hi my name is ______,

and I’m just passing thru the universe

[iamnotyou]

hi

i am yearning for peace, tranquillity, and solitude. in every way possibly imagined. i am yearning to live in the present moment. i am yearning for the stillness of the night, a gentle breeze of fresh morning air, and the feeling of eating my favorite snacks.

i’m not too sure how to get there or where to find peace. or how to even create peace. i’ve noticed the less i’m involved with, the more quiet my life is. the more involved im in, the less peace there is.

i think for years i’ve been trying to chase or create something i’m not. all for the sake of survival. and it gets pretty exhausting. and stressful. a rinse and repeat if you will.

i find the most peace when i’m alone honestly. it’s like free from the pressures of society, family, friends, and work. i find the most peace when im not having to interact with others. sometimes it’s a beautiful thing spending time with people you love and care about. i think the only person in the world i could spend an infinite amount of time with is my mom. and i sure wish she lived closer.

bye

[iamnotyou]

2025 makes 10 years since my dad passed away. 10 years ago, I had a thought that no way I’d get to a point where it would be 10 years but alas here we are.

[iamnotyou]

I’m turning 27 next month. So crazy I’m still alive!

[iamnotyou]

one thing about turning 25 next month is just me even being alive still LMAOOO like damn dawg. it hasn’t been all too bad, and i’m still figuring it out but tell me why wine and weed really be hitting differently now

[iamnotyou]

hi. go be great today. be the best you can possibly be.

[iamnotyou]

Hello! just wondering, Do you believe that the world is spiritual?

i do to some extent 🤔

[iamnotyou]

your literally an angel, and part of the process is refinding our wings!

this is one of the most thoughtful thing a stranger has said to me 🥺 thank you! i appreciate ur kindness!!

[iamnotyou]

The amount of growth I’ve done since the inception of this page is astronomical. No kidding. I have my sad days here and there but not everyday do I want to kill myself. I am now in the process of figuring out who tf I am. For now, I start with art. Because fuck academics and research. I wanna do art and music. Thank u for listening.

I call this: Lost, Reborn, and Serenity

[iamnotyou]

2:16 am thoughts

merry christmas 2020 to everyone who comes across reading this. truly it is a blessing to experience love and to experience love from afar. i am trying my best to stay present in the moment. ngl it’s very hard. but nonetheless, i think it’s worth something that i (we) am still here today. i hope i (we) continue to keep fighting for ourselves no matter what ♥︎

[lluviagf]

I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT YOU

[iamnotyou]

[iamnotyou]

thinking of a new @ name so i can fully live my true hot girl identity because iamnotyou sounds so antisocial and depressing LMAO

[iamnotyou]

i painted my goddamn feelings today. also i made a wordpress account @ iammoesha so whatever i guess

[iamnotyou]

unlearning thoughts is really hard. a lot of my low self esteem and worthlessness came from valuing the opinion of my older cousin. it’s so obvious now looking back, that she didn’t value me like that and so i grew up not valuing myself yet i valued her so much. but i finally forgave myself for thinking she could be a mother figure because i was literally a kid and did not know any better and didn’t know who else to look up to. i hope one day, i’ll get to a point in life where her words will no longer control me

[iamnotyou]

my new twitter header 😊 i’m starting to feel like these may be the last few years of me being sane because quite honestly i feel insane and don’t really feel much like myself. don’t really know who i am anymore. i keep making up fake identifies to hide my pain and it’s not really working tbh 🤡 all i do is cry behind it all. like i wish i could really say fuck everyone and really mean that shit but no. so i hope a car runs me over or something because this isn’t fucking worth it i don’t care what anybody says anymore cuz i’ve been thru too much fucking pain and i’m tired of feeling pain and the only way to feel numb is to be DEAD! duh! hahahahahahaha why is dying so fucking FUNNY.

[iamnotyou]

3:44am thoughts

each episode i have literally feels like a piece of my brain falling off. sometimes i genuinely wonder what is my life expectancy with these sort of issues. at the same time, probably best that i don’t know. i don’t even want to know. the craziest and most real about all of this is that i’m starting to have minor short term memory loss. i’ll legit be in the middle of an argument and i kid you not, forget things i’ve said literally a minute ago and it makes me look and feel like such a fool. even now, i’m at lost for words.

[iamnotyou]

2:55pm thoughts

idk why but being in therapy at age 21/22 versus at 18/19 is so much more different for me e.g. it seems like I am just now understanding what a life I lived and starting to reflect more but also starting to put my adult perspectives on my childhood memories which brings me to tears every single time. it’s weird because at first the memories themselves made me sad. then getting older, the circumstances around the memories made me sad. now today, i understand the memory in its entirety and now i feel sorry for myself in everything i had to go through as a kid because no kid deserves that. maybe that is called “finally forgiving one’s self” or getting closer to that step. but my therapist brought up an interesting point after i had complained that it seems like nobody i have ever met comes close to having a similar story like mine, which makes me always feel alone. there’s been a few people i’ve come across in life but not many. and she says that not all of us have made it out alive but a few do. so um anyways i’ll be crying my eyes out for the rest of the day and just pick myself up tomorrow lmfao