📌🎧 NOW PLAYING : bruise my face — MICO .𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖
⋆˙⟡ ❝ I KNOW I SAID I'D STAY but that was before all the heartache and all i put you through ❞
"a child of the goddess of love?" the voices in my head asked nobody in particular.
𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐫 . . . ↻
⟢ ☁️ refer to me as candice—or not, i don't mind . . . she%her | literature is fun. myths, poems, music, plays—of that kind. why am i still working if it's just choking away my light? oof, who said that? ah, any way, refer to my rules before requesting anything. feel free to interact with me though.
⤹ 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 ⸝⸝
✿ i won't be able to write all requests due to my lack of time and energy. of course, i shall be forever grateful you went out of your way to send a request, although it will take a while for me to consider writing it, i'll make sure i have created a mental note of it.
✿ refrain from sending not-safe-for-work requests—such as full on smut, incest, you know what i mean—but along the lines of angst, violence, and anything related to that are welcome.
𓂃 𓂃˙ . ꒷ ⛓️💥 . 𖦹˙— 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦? 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩? 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺.
✿ fandoms i belong in are: Percy Jackson and the Olympians (PJO), Heroes of Olympus (HoO), Genshin Impact, Honkai: Star Rail (HSR), Bungou Stray Dogs (BSD), Wind Breaker (WBK), Attack on Titan (AoT), Haikyū!! (Haikyuu, HQ), AMICOS (@/micotoronto fans), Stray Kids (SKZ), Tokyo Revengers, Jujutsu Kaisen (JJK), Epic: The Musical, HAMILTON, The Umbrella Academy (TUA), and more.
✿ some of my favorite characters and figures are: perseus jackson, annabeth chase, leo valdez, piper mclean, silena beauregard, malipo kinich, kaedehara kazuha, keqing, dan heng, kafka, ranpo edogawa, osamu dazai, suo hayato, sakura haruka, miyoshi akihito, mikasa & levi ackerman, nishinoya yuu, tsukishima kei, rintarou suna, sugawara koushi, kageyama tobio, oikawa tooru, hwang hyunjin, han jisung, lee know, manjiro "mikey" sano, gojo satoru, inumaki toge, fushiguro megumi, athena, telemachus, odysseus, penelope, hermes, five, ben & klaus hargreeves, icarus, orpheus and eurydice, persephone, eros & psyche.
i knew she wasn't the same person i fell in love with.
she had a rare soul, no doubt. i knew it from the start. she was a girl whose spark never faltered. the way she used to talk over everyone when she was excited, the way her lips couldn’t keep up with all the things her heart wanted to say, her words tripping over themselves, like she was afraid the moment would leave before she could ever hold it. she held a distinct fire in her eyes that i never saw in anyone else, a flame that needed space, and i was a room with no windows. she was everything opposite of me. extroverted, loud, spontaneous, just… everything i wasn't.
yet i loved her that way. i would rather die than ask her to dim herself for me. i thought i could handle her like i was stone, unmoving, unshaken, but it turns out, like wax, i broke down at the slightest heat.
"i want your fire, not somebody you're pretending to be. i want you," i had once told her.
now that i think about it, is it wrong that i've grown to regret saying that? maybe at that moment, it just seemed perfect to say. it simply felt right. but now i know i never meant it. or maybe i did. maybe i just didn’t realize sooner how heavy those words would become, how i would end up being the lack of oxygen that slowly killed her flame.
she wasn't angry. she wasn't yelling or cursing. even the passive-aggressive jabs she used to hit me with were gone. she didn’t argue anymore. she didn’t fight for us the way she used to.
she was silent. tired. everything she wasn't. she didn’t disappear, she simply drifted out of my orbit. she was a sun growing bigger, growing hotter, threatening to explode.
i thought that meant she was dimming. i thought that her bright red bleeding away into cool blue was her fire burning out. how was i supposed to know that it only meant she was closer to exploding?
before i knew it, the girl whose fire made her who she was had burst.
and i did nothing to stop it. i did not dare to touch her, because if i tried to, i knew i would burn easier than most.
somewhere along the way, i started giving her less. less attention. less patience. less of myself. i didn’t lose her in one moment, i lost her in every moment i chose less.
and when i finally understood, when i finally saw her for what she was becoming, it was already too late. she was done with me, her certainty built from uncertainty was absolute and final, like a sun that had already exploded.
every time i look up at the night, i recall that they once said that the stars we see are already in the past, their light just taking its time to reach us.
if that is so, all i wish to do is stand light years away, to love someone who only exists in the past.
of course he looks so good. what kind of skincare is he on? you think to yourself.
yuu sported that messy, gelled hair in such an effortless way. his t-shirt didn't cling to his body, because it never forgot the feeling of your touch. his brown eyes glance at yours, his chapped lips parted, stunned. he never thought he'd see your face again, not after he buried all the old memories along with the self he used to be. he knew he let you go too soon. the feeling left was regret, of course, but that doesn't mean that bitterness swirled in the same cup. his pride told him to blame you, tried its best to crush you from his mind until nothing but a pile of glass shards remained. he thought of you as glass—a fragile, and pretty mosaic of a girl. but in a fit of betrayal and misunderstanding, he threw a stone, never caring what soul bled behind the shards. he called it proof that he detested you, but deep down, it only proved one thing—he still held on to all the love you left behind. he only shattered you, but never dared to erase you.
he couldn't bring himself to reach out, and it was the first time he felt that he needed to be away from you. he told himself he only needed time—to recover from the pain the both of you caused, even when he knew it was you who'd be his only remedy. you were like a drug to him, and he never knew the withdrawal would hit him this hard.
your head was spinning, trying to comprehend all the tears the both of you endured, before you feel someone's heavy weight on your head.
