege is an ongoing process that will help you to understand how to participate in minority1 discussion/movements without taking over their space or feeling left out.

Learn to Listen Rather Than Speak

This one is a lot harder than it sounds, and I say this as someone who loves speaking and voicing her opinion on things. One of the greatest things we, as privileged people, can bring to a discussion being held by non-privileged groups is our closed mouths and open ears/minds. When you enter a minority space, you need to realize that this is their soapbox, not yours. Your privilege gives you many other soapboxes that you can take advantage of, so when participating in a discussion held by a non-privileged group or individual your primary goal is to pay attention to what they say about their issues, lives, and oppressions.

You Aren’t Bad for Having Privilege

You don’t have any control over the privilege you were given, and we get that. It’s important for you to get that, and get that we aren’t saying that, and then realize what that means when combined with your privilege to pretend that you aren’t privileged. Confused? Simply put: you aren’t bad for having privilege, but not being able to give up your privilege is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card for bad behaviour. So, what, then, to do about it? Well, finding a balance between accepting your privilege and fighting against it is not easy. I still struggle with it on a daily basis. But, one way to start is to listen to and take feedback from non-privileged groups. They are a good judge of how your actions come across to them. Not everyone’s opinions will be the same, but eventually you’ll come out with some semblance of balance that works for you and those around you.

Criticism is Not Hatred

Any time a non-privileged individual busts out with an angry critique (or even a nice one), someone will eventually come up with the, “I’m sorry you hate men/whites/heterosexuals/etc.” line. With rare exception, non-privileged individuals do not hate privileged individuals, but we do hate how many privileged individuals act! Learn to take criticism. Learn to not deflect it with excuses about how the non-privileged person is just angry, hateful, etc. Even if the person in question is angry, hateful, etc. Even if you, personally, don’t act that way.

You Can Only Sympathize, Not Empathize

This is probably the hardest one for me, personally, to wrap my mind around because I’m all about drawing links between oppressions. But, no matter how strong the link is, the facts remain that no two oppressions are the same. And it’s you, as the privileged party, who needs to be extra careful about when and how you draw links. While the intent may be to show solidarity, the result is all too often that you come off as defensive, trying to one-up the non-privileged groups and appropriate their oppression. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever try to make connections, but rather that you should think about how the connections you’re drawing will come off to others.

It’s Okay to Make Mistakes

The road to understanding your privilege is one full of trial and error. What works in one situation may not work in another, and we may be clueless as to why. What is acceptable in society, may not actually be appropriate. Part of understanding our privilege is understanding how to apply it, and that will come with us screwing up now and again. We may be called on it, we may not be, but the important part is tolearn from it. If you’re confronted about your behaviour, use what your confronter says to change your mind, don’t try to change theirs.

Adopt a Language of Respect and Equality

Chances are you’ll begin to do this on your journey to understanding your privilege, but it bears repeating because it’s an important aspect. So what, exactly, is a language of respect and equality?

Revisiting “Politically Correct”

Your first instinct might be to dismiss words like “womyn” and being asked not to use “gay” as an insult as “that PC crap”. If so, sit back and think about that. Your privilege gives you the power to dismiss the decisions of non-privileged groups, and further deride them by turning “politically correct” into a slur. Part of engaging in a language of respect and equality is in recognizing the validity of a person’s choice to use language, and “politically correct” terms, even if you may not understand or agree with them.

Debunking the “Reverse -ism” Argument

The foundation of this argument — that we’re all just people and so -isms are -isms, no matter which group they’re targeted at — is one I sympathize with. Would that we lived in such a world! But the world is more complex than that. The same power dynamics that create privilege have created a hierarchy of prejudice so that discrimination against a privileged group is not the same as discrimination against a non-priivleged group. This is because discrimination against a non-privileged group is backed up with institutionalized power, whereas discrimination against a privileged group is often a singular act and therefore easier to avoid. I don’t think anyone would dispute the fact that discrimination sucks, but glossing over the inequity of the two discriminations helps keep the inequity in play.

Don’t Make It About You

First of all, there’s a difference between using your own experience as a foundation for understanding, and making something about you. The former requires you thinking abou a situation and trying to understand it the only way you can – through your own personal lens. The latter, however, is often a defensive reaction (especially around non-privileged groups, because privileged groups have been trained to keep the focus on ourselves) that will shut down dialogue faster that you can say “moo”. Make sure that what you’re saying is relevant and appropriate before you bring your privileged experience into a conversation by and/or about a non-privileged group. And, furthermore, if people in that group react badly, don’t get angry at them! Reflect on the situation and use that knowledge to foster a better discussion next time.

Intent Isn’t an Excuse

For the most part, I believe that all human beings have the best of intentions. Most of us don’t go about our days seeking to hurt people with words or actions. But, the result of our actions can be that it causes hurt/offense to others. So, while malicious intent may add icing to the cake, it does not dictate whether or not an offense has been made. “That wasn’t my intent,” all too often translates into “your reactions to what I did are invalid because I didn’t mean any harm.” The result is that it’s a defensive reaction that silences discussion on the issue and puts the words/actions above criticism. It, in essense, privileges the sayer/doer’s opinion/feelings over that of the non-privileged person or group that they have offended.

