Ranking Greek mythology heroes by how well they'd do against Polyphemus
will byers stan first human second
Cosmic Funnies
Mike Driver

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taylor price
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

JVL

izzy's playlists!
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
AnasAbdin
we're not kids anymore.

tannertan36

Love Begins
Xuebing Du

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

#extradirty
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

ellievsbear
$LAYYYTER

Discoholic 🪩

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@iammycharacter
Ranking Greek mythology heroes by how well they'd do against Polyphemus
The nature of dying
obviously this is AI generated slop but I keep laughing at ophelia labeled “hamlet’s brother”
very interested in the 523 likes in the corner supporting this groundbreaking interpretation of ophelia
king blyssffsttt my good friend king blyssffsttt
HAMLET My brother? KING BLYSSFFSTTT No, the other Ophelia
Hamlet: What?
The Ghost: I am thy father's spirit,
Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,
Not that other guy, Ophelia,
The spirit of King Blyssffstt.
Hamlet: upon my word -
This preponderance of spirits hath me full vex’d;
Which is Hamlet? Which Ophelia? Which living and which dead?
Who are we all but ghosts upon a waking stage,
Dreaming - dreamt; haunted, haunting; all unmoored -
Upon a theatre plain, of blighted vanity.
The Ghost: Mark me -
Hamlet: and now your name is Mark as well?!
Poor Laertes is also The Ghost of King Hamlet.
sometimes I have to stop myself from posting shit like "who made replacing a bike chain so erotic" because I remember the number of people who see my posts and I have to take a step back and reconsider my choices. sometimes I have to hide my true and sincere thoughts in a post about how I'm not posting them because it is funnier this way
artist's impression
whatever. it's just reaching between all its delicate parts to wrench out its guts with lots of sweating and straining. while it's upside down and immobilised. and then it's just taking the slick and shiny new chain and feeding it gently through gears and between metal before pulling it taut until the derailleur is extended and the chain clicks into place and can no longer be removed. I; think I'm bicycle. I mean bisexual
forgot what website I'm on apparently. peace and love on pervert planet
sorry for only being publicly horny about one part of my bike. I will take accountability and get weirder about the brakepads. I hope you can forgive me
Faux leather was the worst thing ever created
Lets take a material that can last decades with the right treatment and care and fucking replicate it with the most dogshit ugly flimsiest animal extinction microplastics smells bad unsexual rips in four days garbage disgusting saran wrap we can think of. Ostensibly for vegans.
"people don't change overnight" ok but have you considered all the character development they went through while they were in the time loop. What about that
"people dont change overnight" ok but have you considered all the character development they went through while they were haunted by the ghosts of past present and future and also their dead business partner. What about that
"people dont change overnight" ok but have you considered that maybe he died in his sleep and got possessed by the ghost of someone with less childhood trauma? what about that
"people dont change overnight" ok but have you considered that their previous character was actually a ruse they constructed in order to discourage the dowager empress from going to the trouble of assassinating them. what about that
"People don't change overnight" ok but have you considered that he sacrificed his soul to summon someone else to do all his revenge for him
"People don't change overnight" yeah they do actually, it's called pyjamas
Ares.
My Post-modern Ares:
“God of war (brutality & valour).” = a tired walking monument of all evils in the world, not sure if he wants to exist.
(irl references: General Radahn from Elden Ring, Kratos from God of War)
a very large man piled in hundreds of layers of military garbs that makes it seem impossible that he’s standing (military jackets, bullet proof vests, greek bronze helmet, roman garbs, gas masks, endless medals faded of colour and rusted, guns and dangers and swords, etc. all are a mix of nationalities because every country is guilty of war), a war-torn face with a 1000 yard stare, eyes are bloodshot and blood red.