"ne, i know you told me he was short, but i never expected him to be bite-sized." tsukishima teases with a smug smirk, his voice loud enough for yuu to hear.
"what? wanna say that again, you big, lanky, son of a b—"
"WOAH-kay guys. u-uh, tsukishima! i see you've met noya-san!" sugawara interrupted.
tanaka runs towards you, grabbing your arm and pulls you to the side, away from the two boys.
daichi who seemed too quiet finally speaks up. "hinata, kageyama, this is nishinoya-san." he turns to you and tanaka, who conversed to you, blocking out the tension in the background.
"n/n, you don't gotta stay, man!" tanaka whisper-yelled into your ear, worry laced in his words. "d'ya want me to walk you home—or, like, call your brother?"
i wanna go home... but i'm really craving that drink from the vending machine. you convince yourself, undermining the growing pang in your body. you didn't understand what you were feeling yet, but you were determined to do so.
"no, i'm supposed to walk home with tsukki. i'm fine. i'll—i'll stay." you say, once again trying to convince yourself and not tanaka.
"you really, really sure? i know you're feeling—"
"n-noya-san! c-calm down!" sugawara says frantically, tugging on yuu's sleeve.
tsukishima laughs at the significantly shorter male as he feels his temper grow along with him. you feel tanaka's voice grow louder and clearer together with sugawara's and daichi's; your senses suddenly hyperaware of the setting around you.
the heavy tension weighed down amidst the gym despite the vast area. your eyes were narrowed, your lips turned downward into a frown, yet you can't help yourself but let the longing and bittersweet feeling in your chest become satisfied. in lieu of feeling angry, resentful and upset, an almost wistful emotion grew in your heart at the sight of your past love. if ever, the anger was directed inwards—you felt angry at yourself. you felt helpless; helpless against the fact that the lingering promises were drilled into who you were. you hated it, but you never defied it. it hurts because you both know you can never go back to the versions of each other you once loved.
that night, you could see it in his eyes. the tears he let freely stream down just screamed that he blamed you. and he had every right to. it was all your fault because you chose to lie about who you were—scared of being left alone and unloved because of your truth. the fear is always looming over behind your back even after he left. you didn't trust him to love who you genuinely were, and despite hopelessly pointing fingers at everything else, you only had yourself to blame. seeing yourself like this stirred something inside you—a mix of shame and longing, repulsion and desire. loving the thought of him made you hate the thought of yourself. you wanted him and resented that you still do.
the feeling to try and fathom your feelings towards him was consuming. you told yourself you could do better than him—that you wanted someone better than him—but did you? and are you still welcome in his arms if you didn't? it felt like all your insides were fighting each other, your own body torn between the growing avoidance and covet just at the sight of him. your heart nagged at you, wanting to reach out, but your mind pulls you back, reminding you of the very reasons not to. your head is looping around the memories and what could've happened if you chose a better path than indulging in forgery to form a new one.
it felt like he's already a changed person in the short span of weeks. it was the opposite of what you expected. you expected he'd be broken, but he seemed to move on, and you were the one left a mess. when he said goodbye, he took a part of you as well. you knew that his goodbye was forever. both girls—the one who you were and the one who you pretended to be—has ceased to exist. and now, the past spent together with him was now merely reminder of what you're not.
"both of you," a scary daichi starts to speak.
the blonde and partially blonde boy—actually, all of you turn your heads to the sound of his voice, a terrified expression slowly forms on your faces.
let's just say the scolding wasn't pretty.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
you were back sitting on the chair, tsukishima glaring at nothing in particular on the floor beside you. yuu was on the opposite side of the court—keeping his distance away from you on purpose—catching up with his teammates while receiving the volleyball for his underclassmen from time to time. you could see him seldom glancing at you in the peripheral view of your eye, yet you paid him no mind.
"hey." tsukishima says quietly, pinching your arm to catch your attention.
"what." you state rather than asking. you look down at him, and he had your homework in his hand. you take the papers from him, flipping through the pages as you feign thoughtfulness. "thanks."
tsukishima simply hums at that, taking his glasses off in a practiced motion, intending to clean them. you watch as he wipes the specs with a small cloth. the way his eyes suddenly narrow when he wasn't wearing them never goes unnoticed by your gaze.
you watch him, you always do, not even an ounce of effort in your body to try to look away. it was a habit at this point, this silent exchange. and tsukishima never calls you out for it. if anything, he lets you. he holds still, his actions slow and deliberate, as if daring you to keep staring.
"you know," he mutters, continues wiping his glasses. "you aren't very subtle." he didn't even spare you a glance, but even if he did, he wouldn't be satisfied with your blurry features that'll meet him due to his nearsightedness. and yet, somehow, he always seems to know when you're staring.
you give a deadpan expression as if you didn't feel a warmth fluttering in your chest. "brooo???" you scoff at him as you roll your eyes, purposely avoiding to meet his gaze.
before tsukishima could tease you any further, karasuno's team captain walks over to you, holding an awkward yet firm countenance.