Make an Effort to Learn the Lingo

Standard language just isn’t equipped to deal with the concepts that non-privileged groups have to engage with on a regular basis. And why would it? The language we’re taught is designed for the masses. But, just as you have to learn a bunch of new terms for things like science class, so to do you need to do so for non-privileged groups. Not understanding terms can and will cause problems in the beginning – I know because I’ve been there. We all have. But just sticking it out and continuing to listen and learn will help. There are also places specifically designed for those who have no background in the area. In some, but not all, cases starting up a dialogue around a specific term is fine. What’s not fine, however, is telling a non-privileged group that their terms are wrong. You, as the privileged participant, don’t get to define what is and is not appropriate usage in a minority space.

Don’t Use the Language of Opression Against Minorities

I cannot stress this one enough. Your foray into identity politics will inevitably give you a new set of vocabulary with how to define oppression, discrimination, prejudice, etc. This can be a powerful tool if used right, but can also can turn you into a Grade A Asshole if used wrong. Don’t forget that, with many groups, a sincere apology and inquiry as to the correct terminology will go a long way. And remember that you will find that different groups have different definitions of what language is acceptable. It can be annoying to keep the rhetoric straight, but do your best and you should be alright.

Call Others of Your Group on their Crap

Privilege is perpetuated in part by the silence of people when one of their own group does something questionable. This can be an inappropriate joke, or someone admitting that they committed a crime against a non-privileged person (eg. rape), etc. We’re conditioned to not say anything, especially if we’ll be the lone voice of dissent among a peer group, but when you tell the offender that hir behaviour is not cool, you may be pleasantly surprised by the group’s response. Or you may be ridiculed. I’ve had both happen to me, and with certain groups (like my family), I try to pick and choose my battles. With others (like most of my friends), I’ll risk losing them rather than keeping friends with questionable values. It won’t always work, and you have to find your own balance, but just saying something, or even backing up another dissenter, can go a long way to improving a situation. And, please remember, while it’s a good thing for you to be engaging in this, you shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for your efforts; oppression may be a new experience for you, but it’s something we live with every day of our lives.

How to Approach Minority Spaces

Minority spaces exist, whether they be safe-spaces, places where we can go to not have to focus on priviliged groups for once, or even exclusionary ones. No matter what the purpose is behind these spaces, however, they are never truly free of people from the privileged group. Some are invited, some are not. It should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway: never go into a minority space uninvited.

 Why Minority Spaces are Needed

Contrary to popular belief, spaces for minorities only aren’t the same as spaces for privileged groups only. For the most part, it’s not about excluding but rather having a space to address our issues without told that they just aren’t as important as “real” issues. Since privileged groups have the privilege of being the “default” person (whether it be default gender, race, sexual orientation, etc), “default” spaces are naturally focused on them. In a nutshell: minority spaces are needed because they are the only place where non-privilged people can truly focus on our own issues.

Respect That It’s Not About You

There are many issues in this world that are about you, but non-privileged groups are not the place to discuss them unless specifically invited. Yes, men are negatively affected by the patriarchy. Yes, they get raped too (and have their own set of victim blaming rhetoric). Yes, privileged groups can and do come into contact with prejudice and discrimination. Are those discussions valid? You bet. But, are they appropriate when the topic is on the discrimination and/or oppression of a particular non-privileged group? Not a chance. If you think the subject may not be appropriate, don’t bring it up. There’s always a later discussion, a new thread, and especially proper forums for discussions like those.

Accept That Ranting May Be Directed at Your Group

We all need a rantspace sometimes. Whether it be to blow off steam at a friend, a collegue, a boss, or a group of people whose actions drive us up the wall, we will all whine, moan, and insult just to keep ourselves sane. In discussions held by non-privileged individuals, those rants will sometimes be directed at privileged groups. It’s hard not to be hurt the first time you hear someone say something like, “Ugh, I really hate men/white people/heterosexuals/what-have-you today!” I know. I’ve been there, done that, but then learned that it’s not about me, it’s about my privilege. It is not me, personally, that is being attacked in those rages, but rather the privilege I have unfairly been given to the detriment of the ranter. Instead of getting angry, I now try to do my best to apply the underlying points to my privileged position and give support to the ranter.

All Opinions Are Not Created Equal

This is the phenomenon that’s talked about in The “What About the Mens?” Phallusy, in which a discussion on an issue that primarily affects non-privileged groups is not allowed to continue unless “equal” time is given to how the same issue affects the privileged group. Inequal arguments do not deserve equal airtime! Repeating what was said in the Respect That It’s Not About You section: it’s important to acknowlege that sometimes problems happen disproportionately to non-privilged groups and to give them the space to discuss that without having to digress into the “it happens to men/heterosexuals/Christians/etc. too!” debates. There is a time and a place for those discussions, but it is not on a thread focusing on issues that affect non-privileged people.

Trust Needs to be Earned

We often feel that it’s unfair to be judged by what others have done; for example, my family is Jewish and didn’t come to America until the early 1900s, why should I be blamed for slavery? The problem is that we, as privileged groups, tend to get the benefit of the doubt on many issues (ex. the practically obligatory “not allmen/whites/heterosexuals/etc. are like this!” type arguments that preface so many posts on issues that affect non-privileged people) without extending that same benefit to non-privileged groups who are speaking out against oppression. The facts are, there is a long history of bad behaviour of privileged groups towards non-privileged groups and because of that, we need to realize that the onus is on usto prove ourselves as allies, not on the non-privileged group to disprove it.