Rarely speaks, voice is deep and booming like a war trumpet, sharp and clear words, one of the loudest roars ever heard. always a bummer to be in the presence of - if not wholly intimidating by his might and lingering anger, just depressing in his endless stories of veterans and glory days of war gone to waste. his shadow hovers over war monuments, but when there is conflict going on in the world, it is concerning when he’s not there (the best determination between war and genocide), would show up at the aftermath to shadow the casualties of war (strangely a softy with children). a lumbering old puppy dog for Aphrodite, only time he seems to relax is at her touch - sings ‘Lili Marlene’ for her.
Seen on TV most of the time - in international conferences or frontline footage, or in military museums. Only travels to return to Aphrodite to remind him of what he exists for.
Given a chance he would explain how he is still needed, he reminds humanity of the ugly side of war now more than ever - “The last few centuries, I have not seen Athena fight beside me, nor have I charged on my own two feet. Now I am chained and dragged into battles. I am stabbed by my own comrades into screaming, my roars of pain rewritten as a battlecry.” - there has not been any ‘glorious war’ for centuries.
Demeter.
My Post-modern Demeter:
“Goddess of the harvest, agriculture, fertility, and sacred law” = a hippie eco warrior, advocate for sustainable living and maintenance of community.
(irl references: Mama Thames & Rose Mamusu Grant from Rivers of London, a lot of Florence + the Machine songs)
The other farmer’s wife of the fields (shared with Hera), responsible for the field farming (planting the right crops for the right times of year), helped by her sons Philomelus, Eubuleus & Iacchus.
A comfort figure - usually ends up mothering others, a very good cook (knows every good combination of fruit, veg, herb, spice and grain) and usually cooks enough to save for a rainy day, gets along with Hestia (communes between her through whatever she’s cooking on). at her best in the late spring and summer - wears flowers in her grey hair, very colourful and floral clothes, always eager for conversation over a cup of tea or coffee. a ‘cool grandma’ - poppy association means she does have opium on hand, only offers it is small doses.
Scary when she needs to be - very little resistance in her decision making, usually very agreeable in the spring and summertime, but gets a little overly defensive in the colder seasons, a little bit of OCD is the way things work. a mastermind of setting up any revenge (like not making stockpiles for the harder seasons or making the weather harsh, thus creating a famine for those who have angered her). a deliverer of hubris - Limos, the embodiment of starvation, comes in either the form of weevils or a dark horse, sends them to eat crops and cause mass starvation (eg. the starvation curse of King Erysichthon). in summary - do NOT get on her bad side.
Suffers seasonal depression when her daughter disappears back to the underworld, tries to push through it by distraction: attends bohemian festivals (e.g Thesmophoria) in the autumn to prepare for long lonely winters. winters are very solemn for her, at her worst she wanders into snowstorms in her bedtime attire and has to be convinced to go back inside, Hera cooks during the winter - always heart meaty stews and soups, Demeter only comes by a few times to take part in cooking, other than that she rarely leaves her room.
TRUTH - another cause of her depression is her loss of probably her only true love Iasion - the true father of Persephone, and in anger Zeus struck him down killing him, Demeter is now fearful by thunderstorms, thunderstorms are the only aspects of weather she has no control over.
Represents the good side of motherhood: a teacher of old wisdom, always listens to people (never gives advice unless pressed for it), cares very deeply for everyone in her presence (makes sure everyone is fed and comfortable), comfortable to be around (always brings out the best in people) - a little too clingy, maybe out of PTSD for what happened to her daughter and husband.
Persephone.
My Post-modern Persephone:
“Queen of the underworld, Goddess of the dead, the underworld, grain, and nature” = an overgrown partial zombie, from her undead corpse springtime flowers bloom.
(irl references: Madam Bridgette from Limbo comic, sugar skull face-paintings of Día de Muertos, Lisa Țepeș from Castlevania, Hel in Norse mythology.)
The groundskeeper of surrounding graveyards, tends to the wildlife and flora - keeps the plants tidy and blooming. she is the only one to leave flowers on the graves of those killed by mobsters, she’s not in any danger - and people who try to attack her will have to deal with her husband first. symbols: pomegranate, flowers, torches (a flashlight: always the one to check on strange bumps in the night).