"hey, n/n. since you're... er—already here, could you stay 'til practice ends? we'll just walk you home if you need it. we gotta talk to you about something." daicihi asks as he rubs the back of his neck.
"huh," you contemplate the offer.
the two questions you wanted to ask were why, and why me? your head spun as millions of possibilities engulfed you at once. more time with yuu here? it sounded like torture and bliss to you. tsukishima had already offered to walk you home, but you couldn't decline daichi. he was your upperclassman after all.
"alright, sure, daichi-san. tsukki, is it alright with you if—"
"no worries, n/n." tsukishima cuts you off with his indifference. "i'll just drag yams to walk home with me."
THE BELL RINGS, signaling the end of class. at least for your classmates.
"holy cow, i wanna kill myself." you say as you choke yourself.
in the midst of your attempted suicide, tsukki pats your back.
"don't," he says, feigning worry, keeping it cool. "at least not before you come watch our practice. we're gonna stay pretty late at the gym, so just come after your classes. yeah?"
huh, you thought to yourself. why do those words seem so familiar? shaking out of your trance, which you seem to get often these days, you quickly reply. "no way. you-know-who's gonna be there."
he laughs, leaning closer to you as if your seats weren't pushed together enough. "nah. he got suspended. don't you remember?"
"...treat me to the vending machine and i'll go."
"deal, shortie."
"bruh."
he stands up, before he flashes you a smirk and gives you a wink—which you give in return—taking his stuff and walks out the classroom.
you rest your head on your arms on the armchair, mentally sighing. you thought about just ditching tsukki, but you were craving a drink from the vending machine. you also thought, well i can just buy one myself, before it gets interrupted by another thought: you had little to no pocket money. you could almost hear the buzzing of a fly in your wallet. you sigh, maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay out a little later. you hopelessly sigh again before you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder.
kira nakamura, class president, total beauty and brains, and additionally your friend—at least that's what you think—looks down at you with a small smile on her face.
"hey, l/n," she politely greets as you turn to face her properly. "mr. ichimura wanted me to give this to you."
she hands you a few pieces of paper, which were stapled together at the top left corner.
"...what- what is this?" the paper looked like an exam paper, filled with various math problems. it seems just looking at it made you feel like it'd be the cause of your death.
"he said he couldn't meet you today, so i guess this is... homework?" she assumed with an unsure expression.
you nod in understanding, slightly glad that he wasn't able to meet you today. you glance down at the papers again. i could just do this while watching tsukki's practice.
"thanks, nakamura." you say as you pack your stuff in your bag.
kira notices you're preparing for your leave, and offers with a bright smile. "hey, let's walk together!"
"oh, uhm, okay—yeah. sounds good." you say, mentally facepalm yourself for sounding too nervous. you quickly finish putting your things in your bag, and the two of you walk side by side with each other.
the both of you walk in the hallways, only a few students left in the vicinity. an awkward silence engulfed the two of you.
"so, l/n," she starts, "what are those papers for?" kira tilts her head in curiousity, her brown locks falling perfectly on the side of her face. she looked like a total goddess, (not saying you aren't. heh heh) only second to the popular ravenette third-year. she looked like she could be a part of a fantasy nature movie—not because she looked exotic, but her brown hair, dark eyes, and freckles on her face made her look like a tropical girl that'd offer you mangoes if you'd washed up to her island.
"mr. ichimura didn't tell you?" you asked a question in answer for her own. you were slightly surprised at the fact that mr. ichimura didn't take the opportunity to further embarrass you.
the girl only replies with a shake of her head telling you no.
"well... it's uh..." you scratch your nape in embarrassment. "i have... supplementary classes."
she raises a brow at that. "what? but you're like, super smart! why would you need extra classes?"
you dreaded to answer that question. you didn't wanna admit that the cause of it was because you always skipped your afternoon classes. but it also made you think; doesn't she notice that you disappear in the afternoon? maybe you just didn't attract that much attention. you internally thank that possibility.
as if on cue, the hallway to your right led outside to karasuno's gym. "oh, uhm, you go ahead, nakamura! bye!"
you give her a fleeting goodbye wave and she gives you one back in return with a confused, yet amused look.
walking towards the gym, you see two boys seemingly arguing at by the vending machine. one was tall, had black hair, and had certainly good features. his frame towered on the other boy he was yelling at. this boy was distinguishably different. in contrast to the black-haired boy, his was a bright tangerine color, similar to his eyes. he was short, your height not far from his.
is that tall guy a first year like me? i've never seen him before.
you feel the taller boy glance at you, his brow raising. the orange haired boy continued yelling at him, not even noticing your presence.
"uhhh..." you start, now both of their heads turned to you. "are you guys... perhaps first-years? like, newcomers in the volleyball club?"
the black-hair boy turns to fully face you, and carefully nods with a cautious expression on his face. "yeah. and you are?"
"Y/NNN!!!"
the three of you cock your head to the sound of tanaka's voice.
your eyes brighten at your senpai's face. "hey, ryuu-san!"
you run towards him, dapping him up. "what's gooooddd?!"
"nothin' much, what's goin' on with you?!"
the both of you exchange pleasantries and do your handshake. as cringe as it was, your senpai made everything ten times funner. when the both of you were in the same room, your energies synchronize. before you and tsukishima became close, this man was what you considered as your older brother. he was chill, understanding, and always gave his all to cheer you up.
