soumaya lives here

🕷️ reqs appreciated 🕷️

[iamdkayyyyy]

about me˚꒪ ♬

soumaya | 17 

mostly reblogs and working on fics ❕

e/infp - D1 yapper - very childish - bored

loves kpop, music in general, manga, fantasy books and loads of other stuff

always looking for new mootsies 👀

i am a minor so I do not write nsfw or smut or anything suggestive

     “you’ve lost your muchness”

          -the mad hatter

MASTERLIST

[iamdkayyyyy]

POV youre the male author of a popular romantasy book:

she was 5 feet and weighed 50 kilograms. she was only fifteen yet she was mature and had the cup size of a grown woman, yet still maintaining her precious innocence and purity. she was beautiful but didn't think so at all. a man that is 7’3 and 5600 years old has been following her for months and recording her in her sleep but it's not creepy because later after he kidnaps her she falls in love with him too. somehow.

[iamdkayyyyy]

masterlist ⭐️

SEVENTEEN

SEVENTEEN MASTERLIST

TUBATU

..nothing yet but one day

BND

..nothing yet

CORTIS

..nothing yet

[iamdkayyyyy]

seventeen masterlist.ೃ࿔*

(I'm ot13 its just these are all i've had inspo for)

seungcheol :

how could I ever leave?

angst with a happy ending

jeonghan:

i never thought it was love

fluff, hungover

wonwoo:

cheese louise!

wonwoo crumbs, prank

dokyeom:

broken no.1

my first ever fanfic, I hate it but maybe you'll like it. angsty with a happy ending

broken no.2

tried to improve the one above

mingyu:

always

cute, I wouldnt necessarily say angst

seungkwan:

not alone

fluff, comforting

vernon:

a moment of forever

lowkey has a cool backstory, if y'all want more parts I'd have fun writing those

backstage warmth

drabble, cheesy

[iamdkayyyyy]

guys im thinking of writing more often so i want to start a series. im a slow writer so bare with me with parts, i want to try for it to be part smau and part fic.

hear me out - reader is a doctor at hybe but also finds comfort in writing stories and poems.

(we cheered for all the hybe stans in stem and the arts)

I need to choose a group to pick the love interest from tho so lmk who y’all want. I love enha but I don’t feel like writing for them honestly.

pick guyses

seventeen

cortis

txt

Voting ended onJan 27

[kissbyoon]

“𝒇orm of love.” ₍ j.ww ₎

───── ABOUT a good boyfriend is someone who ties your shoelaces so you don't trip and fall.

⋆ 𝒘𝒄: 0.4k ⋆ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff, est. rs, sense of comfort ⋆ 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: wonwoo x f!reader ⋆ 𝒄𝒘: nothing, just a knight in armour wonwoo

A/N: finally back with a drabble 😭😭 i promise I'll make good out of my time and hopefully post more often, tysm we're almost at 900 followers 🫶🏻

“If we're going to Italy, we'll need to wear something classy. Right?”

Wonwoo nodded, his eyes fixated on the street ahead.

“Do you think this is good enough?” You ask, looking down at your own clothes. “Isn't it so cute?” You chirp, wrapping your hands around his arm.

He looks at you, then your clothes, and pretends to think for a moment. He sucks his teeth, tilting his head. “I thought you wanted something classy?”

Your smile drops as you slowly fold your arms and glare at him. A scoff leaves your mouth before you roll your eyes.

“A good boyfriend would say yes and give a speech about my amazing fashion sense.” You mocked in an attempt to guilt-trip him. It didn't seem to work. It never works, because he is horrifyingly confident in his love for you, but you try anyway.

As you begin to walk, Wonwoo gently holds your forearm to stop you. He takes a few steps forward, stands infront of you with soft loving eyes that you always fall for, and kneels on one knee as his hands tie your shoelaces.

You can feel your heart about to burst out of your ribcage, but you're surprisingly used to that feeling because it's so often with him.

“What should I do with you? You barely have anything classy in your closet.” You try to divert your mind onto something else.

“I think a good shirt and a good pair of pants is classy enough.” He says with a soft smile, glancing up at you.

He slowly gets up, his smile widening as you reluctantly agree to the fact that he is already classy enough.

“But we might need to buy different shoes for you. The ones without a lace.” He says, adjusting your sweater gently.

“Why? I think it's fun to have a prince around me all the time who ties my shoes like I'm a princess.” You giggle, nudging him with your elbow.

“What if the prince is busy someday?” He chuckles as his hand lovingly wipes off nothing from your cheeks.

“That’s impossible,” you declare confidently. “I know wherever you might be, you'll come to my rescue. You must come to my rescue.”

Wonwoo doesn't remember hearing anything sweeter than this.

“So,” he gently takes your hand as you swing it around. “Your knight in shining armour?”

You nod confidently, bringing his hand to cup your cheek. “Exactly.”

It makes his heart warm to think the one he loves the most has put all her trust in him. You see him as someone who'll protect you, even if it means in the form of tying shoelaces so you don't trip while walking.

It's still a form of protection, a form of care, and a form of love.

© All Rights Reserved. KISSBYOON 2026.

[svt-magazines]

SVT CARAT Fanfiction Awards Coming up This Year!

[selenophyyy]

ayyyy

⚡boost

[iamdkayyyyy]

does anyone have like the raging urge to check all your notifications even if you know they aren’t important? like random dms, follow requests, gcs you don’t really care about.

I JUST HATE THAT FREAKING RED/ BLUE DOT I NEED TO SEE

tell me if im going crazy or not please

[svt-magazines]

SVT CARAT Fanfiction Awards Shelf

DAESANGS*

🌟Literary Excellence Award

Awarded to a work that demonstrates outstanding storytelling, emotional depth, and overall literary quality.

🌟Best Writing Style

For exceptional prose, voice, flow, and command of language that elevates the reading experience.

🌟Best Original Concept

Recognizes the most creative, innovative, or unique idea—whether in AU, format, or narrative approach.

🌟New Rising Writer

Presented to a newer or emerging writer who has shown remarkable promise and impact within the fandom.

🌟Most Influential Writer

Honors a writer whose work has shaped trends, inspired other writers, or left a lasting mark on the fandom.

🌟Most Beloved Writer

For a writer deeply cherished by the community for their stories, consistency, and emotional connection with readers.

🌟Writer of the Year

The highest individual honor—awarded to a writer who excelled across craft, creativity, and influence during the year.

*Daesang is a grand award. These awards will be alloted only by the magazine's team.

AWARDS WON BY READERS CHOICE

🏆Best Drabble

Best short-form fic (typically under 1k words) that delivers strong impact in few words.

🏆Best Oneshot

Outstanding standalone fic with a complete and satisfying narrative.

🏆Best Long Fic

A long work that captivates readers through plot, development, and consistency.

🏆Best Series

A collection of connected works or chapters that shine together as a cohesive series.

🏆Fluffiest Fanfiction

The warmest, softest fic that brings comfort, smiles, and joy.

🏆Angstiest Fanfiction

The fic that hurt the most—emotionally powerful, heartbreaking, and unforgettable.

🏆Spookiest Fanfiction

Best horror, thriller, or eerie fic that delivers chills and suspense.

🏆Spiciest Fanfiction

For bold, passionate, and well-written mature content.

🏆Best AU

Outstanding alternate universe fic with creative world-building and strong execution.

🏆Best SMAU

Best social media AU with engaging format, pacing, and characterization.

🏆Best Sport Fanfiction

A fic centered around sports themes, teams, or competitions, executed with excitement and heart.

🏆Best Holiday Fanfiction

Celebrates festive or seasonal fics that capture holiday spirit.

🏆Fan-Favorite Fanfiction

The most loved and widely supported story as voted by readers.

🏆Fan-Favorite Writer

A writer chosen by readers for consistently delivering beloved content.

🏆Talk of the Town

The fic everyone was talking about—viral, buzzworthy, and unforgettable.

✨Winners will be awarded certificates and promoted through the award show!

Ⓘ About us ✒ Issues ✎ Events ☆ Interviews ⎙ E-Magazines .ᐣ FAQ ✉︎ Guidelines & Submissions ☕︎ Join our community ⌯⌲ Join our team ִ ࣪𖤐 Meet our team

[selenophyyy]

⚡boost

[iamdkayyyyy]

hi guys please support all the amazing writers on this platform it's a shame to see so much talent be dimmed

[wooahoe]

user @wooahoe’s 2025 wrapped!

aka my iteration of something i’ve been seeing going around

—

my top fic this year was, surprisingly, not svt related! this award goes to my cortis can’t drive smau with 494 total notes!

i wrote this one bc i wanted to pass my driving test and GUESS WHAT I FUCKING DID so manifesting worked 😛😛

this year you guys absolutely BLEW UP my cortis fics! i started out here on tumblr as a seventeen blog and slowly got dragged into cortisblr and bndblr, something i have @himewonu and @astrae4 to thank for 🤍

my favorite fic this year probably has to be my first ever full cortis fic, could you tell me kill me once again? she’s THEE longest fic i’ve ever written and i have never crashed out so hard over any fic ever.

my most hated (and most anticipated) fic would probably have to be my how i fell in love with you series, aka my dreaded 20th century girl woonhak fic! shoutout to everyone who has told me that it was a terrible idea xx

(un)surprisingly, the seventeen member i have written the most for is none other than chwe vernon! thank you for being the perfect character to mold my fluff into 🤍

my newest muse happens to be none other than zhao james! thank you for being the subject of my intense torture and crash outs and now i have a whole fucking smau to write for you 🤍🤍 jokes aside I LOVE THIS MAN

my most written genre is angst! to absolutely nobody’s surprise at all! i even managed to make christmas angsty, and no, there isn’t any fluff at the end

my most relatable fic is probably i love you, i’m sorry (explicit ver.). i’m so happy you guys loved it but uh…take care of yourselves, ok?

i hit 200+ followers this year, something i’m immensely proud of! thank you all so much for your support, it means the world to me!

this year i also started a new blog! @xoxluvzz is my shiny new smau blog (and yes, my user is xlov + ive’s xoxz inspired 🫶)

now, for some honorable mentions among moots 🤍

to @gyuwrites and @himewonu, my go piss girlies. thank you for making me laugh every single time i opened discord, for the gossip sessions and lore drops and everything else. words cannot describe how thankful i am for both of you, and i love you both SO FREAKING MUCH! ashley, thank you for never failing to give me the slap to reality when i need it. ri, thank you for never failing to make me smile. I LOVE YOU GUYS MWAH

to @seokminfilm, who has my entire heart /hj. i was never able to be online the same time you were :( but i enjoyed our talks while we had them, and i genuinely wish you all the best in life! i hope you find what you’re looking for and i wish you nothing but success and happiness 🤍🤍

to @ppyopulii and @junplusone, who in my head are literally a package deal. thank you both so much for being some of my first friends here on caratblr, and i promise, i will never stop bothering either of you (that is a threat). thank you both so much for being incredible writers, and for all of your comments on my fics 🤍 thank you for your advice on everything from writing to life advice. thank you for listening to my yapping, to my crashouts, and i love you both SO. MUCH. jay, always remember that you are SOSO LOVED BY EVERYONE YOU MEET! hershey, i have no idea when you’ll see this but i KNOW you’re going to do amazing things in life!

to my lovely new moots! i’ll try to name all of you but I’m sure i’m forgetting some and i’m soso sorry for that 😭 @starriniqhts @riuscheri @astrae4 @htaesan @lovehakie @moesthinking @taestulipss @tobiotaesan @hollyoongs @woongelaatin @yunextdoor @beomtomie @everaftercin @lusayyawnn @riumori @ihankaji @ivehan @mydearyeseo @cheapmovescheol @astrae4 IT HAS BEEN SO MUCH FUN CHATTING AND TALKING W YOU GUYS! you always bring me so much joy when i see your conversations pop up on discord and i just want to let you know how much i appreciate you! to those of you who i met from gill’s christmas collab, thank you for bearing with my utter lack of knowledge of boynextdoor 😭😭 i promise to be a better onedoor in the coming year

to @kwnnies @supi-wupi @mochacoda, @callisrecords, @gyubakeries, @iamdkayyyyy, @unlovelydays, @fallminlove, @hoeranghae, @kissbyoon, @kyeomviiee, @hanniescookie, and @noircheols: i wish we could have gotten to know each other better 😔 a lot of you might know me better as @/miseulsoup, and some of you might know me better as @/wooahoe. regardless of which blog i know you from, i loved seeing you on my dash, and to those of you who are writers, i loved reading your fics so, so much. i’m so grateful to have been within the same orbit as each and every one of you 🤍

to seventeen, cortis, katseye, illit, and bnd. thank you for finding me when i needed you most. thank you for saving me with your music, thank you for helping me find myself. thank you for your smiles, thank you for being my role models, thank you for filling the remainder of my childhood with laughter and tears and so, so much love.

and one final note to all of my lovely mutuals, followers, readers, and dear friends:

to be honest with you, i wasn’t entirely sure if i was going to post this…but i think that this is the right decision for me, and i wanna say that i really do appreciate all of the love and support that you’ve given both me and my fics 🫶 it really does mean the world to me

but i think i’m going to take a break from my time as @wooahoe. i promised myself that i would work to be the better version of myself, and while caratblr has been my safe place…i think it’s time that i retire for a bit. i need to focus on me, and i feel like for the past year now i’ve been relying on seventeen so much for my happiness. yes, they’ve given me a semblance of normalcy, and yes, they’ve brought me so much joy and comfort.

but. i’ve realized that this isn’t fair to me. i can’t keep relying on a boy band and my fantasy worlds to make my problems go away, because as much as i wish that it were true, they won’t.

i haven’t let myself breathe since i was twelve. i need to let myself heal. i need to learn how to be an adult. i need to grieve. so as much as it hurts, i’m going to be stepping away from caratblr.

i really hope that this isn’t goodbye. i want it to be an ‘i’ll see you later,’ but unfortunately, i can’t promise anything. hopefully i’ll come back to writing when i’m ready. and caratland…well, i guess you never really do leave, do you?

in the meantime, i’ll still be on tumblr, but active elsewhere. you can find me on @xoxluvzz or maybe you’ll even find me under a different name. who knows? i might drop by every once in a while with a new fic, but i won’t be as active a writer as i used to be.

this is my love letter to seventeen, to my lovely, lovely mutuals, and every single one of my wonderful followers and readers. thank you all for everything, it’s truly been the pleasure of a lifetime knowing you all! i love you all so, so much.

all of the love in the world,

seul 💞

[kissbyoon]

────୨ৎ 2025 IN A NUTSHELL!

°. KISSBYOON WRAPPED ς(>‿<.) !!

HAPPIEST NEW YEAR TO EVERYONEEE <33 I seriously hope this year is filled with nothing but peace and happiness for you, and wish you can always achieve what you dream of. Another year has passed by and it feels like just yesterday I abandoned my prev account to create this one and have a fresh start. @yjhzies you're always missed.

First of all, I'd like to express my hate for 2025 because srsly it was the worst year for me. It wasn't kind until the very end. This year took my father away from me, forced us to transfer to our hometown and thus I had to transfer schools which mentally fucked me up. I dont remember having a panic attack before this. But still, God always finds a path of happiness for you. My happiness happened to be my mom and my sisters, my shingi ( @hanniescookie ), my irl friends, and most importantly, seventeen. I might've been overwhelmed the whole year from June to October, but somewhere along the way, I drifted away from seventeen. I didn't notice it, but it was subtle, and began making me more and more anxious. I tried to put the pieces together—what was i missing? Because I thought I had seventeen very close to me. But i failed to realise that while being super close, they were out of my reach. I realised that the day I forget seventeen, which I figured will never happen, is the day i lose myself. How can you forget a part of you? It's impossible. And so, just like the loud yet soft fangirl I was throughout 2023 and 2024 for seventeen, I make it my goal of 2026 to bring that fangirl in me again. It's already there, just in need of some more care and light. I promise to my sebong that I'll never ever let go of them. I write this with tears rolling down my cheeks. Isn't it strange how people you've only met through the screen can hold such significance in your life? Their music heals me, they heal me.

NOW THAT WE HAVE PUT THE EMO IN ME ASIDE, let's take a look back, into my writing journey ★

· FIRST FIC OF 2025: “home” ft. seungcheollie

I REMEMBER BEING SO INDULGED WHILE WRITING THIS OH LORDDDD 😭😭😭 this has to be the cutest thing I wrote tbh. I love it sm.

· FIRST FIC TO REACH 1K NOTES: “clingy” ft. mingoo

i still can't believe I reached the peak of my blog with this like can y'all believe @/babyleostuff my biggest inspiration reblogged :((

· LONGEST FIC: “on your way to love” ft. hannie

my biggest flex although it wasn't the best plot, IT WAS 30K!!!!!!! i spent 2 months on this and it holds such a special place in my heart as my first long fic.

· MOST POPULAR/FAN FAV: “Clingy” ft. mingooo

· THE MEMBER I WROTE FOR THE MOST: jeonghannieeeee!!! (A never ending saga)

· MEMBER(S) I DIDN'T GET TO WRITE FOR (& regret with my whole soul): channie (my babygirl 😔), uji (ILY MY LITTLE MARSHMALLOW), junnie (AAAAA CUTIE PIE), dokyeommieee (sunshine I'm so sorry 😓🤍), haohao (IM SORRY POOKIEE), uri boo 🍊 (ILL DIE NAMING SO MANY MEMBERS NOW)

· PERSONAL FAV: “obsessive romantic partner” ft. cutie jeonghan & “chicken couple” ft. joshujiiii

And always, @hanniescookie @seokminfilm @seokmn @himewonu @kwonhs96 @starstrawb @yudaies @iamdkayyyyy thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my 2025 special. I met all of you this year, and it's been such a good time ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ please always stay happy and healthy, I hope you all will be a part of my 2026 wrapped too <3

[vernonverse]

📲 RAISING US ✶ Jeon Wonwoo | PART SEVEN — 002

SYNOPSIS. On the night of your eighteenth birthday, you and Wonwoo made a pact to lose your virginities together. Ten years later you're co-parenting your unexpected child while figuring out where you stand with each other.