Give Minorities the Benefit of the Doubt

I think this one is a hard one to accept, especially given the section on Trust Needs to be Earned. Yes, it’s unfair: why do privileged groups have to earn trust, only to then be told that they should give it to non-privileged groups? Simply because non-privileged groups, coming from an insider perspective, are in a position to understand their issues in a way that privileged groups, as outsiders, never can. This does not mean that you must agree with everything a person from a non-privileged person says about that group’s issues, but rather that it’s important to remember that what’s theoretical discrimination for you is an inescapable part of their lives.

Treat Us Like Humans, Not ‘The Other’

Don’t pull out the protest that you do this already. I’m sure you don’t believe that you are superior to any non-privileged groups, and many of you probably think that you’re gender-blind, and colour-blind, and what have you. If you didn’t, I’m guessing you wouldn’t have bothered to read this far. But saying you believe in the innate equality of all people, regardless of privileged status, and actually treating us that way are two very different things. And, when you understand your privilege, you’ll be able to understand that distinction and more-or-less where you fall.

We’re Not Here For Your Pleasure

That includes viewing pleasure, entertainment, physical/mental enjoyment, and any other act that makes us into toys for your amusement. Having fun withsomeone? Cool. Thinking that you have some kind of right to their bodies, minds, time, etc.? Not so much. This includes assuming a person is (or could be) attracted to you simply because they don’t have a significant other. Or because they’re in your subculture. Or, really, any reason outside of them actually flirting with you. And then you need to believe them if you ask and they say, “No thanks.” No matter what their reason. No matter if they were flirting with you. Because, guess what? People have the right to change their minds without being shamed into doing what you want with phrases like “you led me on”. You are not entitled to anything from another human being, so don’t treat non-privileged people like they owe you something – neither an explanation, nor a fuck, nor anything else.

Treat Us As Individuals

What we want, how we react, our dreams, desires, lives, etc… Guess what? They’re just as diverse as yours. What non-privileged people want is the right to all of the life choices that privileged groups have. In order for you, as a privileged person, to assure that, you need to not try to control our choices because of tradition, or your personal morals, or what have you. We have just as much of a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as you do – so instead of assuming something about us because of our gender/race/orientation/etc. try to get a sense of who we actually are.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Contrary to what society teaches us, all relationships – from a conversation between strangers to one with a love interest – are partnerships. It’s a word we throw around a lot, but we don’t really know what it means. It may help to think about it this way: both partners have to continually earn, and reaffirm, that they deserve to be part of the relationship by treating the other person properly, communicating their needs and desires, and acknowledging the right of the other person to have the final say in what they do with their own bodies/minds/time. One thing to remember, however, is that, coming from a position of privilege, when you enter a minority space you need to first show that you are willing to be respectful of them before you can hope for them to be respectful of you. Why? Because in general society, people from your group as a whole are unwilling to form any kind of real partnership with people from our group as a whole. It may not be fair for you to be judged by the actions of others, but it’s even less fair that non-privileged people are automatically treated with less than equal respect than the privileged groups.

If You’re Not the Problem, Then You’re Not the Problem

But if you feel the burning desire to leap to your own defense and declare, “I’m not the problem!” then you just might be. The facts are, people who have followed the steps I’ve outlined will most likely not be the problem. If they are the problem, they accept that and will be working on a way to be less of the problem. If they’re not the problem, then they feel no need to protest the critique by saying that since they aren’t the problem, then the poinit is obviously invalid. So, whenever you feel an urge to defend yourself against a criticism about your privileged group, think about why you feel that way. Chances are, the more aware of your privilege you are, the more you’ll see it as a knee-jerk reaction about having your privilege challenged (even if you don’t, in fact, engage in the behaviour being ranted against).

This is just one list by one woman. But, at the same time, it is a list of frustrations (and hopefully some potential solutions) that I have experienced time and time again – sometimes from both sides of the fence – and that I have seen other non-privileged people experience. I wrote this in response to a question, but also in response to the frustration of a man who felt that he was always told what not to do, but never enlightened on strategies for what to do. My hope is that what’s here can help privileged people who are struggling with their place in non-privileged groups and who can’t understand why they get such negative reactions so often.

http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2006-03-08_146

[i-u-d-s-i-s]

A Powerful Story on Street Harassment

To the guy who nearly knocked me down with his bike as I crossed the street in the pouring rain, yelling, “nice legs baby”:

Fuck you.

You ran over my foot, asshole.

You are the reason I almost didn’t wear shorts on that walk.

I love walking in the rain. Probably because vancouver is under a perpetual grey sky, and the smell of wet pavement makes me feel at home. I love the sound of the drops hitting the leaves of the trees, smacking my umbrella, diving into the earth, each a different tone, in contrasting rhythm to the beat of my heart and breath. I love the whoosh of cars sailing through puddles the depth of small ponds; the joyful arc of the water as it leaps through the air, chasing after the traffic. I love the sudden awareness of my right elbow, cold and wet, jutting out from the protection of my umbrella. I love the wet toes of my boots, the satisfying squish of mud, the mossy smell of damp leaves underfoot.