"kageyama! hinata!" he turns to the boys. "i see you guys have met y/n! we go wayyy back. we're og's." tanaka loops an arm around your shoulders as you smile at kageyama and hinata.
"oh, so you're hinata! i've heard a lot about you!" you compliment the short boy. it was true, you've heard rumors about a newcomer with bright orange hair. walking towards him, tanaka follows you, his arm still resting on your shoulder. hinata's face turns red as he gives you a bright smile.
"n-nice to meet you, y/n-senpai!"
you raise a brow at him before kageyama hits him at the back of his neck. "she's not our senpai, idiot. she's a first-year like us," he scolds.
"yeah, uh, it's all good. we're in different classes."
kageyama sighs as he smoothens out his uniform. "nice to meet you, y/n-san.”
you give him a small smile as you look up at him. "back at you, kageyama-san."
"aw, look at our little first years getting along! i didn't know that it was you who tsukishima invited to watch." tanaka playfully—more like aggressively—ruffles your hair.
you roll your eyes at him, annoyed but your lips tugging upwards said otherwise. you comb your fingers through your hair, trying to fix it. speaking of tsukishima, you ask, "where is tsukki?"
"oh, he's inside. i'll call him—actually, nah. just come with me." tanaka leads you into the gym as he continues, "all your other senpais are all inside, kid."
you smile at that, yet your heart raced.
meeting them again—meeting them made you felt nervous. you missed them, yet you couldn't bring to show your face ever since the break-up. that feeling you had in you was embarrassment and shame. you didn't have the courage to look at them again, since it was the-name-we-do-not-speak-of who introduced you to them.
as you step in the gym, it was immediately tsukishima who greets you. "oh, hey, n/n. you're a bit early, eh?"
"Y/NNN!!!" two older boys attacks you for a group hug. you almost collapse to the ground at the surprise.
you feel gentle fingers ruffle your hair, and you could only guess who's hand it was. "i missed you too, suga-san." you sigh before acknowledging the other male. "and daichi-san." your two upperclassmen laugh.
"it's about time you showed up." sugawara smiles at you, as he pulls away, as his hand lingers in your hair a little longer.
after the three of you catch up, you sit in a chair that daichi set up for you. the three upperclassmen walk out of the gym. you decide to answer tsukishima's question from earlier as he sits on the floor beside your chair. "mr. ichimura didn't meet me for class. he just gave me some homework."
he looks up at you. "homework? let me see."
you throw your bag at him and he just gives you a disappointed look. tsukki rummages through your bag, and takes out the slightly crumpled papers.
"yeah—just a bunch of math. don't worry though, it's not like anything i can't do. wait, hey, tsukki? why are you..."
he barely spares you a glance before he starts answering your homework for you. you were so busy trying to snatch your homework from his hands, you don't even notice kageyama giving the two of you the stink eye.
the said boy just sighs and spikes his volleyball, intending to hit the water bottle on the other side of the court.
all of a sudden, you see hinata attempting to receive the ball. he succeeded, yet the impact of the ball made him dramatically fall over on his back.
"hinata! you dumbass, don't get in the way!" kageyama scolds.
the ball goes over the net, giving kageyama a chance to spike it. he does so, yet it wasn't hinata who received the ball.
a boy with spiked hair with bleached bangs, a hairstyle you knew all too well, receives the volleyball like a flash of lighting.
your gaze hit his short frame, his dashing grin almost making you blind.
you only knew one person who smiles like that.
is it really yuu? standing—no, crouching there?
he doesn't notice you yet, as he picks up his jacket from the floor. you could feel tsukishima physically tense in his seat on the floor. you could feel every single, little thing in the room: the way his eyes narrow, the way his grip tightened on the papers—the way his eyebrow quirked at the scene in front of him.
hinata takes careful steps towards nishinoya yuu, nonchalantly carrying his jacket over his shoulder as if he didn't do the perfect serve receive.
"y-you're... smaller than me!"
a few seconds of silence pass by.
"hey, what did you say?!" yuu's yell echoed all throughout the gym. hinata looked visibly startled and apologetic, while kageyama stood there, shook, mumbling about how his spike got received.
hinata apologized profusely. yuu just huffs before he turns towards you were sitting.
his gaze locked on yours, widening. it had been a few weeks since he last saw you, and he hasn't seen how much you've changed. your hair was longer, your skin paler, the way your eyes that didn't look at him the same way you did before.
but most of all—the one thing he couldn't ignore was tsukishima leaning over your chair behind you. tsukki had this intimidating aura to him, as if he was threatening him to come closer.
sugawara, daichi, and tanaka walk back in, expecting nothing less than normality, but what dawns on them was the contrary.
tanaka stops in his tracks, his eyes widening before the other two follow like dominos.
you noticed yuu didn't dare to speak a word, not when tsukishima decides to rest his arm on your head, his dark golden eyes staring daggers into his own dark brown ones.
oh, tsukki's pissed, and yuu is fuming.
back to masterlist | chapter [ 3 ] - the love you left behind
chapter [ 1 ] - i succeed at everything except school
monday, 10:59 am.
"DON'T YOU DARE, TSUKKI!" you say as your best friend—now the number one person you want dead in a ditch somewhere—takes a swig of your coke.