PARING. Wonwoo x F!Reader

GENRE | TAGS. Smau, series, non idol!au, best friends (idiots) to lovers, unexpected pregnancy, slow burn, angst, pinning, fluff, humor/comedy.

WARNINGS. Mentions of a motorcycle accident (non-graphic), hospitals / injury (non-graphic), panic, fear, light profanity (?), swearing, emotional vulnerability, brief joking about death.

A/N. IT'S LATE BUT IT'S HERE!! And yes, you guessed it, but not in the way you thought… but anyway, I hope you guys like it... or not!!

STATUS. On-going.

← PREVIOUS | SERIES MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

---

# NAVIGATION | MAIN MASTERLIST | PERMANENT TAGLIST

Every ask & comment gives me life 💗 If you’re enjoying it, don’t forget to reblog, helps so much and gets the fic out there!!

SERIES TAGLIST: @eisaspresso @christinewithluv @armycarat2612 @ziidino @vernons-wifey12 @jihoonsbbygirl @wonvsmile @smiileflower @lukeys-giggle @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @toplinehyunjin @skz-elle @ateez-atiny380 @aeerio @paranoid-borderline-insane @chariseiswriting @blxcknwhite-lady @maryseesthings @max-1404 @minhui896 @jembem @blaycke @livelaughloveseventeen @butterfliesliving @callmehoweveruwatblog @junnhuisworld @ameliamirabela @clubkyeompeu @c-arrotcarat @coupssss @svt97xx @just-beautifulmess @kellesvt @nahyuckism @horanghaezone @side-angel

© VERNONVERSE. I do not condone reposting, plagiarizing or translating my work in any form.

[minhui896]

I AM SOOOO CHOOSING TO IGNORE THAT LAST SLIDE nopenope- NO ONEEEE should be receiving angst we are in our healing era we are thriving and whatever the hell is happening better be fake

[vernonverse]

i respect the denial 😌 truly. but um… that last slide is very much real...

[iamdkayyyyy]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOO

that last slide does not exist no it doesnt nuh uh

[kissbyoon]

⋆˙⟡ “Prescribed For The Heart.” ₍ y.jh ₎

( ✉️ )。 The scalpel was Jeonghan's armor; the unwavering line of a cut, his control. But when you enter his life, the meticulous cardiologist discovers a fatal, beautiful disease that only your chaos can cure.

GENRE/CONTENTS: fluff, humour, mild angst, majorly rom-com // brother's bestfriend, childhood friends, second chance, reunion (23 years), found family, mutual pining

PAIRINGS: cardiologist!jeonghan x fem/author!reader (ft. mingyu, seokmin & brother!joshua)

WARNINGS: medical environments (not explicit), separation anxiety, mild swear word, mild skinship, ridiculous use of the fact that this takes place in winter (lmk if more)

WORDCOUNT: 18k

♡ A/N: HAPPIEST BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY SHINGIII @hanniescookie !!! ς(>‿<.) she has read it ages ago on her bd, but this is an apology after vanishing for TWO MONTHS... PLEASE ENJOY READINGGG!! [feedbacks + reblogs are appreciated]

Love is as hard as being an adult, but still, even so—our love is like candy, even a small bite can make me feel better. If I want to have your whole heart, do I have to be young again?

— svt (candy)

OCTOBER 2

Perfect wouldn't be the exact word to describe today. In fact, it's an understatement. Maybe it's your habit of romanticizing life, but the autumn leaves seem to fall in a much slower, sweeter way these days. The wind that flows through your window feels a gentle reminder of the approaching winter. And every day, it feels a bit chiller, pushing everyone to put on more fabric to face the cold.

It has already been a week since you came to your hometown to spend the winter season with your family. But, to be very honest, it feels the exact same as living alone in Seoul because your parents are barely home; going on dates every now and then, abandoning you and your brother, Joshua. And it gets worse, because Joshua physically cannot stay at home for longer than one hour and always has to go out with his friends.

That leaves you, your emotional support—a crocheted heart shaped pillow and the emptiness of your nostalgic childhood home alone for almost the entire day. You didn't mind, though, because being a grown adult meant you had to get used to doing everything alone.

Like usual, you woke up early in the morning, not surprised to find no-one else in the house. After a few hours of laying around, you decided to do something productive—clean your room. So, you plugged your headphones and jammed to your favourite summer songs in the sole presence of winter. Not that you dislike winter, in fact it's your favourite, it's just your unpromising choice of music at the most random times.

Your taste in music is unmatched, though. You have full confidence in that.

You wiped the windows one last time, and leaned back to look at the entire room. A proud smile bloomed on your lips, satisfied with your much-needed hard work. And after all that, you deserved a treat. A sweet one.

You put all the cleaning essentials aside and jerk the dust off your hands before sliding your headphones down to rest around your neck.

As you open your bedroom door, you're met with an unfamiliar noise coming from downstairs. You head towards the staircase, taking conscious steps on it, trying to decipher the voices.

It should be Joshua, but you hear a much deeper and sweeter voice alongside. The tone sounds oddly familiar but you don't remember ever hearing the voice in your twenty-six years of living. It's obvious enough that your brother probably invited his friend over without informing you beforehand, but you still decide to risk it anyway.

In a very, very careful manner, you tip-toed your way down the stairs and leaned against the wall, peeking your head just enough to get a glimpse of the kitchen. It wasn't too far from where you were standing right now, and it shouldn't be a big problem to make a run for it without being seen in your old clothes that you wore because you didn't want to get the good ones dirty while cleaning.

But you're quick to hide behind the wall with a small gasp and change your mind within seconds. And the reason? An insanely gorgeous guy around the age of Joshua in your common room, unpacking a guitar. Your heart jumped a little, and you found yourself peeking again, just enough to get a better look at him.

His eyes traced the shape of an almond, coloured in the hues of the same. His black, flowy hair rested just above his upper neck, shining under the warm afternoon sunlight. His pink lips were pressed into a thin line, the corners curved like the softest smile you'd ever seen. He gently held the guitar with one hand, twisting it out of the carton box. Your heart refused to believe he wasn't an illusion of the love-sick mind. He was right there, in front of your eyes, all flesh and bones.

Just another second more, and maybe you could've gathered the courage to say something. Anything. But here your brother was, calling out for his friend with a name that sounded too familiar. Before his eyes could catch your sight, though, you were already racing back upstairs as quietly as possible.

“Jeonghan!” Joshua shouted from the front yard, sounding completely exhausted. A few more shuffling noises continued in the common room before a voice cut through.

“What's wrong?”

It was warm, light and clear. A confusing mixture of soft and deep. But angelic enough for a chill to run down your spine, and for your heart to soften. Then, the name that Joshua called, clicked in your mind.

“Jeonghan…” the name slipped from your mouth, curious and also aware at the same time. Pretty name, you thought. But you've definitely heard it somewhere before.

——

Your room felt too empty, too quiet. The silence was heavy with your own embarrassing internal monologue: You, an adult, had practically hyperventilated in a stairwell because of a man who looked like an angel and whose name you knew but couldn't place.

It had been atleast two hours, and Jeonghan was long gone—a beautiful phantom who had entered your home, dropped off your brother's things, and left without ever knowing he'd been watched, much less fled from. But the name, Jeonghan, was still stuck in your mind. It was an itch you had to scratch. You were an author; you solved puzzles for a living.

You were leaning against your pillow, trying to start a new show, or most probably, attempting to divert your mind from the guy named Jeonghan. Just then the muted clatter of the front door indicated that your parents were finally home from their date.

The soft tapping came almost immediately after. Your mother’s footsteps had paused just outside your door.

Knock, knock. Just two quick taps.

“Y/n, are you awake, honey?” her voice was low and warm. “I just wanted to tell you about the terrible lighting in the bistro before I forget.”

You smiled as soon as your eyes met hers, inviting her into the comfort of your room. But before she could launch into the decor review, a kind, clear voice called up the stairs.

“Y/n! I served your favourite cheesecake on a plate, it’s sitting right here in the fridge. Come get it before I accidentally mistake it for my own!” Joshua warned playfully, followed by a soft laughter from your dad. 

Your mother smiled, leaning against the door frame. “See? A devil disguised as a gentleman who might steal your snack. Come on, sweetie. You deserve a bite of something good after a long day.”

You pushed her blankets back with a laugh. “This guy…”

“Wait! Can you bring my phone from my room, please? It'll be quick!” Joshua shouted urgently, afraid you might ignore his words if he's a second late. Already halfway down the stairs, you sighed loud and dramatically before taking a full u-turn and dragging your foot along the steps.

“I need half of your cheesecake in return!” You exclaimed, earning a scoff from him. But he couldn't disagree, atleast, not while you're doing his work.

You marched into Joshua's room, intending to raid his bed looking for his phone, but spotted a dusty, faded photo album resting on his bedside table.

“2002.” — the cover read. Your eyebrows furrowed, your posture softening curiously. You grabbed it without hesitation, just wanting to have a look at it.

Holding the album tight against your chest with one hand, you searched through Joshua's bedsheets for his phone with another. You took his phone, ran to your room and hid the photo album under your pillow, your heart racing with uncertain hope.

You had an overwhelming feeling that Jeonghan might be someone you've known in your past.

Taking one last look at your perfect hiding spot, you shut the door behind you and crept down the stairs, as if you suddenly became too self aware. Then, clearing your throat, you plopped down on the couch beside Joshua and snatched his bag of chips.

“You know you could just ask for one and I won't bite, right?” Joshua remarked, clearly not bothered, yet feeling the need to make facts clear to you.

“Where's the fun in that?” You smiled, munching on your brother's favourite flavour of potato chips. You two continued to chat, and he continued to crack his very unfunny jokes, oblivious to the fact that his bedside table will be missing something tonight.

——

It didn't take long before evening passed by. For the first time, though, someone didn't have to tell you to go to sleep. Because the moment you were done with dinner, you were already taking two steps at a time towards your room. Your night routine lasted for a few minutes—a quick warm shower, your skin settling for only moisturizer for tonight. Because you had something much more exciting waiting for you other than your usual relaxing skincare.

Finally, you lifted your pillow and grabbed the photo album with enthusiasm, settling onto your bed with a soft blanket proving warmth till your waist. ‘2002’, it read, making you a bit confused until you flipped the cover. The first page contained photographs, dating way back to 2000.

12th April, 2002. It specified, followed by a bunch of photos of you and Joshua, racing through the nostalgic fields of your once favourite lilies. White t-shirt with a blue jean jumpsuit and a white breton cap, posing with a cute peace sign—Joshua, you recognised. Peeking over his shoulders from behind was you, dressed in a yellow printed bright frock, making you glow in the garden of flowers.

Your lips bloomed with a smile, and widened with each page you flipped, each photograph an embarrassing and lovely reminder of the beautiful childhood you’ve spent with your family.

You found yourself hooked to it, flipping past years of awkward childhood photos until you hit the deep past—the messy, grainy world of kindergarten.

And there it was. A picture of three small children covered in mud, squinting into the sun. A goofy Joshua was grinning, flanked by a messy-haired girl with two cute buns (you), and on the other side, a skinny, handsome boy with an angelic smile.

The realization was a punch to the gut. The handsome man whom you had stumbled into this afternoon wasn't just a stranger; he was a friend. He was the friend. Your first childhood confidante, the boy who shared his best toys, the one who had taught you how to tie your shoelaces, though wrong himself. And the one you had always found a bit more charming and special than the rest since the day you two met.

The friend from twenty-three years ago had spontaneously combusted into a full-blown adult attraction, all while turning into a distant memory in your mind.

The memory snapped the name into place: Jeonghan. He was the reason you and Joshua used to sneak out to the playground at sunset. The reason you learned addition and subtraction better than your classmates. He was a piece of your past, and you had never tried to look back for these whole 23 years.

You slammed the album shut, realisation hitting you like a jolt of electricity. It had been twenty-three years. Twenty-three years since the last time you saw that angelic smile, and today, you saw it all over again. Except it was much brighter and sweeter now.

You flip the photo album to that specific page again, carefully taking the photograph of seven year old Jeonghan, your heart melting at the sight just as it did all those years ago when he gave you his ice-cream after you dropped yours. Putting the album aside, you keep the photograph between the pages of your diary safely before turning the lamp off and tucking yourself in the sheets.

It leaves you on a cliffhanger all night—“If you stood before him, would he remember you in a heartbeat, or has your shared childhood simply faded into a past he would no longer care about?”

—

OCTOBER 4

With a huff, you placed the plastic bag full of snacks on the table, making your colleagues erupt in excitement.

“You're the best!” Seokmin stood up from his seat, clapping his hands like a toddler getting ice cream for dessert. Mingyu snatched the first thing he saw from the bag, a big wide grin stretching across his face as he giggled. Minghao, on the other hand, sighed at the sight unfolding before him. But not long after, he also got up, unable to avoid the temptation.

 “Oh my god! Where did you get this drink from? Everywhere I go it's always sold out…” Mingyu pouted, scanning the cold drink can with a frown.

“There's a shop just a few blocks away, I got all this from there.” You sat down on a chair, grabbing a small fruit cake packet. Seokmin swallowed his food, clearing his throat just to stupidly ask, “Do you just have this many snacks lying around the house or what?”

You paused and shared a look, almost sad. “This was supposed to be my monthly restock if y'all didn't just barge in my house without notice.”

Mingyu choked on his food, looking at you horrified. “That is your monthly restock? You eat all this alone?” He gasped, making Seokming and Minghao wheeze loudly.

“Hey, I have three other people living in this house!” You defended, unable to hold back your smile at his goofiness. Minghao lightly smacked Mingyu's shoulder, grinning from ear to ear.

“Maybe you should slow down on that sugar, or you’ll be meeting up with Dr. Jeonghan tomorrow.” He remarked while Mingyu sulked, and Seokmin threw himself on the floor, cackling.

You froze. Your hands stopped mid-air as your ears perked up, your heart pounding in your ribcage a little louder now. The name echoed in your memory, sending your mind into a spiral. Seokmin wasn't helping either.

“Also, didn't Jeonghan warn you that day too?” He doubled down as the room erupted in laughter while you sat there in complete silence.

Calm down, Y/n. There are thousands of other Jeonghan in this world.

The careless repetition of the name felt like an invasion. You wanted to interrupt, to confirm which Jeonghan they were talking about, but the name itself was a trigger. It silenced the question in your throat, leaving you with a blinding surge of nervousness and a heart that felt ready to beat its way out of your chest. Everywhere you turned, the name followed, not just a whisper but a persistent, inescapable sound—as if it were hunting you down. As if you had to fill in the gap of those twenty three years you've missed.

——

EARLIER THAT DAY.

“I'm not paying 5k for this and that's final.” You slammed your hand on the stall’s counter, frustrated. The middle aged shopkeeper annoyingly mirrored your actions, an insufferable expression painted on his face, clearly meant to provoke you.

“Then don't. Feel free to walk away, young lady.” He gestured towards the roadside, fueling your frustration. You snorted.

“Listen, uncle,” you leaned over the counter, ready to drop an earful. “I’ve been a customer of this store even before you stepped foot here, respectfully. So I don't understand why I'm having to deal with you this early in the morning just because your arrogance is out of control. I bought this exact one just yesterday and it was two times less than whatever price you're telling me to pay right now.” You spilled out everything under one breath, then leaned back huffing to grab the small menu.

“And mind you, this is not even 3k so you may be a bit sick in the head to think I'd pay you 5k.” You glared into the shopkeeper’s soul, and for a split second, you could see his expression falter.

Yes. Victory.

Silence. Then he began to argue again, leaving you jaw-dropped. The audacity of this man needed to be studied or you might just go insane on a random Thursday morning. But then, like a gift from the heavens itself, a deep, soft, and familiar voice cut through the tension. It came from directly behind you, blocking the sun and casting a sudden, sharp shadow. You froze for a beat. Two beats. then practically spun on your heel as the recognition hit.

There he was: the same captivating, brown almond eyes; the silky, dark, impossibly shiny hair. The beautiful, sharp detail of his cheekbones that you hadn't noticed before, and now that you had, the pang in your heart was almost painful. You could run away and hide—not just from the man, but the insane, radiant energy he possessed. It was a beauty so profound, so utterly gorgeous, you almost felt plain and unremarkable infront of him. You were looking directly at an angel's twin, made human.

His lips looked baby pink, soft and magnetic. You almost felt embarrassed at the way your eyes were travelling and scanning each and every detail—even his lips, but could you really blame yourself? He was Jeonghan. The same pretty, mischievous kid who used to chase you around dressed in a ghost costume who had now grown into such a fine man you almost couldn't believe your eyes. Just like he always guessed and remarked, he had grown taller than you thought he would, and it was taking your breath away seeing how he towered you so easily.

But why was he here?

“Ah, Mr. Shin?” Jeonghan spoke into the speaker of his phone, catching the shopkeeper's attention. His steps halted just beside you, although he hadn't met your eyes yet.

“Jeonghan-ah? Is something wrong, you don't call at this hour.” A voice followed through the phone almost immediately, and you instantly recognised the voice. It was Mr. Shin, the actual owner of the store you knew since childhood.

Jeonghan reached out to grab the menu, his eyes examining the price of the pastry you had wasted your past 20 minutes for. “Something is very wrong, actually,” he sighed, placing the menu back on the counter. “I didn't know you changed the prices for the strawberry chocolate mousse…”

You paused, fighting back a smile. You knew exactly where this was going now. He sounded almost sad, his expression worried and distressed, but you could tell it was fake. Even after all these years, you haven't lost the ability to tell he was faking it, although he looked too convincing to others.

The shopkeeper was horrified, and you loved each and every second of it.