And I love the feel of gentle rain on my legs, which so rarely get to experience the kiss of wind on damp skin. For me there’s something spiritual about letting the parts of my body that are usually covered interact with the weather, sun or rain. It’s a brave, exciting, beautiful thing I can do for myself, like diving naked into the ocean, or peeing outside. Seriously, I love peeing outside. Weird? Maybe, but I always feel like a badass when I do it.

That’s why I put on shorts and my favorite boots, grabbed my umbrella and went for a walk in the rain- not so I could pee outside- so I could feel like a badass. So I could feel and see the power of my legs as I walked through the city, a privilege I have, being currently able-bodied. So I could enjoy the simplicity and complexity of that action; of the automatic heel-toe, heel-toe, the satisfying stretch of my inner thighs, the flex of my calves, the tension and release in my knees. So I could take a break from constructed thought and let my brain dance around whatever soundtrack happened to flow through my headphones.

And then you came along and ruined it.

I was in the middle of Le Tigre’s debut album. I was in the middle of a train of thought. I was in the middle of a step. I was in the middle of my day. I was in the middle of a fucking CROSSWALK.

I was in the middle of my life, and I gave you NO indication that I wanted you to interrupt it. But apparently my bare legs were the indication. Apparently my body itself is the only indication you need to ride your bike into me, to let me know what you think of it.

I know you’re not thinking about what will happen after you harass me. I know that you know that this does not qualify as flirting, because flirting would require the participation of both parties. I know that this is about you fulfilling some sad little part of you that feels disempowered- so you exercise what little power you have over someone you perceive to be weaker in order to feel bigger about yourself. I know I have very little to do with why you yelled at me at all. I know that to you, I am replaceable with any other perceived-to-be-woman’s body. You could have yelled at anyone. But you yelled at me. And I’m the kind of person who yells back.

“FUCK YOU!”

It doesn’t make me feel better. It doesn’t make me less angry, it doesn’t heal my toe that you crushed, or my spirit that you bruised. It’s a reaction that you laugh at as you pedal away. It didn’t do anything, and it was all that Icould do.

You are the reason I hid my body as a teenager. You are the reason I pretended I didn’t even have a body for so many years. You are the reason I didn’t want to experience the skills and pleasures of my body for myself for so many years. You are the reason I didn’t want to share the skills and pleasures of my body with other people for so many years. You are the reason I have to work not to pick at myself in front of the mirror. You are the reason I have to work not to agonize about how much of my skin is visible to the world every day before I step out the door. You are the reason I still feel ashamed of my body, more often than I want to admit. You are the reason I have to make loving myself WORK.

You are the reason I don’t feel safe walking home at night. You are the reason I keep my keys in my hand, testing their sharp edges. You are the reason I wonder how quickly I can run away. You are the reason I weigh the pros and cons of fighting back. You are the reason I wonder if I would ever be able to get over it if I were raped. You are the reason my drink is always in my hand. You are the reason I will tell a friend to call me when I’m supposed to be home from a date. You are the reason I don’t smile at strangers on the street, because I worry that a simple smile will be interpreted as a come-on. You are the reason I cross my legs and arms and avoid eye contact with strangers on public transportation. You are the reason my headphones are always in my ears, even if I’m not listening to music. You are the reason I have to fake a cell phone conversation. You are the reason I have to make an actual call if I am walking alone.

I hate that when I am walking hand in hand with, or am even just physically close to, another self-identified woman, queer person or trans person who may or may not be my date, you will leer, say something, make a face. I hate that you will still hit on me, as if the person I am with could never fulfill me because they are not a cis, straight man. As if I can’t fulfill myself! I hate that when I walk down the street with someone male bodied, who may or may not be my date, who is white, I get a different quality of glance than I do when I walk down the street with a South Asian man, or another man of colour. I hate that you assume my racial identity, which is incredibly complicated, and simplify me into a colonial stereotype: submissive brown girl. I hate that you assume my father is my husband, or that I am going to have an arranged marriage. I hate that you assume I am straight.

You do not make me feel beautiful. You do not make me feel appreciated. You make me feel like shit. You make me feel powerless, angry, silenced. You make me feel invisible as a queer person. You make me feel invisible as a sexual person. You make me feel invisible as a human. You make me feel invisible in the spotlight and projection of your own insecurities.

You are the reason rape culture exists. You yelling at me on the street is a part of the same process of objectification that will lead you to ignore my saying “NO”. If you do not respect me on the street, then you will not respect me in a bar, in a cab, in my home, in the classroom, at work. You are the reason I feel afraid, the reason I don’t trust most men, the reason I don’t trust most strangers. You are the reason I know too many people who have experienced sexual violence or emotional abuse.

You are the reason I do the work I do. You are my reminder, not that I need one. You are the reason I am angry.

So even though you made me feel disempowered, I’m going to turn towards my rage, the fire that has always driven me to work and create. Rage will fuel my love. I am so grateful for the brave self-identified women in my life. I am so grateful for my loving queer community. I am so grateful for my loving communities of colour. I am so grateful for the feminist communities in my life. I am so grateful for the self-identified men of quality in my life. I am so grateful to my allies and my chosen family in struggle. And I am damn grateful for myself.