"huh? just give me a sip, n/n." he says indifferently as he lifts his arm up, bringing the bottle out of your reach.
tsukishima kei; where do you even begin with him? the both of you grew fond of each other ever since he sat next to you in english class. you noticed he had an annoying talent in grammar, while you excelled on philosophy and literature. owing to the numerous inside jokes and friendly banter, something like a bond formed. the both of you felt an almost sense of responsibility and togetherness with each other.
the unexpected friend. the type of friend who'd accompany you in doing stupid things, but would also laugh at your misery before helping you. despite your differences, or maybe because of them, who knew he'd grow fond of you? you didn't even spare him a glance the first time he sat next to you.
he considered you as a close friend as well; was he always there for you? yeah. but was he nice and sympathetic at all? absolutely not. the way his glasses rest on his nose, to the way he carries himself—it's no doubt that the two of you had nothing in common. this boy is a menace to society, yet it's unbelievable you manage maintaining a healthy friendship with him.
yet here you are, cussing him in 2 different languages as he steals another sip of your soda.
"dude! i was literally about to finish that!" you say before you finally took the sweet drink from his hand, wiping the opening with the fabric of your school uniform. you wanted to rub in his face that you were repulsed by his actions today—no, it's almost a habit at this point.
"you seriously gotta wipe it? you're being dramatic," he laughs, rolling his eyes at your spite towards him. "whatever. it tasted bad anyway since your saliva got mixed with it."
you narrow your eyes at him, your lips forming into a shape that only happens when you're disgusted.
"yeah, wow. real mature," you roll your eyes at him back, aware that you were coming off as hypocritical. you failed in taking a reaction out of him, since this was the daily banter between the two of you. "you always find a way to insult me, do ya?"
he laughs louder, continuing his antics to provoke you, "well, it's a major part of my irresistible charm."
you throw the now empty bottle at him before sitting down at your desk, sneering at him as he throws the bottle away, leaving you to dwell in your silent victory.
you sigh as you look out the window like the main character you are. the both of you were seated right beside the windows of the classroom. this was life for you. quiet, peaceful, and lonely. even with tsukki's significant presence in your life, a part of you was always missing.
you didn't want to admit it, but you missed that energetic, and hyper-active freak.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
"hey, my sweet girl! i got your favorite," he says, running into your classroom. "i bought you your favorite strawberry jelly drink—mogu mogu!"
at every chance he saw, he always went to see you. whenever you were vacant, it was always your face that he had his sights on, wether you liked it or not. it was the former, of course.
"ohh—uhm, thank you, yuu." you say as you hesitantly take the gift from him. "I'll pay you later..."
"no need, my n/n! i'll catch you later now, yeah? gotta get back to class." he beams as he starts walking away not without glancing back at you. "watch our practice after school?"
"mhm..." you give him one small wave before he rushes out the door.
you look at the drink in your hand, feeling the familiar warmth on your face.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
you suddenly hear your best friend's voice next to you again, kicking you out of your trance. "you good?"
"yeah, don't mind." you sigh as you put your hands to your cheeks, trying to relieve the warmth due to the recent yet nostalgic memory.
"the volleyball term is crazy. you sure you don't miss him?" he teases, a smirk on his face that is seemingly hiding something bitter underneath.
"no, no," you sigh yet again, this time running your hands through your hair. "anyway, i'm skipping after this class."
tsukki scoffs at that. "you're gonna fail if you skip more classes," he warns. "do you want to repeat first year?"
before you could reply, tsukki flicks your forehead.
"tsk," you swat his hand away. "whatever, i'm still gonna skip."
"fine. don't make me say i told you so."
as if right on time, the teacher walks in with a serious expression on his face.
as usual, class begins, and you're once again daydreaming. you're not even aware that tsukki is staring at you. the adoration in his eyes is almost unnoticeable, hidden beneath his indifference when he gazes at you.
he doesn't listen to class, no, he'd rather pay attention to you.
"l/n?" your teacher calls, "l/n!"
only then your trance ends when tsukki pokes your shoulder. you get startled, embarrassingly standing up to acknowledge your sensei's presence. "mr. ichimura?"
"can you tell me the value of the median of this graph?" he asks with his eyebrow raised, his teeth clenched at you in irritation.
"r-right there, sir," you point at the board. "zero?"
your teacher huffs, and gestures you to sit down. you were off the hook, for now.
class concludes and you quickly gather your things to go home. before you could make your swift escape from this hell they call a 'classroom', an imp, they call as 'mr. ichimura', calls out your name.
"yes sir?" you ask, trying your best not to sigh, and instead giving him an uneven smile that just screams, please leave me alone and let me out of here.
"a word."
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"but sir!" you yell beyond belief. "isn't there any other way?"
mr. ichimura says sharply, "i believe not, l/n. these are merely the results of your missing attendances. attendance is required for you to pass, but you've failed that. tomorrow after normal classes is when you begin.
and with that, he closes the door of the classroom behind him.
so, long story short, hellspawn tells you you need to attend supplemental classes every day. why? well, your skipping of classes apparently caught up to you, significantly lowering your grades enough to make you fail.
you could almost hear tsukishima's voice telling you he told you so.
back to masterlist | chapter [ 2 ] - unexpected meeting
" 𝗡𝗢, 𝗡𝗢! you can't seriously give up on us now— "
" 𝗪𝗛𝗬 didn't you tell me?! "
" well, maybe i was 𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗜𝗙𝗜𝗘𝗗 of losing you! "
" you lost me at 𝗟𝗜𝗘, 𝗬/𝗡. "
───〃⟢ in where karasuno's guardian libero was your greatest love and greatest heartbreak. he thought leaving you was for the better, yet the only thing left was both of your regrets. until your paths intertwine against your wills—was it just a coincidence or was it fate mocking her right at their faces?
this is nishinoya yuu x fem!reader. kinda dark/mature analogies, & minor language. this will half-follow haikyuu's story line. i love poetic license. happy reading!