“Wait what? I don't— I don't remember doing so. Are you sure you're not mistaken?” Mr. Shin sounded puzzled and worried, recalling everything he did before leaving for a few days of vacation.

He looked directly at the shopkeeper, causing him to startle a bit. “I can't be mistaken because that's what I'm being told by—”

“No, wait a minute! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just take it!” He slid the pastry box towards you on the counter, panicked and scared for his dear job. “Don't complain, please, I beg you.”

Jeonghan glanced at his phone, then spoke, “Mr. Shin, I'll talk to you later, it's an emergency.” Before ending the call.

You were stunned. He was still so clever and troublesome, just a lot kinder now.

The shopkeeper bowed one last time before hurrying away to the other side of the stall, leaving you and Jeonghan alone. You hadn't looked away from him until now.

Grabbing the pastry box, you gathered every last bit of confidence left in you to turn to him with a tight-lipped smile.

“Thank you, Jeonghan—” the name slipped from your lips before you could process it, and you noticed the way his eyes immediately turned to look at you. You averted your gaze at the realisation, trying your best to not drown in the awkwardness. Your heart was racing at the sheer thought of your childhood bestfriend recognising you after twenty-three years. You were excited, even. Until he spoke. Too casually, too nicely and too normally.

“You know my name?” He asked, tilting his head with a genuine surprised look on his face. Your stomach dropped, the hint of eagerness in your eyes fading slowly.

He didn't recognise you.

You were a stranger to him right now, and at that very moment, you lost every intention to remind him. But you pushed the personal thoughts aside, thinking of an excuse to get out of the awkward situation.

“I heard Mr. Shin call you that on the phone,” you say, forcing a smile that he mirrored.

“Ah, ofcourse, that was nothing special. Just use this trick when needed, although I doubt there'll be a next time.” He joked with a soft chuckle, the sound sending a jolt down your spine. You nodded along, your smile reaching the eyes. He still carried a spark within him, enough to light up a person's mood.

“Enjoy your pastry, I'm in a bit of a hurry right now.” He said, glancing at the watch on his wrist. “See you around.” With one last look and smile, he jogged down the street. It was only when he reached the turn that you realised his words.

You do wish to see him around, hopefully.

——

OCTOBER 7

The morning sunlight shone through the tall windows into the small shop. You stepped inside, closing the door behind you gently. The room had dim lighting, each corner filled with musical instruments and lit up by the sun rays alone. The shop is owned by one of your grandfather’s closest friends, whom you've known for years by now. You stopped by the store to share some of the dumplings you had cooked this morning for your family as your mother reminded you of the fact that it was his favourite.

“Uncle?” You called out, looking around the room curiously. You walked inside further, your eyes glued to the various instruments. He has always been the biggest lover of music, if it wasn't obvious enough. Not receiving a response, you called out once again, a bit louder this time.

​"Y/n, I'm in the storeroom, hold on a minute!" Uncle Kang called out, his voice accompanied by the distinct sound of tools at work. You acknowledged with an 'okay' and set the lunch box on a small table in the corner.

The guitar leaned against the wall by the table, and a ridiculous, irresistible urge flared in you. You wanted to snatch it up and play, never mind that your skill was only mediocre. But just as you had moved to take a seat, the tiny bell above the entrance door chimed. You glanced up from the floor, your eyes instantly locking with familiar ones.

Your hands froze halfway. The guitar slipped your mind instantly. Your heart didn't just beat; it slammed against your ribs, once, a heavy, silencing thump. You blinked, hard, once, twice, three times, a desperate attempt to reset your vision and your reality. But the impossible was standing there: Jeonghan. He was here, he was everywhere. A shiver traced your spine. It was a coincidence, you told yourself, a trick of the city's sprawl, yet his shadow followed yours like a magnet.

“Ah, Jeonghan! You're here!” A voice suddenly echoed in the store, and Jeonghan had almost lifted his gaze, but you turned away. As fast as you could. You froze, a single, desperate thought screaming in your head: please don't let him recognise you—atleast, not as the one who sent him a matching request on a literal dating app two days ago. That too, accidentally. While stalking. Uncle Kang was standing infront of the store room, patting the dust off his shoulders.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan greeted, your heart melting as soon as you heard the sweet tone of his voice. Maybe it was a mix of fluttery nerves and a tiny bit of sweet panic at the thought of facing him. Or perhaps he just looked so wonderfully fine now, years later, that he felt like a brand new person—making your heart tap out a silly, fast rhythm it hadn't before.

“Good morning, good morning, take a seat.” Uncle Kang gestured for him to sit beside you, causing you to shut your eyes in defeat.

Okay, act like an adult.

You tracked the sound of approaching steps until they stopped. Then, with a soft sigh or perhaps just the scrape of wood on the floor, he pulled out the stool and sat down in the space next to yours. From the corner of your eye, you saw him carrying a gig bag—probably a guitar—which he settled against the wall on the floor just as Uncle Kang began to speak again.

“Just a moment, I'll be right back.” He announced. “Y/n-ah, can you pour him a glass of water?” He requested, shifting his gaze on you. You quickly darted your eyes between him and Jeonghan—who was just now registering your presence—before giving a slight, tentative nod. With a smile, uncle Kang turned away into the dusty storeroom again, getting busy with the tools.

Finally, you looked over at Jeonghan, his expression softening as soon as your eyes met. You offered a soft, polite smile that he mirrored.

​"It's you," he murmured, a sound of calm surprise. You gave a short nod in reply. "We meet again," you answered, surprised by the low, steady quality of your own voice, which seemed to rise from a place of unexpected composure. You saw his expression soften, then a small, knowing smile bloomed on his lips.

His smile was to fucking die for.

“Do you live nearby? It's almost impossible we've run into each other twice in a week.” He asked with a soft chuckle. His eyes followed you as you stood up from your seat and walked to a small cabinet to pour a glass of water for him.

“My parents live in this town, so I drop by on holidays to visit them sometimes.” You replied, placing the jug on the cabinet. “I moved out years ago.” You added, then walked over and handed him the glass of water. He hummed in acknowledgement, taking a quick sip of the water.

“What about you?” You questioned. He glanced at you, then back at the glass of water. “I grew up here as a child, but my family moved out too soon. I think about when I was like… seven?” He smiled, his expression softening slightly as he recalled. “I never visited after that. I think this might be my first time in years.”

You slowly nodded, biting down on your bottom lip. The words were right there, hot and eager on your tongue: I grew up here, too. I grew up with you. But the timing was wrong, the risk too great. Could he handle that much information all at once? Would he even care? Maybe your hopes were a ridiculous height, and all you'd achieve was an immediate, uncomfortable silence. Right now, you were sitting with him—as a stranger—and that was enough. You wouldn't poison the atmosphere just to ease your own mind.

“It must feel weird to see everything in here change so much.” Your voice dropped to a softer tone. ​He grew utterly still, his shoulder softening without a trace of tension. The look in his eyes held a moment of vulnerability, a silent pause before speaking. It was then he carefully formed his response, the words slipping one by one, like gentle steps.

“It really does. I keep trying to find the corner where the old bookstore was, but I can't even trace it. It feels like everything got scrubbed clean.” Then a quick chuckle left his mouth before he added. “I mean, I can't expect everything to be the same after more than a decade.”

You nodded slowly, your mouth a tight, thin line. A wave of pity, almost regret, washed over you for him. You didn't know why he'd been absent all these years, but you suspected the crushing weight of his studies was a major part of it—the curse of the "gifted student", who was supposedly immune to the very real pain of pressure. You understood that void perfectly: the hollow ache of a life half-missed. You knew, with a painful certainty, that you couldn't rewind time, couldn't reclaim those lost years, no matter how desperately you wished to.

“But hey, did you have to use my trick a second time, though?” Jeonghan’s voice cut through your train of thoughts. You registered the question and chuckled, shaking your head. “Thankfully, not yet.”

The sound of his laugh filled the space, chasing away the silence. You spotted his gig bag and gestured toward it with a slight tilt of your head. "You're here to get this repaired?”

​His eyes followed yours, and he shook his head with a small smile. “Just an exchange. Uncle Kang is particular about this specific guitar, so I volunteered.”

​“Ah, I see,” you said, your attention snapping from the bag to him. “If you haven’t picked the new one yet, let me show you around.”

​He studied you for a moment, a flicker of genuine relief crossing his face. “Please. Yes. I’d love that. I doubt he'll be finished tuning up today.” His weary sigh earned a quick laugh from you. ​You stood, the stool screeching a little on the floor. “Exactly, let’s get this over with.”

He nodded, rising from his seat as you started toward a part of the shop he’d never seen before. He followed, familiar with the layout yet thrown by the presence of a new door. You stopped, turned the knob, and stepped aside. Jeonghan stopped short, taking in the sight with unconcealed awe. This wasn't a shop; it was a vault. Massive cabinets and polished displays were packed with guitars of every conceivable make and style. The air felt different here—heavy with the scent of aged wood and lacquer. Each instrument, from the simplest acoustic to the most vibrant electric, seemed to hold its own unique story.

Jeonghan's breath hitched, and he choked, “This is... crazy.” He finally stepped past the threshold, shoulders slumping as he tried to take in the sheer scale of it all. You followed, letting him drown in the awe. You remembered that feeling—the moment you couldn't stand up from your knees when you first saw Uncle Kang's magnificent, hidden vault.

“I know. It feels like stepping into a musical dream,” you agreed, your voice hushed as you walked straight to a cabinet. The smooth, heavy wooden door hissed open at your touch. You glanced over your shoulder at Jeonghan, who looked lost amid the treasure. “Are you looking for something specific?”

He shook his head slightly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Not really, just with a pretty print is alright.” Hands tucked casually into his pockets, he walked over to where you stood. You nodded, immediately pulling out the ones you thought would catch his eye.

The two of you began your easy, rambling walk through the guitar section. It was full of easy laughter at the oddly broken guitars and hushed admiration for the beautiful ones. You were slightly stunned by how much Jeonghan knew. He wasn't kidding when he announced he'd be a “guitar genius” years ago—a time when he could barely manage to tie his own shoes.​

“What about this one?” Jeonghan asked, his hand hovering over an acoustic guitar lying on the far end of the cabinet. You immediately shot him a look of disapproval, scrunching your nose as you recalled your last experience with it.

​“Absolutely not. That might be the worst one here,” you declared with a definitive grimace, still vaguely icked by the memory of its dull, rattling sound. Jeonghan simply chuckled, a glint of amusement in his eye as he gave a slight nod. You turned your back on him, walking deeper into the room and launching into an explanation about the better models in the other display case.

​But then, you froze.

​A chill chased down your spine as the most exquisitely clear and resonant melody sliced through the air. The sound didn't just reach your ears—it enveloped you, stopping your breath mid-sentence.

​You spun around in a flash, completely astonished.

​Jeonghan stood there, the very guitar you had called the “worst one here” cradled in his arms. His fingers danced effortlessly over the fretboard, coaxing a sound so rich and magical it felt like a musical paradise had suddenly been unveiled. The melody filled the space, clean and captivating, leaving you utterly transfixed. You could only stare, your lips slightly parted in sheer awe.

​With a final, clean slide across the strings, the music ceased. He gently returned the guitar to the cabinet.

​“Wait a minute,” you managed to murmur, your voice barely a thread. You walked toward him, your eyes wide as if he’d just transformed into a superhuman. You reached into the cabinet, pulling the same acoustic guitar out again. “How did you—” You paused, genuinely floundering for words. “play it so… perfectly?”

​Your raw surprise made Jeonghan’s lips twitch; he had to bite down slightly to suppress a laugh. He inhaled, ready to speak, but you were already extending the guitar back to him.

​“Please play it again,” you pleaded, your expression a mix of urgency and desperation, a furrow deep between your eyebrows. “I need to hear it again.”

​Taken completely aback by your sudden, fierce passion, Jeonghan needed a few seconds to register the request. Then, a soft, amused smile finally broke free as he took the instrument back, dipping his head in a quick nod.

Jeonghan's smile deepened, a playful challenge in his eyes as he accepted the guitar. “I only know a few chords, though,” he teased, a blatant lie that made you roll your eyes.

That's how you two dropped everything and went back to the same spot to sit down.

You watched, mesmerized, as he settled the guitar against his chest, his gaze dropping to the fretboard with a sudden, serious focus.

He didn't launch into the complicated melody from before. Instead, his fingers started a pattern that was simpler, yet deeply moving: a slow, familiar, melancholic piece. It wasn't showy, but every note was perfectly placed, resonant, and clear—a testament not to the guitar's quality, but to the player’s skill.

The sound of the cheap wood vibrating against your chest was almost secondary to the pure feeling in the music. It was a song you had heard countless times, but played with a sincerity that made it sound entirely new. You found yourself swaying slightly, the initial shock giving way to a profound sense of calm. The way he manipulated the sound, softening a chord here, letting a note sustain there, was nothing short of artistry.

When he finished, the silence that followed felt enormous. He looked up, his expression innocent. “Better?”

You glanced up, locking eyes with him. You nodded, involuntarily and basically hating the fact that the music stopped. “I guess I'm just bad at this.” You chuckled, embarrassed as you recalled how you labelled the guitar ‘the worst one’, when, infact, it was perfectly fine.

The morning sunlight had long since surrendered to the warmer afternoon hours, but neither of you noticed the passing time. Uncle Kang, realizing you had everything completely figured out, had quietly slipped away with the lunch box ages ago.

“It's not like that. I've had my hated guitars before too.” He admitted, but you didn't budge. “Then, it was probably broken. I don't believe you'd embarrass yourself like me when you play so professionally.” You sighed, a small smile hovering on your lips.

He shifted, bringing the guitar back into his lap. “Want to try something simple? No labels, no judgment. Just... a chord?”

The afternoon sun, now a deep, buttery gold, stretched long shadows across the floor. You felt a quiet shift inside—the enormous silence had become a comfortable calm. You nodded, a genuine, unforced smile replacing the embarrassed one. “Yeah. I think I'd like that.” You reached out, slowly taking the neck of the guitar back into your hands, the light catching the polished wood. The lesson wasn't about the music; it was about the fear of failing, and that, at least, felt a little lighter now.

——

OCTOBER 9

The chair screeched against the floor, making Joshua hiss. Jeonghan rounded the table of his common room and plopped down on the couch beside Joshua, practically sticking to him like a magnet now.

“Can you literally leave me alone, you're a grown ass man, Jeonghan.”

“Well, I'm in need of some entertainment right now and you're not telling me about your long term girlfriend you soft launched yesterday.” He grinned teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows as Joshua glared at him.

“If it's so obvious, stop asking me,” Joshua sighed, scooting away on the couch to rest his elbow on the arm rest. Jeonghan clicked his tongue in disappointment, sinking into the couch with a bored expression on his face.

“Man, I'm just bored.” He grumbled, folding his arms as he stared up at the ceiling. “So basically in the whole friend group, I'm the only one who lacks a life partner now. Wow.” Jeonghan scoffed sadly, looking around the house as if he'd spot cupid somewhere in the corner.

“Well, not really,” Joshua's voice cut through the still silence as he scrolled through his phone. Jeonghan jolted awake, confused but eager.

“What do you mean?” He asked, adjusting his position to sit straight. Joshua tapped a few buttons on his phone screen before a small smirk bloomed on his lips.

“I mean this.” He said, flashing his phone screen toward Jeonghan. He immediately leaned close, eyes glued to the screen. Then his expression fell as soon as he understood—a whole new page on a dating app with his information and pictures.

Jeonghan snatched the phone from his hand, shouting complaints at the top of his lungs as Joshua fell to the floor laughing and wheezing.

“Are you sick!? I have a reputation to maintain, what the f—” He paused, stumbling on his own steps as he halted. “Wait, but I'm lowkey famous though,” he boasted, scrolling through all the list of people who wanted to match with him, a ton of them being his colleagues.

“See? That's why I—”

“Hong Y/N…” The name caught Joshua off guard, making him pause. Jeonghan stared at the phone screen, the words that left his mouth and the photo causing him to pause. Joshua stumbled away from the couch, immediately walking up to Jeonghan and grabbing the phone.

His jaw dropped. The name, the bio, the photo—it was you. His very own sister.

He stared into the screen, concerned and confused, but also feeling a bit cringe. The thought of his sister sending a match request to someone who had been like a brother to her in the past sounded too awkward to begin with. It sounded unbelievable too, because the request was from just yesterday, and Joshua is damn sure you don't remember Jeonghan even in your most nostalgic dreams.

“Wait,” Jeonghan murmured, peeking over Joshua's shoulder. “I know her—”

“You what!?” Joshua turned around at the speed of light, eyes widened. Ofcourse, he should know her as a childhood friend, not something more, nor something less. Jeonghan stumbled backwards, startled as he nodded slowly. Joshua shoved the phone closer towards his face, making him lean away, concerned.

“You mean this woman?” He repeated his question, but got the same answer. A quiet, simple nod. Joshua sighed in defeat, completely and utterly beyond confusion.

“How and where on earth…” he mumbled, putting his phone in his pocket as he made his way towards the couch again. Jeonghan leaned forward as soon as Joshua moved away, sighing in relief.

“What's so wrong with her anyway?” He asked, sitting at the edge of the dining table as he fixed table cloth. Joshua paused, coming to a realisation.

Jeonghan had probably seen you around. He definitely doesn't recognise you. Definitely.

“Literally everything,” Joshua sighed, having no intentions of telling him as he rested his head on the palm of his hand as he scrolled through his phone, stressed.

“Why? Do you know her? Who is she?” Jeonghan looked up from the table, raising an eyebrow as he tapped his foot on the wooden floor.

“No, and you don't have to either." Joshua dismissed with a clear tone of strictness in his voice. Jeonghan clicked his tongue, disappointed.

“Well, I think I like her. Send me her account.” Jeonghan said as he took out his phone from his pockets, ready to send a text as soon as possible.

“Yah!” Joshua huffed, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Jeonghan reciprocated his expression.

“What!” He exclaimed. “Stop acting like that!”