So when I yell back, “FUCK YOU”, know this. I am also shouting out a powerful, “FUCK YES!” Yes to a world without rape. Yes to a world without harassment of any kind, to a world without colonialism, imperialism, sexism, misogyny, racism, poverty, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, classism, ableism, ageism, fatphobia… Fuck yes! Fuck yes to honest relationships, to loving activism, to deep self-reflection. Yes to working harder at being inclusive, to listening, to being anti-oppressive in all aspects of my life. Yes to the frustration, tears and laughter that work will incorporate. Yes to learning from my mistakes. Yes to confronting privilege in myself and in others. Yes to speaking up. Fuck yes to better friendships, safer and fun sex, more art, more music, more dancing, more play. Yes to safer spaces. Yes to multiple, intersecting identities. Yes to community, to no more hierarchies and more collectivity.

Fuck you? Fuck yes. You might have run into me, but I won’t let you run me over.

By Anoushka on 8.6.2011

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/08/06/a-rant-about-street-harassment/

To add to this, I have a little story of my own. As you'll see if you've read the description of my blog, I try not include any personal information- because it's not about me. It's about feminism. I feel the need to share the response I received from a male feminist on the topic of street harassment. "The problem is not that we should end catcalling, it's that women should catcall right back". 

THIS IS WRONG. I wanted to scream that the thought of catcalling a man harassing me in the street PUTS ME IN DANGER. That i'm scared, that I've been followed and grabbed and harassaed and threatened and walked home three miles in the fucking rain because some harassing peice of shit was jerking of to me and asking me over and over and over to touch his cock staring at my tits and SCARING THE FUCK OUT OF ME. 

I am not partaking in your fantasy of me, so don't force me to be in your sexual act you fucking rapist-in-training. 

I wanted to scream and explain that I am not a peice of propery and I wanted to tell him about that fucking sign in New Jersey and I wanted to explain that that mentality is as bad as a goddamn rape joke. If you let these men think it's okay, you're letting the rapists know that treating my body like a plaything is okay.

No. No. No. No. Fucking no. It's harassment, and It's not fine and we can't do it back. If I would have yelled back to a man on the street in my city I would be fucking raped and every woman walking around this city knows that she would be, too. If one of these men overheard us catcalling a man WE WOULD NOT BE SAFE. 

I wanted to say it, but he wouldn't understand. That's the thing about privilege- you're driving a smooth road and don't even know it. You don't even care to look at the bumpy fucking roads I have to travel. You don't think about a woman catcalling you and how you wouldn't have to grab for your mace and walk three blocks in the wrong direction to a well lit place with 911 dialed on your phone. It's harassment. You have the privilege of walking down a street without being in fear, so maybe it's not a big deal to you. Think about your wife, your mother, your sister, your daughter. Think about the women threatened and scared. Don't you dare fucking sympathize with the men harassing me because it's not something you can understand. You're a part of the problem, and I wish I had the energy to say all of that then and there. 

So don't teach me what actions I can do. Don't educate the fucking victims, educate the harassers.

And please, check your motherfucking privilege.  

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Happy Mother's Day! Or not! Because both are fine!

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Black Cherry-Vanilla victim blaming will shortly follow.

Here's a lovely and sarcastic article from Jezebel, and I wanted to take the time to remind you all that women can be sexist, too. Just look at the idiots that want to be the "new face" of taking every woman's rights away, including their own! Can we please please please take a second to stop this awful ForIdiotWomenbySexistWomen marketing tool and point out how fucking godawful it is? Read this article so you can recognize it and start speaking up about it. Brace yourself first with a glass of whisky, or a nice lager, or some full-calorie vodka, or whatever the hell you drink- because I'm not sure, because you have your own free will and taste that differs from other people, even if they have the same genitalia as you. 

Can I ask you a question? Why are you not drunk right now? I mean, yes, you're probably at work, or school, or even at home, trying to keep your child from wandering into traffic, but let's be honest. The reason that you're not drunk is because you just haven't found the right thing to drink, am I right? For so long, women have longed to be drunk 24-7, but our only choices have been that disgusting substance known as beer (man piss, as I like to call it) or drinks that are too sophisticated and complex for us to understand, like scotch and martinis. Well, luckily, thanks to the miracle of feminism, that's changing fast. Women are finally being empowered to drink alcohol that is specially tailored to our fleshy curves and delicate natures.

Finally, a Feminine Vodka Specially Formulated to Get Your Vagina Drunk

First there was the relief of discovering Be. Wines, a collection of whites that match our lady moods perfectly. While their light, flirty-fun vibe is lovely, sometimes you need something just a little bit stronger, something that takes being fun and flirty more seriously. Well, gentlewomen, now we have our very own vodka too! It's called Little Black Dress Vodka, because, as their press release says, "The little black dress is an iconic symbol of simple elegance—every woman's easy choice for looking good and feeling confident." Yes, nothing makes you look good and feel confident like getting hammered on flavored vodka. Flavored, you say? Yes, but wait up. We'll get to that in a second. First, let's talk about the reason that this vodka already feels so perfect and right. I'll give you a hint: It's because it was…

Developed entirely by a team of savvy ladies — from concept and product innovation, brand management to legal, production and finance — this is an industry rarity. This fully female team created vodkas they'd want to sip.

