A life well spent brings happy death

I'm 21. I'm boring as hell and Robert Smith is my dad. Insta: @cult.a.cola

[todaysbird]

my new favorite thing is birds either blatantly ignoring bird-repellent spikes or actually using the spikes to support their nests

(x), (x), (x), (x)

[marcsalmonds]

Direct action pigeons are the working class heroes of the cityscape

[draws-memes]

[vympr]

"hey big bro mom said to come down for dinner we're having spaghetti"

"and?"

"sorry.....no meatballs bc grandma has high blood pressu--"

"RAAAAARGHHH"

*thinking* "i hate when he gets like this....he know gammy can't handle the sodium.....if he treats his own family like this i wonder how he treats his poor girlfriend [your/name]....maybe i should call her and ask........"

[to be continued....]

[squidpix6]

Please don’t continue

[vympr]

the audacity to say this to me when u have an ao3 donation post reblogged right above it.....how about u let me do what i need to do to put some notes on the table and u worry abt ur game grumps rpf fic

[gayfangirlboy]

No no let them continue

[vympr]

thank you <3

okay so:

*ring ring* "hey [y/n] this is thanos's little brother we met at the barbecue....yeah haha that was my vegan macaroni salad. yeah the secret is actually mustard, believe it or not. you dont believe it? okay well that's more of a figurative expression--"

"hey who is that"

"nobody"

"oh ok. oh by the way mom said to tell you that someone is here to see you"

"who-- *gasps and hangs up the phone*"

"hey harry......remember me"

[to be continued.......]

[tri4l-and-t3rror]

“you‘re so quiet” baby i’m not even here. i’m fantasizing about a book i read weeks ago. move on.

[venort]

[mariamlovesyou]

The sound of animals sniffing things like their life depends on it is music to me ears

[weaver-z]

I want to be a white dad in a horror movie

[weaver-z]

Currently moving my brunette wife and our dejected children into an abandoned ghost factory for a fresh start

[weaver-z]

Honey, don't worry about our daughter's new habit of standing in front of the security camera in her playroom and murmuring about bones every night. That's probably just something women do

[weaver-z]

Why shouldn't our son play in the pitch black sub-basement that was walled shut with bricks until I started renovations? He's a growing boy

[weaver-z]

Finally caving to my wife's irrational fear and typing "ghosts?" into the Google search bar

[carygrantsbeard]

I hope hozier makes a feature with megan thee stallion and all those bitches lose their shit

[arthuriansuggestion]

kiss another dude’s wife and then make it up to him by kissing him too

[thegirlthatcriesacademia]

[yo-its-matt]

Babygirl I’m popping joints that paleontologists don’t even know about

[yo-its-matt]

No, fuck. Chiropractors

[chippyyyz]

Yo mama so old her chiropractor is a paleontologist

[the-horror-lies-within]

hazmat suit with boob window

[the-horror-lies-within]

i will be the most fuckable person on the cleanup crew

[the-horror-lies-within]

i have radiation poisoning

[chymical]

Personally I think everything should be easier than it is. Just a thought.

[vampsour-deactivated20211213]

[bob-belcher]

Heathers (1988), dir. Michael Lehmann

[mimiblargh]

Eridaaan

[ketamie]

im going to play electric feel. by mgmt and this time i swear i won’t go crazyybbdhbhabghjgffkd3275689450′432 

[ketamie]

i said oo girl. shock me like an electiv eel . baby girl 

[luftballons99]

“I am aware that this request is fundamentally selfish. I can offer no justification for it, no argument in its favor. It is simply the outcome I desire to see the most.”