“I told you you don't have to know her!” Joshua repeated.

“Why! Is she someone so special to you?” Jeonghan questioned.

“Yes, right, she is. So what?”

Jeonghan opened his mouth to say something but stopped, and sighed, turning away. “So I was correct. I am dying single and alone.” He pouted, scrolling on his phone, uninterested.

“There are literally hundreds of patients who come to the clinic just to see your stupid face everyday by the way.” Joshua reminded him of the fact that people were dying over him, yet he always told himself that he didn't have anyone.

“They just…” Jeonghan paused, scrunching his nose. “They're nice, just not what I think I need.”

“Then leave it up to me, I'll find you one like literally next week.”

“Only if she's better than Y/n, tho—”

“Don't get on my nerves!” Joshua threw the couch pillow, hitting Jeonghan's head as he yelped in pain.

——

OCTOBER 10

Jeonghan felt like he was staring at a mirror reflecting his own stupidity. An idiot. A brain-wrecking fool. How could he have been so blind? He blankly stared at the photograph resting on the dark wooden table, the image itself a silent, sudden heartbreak—like the needle skipping on a record just as the music soared.

The photograph was old, a little faded, but safely preserved in a plastic sleeve. Yet, it felt less like a precious memory and more like a heavy revelation dumped on him all at once.

“Mom…” he finally managed, his voice a low drag. “Are you absolutely sure this is Joshua’s sister? It could be a friend… a cousin.”

​His mother didn't even look up from slicing strawberries. She gave a confident shake of her head, the action final and uncompromising. “I’m not mistaken, dear. Not at all. I even remember the exact park, the exact day your father took this.”

​A bizarre cocktail of emotions—surprise, a dizzying happiness, a sense of rightness—churned in his stomach. A precious, lost piece of his childhood had been right here, close enough to touch. He’d unknowingly found a profound connection with someone who now filled his thoughts.

​But the joy curdled into a sharp, bitter regret. The easy, genuine smile you brought to his face—the one that was rarely offered to a stranger1—was shattered by the ghost of a childhood promise.

​Brother. He’d sworn to be your strongest brother.

​How, in the face of that memory, could he ever look at you now as a woman? How could he see you as anything other than the little sister he'd promised to protect?

But a more bitter, chilling thought silenced him: Did you know? Were you aware from the very start? You couldn't have been as blind as he was. So, why didn't you tell him?

——

OCTOBER 11

The sharp, metallic slam of the mailbox echoed through the quiet afternoon, cutting through the soft hum of the dishwasher your mother was running. You were curled up on the common room sofa, a half-written chapter open on your laptop, pretending to work while really just scrolling through every possible old photo of Jeonghan you could find. Your mind was a messy battlefield: disbelief that you had been so willfully blind, and a terrifying elation that the man who had effortlessly charmed you was, in fact, your childhood confidant.

“Y/n-ah! Did you order something?” your mother called out, her voice slightly muffled.

You closed the laptop lid with a weary sigh. “No, Mom! I don’t think so.”

A minute later, she walked into the living room, her arms full. Full of things. There was a massive white bakery box tied with a silky silver ribbon, a small bouquet of delicate white orchids, and nestled amongst them, a thick, cream-coloured envelope.

She set the gifts on the coffee table with a surprised, pleased smile. “The delivery man just dropped these off. It was a rather big parcel. And guess who sent this?” She asked, more than excited to reveal the name.

“...who?” You asked, still processing the mountain of gifts. “Yoon Jeonghan.” She chirped, picking up the elegant, cream envelope. “I think he is back in town, but oh I wish he visited himself. That boy remembered us after decades.” She smiled before handing the envelope to you.

“And he specifically marked this one as ‘Read First.’ for you.” She looked at you with an almost too-knowing glint in her eyes.

You stared at the pile, your heart beginning to beat a frantic, uneven rhythm. Orchids. He still remembered. It felt too grand, too fast for a person who, as far as he knew, was still a complete stranger who haggled over pastry prices and guitar chords.

But then your mother pushed the cream envelope toward you.

“Go on,” she urged, heading back to the kitchen. “I’m putting the box in the fridge. That beautiful cake needs to be saved for later.”

Your hands were shaking slightly as you picked up the envelope. It was heavy, sealed with a sophisticated wax stamp you couldn't quite decipher. You carefully broke the seal, unfolded the single sheet inside, and instantly recognized the elegant, slightly tilted handwriting.

You read it once, quickly, the words a blur of shock and excitement.

You read it again, slowly, letting the weight of each line settle in your chest.

Now, before I begin, I asked Joshua.

Yes, you knew everything. No wonder I connected with you so well, orchid. I know it sounds sudden but let’s meet tomorrow, there’s too much to catch on. Hopefully I’m not getting stood up –

hannie

Your breath hitched, painfully trapped in your throat. He knew. The realization hit with the force of a sudden stop. How? It didn't matter. Your internal world exploded: joy and terror indistinguishable in the chaos. Were you free now, or just exposed?

The air left your lungs with a soft puff. Orchid. The silly, childish nickname he'd given you because you were holding two orchids in your hands on the first day you met. And Hannie. Your own silly nickname for him. Twenty-three years had vanished in a single, perfectly written word.

You lifted your head, a dizzy smile blooming on your face. He knew. And he was asking to meet. The suddenness of it was jarring, but the sincerity, the sheer relief in his words, was palpable. He hadn't wanted to be a stranger either.

You checked the small note tucked into the end of the letter. “Tomorrow. 10 AM. The old clock tower near the riverside park.”

10 AM. You smiled. You wouldn’t be late for this.

——

OCTOBER 12

The cold rain wasn't a sprinkle; it was a rhythmic, drumming downpour. You were huddled deep under the narrow, cracked awning of the old closed bus stop nearest the clock tower, pulling the sleeves of your cardigan over your hands. It was 10:05 AM, and the riverside park was deserted, save for the relentless drumming of water.

You'd arrived too early, a flutter of excitement making punctuality impossible. Part of you was eager to witness the end of that polite, awkward distance—the shift from stranger to friend—and the other part simply dreaded being late for a moment you'd awaited so long.

A few minutes later, you heard a hurried splish-splash and looked up. Formal was the last word to describe Jeonghan's entrance.

He came jogging into view with a huge, bright yellow plastic bag pulled over his head like a makeshift, ridiculous poncho. It was a perfect absurdity that made you instinctively laugh under your breath, your nervousness dissolving for a split second. He skidded to a stop, quickly shoving the bag off and running a hand through his perpetually damp, black hair, sending droplets flying.

“I'm sorry I kept you waiting,” Jeonghan huffed between breaths, his voice warm despite the cold. He was already wet, but the smile on his face was sweet and genuine. “And this isn't a very ideal way to show up.”

“I think you're perfectly fine, hannie,” you assure with a smile, the nickname slipping through like an old, familiar habit that happens before you realise it. His lips twitched at the name, the nervousness that was tightening in his chest earlier soothing now.

“And I think you're lying, orchid,” he replies, a velvet layer of playfulness in his voice that makes your heart flutter. You smile, a genuine and soft one.

You lean in just a little, your gaze warm and steady as you hold out a handkerchief. “I mean it. A little rain can't possibly change that this warmer tone of brown suits you alot.” You pause, offering a gentle, almost shy smile. "Now please, dry off a bit before you freeze.”

His gaze lingers on you for a second longer, then he gently takes the handkerchief. “You think so? I think green suits me more, doesn't it?” He asked, keeping his eyes on you as he began wiping his face and hand.

You watch a kid passing by on his bicycle under the rain before nodding toward the street, a soft laugh escaping you. “You're not wrong,” you confirm, your voice soft and honest. “But I'm worried that sweet smile of yours is about to turn into a shiver. We can debate colors once you're standing next to that restaurant heater. Come on, let's get going.”

——

The cozy ambience of the traditional restaurant soothed your cold senses as your fingertips absorbed the warmth from the cup of hot coffee. You look outside the small, wooden window, the rain tapping mutely against the glass. The weather was completely contrasting with your heart. The rain brought immense cold, winter air swooshing through and through the town, but you felt warm inside.

You don't know if it's the coffee, or the fact that you were sharing a day with someone you'd known 23 years ago.

A soft, weary sigh left you. Your eyes traveled back to the door that led to the restroom, waiting for Jeonghan to step outside any moment.

To be honest with yourself felt like a punishment. You were nervous. You didn't know what to say to him. You don't even know if he enjoys grapefruit now as much as he did back then. Why is fate even bringing you together again?

“Did I take too long? I'm sorry,” Jeonghan's voice pulled you out of your thoughts as he sat down across the table, his hair looking a little less damp. You shake your head, wearing a small smile.

“No, not at all.” You reassured, adjusting your position on the cushion.

“This feels nice, although I don't remember the last time I visited this restaurant.” Jeonghan says, grabbing the coffee mug that you ordered for him. It was lukewarm, heat spreading through his hand as he wrapped his fingers around the cup, seeking warmth. 

“Me too, actually,” you responded, turning to face him better. “I don't remember stepping in here after you went away. This was like a resting place in the evening after we played all day. I guess my 5 year old mind just couldn't wrap around the fact that she'd have to spend time without her friend.”

A soft smile ghosted your lips as you recalled, your finger tracing shapes absent-mindedly on the wooden table. Jeonghan's eyes softened, his heart tugging at the memory. He felt guilty, regretful and empty whenever he thought of his childhood days. His memories became a blur whenever he tried to think of the days after he moved away. It's faded, dusty and forgotten.

“Well…” Jeonghan's voice was a soft, low murmur, and you would barely catch it under the sound of the heavy rain outside if you weren't so absorbed in the moment. “It was unfair, we shouldn't have been forced to separate as kids.”

You managed a small, subtle nod, your lips flattening in a tight lipped smile. “Hey, I don't think I'm prepared enough to talk about the past yet. I might bawl my eyes out.”

A soft, breathy laugh followed your words, and you honestly wouldn't be able to take it all without a drop of year rolling down your cheek. Jeonghan's eyes drifted to the weather outside, then dropped to the mug he placed on the table with a quiet thud.

“Then we won't,” he said, his voice softer than ever, a smile gracing his lips. “I’m not really able to sort my mind out yet, but I felt like I had to meet you. I was… anxious that if I wasted any more time, I'd lose this chance.”

Jeonghan wasn't looking at you, but you couldn't look away from him. He had a relaxed, thoughtful, almost pensive expression on his face, his finger tracing the mouth of the cup. For the first time since you'd met him, you truly studied his face, taking in every subtle detail that had changed. And now that you realise, he hasn't changed so drastically for you to not recognise him at first glance.

“I'm sorry,” the words slipped out before you could think straight, your emotions taking over your tongue. Jeonghan raised his gaze, his eyes, which held a hint of confusion, lingering on you.

“Why?” He tilted his head, his eyebrows lifted slightly.

You bit your lower lip, briefly meeting his eyes. “For not telling you,” your voice wavered lightly, your eyes lingering on his hands for a moment before you squirmed on your seat, locking eyes with him. “Even though I knew everything.”

Jeonghan's lips curved into a smile, and a flicker of amusement crossed his face. “You almost made me feel better about myself,” he chuckled, observing your face for a split second. “But no, it's not you who should be apologising. I literally met you, talked to you, even shared a guitar, and still had the stupidity to ask you how you knew my name.”

A quick chuckle escaped you, forcing you to cover your grin and bite back a full laugh. Propped up on his elbow, Jeonghan watched, his cheek resting against the back of his hand, his eyes glittering with focused amusement.

“To be honest, I found out about that through a photobook that Joshua had in his bedroom from ages ago.” You admitted as you sheepishly glanced at Jeonghan. He leaned forward with interest, keeping his arms folded on the table.

“Joshua has a photobook? From our childhood?” He asked, receiving a nod from you as a response. Jeonghan sat back slowly, a deeply suspicious look spreading across his face. “Wait. Does it have a photo of me falling down from the stairs and landing my head straight on the huge wall ahead, then dad had to drive me to ER?” 

You wheezed, nodding at the memory that always stayed as clear as day in your mind. Jeonghan laughed along, but his eyes were following your every movement. He noted every detail he could: the curve of your lips looked so familiar even after years, your eyes still crinkled whenever you laughed, and your hand still instinctively went to tuck your hair behind your ear, the same nervous habit he remembered.

Your laughter died down to a soft, happy sigh. Jeonghan was still observing you, his initial amusement giving way to a more sincere, gentle smile. He waited patiently for you to catch your breath, the sound of the rain and the soft restaurant murmur filling the brief silence.

“Well,” you finally said, wiping a stray tear of laughter from your eye, “it has a picture of you right after the incident. Your head's wrapped in a giant white bandage, and you’re giving the camera a grumpy look while holding a melting popsicle. Joshua wrote ‘The Great wall of Korea (Jeonghan's version)’ underneath it.”

Jeonghan let out a loud, incredulous laugh, shaking his head. “Oh my God. That idiot kept that? I never healed from that embarrassment.” He paused, leaning back in his seat and running a hand through his slightly damp hair. “But seeing you laugh like this… it brings back a lot. Maybe it's not too late yet.”

“It was never too late. I mean, atleast not until we die.” You chuckle softly, looking at him with a glint of newfound hope in your eyes.

——

The air was sharp and cool against your cheeks. You and Jeonghan had left the warm anonymity of the café, stepping onto a quieter, tree-lined street where the residual cold drizzle kept the atmosphere misty and clean. He held the umbrella high over both of you, moving with a calm, easy rhythm that finally made the overwhelming tension from earlier feel manageable.

“You know,” you said, enjoying the comforting sound of the light rain hitting the nylon above your heads. “Your schedule seems surprisingly flexible for a man who claimed his life was just 'work.' Are you secretly retired? Does aunt know?”

Jeonghan chuckled, the sound warm and close. “Let's just say my team can handle things for a few more hours. I'd rather be here, judging your choice of umbrella color.” He nudged his shoulder lightly against yours, a casual, friendly gesture that was anything but casual.

“Well I think black and yellow is a cute combination.” You were about to continue, when a sudden splash of color caught your eye. Tucked into the wrought-iron fence of an old house was a dense burst of late-blooming, dark purple flowers.

"Woah, what are these flowers?" you murmured, stopping abruptly to admire the vibrant hue against the muted backdrop of the rain-damp street.

Jeonghan stopped with you, pulling the umbrella back slightly to give you a clear view. He looked at the flowers, then back at you, a soft, unguarded look in his eyes. He lowered his voice, just for you.

“They're called 'Love-in-a-Mist',” he explained, his tone gentle and patient. “I think they’re beautiful because they shouldn’t survive this late in the year, but they do anyway.”

He shifted the umbrella, ensuring you were perfectly shielded. For a long moment, he simply looked at you, the easy banter gone, replaced by profound sincerity.

“Look,” he said softly, his voice barely rising above the sound of the mist. “I know I might've asked to meet too soon. I'm sorry. I haven’t figured out... the right way to be around you yet. But I'm having a really good time, Y/n.”

His lips bloomed a small, honest smile. You couldn't help but reciprocate, you hummed softly and nodded in understanding. But before you could say a word, his phone blared with an urgent, piercing alert tone. It was a sound that signaled immediate, non-negotiable crisis.

The change in him was instantaneous and shocking. The warm, playful man vanished. His eyes went cold, clinical, and intensely focused. He answered the phone with a low, firm, authoritative voice.

“This is Jeonghan. What's the status? I need a clear assessment of the damage. Is the site secure? I'm ten minutes out. Tell the team I need everyone prepped immediately.”

He snapped the phone shut, the decision final. He was already moving.

“Y/N, I have to go. Now. This is... a situation that requires me there immediately. I’m sorry and I'll call you, okay?”

He thrust the umbrella into your hand, the weight of the object a startling substitute for his sudden absence. He turned on his heel without waiting for your response, and sprinted away down the street.

You stood alone on the damp sidewalk, the umbrella heavy in your hand feeling suddenly foreign and huge in your hand. The air, which had felt warm moments ago, was now just a cold, biting mist.

You watched the space where Jeonghan had just been, your mind refusing to process the speed of his departure. One second, he was looking at you with that gentle, sincere expression, making a sweet, playful promise. The next, he was a cold, efficient stranger barking commands into a phone, sprinting away as if you were entirely irrelevant.

You blinked once, hard. The silence was deafening now, broken only by the persistent tap-tap-tap of the drizzle hitting the umbrella above your head.

Your heart, which had just been thrumming with anticipation, felt like a small, startled bird trapped in your chest. You walked a few steps, dragging your feet, the sound loud on the wet pavement.

You looked down at the umbrella he had thrust into your hand, its handle still slightly warm. It was his last physical trace, the only evidence that the moment of connection hadn't been a dream.

You kicked a small, loose pebble across the sidewalk, feeling the sudden, ridiculous surge of sulky frustration.

"Unbelievable," you mumbled to the empty street, your voice muffled and small. You tightened your grip on the umbrella. "A situation at the site? Is that really more important than finally meeting your best friend after two decades?"

The absurdity of the comparison made a tiny, bitter laugh escape you. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that you were finally making progress breaking through the initial awkward barrier, only to have his entire secret, high-stakes life intervene. He had chosen the crisis over the connection, leaving you holding his umbrella and his unspoken promise to walk you home.

——

The day went by with absolutely no text or call from Jeonghan, leaving you feeling forgotten. You held your phone as your finger hovered above the keyboard many times, only to drown in your thoughts again and refuse to be the one to reach out first.

It wasn't stubbornness, it was self respect. He was the one that abruptly left and you stood under that umbrella all alone. He had some explanation to do, and you weren't going to ask him for it.

But he called a day later, repeating apologies like it was a prayer, a routine. You couldn't really say ‘it's fine’ sincerely until you understood his situation, but you did say it, atleast for the name's sake.