Ladies4Ladies! Luv it. So what, exactly, is it that these women—nay, all women—want in a cocktail? "Fuss-free, burn-free, and flavorful, with an eye toward calorie count." Boom. Couldn't have hit the nail on the head better if I'd surveyed 10,000 sorority girls myself. As Brand Director Laura Webb so eloquently puts it,

Too many people are intimidated by complicated cocktail recipes and ingredients. We wanted to design a brand all about women, accentuating ease and superb taste. We also realize a lot of women are mindful of the calories in cocktails, so when creating the Little Black Dress Vodka we wanted to provide excellent flavors that wouldn't require a lot of high calorie mixers, but rather taste great straight up or with only a few simple low calorie ingredients.

Yessss. Finally cocktails that aren't intimidating and don't require all those scary shakers and strainer thingies. As Drunk Talk Barbie always says, "Mixology is tough!"

Let's get to these exciting not at all disgusting sounding flavors we've been hearing so much about. We can choose from Pineapple-Honey, Blueberry Pomegranate, and Black Cherry-Vanilla, oh, and Classic. And because women are apparently incapable of consuming a beverage that does not somehow reflect their unique personality, LBD's website helpfully spells out what kind of lady drinks each flavor. For instance,

Feelin' chatty? Say it like it is! Your quick wit and ability to call the shots is envied, but you're the first one with the next move. You're a charmer—and you can stir things up, effortlessly.

That's a Blueberry Pomegranate lover if I've ever seen one! If I wasn't already drunk from reading these descriptions, I'd say that it should be, "Your quick wit and ability to call the shots ARE envied," but *giggle giggle giggle* Do you think my knees look cute in this LBD?

Listen, don't worry if you aren't feelin' so chatty. Maybe you're more in the mood to get into mischief? Then grab a bottle of Black Cherry-Vanilla and drink it all in one ladylike swig because,

Trouble's your middle name. You've got smooth moves and sophisticated taste, but you know how to shake things up and show your wild side. You're a ten. And tonight you're turning heads.

Oooh, I like your style, girl! You might be turning heads, but it definitely won't be because you're super fat and disgusting. That's right, LBD flavors are just 90 calories per serving. That means you can totally do like 87 shots a night before you have to start worrying about not fitting into your actual Little Black Dress. Awesomesauce! Even more awesome? It's only 14 bucks, and it's coming to a store near you very soon. Perhaps you ought to put on your best Little Black Dress and a bunch of makeup so you're ready to party the minute this shit hits the shelves. Girl power!

Image from this awesome blog definitely worth checking out.

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Be the fourth wave.

A New York Times article last month posed the following question: Who will succeed Gloria Steinem (leader of second-wave feminism) as head of the next wave of feminism? But I have a question that precedes the question posed by the Times: Will there be a fourth wave? The first wave was the suffrage movement of the mid-19th century. It lasted until women won the right to vote in 1920. Suffragists also opened up higher education for women, reduced societal bias against women entering the professions, and fought for and won married women’s property rights. The second wave began in the late 1960s and lasted until the end of the ’70s, as an offshoot of the civil rights and anti-war movements. Women won passage of laws ending de jure gender segregation, such as equal pay laws, as well as Title IX, which prohibits discrimination in education programs and activities — including sports — that receive federal funding. Women also won unprecedented reproductive rights, but failed in trying to attach an Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. The third wave began in the mid- to late ’80s with young women welcoming a wider swath of feminists into movement leadership and abandoning the dowdiness of second-wave feminism. Gone were military fatigues and in came lipstick, high heels and cleavage proudly exposed by low-cut necklines. Grrrl power ruled, and the newly empowered cast off the victim label and redefined feminine beauty for themselves as subjects, not as objects. Now comes the fourth movement — or does it? Fourth-wave feminism is or will be a child of the Internet and the ability of a lone writer to reach a global audience. Websites have allowed young women to raise issues, express opinions and organize in ways that print publications never afforded. Twitter allowed young women to run campaigns against radio jock Rush Limbaugh’s sexist and obnoxious comments about Sandra Fluke, and to persuade most of his sponsors and a couple of his affiliates to drop his show. The Internet also publicized the work of about a dozen female state lawmakers, who introduced bills mocking men’s sexuality to parody new, aggressively conservative laws regulating women’s bodies. But will nascent fourth-wave feminism be able to knock Limbaugh and his ilk off the air? Will it be able to undo passage of invasive, anti-women health laws? Third-wave feminism succeeded by marshaling huge rallies of supporters of women’s rights and demanding change. Hundreds of thousands gathered on many occasions in many cities to demand access to abortion. It worked. The Supreme Court handed down the Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion on a national scale in 1973. But since then, state laws and further court rulings have winnowed rights granted to women under Roe to the point where the original decision is almost unrecognizable. For fourth-wave feminism to coalesce to the point where it has real impact, young Americans must organize marches and legal rights campaigns. They need to beat back huge gains made by women’s-rights opponents in the decades since second-wave feminism. One true leader has emerged from the twentysomething generation. She is Shelby Knox of Change.org. That website, at which she runs campaigns on women’s rights issues, has played a major role in recent victories. But I’d like to see a massive march on Washington to counter the impact of the Republican right and the Tea Party movement. I’d like to see more moderate and progressive women elected to state legislatures and to Congress, replacing reactionaries. Then I’ll agree fourth-wave feminism is here and will do more to help women than even the second wave ever did.