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[ chapter 1 ] - i succeed at everything except school
sypnosis: in where you contact your paranormal investigator boyfriend who isn't over your death.
tw: death, language, violence, MAJOR angst, fem!reader
"WHAT'S UP GUYS, IT'S SAM AND COLBY!" You hear Colby speak across the room, reciting their intro for their Youtube video.
How many times have you heard them say that same intro again? You haven't been keeping count. You've only been tagging along with them at dozens of haunted locations for the past 12 months—
That's when reality struck you again.
"Oh yeah, I've been dead for twelve months now," you chuckle.
It's been a year since you've passed away from a car accident. And since then, you've been attached to your boyfriend and your boyfriend's best friend who indulges in the paranormal.
Naturally, you found it very difficult to accept. Imagine, you lost your life, which was filled with the most valuable memories and connections you tried your hardest to keep, and it was all gone in the blink of an eye.
It was difficult to think about. It was unbelievable; unimaginable.
Before you knew it, you found yourself at the hospital. Everything before that was a blur.
You tried to get some of the nurses' attention, yet to no avail.
You tap the shoulder of a male doctor, yet, he ignored you.
"Excuse me? Hello—" you start to mentally insult the man, until a certain blonde haired boy caught your eye.
Sam sat on a bench that was outside one of the rooms, his eyes were bloodshot red, and his faced flushed the same color.
Beside him was another boy with dark hair, his hands covering his face. That was his best friend, also your friend, Colby.
You ran towards them, trying to catch their attention.
To make them look at you. To get them explain everything to you. Anything.
"Sammy!" You called his name before you took a seat next to him at the edge of the bench.
"Sam!"
"Colby!" You poke out your head to face the other boy.
Both of them ignored you.
You start to get irritated as you run your hands through your hair, threatening to pull the strands out. Why isn't anyone talking to you?
Your patience was about to snap. You reach your hand out to grab Sam's blonde hair.
Lo and behold, it passes through his head.
You stand up, startled. "What the hell?!"
You cover your mouth with the same hand.
"Sir," a voiced called to Sam. “Time of death: 10:11 PM."
You and the other two snap your heads at the voice of the doctor.
More tears flow down Sam's eyes like he hasn't shed enough.
"No way..." you hear his voice crack.
Colby wraps an arm around his best friend, doing his best to comfort him and himself. He needed to be strong for him; He was the shoulder Sam could cry on.
"I'm very sorry for your loss." The doctor smoothes his coat before he walks away with his head down in pity and guilt he somehow felt.
Regardless, you still had doubts. You still had a thought at the back of your mind that this could just be a prank. You had a gut feeling, but you knew all too well to never trust it.
You walk towards the room, and just before you could walk through the door frame, your legs give up at the scene in front of you.
You saw your own pale face, and blood soaked clothes. Your body rested on the hospital bed. Many doctors and nurses around you with a downcast look on their faces.
It was definitely you. It was undoubtedly you.
You felt your soul separate from your body.
That was the day you died.
You shake your head, realizing you zoned out. Who knew ghosts still had the ability to zone out too?
"And today, we are at the haunted location of—" Sam says with his utmost excitement and enthusiasm to the camera. He appeared content. Keyword: appeared. His face and hair were neatly groomed, and he held a charming smile. His blonde hair glowed with a golden hue that shone despite the surrounding darkness of the haunted location. He resembled the Sun, amidst the vast vacuum of the universe, endlessly radiating, providing warmth and light to those in need who scatter and reflect them in return. Notwithstanding that, if you peered closely enough into those sea-blue eyes, you could see your own face burned in the orbs, beneath the sadness he so tried to conceal.
You knew he blamed himself.
He felt liable for your demise. He thought he could've, should've done something. If he didn't make you leave that night, he would've stopped the sorrowful events that followed. He let you walk out of his house that night; and that resorted to you walking out of his life. Had you still been alive, things would've been so different. You would've been beside him—not as a ghost, but alive. Guilt ate him up inside out, and despite all the what-ifs, he can't do anything about it. You were gone. He could've killed, cried, prayed to God for all of eternity—done everything in your name. But you'd still be dead. He pled himself guilty for a crime he didn't commit—because in his heart, he believed he had. In the face of all his pain, he knew that it would never rival yours.
You longed for his warmth—his touch. Being a ghost didn't leave you warm in any way. Sam was your everything. And you missed everything.
After following them around the location for a few hours, it was finally time for both your favorite and least favorite part of the paranormal investigation: The Estes Method. At first, you loved it—another opportunity, a chance at finally reaching your boyfriend from the spirit world. But most of the time, that same hope almost faded, hence why you disliked it just as much. They always thought it was some angry ghost, threatening them. Not once did they consider that it could've been you.
Your words came through the device jagged and broken, lost in static and distortion. You couldn’t blame them for misunderstanding. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.