——

OCTOBER 15

The air outside was cold, damp, and perfectly still—the kind of light weather after rain that felt comfortable even when large puddles covered the streets. You were ready, dressed in your heaviest coat, feeling a tight, wary tension coiled in your chest. You needed answers, but you didn't want to show how much his abrupt departure had affected you.

You peered through the window before opening the door.

Jeonghan was standing just outside your garden gate. He was leaning against the stone pillar, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his heavy wool coat. He looked tired and slightly rumpled as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep because he was worried. He was completely still, patiently waiting, exposed to the cold air.

His car was idling silently at the curb nearby.

When you pulled the front door open, the sound drew his attention instantly. He straightened up, pushing off the pillar, his eyes meeting yours with a look of pure, focused sincerity.

You walked down the path, the crunch of your shoes on the damp asphalt loud in the quiet street.​You walked down the path, the crunch of your shoes on the damp asphalt loud in the quiet street. You simply reached the gate and waited for him to speak.

​“Good evening,” you greeted softly, a subtle smile on your lips. You noticed the way Jeonghan's worried expression softened, a huge weight—one he didn't even realize he was carrying—lifted off his shoulders.

​He opened his mouth to speak, his voice just above a whisper. “I almost thought you wouldn't want to see me again.”

​Jeonghan's face wasn't marked by panic, but by a deep, weary guilt. His eyes, though relieved you were here, still held a gentle seriousness. He had resolved many high-stress situations with unmatched calmness, but this felt different. He looked like he genuinely needed this conversation as much as you did.

​”I need to apologize properly, Y/n,” he continued, his tone low and soft, conveying a deep respect. “I know I left you confused.”

​You watched him carefully, realizing how much the awkwardness was genuinely affecting him. You knew this conversation needed to be serious, but you needed a break in the tension.

​“Well, I'm not very convinced yet,” you replied, leaning slightly against the gate. You managed a lighthearted, playful tone. “You might have some bribing to do.”

​A flicker of genuine relief and warmth crossed his features, melting some of the fatigue around his eyes.

​”I will,” he said immediately, his voice earnest. “I want to, and I need to. I promise I won't make the apology feel half.”

​You smiled at him then—a warm, true smile that reached your eyes, signaling that while the issue wasn't resolved, you were willing to listen.

​In that brief moment, Jeonghan's composure slipped. His heart gave a heavy, rapid jump in his chest, a purely physical reaction to the sight of your unguarded warmth. He instantly told himself he was being stupid; he shouldn't be getting distracted from the actual, serious reason he was here. He tried to convince himself it was just the residual nervousness from the emergency call, causing his heart to beat a little faster than usual.

​He tried to smile back fully, managing only a quick, controlled curve of his lips before he gestured and guided you toward the idling car.

​“Let's go,” he murmured. “I have the perfect spot for you to feel a bit better.”

——

You stepped outside the car, the crispy autumn leaves crushing beneath your shoes as the cool breeze hit almost immediately, making you hug your torso tightly. You walked a few steps ahead, admiring the view as Jeonghan closed the car door behind you.

The lookout point was not a formal park, but a wide, flattened shoulder of the hill, edged by a low, weathered stone wall. Along this wall, facing the illuminated city, were several sturdy, built-in wooden benches, permanently installed for visitors. They were worn smooth by the seasons.

Beyond the wall, the world dropped away.

​The rain was long gone, and the sky above was a breathtaking canvas of deep, cold navy, pricked everywhere by fiercely bright stars. Directly in front of you, the vast, sprawling city was laid out like a geographical map made of light—a mesmerizing, chaotic blanket of white, gold, and amber.

​The distance was immense. The usual sounds of horns and traffic were completely absent, replaced only by a low, continuous hum—the abstract, collective sound of thousands of lives being lived far below.

“I drove up here because I knew we couldn't do this conversation next to a cash register.” Jeonghan's voice, low and gentle, blended seamlessly, making the silence feel even softer. He stood behind you, maybe a few steps away, but you felt him come close just a bit, enough for you to feel the warmth radiating from his body.

“I think you like it,” he remarked, a soft smile ghosting his lips. “Maybe a bit too much.”

You tilted your head, a relaxed smile already on your face. “I like it here. It feels like I'm looking at Beon-dong from the sky.” You say, turning your head and glancing at him for a brief second. He hummed in response before a comfortable silence fell, the chirping of crickets and the faint sound of wind making the atmosphere peaceful.

“I'm sorry,” then, it finally happened. Jeonghan's gentle voice reached your ears, and your eyes drifted off to a tree that stood a few feet away. He didn't wait for a response, nor an action, and continued with the same tone.

“It was disrespectful to just leave you there all alone, especially in that weather,” he said, his gaze flickering to you before it faced ahead at the town lights. “I might've looked or sounded crazy after that phone call, but I need you to know it was just… important. Too important. Someone's life was at stake, and I had to be there.”

You spun around, a subtle shock instantly painting your face, your lips parting in silent confusion. "Had to be there...?"

​Jeonghan nodded, his gaze meeting yours for a heavy moment before dropping to the floor. A low, weary sigh escaped him, an answer in itself. “It's my job. I always have a life on my hands, depending on me completely to save it. It's scary, sometimes, but it feels like I'm built for this now.”

Your eyes never left him as he spoke, taking in the way his calm, soft expression didn't match his heavy words. His eyes were quiet, settled on the town beneath the hill. He kept his hands deep in his pockets, and the only break in the stillness was his smart watch that would light up on its own, flashing a quick glance at his long schedule.

“You…” you murmured, your eyes lingering on his face as if you were trying to see through him. “You're a doctor?”

Jeonghan's eyes turned to you, a glint of surprise in them. “You got it.” He chuckled, his lips blooming with a charming smile.

——

“So 7 year old Jeonghan, who taught me how to cheat better without getting caught, was actually serious when he did experiments with thermocol hearts?”

Jeonghan's bright, chiming laugh filled the air, his eyes reflecting the dazzling, scattered jewels of the town lights far below. You glanced at him, a warm grin stretching across your face. He took a shaky breath to quell the laughter, then turned to you, his smile reaching his eyes—a soft, genuine curve.

​“I guess so,” he managed, chuckling quietly. “He really took it seriously.” His gaze drifted back to the view. You took a moment, letting the cool evening breeze wrap around you, smelling the faint scent of pine before you spoke again. “And I’m really proud of you.”

Jeonghan's cool composure visibly cracked. His expression softened, a subtle smile touching his lips, and his eyes glinted with a raw, unmistakable gratefulness. He was genuinely taken aback. Slowly, his gaze turned to meet yours.

​Your smile didn't waver; it grew warmer, an open, honest expression that met his gaze and confirmed your sincerity.

​“Although that doll of mine never healed from your experimental ‘surgeries',” you said gently, “she’d be happy to know she wasn't sacrificed for nothing.”

​Jeonghan blinked, his chest constricting. The sudden silence seemed to amplify his heartbeat, a loud, heavy thump-thump in his ears, and he prayed you couldn't hear it. His face held nothing but pure gratitude—the exact reassurance he hadn't realized he’d been craving. He had heard the words from his parents, but hearing them from you, now, was different. A tremor of emotion ran through him, and he had to look away as his lips twitched, threatening to bloom into a wide, unguarded grin.

​He took a breath, letting a fraction of his usual coolness return. “Thanks,” he replied, his voice surprisingly steady. Then, the corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk. “You’ll get a complimentary discount on your first heart surgery.”

​The dark joke landed perfectly, making you laugh—a bright, genuine sound—as he finally allowed himself a small, fond chuckle.

——

OCTOBER 18

The university library was quiet, warm, and smelled pleasantly of old paper and dust. You were hunched over a spread of notebooks at a large mahogany table in the reference section, your forehead resting against the cool wood in a gesture of absolute defeat.

“I just don't know why she wouldn't trust him!” you groaned, lifting your head. “It makes no sense for her character arc.”

Mingyu, your colleague, leaned in close, his posture easy and familiar, his large frame crowding your space slightly. He rested his elbow on the table, tilting his head. “She wouldn't trust him because she's always been betrayed,” he whispered back, gently tapping a note on your page. “You need to plant a seed of doubt, Y/n. Something small, something unavoidable.”

You laughed, a quick, genuine burst of air. “You're right, you're always right!” you said, patting his arm.

A few minutes later, the door to the reference section hissed open, and someone walked in. But you two were too engrossed in fixing the plotholes to see people come and go.

It was Jeonghan—wearing a simple, dark turtleneck and his thin, silver-rimmed glasses, presenting a look of focused purpose.

His gaze was immediately trained high, locked onto the section of the shelves that held the obscure medical journal he needed. He walked directly to the required shelf, his attention entirely devoted to finding the rare volume.

He pulled out the heavy journal with quiet satisfaction. It was only after the book was safely in his hands that he allowed his concentration to break. He leaned back slightly against the shelf, and his gaze drifted down and across the room.

That's when he saw the table.

And that's when he saw you.

A soft, genuine smile began to form on his face—he was completely unprepared to see you here, in the serious, quiet corner of the city. He started to take a step toward the table, eager to greet you, but he stopped short.

He registered the man sitting beside you—Mingyu. The younger colleague leaned in close, his posture easy and familiar, his shoulder lightly pressed against yours as he pointed to your notes. You both looked utterly engrossed in a private consultation.

Jeonghan frowned. Recognizing Mingyu, he instantly decided not to disturb, assuming that it had to do something with your work. He turned his attention back to his books.

As he shifted the heavy journal, he noticed a brightly colored paperback wedged sideways next to his serious tome. He pulled it out of idle curiosity. The title screamed in bold font: “10 Ways Guys Act When They Like Someone.”

Jeonghan frowned, flipping it open. His eyes landed on the line at the top: “He Gets Too Physical.”

He immediately glanced back at your table. Mingyu was now resting his chin on his hand, tilting his head dramatically, his large frame occupying your space as he spoke earnestly about plot twists.

They are colleagues. That's professionalism. But why is his arm practically around her? He quickly flipped to the next page, trying to rationalize the strange, tight feeling in his chest.

The next point read: “He Finds Excuses to Delay Leaving.”

Just then, Mingyu sighed dramatically. “Okay, I'm starving. I need coffee. You are not to move until I get back. This is the crucial part.” He then paused, looking down at his notes for an exaggerated amount of time before slipping away.

​He just found an excuse to come back and delay this. This book is absurdly accurate.

Jeonghan felt a knot tighten in his chest. He snapped the paperback shut, looking genuinely irritated with the book's author, and shoved it back onto the shelf.

He took one last, lingering look at your table before turning to leave.

But you looked up just as he was turning away. Your eyes widened with immediate surprise, then lit up with a brilliant, genuine smile.

“Jeonghan-ah?” you called out softly. “What are you doing here?”

Jeonghan froze mid-step. The shock of being seen, combined with the warmth of your spontaneous smile, instantly melted his… whatever he was feeling a second ago. A true, full smile broke across his face.

“Y/n,” he replied, walking slowly toward the table, adjusting his sleeves. “Just borrowing a ridiculously outdated journal. I figured you and Mingyu were having a serious conversation so I just decided to slip away.” He pulled out the empty chair Mingyu had just vacated and sat down seamlessly next to you.

Mingyu, halfway to the door, spun around at the sound of Jeonghan's name, his face lighting up with genuine excitement. “JEONGHAN HYUNG!” He rushed back. “What are you doing in this corner of the library? I thought you lived on the other side of the town!”

Jeonghan smiled fondly at his younger colleague. “Hey, gyu. Still shouting in quiet zones, I see.”

“You know each other?” Mingyu asked, looking between the two of you, bewildered.

“Yes,” you confirmed, amused by the sudden, intense shift in focus.

“How? Why didn't you say anything?” Mingyu persisted, a small pout on his face.

“None of your business, little one.” Jeonghan answered smoothly, but without malice—it was the familiar, exasperated bickering tone they shared. He pulled the chair closer to your side.

“Hey! I'm literally the same age as Y/n!” Mingyu argued, but sat down across the table with a defeated sigh.

Mingyu immediately started trying to engage Jeonghan in a rapid-fire discussion about his recent work, but Jeonghan simply leaned toward you, his attention laser-focused on the problem you had introduced.

“So, about this betrayal plot hole,” Jeonghan began, immediately looking at your notes. “You’re missing the logical motivation. I had a thought while I was looking for a book.”

You laughed softly, easily pulled back into the problem. “See? I knew you'd have an opinion.”

Mingyu watched the two of you fall into a deep, intense discussion about character motivations and structural integrity. Within five minutes, he was slouched over the table, his enthusiastic excitement replaced by genuine boredom. Soon, Mingyu's head rested on his crossed arms, and he was completely asleep, his soft breathing a quiet counterpoint to your suddenly intense conversation.

Jeonghan glanced at his sleeping friend, a small, endearing smile briefly touching his lips before he turned back to you, his eyes shining with focus and a comfortable, undeniable connection.

“Why doesn't she trust him?” he murmured, lowering his voice now. “Let's figure this out.”

You nodded, finally feeling relieved with someone by your side who was as thoughtful as Mingyu.

——

OCTOBER 25

The small, independent bookstore café you favored was closed, but the owner—a friend who admired your work—had let you use one of the cozy, partitioned booths in the back. The air was quiet and still, smelling faintly of roasted beans and damp paperbacks. A single low lamp on your table casted a focused, golden pool of light over a scatter of notebooks and research papers.

Jeonghan had arrived shortly after you, wearing a comfortable hoodie, and the sight of him dedicating his intense focus entirely to your chaotic creative process made your chest tighten with an unfamiliar emotion.

“Okay,” you said, gesturing to the papers. “I'm stuck. It's the moment the protagonist needs to choose her motivation, but the logic is flimsy.”

Jeonghan leaned forward, his whole being narrowing onto your words. You watched the way the lamplight highlighted the clean, strong line of his jaw and the singular, focused intensity in his eyes. This was the quality you found so intoxicating: his ability to shut out the world and apply his sharp, systematic logic to your creative, chaotic universe.

“The logic is never flimsy, Y/n. It's just buried under the emotional wreckage,” he murmured. He pointed to a specific note you’d written. “You said she values safety above everything, right? So, ask yourself, if safety is the highest value, what is the least logical thing she could do that still serves that fear?”

As he spoke, he traced a line across your notes. His index finger, surprisingly elegant and steady, drifted onto the edge of your hand. He didn't pull away immediately. The brief, electric contact—skin to skin—felt like a small, unexpected surge of static in the quiet room. Your breath hitched slightly. He continued speaking, completely unaware of the physical contact, yet the quiet intimacy of the shared concentration felt like a secret confession only you received.

You realized with startling clarity that this feeling was no longer just the comfort of a childhood friend. It was the specific, overwhelming pull of attraction. He was focused on solving your problem, and that total, selfless attention was the most intimate thing he could offer.

You quickly pulled your focus back to the problem. “The least logical thing that serves the fear…” you repeated, your voice trailing off as the ideas began to flow. “Wait. What if her motivation isn’t fear of loss, but fear of hope?”

“Hope is a risk,” Jeonghan agreed instantly, his eyes shining with understanding. “If she chooses hope, she has to trust. And if she trusts, she can be betrayed again.”

For the next half hour, the two of you worked in perfect harmony, a seamless braid of logic and creativity. He was brilliant, precise, and completely absorbed in your world, offering the full capacity of his focus. Every time he validated an idea or dissected a premise, your respect and something you couldn't or didn't want to pinpoint—deepened.

When the final plot point snapped into place with satisfying certainty, you both leaned back, simultaneously sighing in relief.

“You are incredible,” you breathed, gathering the papers, meeting his eyes. “I would have been stuck on that for weeks.”

Jeonghan met your gaze, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “We are incredible,” he corrected softly, his eyes reflecting the deep, private pleasure of shared success.

Your heart skipped, acknowledging the ‘we.’ You knew, sitting there under the café light, that your heart was reacting in a different way. And now, only a cardiologist could fix that.

——

OCTOBER 30

Jeonghan texted you the next afternoon: No emergencies. Clean sweep. 7 PM. I want to see if you can keep up with me when the stakes are low.

You met him not at the university, but at a large, brightly lit independent bookstore downtown. It was deliberate, public, and not work-related, which felt like a victory.

Jeonghan was leaning against a shelf near the entrance, looking relaxed in a dark sweater. He spotted you, and the easy smile he wore suggested he was already planning his victory.

“You shouldn't keep me waiting for so long, orchid.” Jeonghan teased, an easy smile on his face that you loved. He pushed himself off the shelf and walked to you, placing the small book he had in his hands on a table.

“I'm only five minutes late, hannie, don't exaggerate.” You replied as you side eyed him, trying to hide your smile.

“Hm,” he hummed in understanding, looking away for a split second before a soft smile bloomed on his lips. “Anyways, this is a date. In the sense that two adults are attempting to spend time together without a medical emergency or a dissertation crisis.”

You smiled, taking a step forward as you looked around. “That sounds fun. But, why here?”

“Because,” he said, coming to stand beside you, his voice lowering to a playful conspiratorial whisper, “We’re going to play a game, and that requires being in the presence of books.”

You turned your head, just enough to be able to meet his eyes. “A game? With books?” He nodded, the edges of his lips tightening as he closed his eyes for a split second.

That smile. The simple act he always does that gives reassurance, understanding and affection—all at once.

“If you want to, ofcourse.”

“I’d love to. Tell me about it.” You agreed immediately, not leaving any room for further questions. Jeonghan paused for a moment, then broke into a grin.

——

And that's how you went round and around the library in less than ten minutes, checking each and every corner or shelf.

Yoon Jeonghan, the simple menace he is, had set a challenge for the both of you—find a book that describes eachother the best. Familiar with almost every corner here, you figured it'd be easy for you, as long as Jeonghan didn't try to do something funny.

You spotted him a few minutes later, hunched over a shelf, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Find anything interesting, Doctor?" you teased, walking past.

He immediately snatched the book he was looking at and held it behind his back. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just making sure the philosophy section hasn't corrupted me yet."