We need to speak up! Marches! Petitions! From blogs and banners to our voices- just be heard! Women are CURRENTLY under attack, and I'm scared that no one is fighting back.

THIS YEAR the Republicans have voted more than 165 times against protections for our health and environment, including voting to stop safeguards that protect pregnant women and children from toxic air pollution.

The House Republicans' first major act was to vote to repeal Health Care Reform, the law that prevents insurance companies from charging higher premiums for women or denying them health care because they have been victims of domestic violence.

Since the recovery officially began in July 2009, men have gained 1.3 million jobs while women have actually lost more than 150,000 jobs.

THIS YEAR republicans in Congress have repeatedly blocked jobs bills that would hire additional teachers and nurses – professions with a high percentage of women. In fact, 78 percent of K-12 teachers are women.

THIS YEAR republicans in Congress have introduced more than 40 bills and state legislators have introduced more than 600 measures that would restrict a woman’s access to a full range of reproductive health care, including attempts to defund Planned Parenthood and other family planning services.

http://www.kearneyhub.com/news/opinion/article_5efb5980-74fb-11e1-b2a0-001871e3ce6c.html#.T3JfkzGPWa8

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Using Babies to Make Rape Jokes (trigger warning)

I wish you could have seen my face when I saw this, but I’m hoping that if you looked in a mirror right now you’d see pretty much the same thing. It’s that moment of horrified shock when you realize: “OMFG! That’s RAPE! On a onesie! FOR BABIES!” And then you’ll try and breathe for a second, but “THAT’S RAPE CULTURE! ON A BABY!” And you’ll wonder “How has rape become such an accepted part of our culture that it’s a joke on a baby’s onesie?!” Which obviously leads to “How can I be saying ‘onesie’ and be so angry?” But then you remember that even though babies look absolutely adorable in onesies this onesie tells the story of how Daddy RAPED Mommy! And “rape” and “baby” should just never never ever go together ever. Ever.

And then you try and calm down but you really can’t because WHO WOULD PUT A RAPE JOKE ON THEIR BABY??! Which leads to you questioning “Who would sell this?” which inevitably leads to “Who would make this?” which, as it turns out, leads you to making a sad face because you can purchase this novelty item from over 15 websites, including Amazon, Café Press, Etsy, and Zazzle. 

And now that you’re just kind of depressed, you’re thinking about the women who really did only want a back rub and then were pressured or forced to have sex. And you want to find these men and tell them that if someone asks for a back rub, what they really want is a back rub. You want to say that pressuring someone to have unprotected sex with you and then making a joke about how funny it was and displaying that joke on your newborn baby which all your family members are going to coo over and undoubtedly notice that their adorable new grandbaby was conceived from a rapist, making them question the safety of you being around an infant and exposing the fact that the baby’s mother is a victim of sexual assault…the fact that you don’t realize that this is an example of rape culture makes it rape culture.* 

Saying that someone was raped is not funny. Putting those words in a baby’s mouth is not funny. Making light of a situation as horrible and traumatizing as rape, and using a baby to do so SHOULD be outrageous.

Rape culture means that it’s not.

http://iwriteaboutfeminism.tumblr.com/post/21801278604/using-babies-to-make-rape-jokes-trigger-warning

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Victim Blaming and Zooey Deschanel

I do not agree with the article below , so please keep reading past the italics:

I thought this recent Klausner piece on Jezebel was right on. It's about the trend for grown-ass women to dress and behave like little girls.

There's so much ukulele playing now, it's deafening. So much cotton candy, so many bunny rabbits and whoopie pies and craft fairs and kitten emphera, and grown women wearing converse sneakers with mini skirts. So many fucking birds. Girls get tattoos that they will never be able to grow into. Women with master's degrees who are searching for life partners, list "rainbows, Girl Scout cookies, and laughing a lot" under "interests, on their Match.com profiles. Now I don't agree with everything the author attacked in this piece, but I do agree it raised some good issues on the larger context. Of course the article created quite a stir, in part due to the fact that the whole "panic pixie dream girl" is in vogue right now, and partly because we want to believe that we chose our own choices. "In this case, that means that some women want to believe that their predilection for rompers and kittens and baby voices reflects their individual personalities and not some trend toward retro, non-threatening femaleness." Unfortunately, no one chooses their choices in a vacuum. This got me thinking about the phenomenon of “choice feminism,” where women argue that even anti-feminist behaviors are feminist because “feminism is about choice.” If you choose to infantilize yourself - or if you decide that it's ok for others to infantilze you - that means that it isn't misogynistic, because anything you as a woman choose to do is feminist. In fact, the real misogynist is the feminist who’s trying to tell you that the infantilization of women is bad. I've never been entirely comfortable with the idea of labeling some life choices as "feminist" and others as not feminist. Feminism is about how to achieve total legal, social, religious and economic equality for women. Then again, I have no problem saying that women who claim the mantle of feminist but actively support the patriarchy and denigrate other women as making unfeminst choices. But in this case I think it really comes down to the larger issue - it is a lot easier for men -or even guys or bros-to demean us, if we're girls. It's much harder to bring down a woman, or to call her a moron, when she's not in pigtails and Ring Pops.