"Sam? Sam Golbach!" You call out, trying to get your voice over all the radio signals. "This is your girlfriend—"
It was Colby wearing the headphones and the blindfold, while Sam was the one holding the camera, listening. Two brains, and still, nothing made sense to them.
"Uhhh... Is—your—and—" Colby repeats what he heard, which were all just fragments of what you originally said. "It's all static, man."
Sam just continued watching, his eyes narrowed in focus. His grip on the camera was tight as his mind was still set that an angry spirit was speaking to them, and not you.
Almost on the verge of giving up, irritated, you groan, "This is Y/N guys!"
Colby visibly flinches, frantically prying the headphones and the blindfold off. "Dude. I swear to fucking God—"
Clearly panicked, Sam quickly helps Colby as he almost drops the camera in the process. Distress was evident in his eyes. His mind was racing, spinning, thinking of all the possibilities what the "restless spirit" might've said.
"I swear, on my life, dude," Colby glanced at sam, his gazed filled with hope and distress. He nearly couldn't believe it, but he was too sure of what he had heard.
"That shit just said 'Y/N'."
Sam couldn't believe what just dawned on him. It was almost unbelievable. It was the same sort of feeling he had when he learned of your death. This was nearly unreal for him.
"...You're kidding." Sam's voice broke, and it sounded as though his heart wasn't already broken enough.
In an attempt to comfort himself and his best friend, Colby places a hand on his shoulder. "I promise I'm not, Sam."
Sam sets down the camera close by, and once he turns to Colby, tears well up in his eyes, threatening to flow like a dam that is about to burst.
"Y-Y/N?" He croaks out, like it was almost too impossibly painful to call out your name. It seems as though uttering your sweet name is taking all his vigor.
You slowly approach him, each step becoming heavier and heavier as you go. The world seemingly came crashing down, either of you knowing if it was a good or a bad thing.
The fortress Sam built around him has fallen like it was never real, contrast to the amount of time he'd spent on it, trying to hold it up. All those months spent attempting to move on from you were in vain. He had the same hollow ache in his eyes as he had that day. He’d spent months building a castle out of glass, convincing himself it was stone—only to watch it shatter at the sound of your name.
Colby rushes to him, his own heart breaking for his best friend's pain. That broken look Sam held was too much for him. He reaches out a gentle hand to his buddy's shoulder, soothingly rubbing indistinguishable circles in the name of comfort. He embraces the blondie, as both of them helplessly kneel on the ground.
You look down at your boyfriend, his back facing you. He shook, trying to compose himself, aware that he's failing miserably.
"Y/N," he calls out, surprising you as he finally acknowledges your presence. You could feel your own tears well up, desperately blinking like you're trying to keep them at bay.
Sam croaks out. "Is it really you? Are you here?" He sounded crazy, insane, even. He looked so desperate, desperately looking for any sign of you. His sobs come out restrained, broken, and painful. Grief had its claws and it was dragging itself through your boyfriend's throat. At the same time, the wound you thought you'd healed had rehashed itself.
You break into your own fit of sobs as if it were the only things holding you up. You embrace Sam, your hands touching absolutely nothing. Sam speaks out again, his heavy breathing in between words. "I miss h-her. I m-miss her, m-man...!"
Your arms around nothing becomes tighter before Colby patted Sam's back in a brotherly manner as he tries to compose himself. He held himself and Sam up, but a wave of shivers running through his spine does not go unnoticed by him.
"I'm sure she knows, I'm sure..." Colby says with a shaky sigh, as his eyes go directly through you—not to you—but through you. He was almost subconsciously aware of your presence, yet he couldn't totally wrap his finger around what was truly going on. He senses something there, but also not there. You were too out of reach to comprehend.
You whisper sweet nothings into Sam's ear albeit knowing he couldn't hear you. You knew damn well the silence would meet you. Hope is a cruel habit.
For a few minutes, Colby holds Sam in his arms as he continues breaking down. They decided that it would be better if they cut the recording for now, as it already took a mental toll on Sam.
As you watch them stand up, you helplessly stay seated on the floor, feeling empty if that's even possible. If spirits could feel nothing, you were the proof they could.
As they take their equipment, the sounds were locked out. The noise and quiet conversation between the two of them were distant—almost like you're underwater. And when the door closes with a click behind them, you stayed in that room, your figure still as a statue. You could feel the room around you exhale from the tension—but you don't.
And in that moment, a flicker of regret curls inside you. It was quiet but sharp. This haunting—how ironic—the pain, the scene unfolded to you, the tears in Sam's eyes which is impossible to recover from, it almost made you wish you’d moved on.
— sypnosis: where your high school sweetheart, Kaedehara Kazuha comforts you by giving you your first kiss. ♡
↝ WARNINGS !!: Violence, Bullying, Slight Character Angst, Fluff, F!Reader
Your classes passed by quickly. Gym class, your last period, just ended. It was a warm afternoon, about 3:00 PM or so.
You were in the girls' locker room, with your other female classmates. Just after you freshened and dressed up, one of the girls began to speak. "Hey, Y/N L/N, was it?" She asked in a snarly tone.
You look in the direction of her voice. You were about to say something before another girl spoke.
"Mm, you're dating Kaedehara, right? You must be lucky." A hint of venom and sarcasm in her words. "I wonder if he'll still stay with you after we're done ruining you."
"W-What?" you asked before the girl's palm met your cheek.
You held the same cheek before an intense pain hit your stomach. You collapse on the ground; Pain is everywhere all around your body. You felt kicks on your back, your neck, and your legs.