You didn't push. Instead, you found a ridiculous, brightly colored paperback titled The Existential Dread of Being Very Attractive and held it up. "Does this count?"

He just laughed, his eyes crinkling. "Thirty minutes, orchid, focus!”

——

You met him by a cozy corner of the library exactly on time. The sunset glow through the window complemented his features, making him look angelic. You were holding a small, serious-looking volume titled The Unwavering Line. Jeonghan was holding two books, a complicated, slightly sheepish expression on his face.

“I’ll go first,” you say, placing your find on your lap. “I chose this. The Unwavering Line. Because even when you're laughing, your core is rigid. You're driven by duty, and you will choose the difficult, ethical, logical path every single time.”

Jeonghan let out a soft exhale. “Ouch. That's a direct hit.”

He placed his first book down. It was the thin black volume he'd tried to hide, titled: A Quick Guide to Fixing Broken Things.

“I chose this for you,” he said, his smile faltering slightly. “Because your entire life right now is fixing the broken narrative threads of your protagonists. You are constantly in repair mode.”

You pouted slightly. “Jeonghan, you're doing that clinical thing again. Are you still seeing my writing career as a problem that needs a solution?”

His eyes immediately went wide before he pushed the book aside. “I— no, orchid, I didn't mean it like that. I'm really sorry,” he sighed.

“Hey, I was just joking. You don't have to explain yourself.” You smiled, taking the black book from his hands. 

He then placed his second book on his lap. It was a slim, unassuming poetry collection, its title warm and inviting: Quiet Lessons under the glow of the moon.

“This is what I chose first,” he admitted, looking vulnerable. He didn't look at the book; his eyes were on you. “I chose this because, honestly, you make the serious moments feel easy. You remind me that there's a space—that this space is simple and hopeful. You embody the beautiful, messy, domestic comfort I forgot existed. I chose it because I think this describes… you.”

The sincerity in his gaze was a direct hit.

“...that's beautiful,” you whispered, reaching out to gently touch his sleeve, your eyes on the book. “You definitely win, hannie.”

“We both won,” he corrected, picking up both your book and his poetry book. “So let me treat you tonight. You can do it someday later.”

He gently took your hand—this time, it was a soft, gentle grip that felt like a clear statement of affection—and led you out of the bookstore and toward the warm glow of a nearby café.

——

NOVEMBER 8

A few days later, you found yourselves in the bright, busy supermarket. Jeonghan pushed the cart, leaning casually on the handle, clearly enjoying the absurdity of the errand.

"Wait, you're telling me your ‘monthly’ restock lasted less than a week?" Jeonghan chuckled, shaking his head, finding your frustrated expression adorable.

"Don't look at me," you huffed, crossing your arms. "It was seok, hao, and gyu. They basically showed up, opened all the cabinets, and became human vacuum cleaners."

"Ah, the price of collaboration," Jeonghan teased, pulling your list out and snapping it open. "Right. 'Essential comforts' only. No more raiding."

He paused in the produce aisle. "Okay, we need lettuce, sure. But we need fun food. Snacks are essential for emergency meetings."

"That sounds suspiciously like a bribe for your future plotting help," you countered, reaching for a bag of chips.

He took the chips with a laugh, gently tossing them back. “Nuh-uh. Gourmet pretzels. Less guilt, better crunch.” The casual bickering felt effortless and wonderfully normal.

You were arguing over which frozen pizza was “least disappointing” when Jeonghan's phone ringed. He pulled it out, glancing at the caller ID: Dr. Choi.

Jeonghan frowned slightly, then leaned back against the cart, shifting his focus. You watched him answer the call, his voice dropping slightly.

“Hey, Dr. Choi,” he answered. “Lunch at the new place?”

He listened for a brief moment—you could hear the muffled, excited chatter of his friends on the line.

He glanced over at you, smiling lightly at your intense study of the pizza box.

"Yeah, sorry," he said into the phone, his voice easy but firm. "Can't make it today. I've actually got a prior engagement I can't ditch... Yeah, it's a pretty important consulting gig. Tell them I said hi, and I'll catch them next week."

He hung up, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

He pushed the cart toward you and looked directly into your eyes. "A lunch invite from the guys," he explained simply.

You felt a little flutter of warmth—he was choosing this.

"A very important consulting gig, huh?" you teased, nudging the cart. "Does this gig pay in pepperonis?"

Jeonghan's eyes crinkled with genuine, affectionate humor. "It pays in domestic bliss. And yes, it requires my undivided focus." He gently guided the cart forward, resting his hand softly on your lower back for a fleeting, intentional moment.

"They'll survive lunch without me," he murmured, his voice low and sincere. "I'm off the clock. And my new routine involves making sure you're properly stocked for whatever chaos your friends decide to unleash next."

The simplicity and certainty of his choice made the sterile supermarket feel warmer than any café. He was prioritizing the small, comfortable moment with you.

——

NOVEMBER 20

The hospital lobby was aggressively bright and cold, even at 3:00 AM. The hallways were empty, the air heavy with the pervasive, slightly bitter scent of antiseptic and stale coffee—the smell of duty. You had been waiting nearly an hour in a stiff plastic chair near the residents’ entrance. Your phone, sitting in your lap, still held the last message from Jeonghan: Clear in 10-15. Don't wait. It arrived four hours ago.

You adjusted the bag beside you, which contained a thermos of steaming black coffee, a massive high-protein sandwich, and a clean, soft crewneck sweater. You weren't here to demand his time; you were here to perform a necessary, quiet function.

A door swished open down the corridor, and a figure leaned heavily against the jamb. It was Jeonghan, but reduced to his most fundamental, exhausted state.

He wasn't wearing his usual crisp shirt or even clean scrubs. His hair was damp and matted to his forehead, his scrubs were wrinkled and likely stained with old coffee or something worse, and his face was pale, lined with a deep, crushing weariness. He was holding himself up only by leaning his shoulder against the doorframe, his eyes half-closed.

He saw you, but the sheer effort of pulling his lips into a smile seemed too much.

“You didn't leave,” he murmured, his voice rough and low, sounding like gravel.

You were instantly on your feet, moving toward him. “You said 'ten to fifteen,' Jeonghan. That was before the last two hours of silence.”

You reached him and didn't try to touch his face or hug him—you knew better than to interfere with the exhausted shell of a surgeon. Instead, you gently took his elbow, steadying him, and guided him toward a nearby bench, carefully maneuvering his heavy body.

“Sit,” you commanded softly.

He obeyed instantly, collapsing onto the hard plastic. He dropped his head into his hands, his messy hair falling over his fingers. You heard him breathe a deep, shaky sigh that held the exhaustion of a hundred hours.

“It was… exhausting,” he managed to say, the words alone costing him visible effort. He didn't offer a diagnosis or a story. He didn't need to.

You opened the bag, pulling out the coffee first. You didn't ask if he wanted it. You simply placed the hot cup directly into his trembling hands.

“Eat this,” you said, unwrapping the sandwich. “You probably haven't had a calorie in twelve hours.”

Jeonghan looked at the sandwich. Then, his eyes—dark and utterly devoid of his usual playful light—flickered up to yours. He had absolutely zero energy left to maintain his clinical facade, his flirtatious teasing, or his patience. He was completely, devastatingly exposed.

“I'm tired,” he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “The energy... it’s all gone.”

​You didn't need to say anything. You gently wrapped the soft, clean scarf around his neck, providing a small barrier against the cold air and a comforting texture. Then, you eased his coat open and tucked a soft blanket you had also brought around his shoulders, wrapping him in a makeshift cocoon of warmth.

​He leaned his head against your shoulder as soon as you were seated beside him. The weight of his head was immense, and you realized how long he must have been on his feet. He didn't move to speak; he simply existed there, using your stability as his anchor.

“Y/n,” he said, his voice muffled against your coat, a genuine, raw sound of gratitude. “I don't know why you're still here, but... thank you. I needed you to be here.”

You simply held him, steady and quiet, in the cold, harsh light of the corridor. You understood then, with a crushing finality, that this was the life you would be committing to—a love measured in sterile hallway visits and exhausted, half-spoken confessions.

——

DECEMBER 2

It was a crisp morning, three days after the first significant snow of the season—the kind of soft, deep quiet that muffles the city. Around ten-thirty, you were exactly where you wanted to be: curled up in the warm cocoon of your bed, lost in a book, with a mug of hot coffee warming your hands.

Your phone buzzed softly on the bedside table.

You glanced over, and a small smile touched your lips at the sight of Jeonghan’s name.

Hannie: the snow near your house is much cleaner, I don't know why.

You paused, sipping your coffee, curious about the odd comment. A few seconds later, the phone buzzed again.

Hannie: did you wash the snow? With detergent?

You chuckled, shaking your head at his obvious teasing. You knew this was leading somewhere.

Hannie: Okay, what do I have to say for you to know that I'm outside your house right now.

That made you laugh aloud, setting your coffee down quickly. You recognized his cute excuses and his impatience. You quickly opened the curtains and slid the glass door open to your balcony.

The cold air hit you immediately, raising goosebumps on your arms, but your gaze was locked instantly on the ground below. There stood Jeonghan, dressed in a thick, handsome coat and a knitted beanie, looking up and waiting impatiently for you to see him.

His expression lit up the second he saw you standing on the balcony.

“What are you doing here!” you shouted down, chuckling at the pure delight radiating from him.

With a wide grin, he shouted back, tilting his head with a teasing challenge. “Why can't I be here?”

You laughed, the cold air stinging your cheeks. “I'm not coming!” you shouted, just as a joke. He didn't budge. He knew you wouldn't let him wait long.

“Then I'll freeze here to death!” he shouted back, dramatically pulling his coat tighter around his neck.

You couldn't help but smile widely. “Okay, okay, Elsa! I'll be right there!” you shouted one last time before retreating quickly back inside to pull on a thick sweater and a muffler.

Meanwhile, Jeonghan’s grin was reaching his eyes, the victory of your simple compliance filling him with pure joy. He let out a deep breath of relief, watching the curtain fall back into place.

Then, he turned slightly to look toward the left side of your house, and his entire body immediately froze.

There stood Joshua. Leaning casually against a snow-dusted tree, dressed in a stylish but casual coat. His arms were crossed, his eyes narrowed, and the subtle, dangerous sign of his displeasure was the slight, deliberate poke of his tongue against his cheek.

Jeonghan's triumphant grin instantly dissolved into a sheepish, caught-in-the-act expression. He swallowed hard.

——

The rooftop patio of your house was surprisingly cozy. Joshua, always one for comfort, had strung warm fairy lights everywhere and set up a temporary clear roof and heavy plastic siding to protect the area from the elements. Inside, the space was filled with blankets, thick mats, and an enormous, soft beanbag chair.

You, Jeonghan, and Joshua were bundled up, sprawled around a low table littered with empty snack bags and nearly finished mugs of hot cider. The hours had flown by, filled with the easy humor of lifelong friends.

Joshua sighed dramatically, stretching his arms high above his head. “So basically, you two are making me feel left out, and I'm not liking it.”

Jeonghan smirked, nudging your foot with his. “Joshuji, you're my favourite loser, how could I do that to you—”

“Don't say that to my amazing brother,” you defended, smacking his shoulder light, earning a shared chuckle from both of them. Jeonghan raised his hand to rub the area you had hit, a pout of betrayal on his face.

"Exactly," Joshua agreed, pointing at Jeonghan. "Take that, my second favourite loser. It's a miracle we still hang out."

“Wait, who's the first favourite loser then?” Jeonghan asked, suddenly shifting the tone of air. Joshua bit his tongue, his eyes turning to look at you. But before he could confirm, you were already tackling him to the floor while Jeonghan protested only with his words.

The lighthearted conversation continued for nearly four hours—a perfect blend of shared memories, gentle ribbing, and comfortable silence. It was a demonstration of the easy, interwoven history the three of you shared.

The easy familiarity eventually gave way to heavy exhaustion. Joshua, unable to fight the warmth and the late hour, gave up first. He laid out completely on the huge, soft beanbag chair placed right at the center of the rooftop, spreading his long legs out with a groan of relief. Within minutes, his soft, steady breathing confirmed he was completely asleep, acting as the perfect, unconscious chaperone.

You were only a few minutes away from dropping dead yourself. You tried to shift on the mat, unable to find a comfortable position to truly surrender to sleep.

You looked over at Jeonghan, your eyes barely open and heavy with sleep. He was watching the steam rise from his forgotten mug of cider, looking perfectly content.

Unable to find comfort alone, you acted purely on instinct. You reached out, grabbed his arm, and snuggled close to him. You rested your head right on his shoulder, keeping your arm securely wrapped around his bicep, pulling his warmth closer.

Jeonghan froze instantly.

You felt the immediate, abnormal thump of his heart against your cheek. He didn't move a muscle, suddenly acutely aware of the deep, trusting weight of your head against him. He was thinking of all sorts of things right now: the warmth of your hair, the soft pressure of your arm, the fact that Joshua was right there.

He slowly gazed down at your face, which was relaxed and peaceful as you drifted off to sleep. For the first time since his feelings started to grow—since he diagnosed himself with “a disease called you”—he allowed himself to lean into the feeling, not run away from it. He made no movement to pull away, to categorize the contact as platonic, or to regain control.

With immense tenderness, he reached up and gently placed his other hand over the hand you had wrapped around his arm. He brought his head down to rest gently on top of yours, softly closing his eyes.

Under the silent, watchful protection of the sleeping Joshua and the soft glow of the fairy lights, Jeonghan finally surrendered. He didn't need to fix anything right now, he only needed to hold you.

——

You woke up slowly, feeling the distinct softness of a pillow under your head. You blinked, staring up at the temporary clear roof, where the fairy lights cast a diffused glow. You were wrapped in two thick blankets and perfectly situated on a plush mat.

A puzzled frown crossed your face. You didn't remember starting your nap on the mat. The last thing you remembered was practically glued to Jeonghan’s shoulder. You shrugged off the minor mystery, assuming you’d shifted in your sleep, and simply burrowed deeper into the blankets.

You looked over and saw Jeonghan already awake, sitting just a few feet away from you as he collected the mugs. His eyes crinkled with soft humor as he watched Joshua stretch.

A loud groan broke the spell. Joshua stretched out on the beanbag, announcing his return to consciousness. “My neck is going to kill me. What time is it?”

After a flurry of stretching and gathering blankets, Joshua checked his phone. “Shoot. Mom needs help with something downstairs. Duty calls, unfortunately.” He gave Jeonghan a ‘I’m sorry’ look before heading toward the exit, leaving the door slightly ajar.

——

You grabbed your coat and muffler and walked Jeonghan to his car, which was parked just outside the perimeter of the melting snow. You both stopped next to the vehicle, the air instantly cold again after the rooftop warmth. Jeonghan turned to look at you, his eyes soft and content.

“I'm cold,” he mumbled, a soft, playful pout curving his lips.

You immediately reached out to tug at the muffler around his neck, instinctively fixing the thick material. “Why? Do you need another coat? I can get one right now—”

Before you could finish, Jeonghan quickly pulled you into a hug—a warm, gentle one, wrapping his arms securely around your shoulders. You were taken aback for a second, but a smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms tightly around his waist.

“Just say you want a hug, doc,” you chuckled, your voice muffled against his coat.

“Where's the fun in that when I can steal them,” he replied, his voice muffled as he buried his face into your shoulder that was heavy with sweater and muffler.

You two stayed embraced for a quiet while, the simple comfort of his weight sinking into the moment. You tightened your grip on his coat, finding the courage to finally speak the raw thought that had been building all afternoon.

“Please don't leave this time,” you whispered softly, your breath warm against his coat collar.

Jeonghan paused, the easy affection in his grip immediately giving way to absolute stillness as he processed your words. “Hm?” he hummed in question a few seconds later, gently pulling back a fraction to look at your face.

You took a shaky breath, tightening your grip on his coat again, afraid he might disappear if you let go. “Let's stay together this time. We're adults, Hannie. Not five or seven.” You meant the full weight of your words.

Jeonghan took a couple more seconds, absorbing the weight of the request. Then, he pulled away fully, his almond eyes soft and gentle, full of acceptance and promise.

“I won't leave,” he said firmly. “At least, not right now. So let's spend this winter together, just like we did back then.”

He lightly pecked your forehead, sealing the quiet promise in the cold winter air.

——

The winter agreement Jeonghan made in your driveway—the promise to just stay and “spend this winter together”—became the simple truth for the next three months. From late November on, the line between your personal lives got fuzzier, not because of big dates, but because you just slowly started sharing routines.

Jeonghan's intense work didn't slow down, but your apartment became the safe, quiet spot he always came back to. He started leaving little things at your place—his favorite coffee mug, an old hoodie—small, quiet signs that he belonged there now.

You both fell right back into the easy rhythm you had as kids, but now there was a constant, low buzz of adult attraction simmering underneath the surface. You shared late-night meals (always with those gourmet pretzels he insisted on), worked side-by-side in comfortable silence, and texted until the moment one of you finally crashed.

New Year's Eve was a perfect example. After a big party, you two had a quiet takeout. Jeonghan showed up after every guest left, too tired for anything but sitting on the sofa with his head on your shoulder, just grateful you were there. In those small, stolen moments, the real feelings grew—deep, tender, and way past just being friends.

You loved having that precious part of your childhood back, but now it felt stronger, more necessary. Every time he laughed at your chaos, every time he just watched you quietly, or every time he leaned into your hug, the truth became clear—He wasn't just Hannie anymore.

By late February, the pressure was huge. You weren't dating, but your lives were completely tangled up. The comfortable “winter agreement” had run its course. But what now? You had to move back to Seoul, and you're certain that Jeonghan had to aswell, but he probably couldn't tell you about it yet.

Maybe falling in love with your childhood friend wasn't the best choice. Maybe, just maybe, if it stayed the same—you as his little sister that he'd become a second brother to—everything would've been fine. But you two were in too deep to look back now.