You should be able to make the choices that are right for you and that includes dressing how you want. Where choice feminism falls down, though, is in assuming that any of those things are actual choices right now. They're not. You can decide to be OK with it, or you can decide to fight it, but the options aren’t equal -- one of them’s going to make for a much harder life, including being on the receiving end of hostility from people who think you shouldn’t complain. So if you want to wear rompers, talk in a baby voice, and in other ways act like a child. Go ahead! It's your choice! But don’t fool yourself that you’re doing so of your own unconstrained free will.

Okay- I'm having a really hard time with the reactions about this whole Zooey Deschanel  and kittens panic-attack from everyone across the goddamned nation. Let me start by making myself very clear by saying  INFANTILIZATION  IS WRONG.  INFANTILIZATION  IS WRONG. INFANTILIZATION  IS WRONG. (Fuck you Maybelline and your new "Baby Lips" line, you creeps- infantilization is wrong.) Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I really think that we need to take a cold, hard look at what exactly infantilization is, and make sure that we aren't teetering dangerously close to the edge of victim-blaming.

I have a GIANT FUCKING PROBLEM with this part of the article, and the fact that it's a general attitude that I feel a lot of people are expressing with very little thought as soon as "New Girl" aired.

"It is a lot easier for men -or even guys or bros-to demean us, if we're girls. It's much harder to bring down a woman, or to call her a moron, when she's not in pigtails and Ring Pops."

How is this not the same attitude that we had before modern feminism about "provocatively" dressed women? You can't be a feminist and wear lipstick! You can't be a feminist and like your kitten! You can't be a feminist and like porn! You can't be a feminist and enjoy Girl Scout cookies! (Seriously? try to find me one human being of any gender who doesn't enjoy a Samoas). This isn't a private club with a guidelines and a rulebook, you can be a feminist if you believe in equal rights and treatment of women and men.

An even larger problem I have with this is the fucking blatant victim blaming!

Hey, remember that time happening right now when there is a general mindset of women "asking" for poor treatment, objectification, and even rape when they are "proactively" dressed? Remember how, right now, we are organizing slut-walks and trying to end victim blaming? Remember how, right now, we are setting the ENTIRELY WRONG EXAMPLE by now saying that we need to stop wearing clothing (miniskirts) and hairstyles (pigtails) and eating food (apparently anything sugary) BECAUSE we are asking for men to demean us? WHAT. THE. FUCK. It's clothing! Hair! Food! Not infantilization. Zooey Deschanel is a woman that enjoys kittens who is acting like a woman who enjoys kittens. Everyone enjoys kittens. I'm going to wear and eat and enjoy whatever the hell I want, and that's still not a reason to be demeaned, insulted, or verbally abused! No victim blaming! Why do I even have to say this?

Here's another article by someone else- enjoy the sanity:

My name is Julia, I blog at Femme on a Mission, and I'm very excited to be writing my first post here. The title of my column is "Femme in the Face of Fire," and I will be addressing some of the challenges that face those of us who embrace femme identity.

Today I want to discuss an issue that was brought to the forefront of my attention after reading this article, written by a feminist blogger. In it, she bewails the perceived self-infantilization of women who dress femininely.

So here's the thing - the infantilization of women is definitely a problem, and it definitely happens. (Think "sexy schoolgirls.")

(via GQ) This hits all the points: doe-eyed, open mouth, lollipop, uniform, high school locker room

But I don't think it's fair to say women who wear rompers or who appreciate, to use an example from the article, "rainbows, Girl Scout cookies, and laughing a lot" are acting like little girls. (I'm not sure what it is about laughing that the author sees as either childish or feminine... It's as if she is saying, And no more fun!)

Being a woman who happens to dress femininely is not self-infantilization; it's being a woman who happens to dress femininely. Infantilization has to do with the sexualization of childhood imagery, and it seems that often the feminine is being mislabeled as childish. Contrary to the assertion of the article in question, miniskirts are not a symbol of prepubescence but a feminine style of dress.

This is infantilization:

A grown woman pictured with giant teddy bear

Not this:

A grown woman in a short pink dress.

This femininity-bashing - and particularly from a feminist perspective - is frustratingly ubiquitous. Ironically, there is something misgonynistic about conflating the feminine with the infantile. Femininity is not the same as childishness, and I resent the implication that the traditionally feminine is immature, weak, and juvenile. There is nothing inherently more "adult" about wearing a neutral-colored pant-suit instead of a pink frilly dress.

This femme is tired of defending femininity against the claims of the greater competence and maturity of the masculine or androgynous.

So listen up, femininity-bashing feminists: If you want to stop women from being infantilized, you could start by allowing them to choose what they want to wear, instead of telling them what they shouldn't.

http://www.femmegalaxy.com/2011/08/femme-in-the-face-of-fire-femininity-infantilization/