"You're so weak. How can someone like you be Kaedehara's partner? You're worthless," another girl laughed. You feel a lump form in your throat.
The girls' laughter filled your ears as you held your head and curled into a ball on the floor. You felt helpless as you feel the pain numbing; about to pass out. Tears left your eyes, and loud sobs and ouchs escaped your lips.
You hear the faint noise of the locker room's door opening. You hear the yells of the girls and the voice of a female adult, which you can only recognize as your gym teacher. Your body aches further.
You thought to yourself, 'What did I do to deserve this? Just because I liked a boy?'
You imagine Kazuha's gentle face, hoping for him to save you from this reality that felt like a nightmare. As you feel yourself getting carried up by a pair of hands. Pain shoots up your body like lightning because of the lack of gentleness.
"Please stop..." You manage to mutter before you lose all consciousness.
You flutter open your eyes, being met with familiar lights on the ceiling. You quickly recognize this room as the nurse's office.
A thin white blanket covered your lower body. You felt weak; Dried tear stains were left on your face, as well as a small brown bandage.
You turn your head to the side as you begin to observe the boy sitting on a chair. His head rested on the side of the bed. The ivory-haired boy held a worried look while quiet snores left his mouth.
You stare at him for a while, admiring him. 'What did I do to deserve you?'
Despite the negative expression on his face, he looked perfect. From the tip of his white locks to the base of his feet; You can never imagine anyone or anything else just as equally beautiful. Being with him felt like you were looking at the sunset towards the horizon. Being with him brings you peace.
Kazuha was the only one who stood up for you. He defended you from external forces that hurt you. He was your protector and saved you from all harm as best he could. Even when problems, like bullying arise, he loves you from the bottom of his heart. His love was genuine, passionate, and pure. Kazuha taught you how to love, and made you feel what true love is.
You remove the white fabric of the blanket off you. A moderate amount of bruises and bandages on your legs met your sight.
Kazuha's eyebrows furrow before he reveals his ruby-red eyes before you.
"Y/N?" His voice felt like a soft violin playing a moderate note. His presence felt as warm as the sun despite the lack of physical touch. Just his aura gave off a pure and radiant effect off of him.
He reached his hand out to cup your cheek. "Are you okay, my dear?"
Your cheeks turn pink at the endearment. You weren't used to the gentleness he treated you with. Other people treated you like you held no feelings, like you were a non-living thing.
You divert your eyes away from his face, feeling shy at him seeing you in such a weak state. You felt insecure, overthinking over the fact that you were covered in ugly purple and brown patches all around your body. You cared what he thought of you. You were scared, that if he truly saw the wounds that covered your body and the scars that tainted your soul, he'd leave.
"Hey, look at me, Y/N," he said in a low, whispered voice; His voice dripped like rich honey.
You immediately obey his request. Tears start to blur your vision.
"It hurts so much, Kazu," you whispered. Your words cracking before you break into tears. "Why does it hurt so much?" You ask him before he traps you in his warm embrace.
Kazuha shushes you as he plays with your hair before he starts again, "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he apologized, even if it wasn't his fault.
You felt safe in his arms. It gave you an unexplainable feeling of ecstasy. If only you could choose to be in his hug forever.
"I'm here, I'm here. You're safe with me, hm?" He continued comforting you.
He pulled back from the embrace, just far enough to see your face. He cupped your face with both his soft, yet slightly calloused hands. He wiped your tears with his thumbs.
Kazuha stared into your eyes like you were the one thing he was longing for. His eyes read pure desire. The desire to have you and hold you like this forever.
His lips shaped into a soft and gentle smile.
"You're so gorgeous."
You close your eyes as he continuously whispers sweet nothings to your ears. "You're so pretty. You're so beautiful."
You melt into his warm touch. His voice in your ear, his body holding you, and most importantly, the presence of his love for you. Those are the only things you could ever ask for in this moment.
Kazuha removed a strand of hair from your face; His eyes glanced over your lips for a split second, "I love you," he whispered, as quiet as leaves rustling from the wind, before you felt his lips on yours.
You feel euphoria all over your body. It felt like electricity. Your first kiss was always important to you; You considered it as such an intimate thing.
And now you're sharing it with the person you love dearly.
You kissed him back; You felt the pressure of Kazuha's lips on yours, his breath fanning your nose. His lips move in an impassionate way. You move yours, mirroring his moves. Your lips dance with his, giving you a type of happiness that can never be topped by anything else. His breath felt like a warm day by the shore, it caresses you in a deep, genuine way. A kiss shared by loved ones was just a disguise for two souls intertwining.
Both of you pull away, just enough to catch your breath. You lean your forehead against his. Your lips part before you mutter the sentence you've been longing to say since the first day you met him.
"I love you too."
Kazuha breathes out as he's relieved you reciprocate his feelings for you. His embrace tightens around your body. On this day, you realize, that someone as hurt and damaged as you can forbye be loveable, and deserving of love just like everyone else.
You snuggle yourself to his chest. Kazuha continues to play with the locks of your hair. Both of you sat in silence for what seemed like eternity.
You remind yourself, he's real. This, this is real. Maybe if this really was reality, you would learn to overcome the troubles of this world.
This world holds no mercy for anyone, but if you had Kazuha by your side, you believe you can accept it.
With one last breath, you fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.