——

FEBRUARY 18

The evening air was dry but cold, carrying the final chill of late February. The family function had long since ended, and the sudden quiet of the street felt vast after the hours of socializing. You emerged through the heavy wooden doors, already drained by the forced pleasantries and endless small talk.

You stopped dead on the top step.

Leaning against a sleek black sedan parked across the street, illuminated by the distant yellow glow of a streetlamp, was Jeonghan, scrolling away on his phone. He had clearly been waiting. He was wrapped in a long, dark coat, his hands tucked into his pockets, his posture easy and patient. The exhaustion from the day dissolved instantly, replaced by a surge of pure, delighted relief.

Your eyes widened in surprise, and a wide grin reached your eyes as you broke into a spontaneous run across the pavement. 

You didn't hesitate—you flung yourself into his arms, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. He chuckled, the sound muffled against your shoulder, and instantly wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pulling you securely against the length of his body.

The natural, familiar force of the hug made both your hearts race—a simple, reflexive response to the sight and touch of him after a long absence. You breathed in the comforting scent of his cologne and the fresh winter air.

Finally, you pulled back slightly, planting a quick, loud kiss on his cheek before letting go of his neck.

Jeonghan's composure broke for the briefest moment. His eyes fluttered shut on the impact, and the smile on his face became something soft and uncontrolled before he quickly masked it, clearing his throat.

“You survived,” he noted, his voice smooth again. He reached out and gently smoothed your coat.

“Barely. I think I used up my entire social battery for the next three months.” You reached into your pocket and pulled out a crinkled, pocket-sized packet of chocolate buns, already tearing it open. You held a bun out to him. “Here. Restorative treatment.”

Jeonghan looked at it, then stuck his lower lip out in a small, ridiculous pout. “Oh, but I can't get my hands dirty right now,” he feigned sadness, lifting his empty hands slightly to emphasize the tragedy.

You sighed dramatically, though a chuckle escaped you instantly. You plucked a piece from the bun and held it up to his lips. “You are absurd,” you muttered, blushing fiercely at the absurdity of feeding the renowned Dr. Yoon Jeonghan on a public street although it was quite empty at this hour.

The moment he bit down, his soft lips briefly grazed your skin. He pulled back just enough to let his tongue trace the sweet smudge of chocolate on the corner of his lips, his eyes never leaving yours.

You spent the next few minutes finishing the snack as you walked toward his car, ranting about everything that had happened—the awful canapés, the confusing distant relatives, the boring speeches. Jeonghan listened patiently, his hand almost holding yours as you walked. His eyes held affection, amusement and something you couldn't quite pinpoint. But he was fighting the urge to lean down and simply kiss you right there.

He approached the passenger door and reached for the handle. Then, just as the moment was about to normalize, a powerful, unexpected twist hit him—an undeniable urge to seize the moment.

Jeonghan paused. He gently and suddenly grabbed your wrist, halting your movement.

You looked up, surprised by the abrupt shift. His easy playfulness was gone, replaced by a sweet, fragile sincerity. His eyes were wide, tender, and searching, and you could practically hear the abnormal, frantic thumping of his own heart in the sudden silence. You instantly felt nervous, your heart beginning to race in response.

He looked down at your hand, then back up to your eyes, his voice soft, barely audible above the quiet street sounds. “Can you let me do an experiment on your heart?”

“Hannie, what?” you joked, the nervousness palpable in your voice. “You're not going to rip my heart open, are you?” You knew, deep down, he meant something different. Something you probably weren't expecting tonight.

He shook his head slowly, his expression still locked in that tender, intense way. He took two steps closer, closing the distance until you were only inches apart. “No, but I... Just tell me. Will you allow me to do that? Allow me to test your heart?”

You were speechless, just staring at him, waiting for him to do anything to stop your heart from beating so ridiculously fast.

His hands came to rest softly on your back, a deliberate action, as if he was testing to see if you would move away—giving you full, final authority to reject him. He then leaned closer, his eyes never leaving your lips. He tilted his head slightly as he did, moving with agonizing slowness, giving you all the time in the world to pull back.

But you didn't.

He knew he couldn't back away now. This was what you both wanted.

He pulled you gently against him and kissed your lips—a quick, soft press, as if testing the waters, hesitant and almost scared to fully touch your soft lips with his. He pulled back, his breath coming short, and locked eyes with you.

You stared at him speechless for a few lingering seconds before you let out a little squeak, covering your face with your hands at the speed of light, the chocolate bun wrapper finally falling from your nerveless fingers.

Jeonghan laughed heartily, a deep, chest-shaking sound that made your heart hammer faster.

“This is so embarrassing, I didn't even apply lip balm properly today!” you mumbled into your hands, whining and wanting to disappear.

He stooped, picked up the wrapper, and tossed it in the nearby garbage can before reaching over to cup your cheek with one hand. “Your lips are soft enough, love,” he said, his voice laced with amusement and deep affection.

You instantly dropped your hands, your face flushed scarlet. “...What did you call me?”

He paused for a moment before looking around with a playful smile. “I don't know, what was it?” He looked back at you, his gaze teasing and you wanted to smack him across the face right there and then. “I'd remember if I had someone’s lips on mine right now.”

Despite being as red as a tomato, you hesitantly reached out. Jeonghan gazed at you with the same fondness, patiently waiting without any interruption. Then you did it. You kissed him—a long, lingering, and loving peck this time.

​His heart melted completely. He desperately wanted to sink to his knees, but he forced himself to maintain his composure—for the sake of both your sanity.

He chuckled softly when you pulled away. “You're a good kisser, love,” he said before leaning over and tilting his head. “Did you perhaps train with someone in those twenty-three years I was absent?”

You burst out into a shy laugh, shaking your head. “No, Hannie, you're my first kiss.”

Jeonghan's eyes instantly filled with such profound pleasure and love. He locked his arms securely around your waist, pulling you close, his forehead resting against yours.

“And you're a sweet disease that has captured my heart and is refusing to let go, orchid,” he murmured, before leaning in to actually kiss you this time, leaving no doubt about the finality of his choice.You two have alot of other diseases to fight from, and that also includes Joshua. But you couldn't care less at this moment, at this time. What matters is that you're finally in Jeonghan's embrace. Not as a little sister, not as a friend or simply a childhood memory, but his love. And that's all that matters.

[wooahoe]

could you tell me kill me once again? — predebut!zhao james x reader

flying lights, paradise, i see your soul/look at me, can you breathe?

die 4 you + seoul city; james x fem!reader (slight smau but no images), ft tws’ jihoon

──── die 4 you; dean — seoul city; jennie — stars burn out; cykim, justin — when the rain stops; eaj — stay; yuni, lydia ganada — mona lisa; pryvt — hero; starfall

all my love to @himewonu, @seonghyeondimples and @lovehyeonie for beta reading!

seul’s notes: nobody talk to me. he’s so fine. god.

also everyone say thank you to cinny @everaftercin! my goat fr 🙏🙏 i could not have finished this fic without u fr bless up

cw: reader’s name is younghee because i don’t like using y/n, comfort/hurt no hurt/comfort, reader is from taiwan but ethnicity is stated to be at least partially korean, asian parents are their own warning, non linear storytelling, use of she/her pronouns, angst, public pressure, the kpop industry is its own warning, swearing, tbh idrk that much abt his personality so if he’s ooc i’m sorry

wc: 5.8k (thee LONGEST fucking fic i’ve ever written)

🎧 saranghey❕seul’s playlist — @k-records

—

2024.4.12 — usc, los angeles, california, usa

Today 12:00 AM

j

hee

me

? whats up?

j

they put me in a new group

me

oh. good thing or bad?

j

i’m not sure

me

do you wanna call?

j

Reacted 🖤 to “do you wanna call?” yes pls

—

2019.4.15 — tpe airport, dayuan district, taoyuan city, taiwan

“you’re leaving me.”

chao yufan looks over at you. you avoid meeting his eyes, and instead choosing to stare at the skyline through the airport windows.

he sighs, and you look over at your best friend.

“remember me when you’re famous, hm?” your voice shakes, and it’s only now that you realize you might never see him again.

the one constant throughout your life was about to leave to a country neither of you knew much about.

he lets out a watery laugh at this, and walks over to pull you into a tight hug.

“i’ll remember you every day, how about that?”

you huff out a laugh, hiding your tears behind humor.

“drama queen.”

“you love it.”

and you really do, but you can’t bring yourself to say it.

“come back to me,” you whisper. “i don’t care how long it takes. just promise me you’ll come back one day.”

he hugs you tighter, and presses a light kiss to your hairline.

“i promise.”

you both know it’s one that he can’t keep.

—

2023.3.20 — icn, seoul, south korea

you remember the day that your best friend left your hometown in order to pursue his dreams in korea.

he’d told you in a rush of english and mandarin and thai and korean, languages you’d taught each other and languages you’d learned along with everyone else, languages that had turned into something only the two you shared.

a language that told you he was leaving you. to chase his dreams of being an artist in a country he knew little to nothing about.

you were both so young then, only fourteen, and neither of you had known that you’d end up halfway across the world from each other.

because he’d nearly had his dreams crushed, only to end up in a sort of limbo within the trainee system. not quite producer, not quite choreographer, not quite artist. but poised to eventually debut nonetheless.

because you’d ended up breaking similar news to him four years later, leaving taiwan in favor of studying in a school nearly 6,000 miles away from seoul, where you were pushed away from your family in order to fulfill their dreams of a successful daughter.

but you promised you’d come back to him when he realized just how far you’d be from his new home. from both your old one.

you remember the day you’d finally made it to korea, keeping your promise under the guise of foreign language requirements.

you scanned the airport, eyes widening at the signs written in a language you barely knew and the bustle of people rushing to their destinations.

your roommate elbows you, chattering away in korean about how she can’t believe you were both standing in the country that your parents had run away from, the country that your bloodlines had made it back to.

and you couldn’t help but agree, but that wasn’t the focus of your attention.

he was.

eyes wide, mask pulled up, his former group mate (and your cousin) elbowing him. you knew there was a shit-eating grin under jihoon’s mask, but you ignored him and waved your fingers at your best friend.

you said a quick goodbye to your roommate, promising to meet her later at your dorm, and rushed over to meet james.

god, had you missed him.

“i can’t believe it,” he murmurs, hugging you tightly. the soft syllables of mandarin are a much needed touch of home, a sound sorely missed from harsh english and punctual drumming of korean and you just hug him tighter in response.

“i missed you,” he whispers, and you laugh.

“we talked to each other every week,” you reply, teasing but not unkind.

“that wasn’t enough,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“are you guys gonna stand there all day or can we go?” jihoon asks, impatient. “i have practice soon.”

you just flip him off in response, and james laughs at your reaction.

—

being here with you is an unfamiliar familiarity; you’re a person that he knows inside and out and yet it feels like something’s changed. of course, you’d grown apart in ways that were to be expected: he’s not as inclined to laugh and you’re not as easy to tease. he’s taller, almost a head above yours; neither of you are the kids in taiwan that you were before. you’re a pre-med student, studying in the us, and he’s an aspiring artist, training in south korea.

but you’re exactly the same in so many ways. the same teasing grin, the same laugh that he adores, the same sense of humor you both share. and that alone is enough to ease his worries.

james elbows you, and points his chin in the direction of the restaurant, swearing it has the most authentic taiwanese food this side of the han river.

your eyes glimmer at the prospect of food, and he lets out a laugh as he leads you into the restaurant.

after the two of you order, he brings his fingers together in an evil villainesque pose.

“so.”

you mirror his pose.

“so.”

“how the hell are you here? i thought your parents sent you to america?”

you smirk, and his lips curve into a fond smile as he listens to you explain the study abroad programs of your school; he didn’t realize he’d miss the sound of your voice this much. something so similar to the one he was used to hearing all those years ago, but enriched by the time you’d spent apart.

video calls didn’t exactly do you much justice. another unfamiliar familiarity.

the food arrives, and your demeanor brightens. he lets out a laugh at this, before the two of you start to devour your small taste of home.

and with you here, it almost feels like he is.

—

“where were you?” your roommate asks, curious when you return hours later than you said you would.

“out with friends” apparently wasn’t a good enough excuse for her, because she began pestering you for information about the guy you’d ditched her for at the airport.

“was he 잘 생겼어? how do you know him?”

you laugh, and a slight flush spreads across your face when you tell her about your best friend.

“oh my god. noh younghee, you came here just to visit him! 난 맞아!” you shush her, and she lights up like all her theories were correct. “oh you must really like him.”

“it’s not like that!” you say, waving you hands frantically.

but she just grins like she’s got all the secrets of the universe in the palm of her hand.

“mhm, sure, love.”

—

2023.3.20 — hybe building, seoul, south korea

Today 3:30 PM

me

do you have to leave?

heeyoung

yes, dumbass i have to finish uni, don’t i? besides, you saw me for a whole week

me

fine just come back to me eventually

heeyoung

or you could just. y’know, come here on tour

me

younghee. i don’t even know when i’m going to debut

heeyoung

james yufan uwipan ji zhao you are going to fucking debut

me

why the government name 🥀

heeyoung

this is what i get for trying to comfort u 🙄

—

2024.4.12 — usc, los angeles, california, usa

you press the call button before stepping out into the hallway, careful not to wake your roommate.

“hey. what’s up?”

on the other side of the line, james sighs, and your heart clenches.

you know how rough it was for him to lose his old group, and that being put into a new one meant he would most likely debut.

that didn’t mean the transition would be easy.

“i just…i should be happy. i am happy.”

“i’m sensing a ‘but’ here.”

he sighs again, and you frown.

“there shouldn’t be a ‘but’. i get a second chance, younghee.”

“but it’s okay if there is,” you say softly. “james, it’s okay if you miss your old group.”

“but these kids are good, younghee. they’re smart and i’ve worked with one of them before. i’m not, like, mad at them or anything but i don’t think i miss my old group, either. it just feels like…” he trails off, and you smile sadly.

“something’s missing?” you finish, and he chuckles.

“you know me so well,” he whispers. your heart stutters at his tone, as if he’s let all his walls down around you and all that’s left is just him.

“well, it’s not the same group, and i’m sure it’s a different vibe,” you say, words woven in a string of mandarin and thai; the only thing you could think of to offer at semblance of comfort. there’s not much you can do all the way across the world. “maybe that’s it.”

“maybe,” he says. but something tells you he doesn’t quite believe you.

—

2025.7.27 — los angeles desert, los angeles, usa

he wants to text you. to tell you that he’s in the same country, the same state, hell, he’s in the same damn city as you and he can’t even visit you.

“you good, hyung?”

martin’s voice shakes him out of his stupor, and he gives him a halfhearted smile.

“yeah, why?”

the seventeen year old producer shrugs.

“i dunno, you just seem a little out of it today.”

james tilts his head to the side, frowning.

“shit, do i need to check the footage again or—”

“no, it’s not your dancing, just your…well. you seem sad? kinda? upset?” martin says, clearly awkward now that he thinks he might’ve upset the other.

“oh. i’m okay, man, believe me.” james smiles, and martin’s shoulders slump in relief. james laughs, and the younger ones walk over, confused.

“what’s going on?” keonho asks, concerned.

james just pulls him into a headlock, causing the youngest to yelp in indignation.

“hyung, let me go!”

the rest just laugh, concern momentarily pushed aside by amusement.

—

keonho takes a deep breath.

“hyung?”

james’ attention flickers over to the maknae, and keonho immediately regrets all of his previous life decisions.

“keonho? what’s up?”

he closes the door behind him, and walks over to where james is sitting. he bites his lip, reminding himself of the very important task he’d ended up with.

why did he have to be so bad at rock paper scissors?

“oh uh…we were just worried about you. you seemed so distracted today, are you sure you’re good?”

james smiles, but keonho knows him well enough by now to know that he’s hiding something.

“yeah, i’m good. just nerves, i think.”

bullshit, keonho wants to say, but he thinks better of it.

“and i know the rest of them are listening at the door. you guys can come in, you know!” he raises his voice at the last part, a little miffed but mostly amused.

martin opens the door first, shuffling sheepishly into the room. the rest follow, settling on hotel furniture scattered throughout the room, varying degrees of embarrassment and concern painted on their faces.

“we’re just worried, hyung.” seonghyeon is the first to speak, lips downturned in a frown. “you’ve been acting weird ever since we landed in la.”

the others hum or nod in agreement, and james just huffs out a laugh.

“i’m fine you guys, really. it’s nothing.”

juhoon just raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms.

“so i assume ‘nothing’ is the girl you were texting on the plane.”

the rest of the boys gape at juhoon before exploding with questions about this girl who’s got their oldest hyung moping around.

“this is all about a girl?!”

“how the hell did you even meet her?”

“damn. i didn’t know you could pull.”

james sends keonho a glare at the last one before groaning and putting his head in his hands.

“guys, i’m sorry for worrying you but it’s nothing and i really am fine—”

“like hell you are.”

james raises an eyebrow at martin, who mirrors his gesture.

“look, i don’t mean to be rude, but this girl clearly has you acting weird and it’s not affecting your performance but it is affecting this group. whatever it is that you need to do about it so that we get our hyung back, do it.”

he sighs at this, and pulls a hand down his face.

“you know as well as i do that i can’t leave the hotel—”

“our group’s concept is literally breaking the rules,” seonghyeon says, grinning mischievously. “we’ll cover for you.”

james breathes out a laugh at this before looking down at his phone, deep in contemplation.

“i…can i just have a moment to think?”

the rest of the group nods reluctantly, and martin ushers them out of the room before giving james one last reassuring grin.

“you got this, hyung. get the huzz.”

james throws a pillow at the leader’s retreating figure, and rolls his eyes.

—

later, when keonho pushes open the door to their hotel room, he raises an eyebrow at james’ empty bed. he huffs out a laugh at the rushed mess on the eldest’s bed and turns back around to inform the rest of the members.

looks like james decided to listen to them after all.