The shepherd of the graveyards - tends to disappearing graves to try and keep them in some way, once the headstones are gone she plants a tree in their place. she find the wandering dead (zombies, ghosts, souls, servants/demons of the underworld) and intimidates them all to go back to the underworld= gets her name ‘Dread Persephone’. leaves mushrooms wherever she goes, a part of herself is within the mushrooms so she can sense what’s going on around them - uses this to keep an eye on her mother during the winters .
TRUTH - her facial scar was caused as she was being kidnapped by Hades, Hades helped to heal it as best he could but she needs healing from anywhere other than the underworld - flowers and mushrooms grew from her flesh as she became skeletal, she wears a decorative skull mask when surfacing into the world of the living. She’s forced to wait, while in the underworld she sees just how much work Hades does on his own and how it isn’t enough - ghosts, ghouls and the undead rise and haunt the living often because Hades’ back is turned while he works on the admin of sorting hundreds of dead armies. Persephone, when given the chance to go home (back to her mother, the living world, and to heal her face back to normal), Persephone stays and takes up the jobs Hades misses - Hades, seeing how good she is for him (and too scared of her to say no), allows her to share management over the dead.
The New Age - after Zeus and Poseidon are overthrown, their thrones as Olympians were offered to Leto and Hades - Hades refused the throne as he refuses to leave the underworld, Persephone therefore took his place as his representative of the Underworld in Olympus as well as her own holy domain as a Goddess of Decay.
Hades.
My Post-modern Hades:
“King of the underworld, God of the dead and riches” = a zombie - was partially digested in Cronus and was regurgitated as a decaying corpse, from him flowerless plants grow, dreadful to be around on his own, but a pushover for Persephone.
(irl references: Kamaji from Spirited Away, Death from Discworld, Gravelord Nito from Dark Souls, Jack Goodman from An American Werewolf In London.)
A skeletal cage of decay, shrouded in darkness he partially hides in - unsure of what his ‘true form’ is, changes it to suit the corpse of whatever soul he takes to the Underworld (human skeleton as well as animal skeletons when dealing with other species), covers up with skin when in the mortal realm, but longer he stays up there the more of his body decays away - a literal zombie. eternally tired, always working, sometimes spawns multiple arms to help with his paper work, arms seen still working away while his body ‘naps’. never goes to the realm of the other gods (Olympus) and only occasionally goes up to the realm of mortals, takes Cerberus on walks through underground cave systems with Persephone - his only break from dealing with the dead, a workaholic in denial.
Part of many aspects of the ‘Underworld’ - usual 9-5 dealing with the regular dead, he personally rises from the Underworld to deals with the corpses of gangster activities (the mortician and gravedigger), also deals with blood money and money laundering (connections to his Pluto/Plutus connections to wealth), although summoned by mobsters to serve them, he remains in charge, he’s hard to intimidate even for the hardest mobsters - he claims all their corpses in the end, the only one he fears is Zeus. symbols: keys (to the gates of death - the graveyard), cornucopia (always a good host - the one who receives many guests, manners ‘taught’ by his mother in law), three headed dog (the watchdogs of the graveyards), bident (a gardening prong to test the soil).
TRUTH - Hades kidnaps Persephone to save her from the wrath of Zeus - Zeus, on learning of Persephone’s true father, aims to kill her, Hades takes her out of harms way, with Persephone seemingly gone forever Zeus is convinced she’s dead (he’s very stupid). Hades keeps Persephone in the underworld until Zeus is dethroned: leaving the underworld with him still around and she may be actually killed. When Demeter grants forgiveness in hopes he will help in the dethroning of Zeus and Poseidon, Hades allows Persephone to return to her home only to be surprised that she wishes to help run the underworld with him.
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it did not work, but i can help
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the only super long Tumblr post I love
it wIGGLES
this is so stimmy
I enjoyed reading sir gawain and the green knight
What's the opposite of a bbl
touch
You won an all-expenses-paid trip to the Olympic games! The only catch is that you must compete in one event as the normal-person benchmark to compare with the athletes. Which event?
figure skating
speed skating
ice hockey
snowboarding
downhill skiing
ski jump
biathlon (skiing + shooting)
bobsled
luge
curling
I may not be an Olympian but I can make a decent effort in [tag]
travel? Italy? cameras? uggggggh just met me stay home