—

2025.7.28 — usc, los angeles, california, usa

Today 2:30 AM

j

hey. you up?

me

j what the fuck it’s 230 am over here what do you want

j

i know you wanna meet up?

me

what the fuck you’re here?! why didn’t you tell me earlier?!?

j

meet me at the mcdonalds in ktown

me

dawg it is 230 in the morning. … i’ll be there in 20 minutes hang on

—

2025.7.28 — mcdonalds, koreatown, los angeles, california, usa

you rush over to the glass doors of the restaurant in question, hurriedly locking your car and nearly tripping over your pajama bottoms and crocs. james is sitting in a booth, an untouched oreo mcflurry sitting in front of him.

he’s dressed in oversized sweats, hair mussed from attempted sleep and face bare, no makeup in sight. he’s most likely doomscrolling, eyes tired but not bleak, and you think that this is probably the prettiest he’s ever looked.

wait. pretty?

your stop in your tracks, right in front of the doors, hand outstretched to push them open.

…what the fuck.

you shake your head. these are thoughts that you’re going to push into the deepest parts of your brain. you’ll revisit them later.

what’s important is why the hell your best friend is sitting in a freaking mcdonalds nearly six thousand miles away from where he’s supposed to be.

“j!”

he looks up, and a shit-eating grin stretches across his face.

“what the actual hell are you doing here?!”

he stands up, slipping his phone into the pocket of his pants, and shrugs.

“surprise?”

you nearly knock him over with the force of your hug.

“you bastard.”

—

james’ eyes scan your figure as you order, taking you in in all your sleep deprived glory.

your eyes have evident bags under them, your hood is up, your hair is still damp from the late shower you must’ve taken. but your expression is enough for him to smile, a mix of exasperation and fondness and frustration all rolled into one.

“yah.”

your voice breaks him out is his thoughts.

“짜식아.” he looks at you, almost as if he’s unsure if he should be offended by your choice of words.

you roll your eyes, clearly aware of his thought process, and smack him lightly on the shoulder.

“말해. tell me everything.”

and so he does. he tells you about the boys he’s come to love, part of the reason why the calls between the two of you have become less and less frequent. he tells you about the song camp, the one where they’d gone through over 300 songs before finding the perfect one.

(you pause him during this part, berating him for not telling you that he was in the area. “i couldn’t!” he says, trying to defend himself. “bull,” you snark back, but there’s no malice in your words. he just laughs, and he can’t help but allow himself to fall for you just a little bit. a little bit more, he thinks, is a more appropriate phrase, but doesn’t allow himself the luxury of lingering on it.)

he finishes with the music video shooting, and when you realize he’s technically not supposed to be sitting in a mcdonalds, eating ice cream and french fries (especially not with you) without telling his manager, you roll your eyes and start chewing him out in rapid fire mandarin.

“you absolute dumbass. i don’t want to be the reason you get in trouble! especially so close to debut! what if they pull you out of the group?!”

james just waves his hand flippantly, shaking his head.

“i’ll be fine. you act like i’ve gotten caught before.”

you raise an eyebrow and cross your arms.

“who have you done this with before?”

he pretends not to notice the way heartbeat quickens at the whisper that worms its way into his brain, the notion that you might be jealous. (but that’s impossible. you could never reciprocate feelings that he really shouldn’t be having for his best friend.)

“martin. and keonho.”

“ah.”

the whispers in his brain just get louder as you flush lightly in embarrassment.

he waves the thought away, and asks you how your semester has been. how your life has been since the last time he saw you.

and you tell him about your classes and labs and internships and numerous other university things using terminology that he has no idea what it means. you really are smart, he thinks, and can’t help but smile fondly when he realizes that you’re exactly where you belong. here, in a country that’s not quite foreign to either of you but not exactly home.

and your stories turn into campus gossip, stories about your roommates and friends and those who aren’t your friends (thankfully without all the complicated science-y words that he’s unfamiliar with) and he’s grateful for the sense of normalcy you bring into his life. a small slice of what might’ve been if he’d never chased his dreams all the way to yongsan-gu.

slowly, the topic slips away from your wildly different worlds and into one that you share; reels that you’ve both laughed over, tiktoks and memes that the two of you send while the other is sleeping, different flavors of ramen, pinterest boards and clothing and music and the quality of taiwanese food in the countries you’ve moved to.

“do you ever wish you hadn’t moved away?” he asks.

you hum, swallowing your fry before pursing your lips in contemplation.

“nah,” you say, shaking your head. your bangs fall in front of your eyes, and he before he realizes what he’s doing he brushes them out of your face.

you freeze, only for the shortest of moments, and he can’t tell if he’s imagined it or not.

“i think i was meant to end up here.” there’s a slight tremor in your english, and he feels his chest contract.

“really?” he asks. it’s all he can do to keep his voice from shaking.

“mhm. why, do you regret moving to korea?” you ask, and the concern in your eyes is nearly enough to push him over the edge.

oh, he’s so utterly fucked.

he shakes his head, either from your response or the butterflies in his chest, he’s not quite sure.

“no, i just…i can’t help but wonder how different it might’ve been.” he finishes speaking his thoughts in mandarin, the familiarity of the language stabilizing his voice and his heart.

you hum again, and reach over to squeeze his hand.

“if it’s any consolation…i think you were meant to end up there. with them. you seem happier, yufan.”

the name you’d used throughout his childhood makes him smile, and he looks into your eyes, hopeful. as if you held the secrets of the universe, all stored away in the depths of your mind.

“you really think so?”

“i know so.”

(later, when the youngest sees him enter the hotel room the next morning, he just smirks. “had a nice date with your girlfriend?”

james pretends his heart doesn’t hammer in his chest at the word ‘girlfriend’.

“shut up, keonho.”

“hyung, you don’t even look like you slept. you like her that much?” james groans, and keonho just laughs at the tired yet obviously elated demeanor of the oldest.

“oh my god, shut up!”)

—

2025.8.18 — usc, los angeles, california, usa

Today 11:47 PM

me

j holy shit

j

? you good?

me

your song. your mv. ITS SO FIRE

j

LMAO wait you like it that much?

me

boy. it’s so good omlll how could i not! also it’s so incredibly you coded

j

oh. thank you 🖤 wait i have to practice soon but ft later?

me

oh my god go practice Reacted 🫡 to “ft later?”

—

2025.8.31 — usc, los angeles, california, usa

you scroll through weverse, smiling softly at the selfies of your best friend. they’re not meant for your eyes, and while this saddens you, you push those feelings aside.

he’s a worldwide star, you chide yourself. he doesn’t belong to you anymore.

he never belonged to you, not really, but thoughts of what might have been cause tears to prick the corners of your eyes and you’re not sure you’re ready to lose your best friend to the spotlight.

too late for that. besides, it was never your choice to begin with.

of course it’s right now that james chooses to call you.

—

“hey!”

“younghee, i’m so sorry i’ve just been so busy—“

you laugh, cutting him off.

“it’s fine, james, you’re busy. i get it.”

he feels his heart settle, just a little, but still worried nonetheless.

“are you sure?”

you wave a hand haphazardly.

“i understand, love.”

he freezes. love. you’d called him love.

and you were just sitting there like you hadn’t completely shattered his entire world.

not 자기, or 여보 or 내 사랑, terms you’d thought were far too cheesy and should stay in dramas where they belonged. not 親, or 寶貝, which you’d called him teasingly before, or 傻瓜, which you were fond of calling him sometimes.

you had called him love. no strings attached.

not as a joke. love, as if you’d understood everything he’d left unsaid. love, one simple word that you seemed to think wouldn’t shatter his entire world.

love. something he could never admit he felt towards you.

he shook his head, an action that you’d worriedly stared at him for.

“just a fly,” he said, voice hoarse.

you just hummed in concern, before asking him about debuting.

and he’d rushed to launch into the details, small anecdotes like juhoon crying and detailed explanations of the performance stages and the relief and pressure that had come with finally, finally debuting.

all while ignoring the fact that his heart was beating a little too quickly for him to ignore.

—

you smiled at your best friend, a small seed of happiness planting itself in your heart.

james was going to be okay. sure, the idol life was a hard and painful one, but he’d debuted with the security of a big-name label and a good group of boys to support and be supported by.

that didn’t stop you from wishing you could’ve been there to support him, too.

“when did time go by so fast?” you whisper, lost in thought.

it seems like it was only a few days ago when the two of you had chased each other through the waterlogged streets of myeongdong, noses red and mist chilling your bones. james’ glasses had fogged up while he was counting bills for hotteok, and you couldn’t help but push them up his nose as they slipped.

—

2023.3.19 — myeongdong, seoul, south korea

he blinked at you, confused, before absentmindedly handing the bills to the ahjumma running the stall. you flush under his gaze, taking the sweets from the sweet old lady with a quick 감사합니다, 잘 먹겠습니다! and pull him out of the way.

“thanks for paying,” you murmured, and he just nodded before taking the hotteok from your outstretched hand.

the two of you finished the desserts in silence, yours awkward and his contemplative.

as you set out to walk down the street, he took your hand in his and pulled you towards the streetlight. he motioned for you to stay there before taking a step back.

“i was right.”

you tilt your head to the side, confused, and he just smiles.

“let me take a picture of you. you look pretty here.”

you think you look like a tomato with how warm your face feels.

—

james just grins at your still pink face, interlocking his fingers with yours and leads you down the road.

“what? everyone needs a good picture when they visit korea.”

you groan, swatting his arm. his smile just gets fonder, and he can’t help but think that he could get used to this. not quite friends anymore, but not willing to place a label on anything new. it scared him, these past few days, how fast he’d fallen for you.

or maybe it was his heart telling him that he was finally home, here with you.

—

2025.8.31 — hybe building, seoul, south korea

“when did time go by so fast?” you whisper, lost in thought.

he thinks his heart might break. you sound so wistful he feels like he needs to find a way to help you. but he can’t.

“i don’t know,” he whispers back.

because he truly doesn’t know when he’d suddenly been thrust into the international spotlight, when you’d moved six thousand miles away from him, when he’d allowed himself to fall in love with you.

—

2025.9.8 — korea university hwajeong tiger dome, seoul, south korea

Today 7:30 PM

me

good luck, love

you pocket your phone, not ready to face him quite yet. it’s chilly outside, not quite fall weather yet but cold enough in the evenings to the point that you wished you’d brought a light jacket.

your roommate, the self proclaimed ‘captain of the ship’ (whatever that meant) had surprised you with two tickets: one a plane ticket to seoul, and the other a ticket to cortis’ debut showcase.

“you owe me really fucking good birthday present,” she joked, before hurriedly comforting you after you’d burst into grateful tears.

so here you were. about to see your best friend debut.

the doors to the gymnasium opened soon enough and you and thousands of other fans poured into the makeshift arena. seeing their logo shining from the stage had you breathing in sharply, pride swelling in your chest.

he’d made it.

and you were now one of many admirers across the globe, cheering on a boy who’d wormed his way close to your heart.

—

2025.9.8 — korea university hwajeong tiger dome, seoul, south korea

Today 7:45 PM

me

thank you 🖤 i’ll call you after please. actually? ignore that me Today FaceTime Video younghee?

heeyoung

(1) Image Sent hey, starboy

me

oh my god

james stares at the selfie you sent him. one with the stage he was about to perform on in the background.

“she’s here.”

two words, spilling from his mouth, send the rest of the boys into a crazed frenzy.

“no fucking way.”

“oh my god.”

“hyung, you’re joking.”

but james doesn’t hear any of this. all he hears is a rush of she’s here oh my god she’s actually here not in la not so fucking far away she’s here and she’s about to watch us perform oh fuck.

“she came all this way to see you perform?”

the members turn to juhoon, who just ignores them and raises an eyebrow at the oldest.

it seems for a moment that nobody knows what to do with that information, not even the staff, who seem to have an inkling of what’s going on but are mostly confused at the odd behavior of the group.

“look, we can’t let this bother us right now. we have a job to do. we can’t mess this up, guys.” martin, ever the leader, sends a pointed look to the eldest, who nods gratefully.

“you’re right. this won’t throw me off, promise.”

as he puts in his in-ears and tosses his microphone around in his hands, james only hopes he can keep it.

—

he’s barely off of the stage before he sprints towards the green room, snatching his phone off of a chair and dialing your number.

“pick up, pick up, pick up…”

“hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief, before hurriedly pacing throughout the room.

“younghee, where are you? why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

you laugh, and he feels like his heart is about to burst. the euphoria of performing and rush of adrenaline from being so close to seeing you again are causing his head to spin.

“meet me on the rooftop of the library.”

he says a quick i’ll be right back! to the staff before racing towards the university library.

he reaches the top of the stairs, before looking around in confusion.

“younghee?”

“turn around, silly.”

he slowly turns, before letting his jaw drop.

there you are, smiling shyly, with a congratulatory bouquet of flowers in your hand.

“congrats, love.”

he gapes for a moment before rushing towards you and spinning you around in a hug. you squeal in surprise, and he just lets out a disbelieving laugh. putting you down, he lets out a small sigh before gazing at you lovingly.

“god, i love you.”

it comes out in a rush of adrenaline, he’s not sure he’s heard himself properly.

you gasp, an intake of air sharp enough to send you into a coughing fit.

he panics, handing you his bottle of water that he’d brought along at the insistence of the staff and you chug it before taking a shaky breath and sending an almost scared look his way.

“w-what?”

he smiles, but his heartbeat quickens and he’s nearly sure he’s made a mistake.

“i love you, noh younghee.”

your eyes search his, and he swears he’s never been more terrified in his life.

and then he feels your arms around his neck, and your lips on his, and he’s sure he’s in heaven.

he wraps his arms around your waist in return, reveling at the taste of you chapstick and the close intimacy he’s wanted for so damn long.

but when the two of your come up for air, he sees your eyes filling with tears.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, suddenly terrified he’s done something to hurt you.

you just cry harder, pushing the flowers into his chest.

“this was a mistake, i’m sorry,” you blurt, and run towards the exit.

he runs after you, confused, but you’ve lost him in the foot traffic and left him completely, utterly confused.

“what the fuck just happened?”

—

2025.8.11 — red bull dance your style world final, los angeles, california, usa

you never should have let your roommate drag you to another one of her outings, not when she had the ulterior motive of helping your ex best friend talk to you.

under the guise of “vip backstage passes”, she opens the door to cortis’ waiting room and four boys shuffle awkwardly out, some waving shyly and others just giving you a thumbs up.

you send an exasperated look her way before she just scoffs and pushes you in.

your best friend just stands there, looking at you like you’d just ripped out his heart.

you suppose you had, in a way.

“why did you run away?” james says, breaking the silence, voice a broken whisper.

you pursed your lips.

“it was a mistake.”

he huffed out a laugh, and crossed his arms.

“so that’s what it was? you kissed me, younghee—”

“j, no, listen—”

“no, love, you listen.”

you bit your lip, turning your head towards your feet.

“why the fuck did you kiss me? why the hell are you ignoring my texts, my calls? don’t pretend that it didn’t mean anything. don’t pretend you thought it was a mistake,” he says, voice breaking. “don’t pretend like we’re nothing, hee—”

you whip your head towards his.

“you don’t get it! it’s not about us, james, have you ever once thought that it was about you?”

he freezes, and you huff.

“we live in two entirely different worlds, j,” you say, voice barely a whisper. “you’re a—god, love, you’re a fucking idol! you have crazy-ass fans and your company would never let you even try to date me and you live and work in korea and your entire life is on display all of the time and i’m….i’m me, james.”

you say this last part in a broken whisper, and he pulls you into a hug, resting your head on his chest.

you don’t fight him.

“you’re lovely,” he says, frowning. you let out a watery laugh, and pull away gently.

“i’m also a university student six thousand miles away. we’ll never be able to see each other, and we barely call as is. james,” you say, touching his arm in a gentle goodbye. “i love you. i love you so, so much, not just as my best friend but beyond anything you could imagine. but we can’t—” your voice breaks “—we can’t be like this.”

we can’t be in love, you want to say, but you’re scared saying it will just make you want to kiss him all over again.

he takes your hand gently, and tilts your chin to meet your eyes.

“fuck the company, younghee. if the fans are mad then they’re not real fans—”

you cut him off with a chaste kiss.

“i can’t let you take the chance of ruining your career because of me, james. i kissed you because you mean everything to me. but you’re not mine to have, love.”

i can’t risk you leaving me.

with that, you leave the room, and you can’t help but feel your heart break.

you can’t tell if it’s for him, or for you.

—

“younghee! noh younghee!”

you spin around, about to step foot in the elevator. james rushes towards you, out of breath, and screeches to a stop.

“how will we know if we never try?”

your eyes fill with tears, and he feels his water along with yours.

“please. i will always come back to you. i promise, younghee, i—i can’t fucking lose you.”

you choke back a sob, and he steps towards you tentatively, as if he’s scared you’re not real, that you’ll disappear, that you’ll run away again.

“you promised me that before,” you whisper, voice weak.

“i will always come back to you,” he repeats, eyes pleading. “i promise.”

you both know it’s one he can’t keep.

—

a/n: do they end up together? who knows 😛 in all seriousness though i’m so sorry guys i can’t write happy endings to save my life.

taglist: @sousydive @dreamingofpcy @junplusone @mary1618rosie-blog @iris65 @bath1lda @kwannieboo @wonushy @starshuas @gyuguys @himewonu @casperlikej @riddlerloveb0t @ms-indifferwnt @scoupscious @yufanico @keonhosworld @seonghyeondimples @one-chance-pls — wanna join my taglist?

[wooyoscooups]

Joshua the entire video

[wooahoe]

arcane fic except leehan is viktor. no i will not be taking criticism.

[wooahoe]

lyrie, my love…what if i told you that in this hypothetical universe, woonhak was jayce

[iamdkayyyyy]

girl if you dont tag me in this…

[kyeomdiary]

[251126] saythename_17 IG Post Update:

🎤🎧

[iamdkayyyyy]

i need this man so badly