[iceddeath]

#iceddeath ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎TRISTAN KANE ROZANOV ; with ice in his blood, consequence in his hands. Raised by locker rooms and late nights, by pressure that teaches you how to endure and how to destroy. Power defense for the SEATTLE KRAKEN. He moves through the NHL like a controlled collision — trusted, feared, decisive. The rink made him powerful. The silence afterward made him dangerous. ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎‎

I. FULL STORY ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎‎‎II. MY HUSBAND ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎III. MY ANGEL ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎IV. PINBOARD

own character, german/english, only 21+, open for plotting, trigger warning for sensitive subjects: alcohol + drug abuse, guilt, lost, anger issues, corruption

"It wasn’t a victory. It was a shadow I’ve become. Every move, every breath — perfectly staged. The ice is sharp, but I feel nothing. Just the hollow rush of power, the taste of control. No triumph, only a whisper of what’s coming. A storm waiting to break. And I… I’m already lost in it."

[iceddeath]

Moya prekrasnaya luna.

Honestly? For almost two weeks now, we have known that our love has grown once again. That a new chapter of our lives has begun, a chapter that feels twice as big, twice as exciting, and somehow even more beautiful than anything we could have imagined before. And honestly? I still can't quite believe it. It still feels like a dream to me. A perfect dream that I never want to wake up from. Sometimes I catch myself looking around at our life and wondering how any of this could possibly be real. Because everything we have built together feels like something I once only wished for in my quietest moments. And yet here we are, living it. Walking this journey with you through every high and every low, every challenge and every victory, is all I have ever wanted. Having you beside me, holding my hand through every chapter of our story, is all I have ever needed. No matter what life throws at us, there is nobody else I would rather face it with than you.

You truly have no idea how proud I am of you. Every day, I get to watch you grow into an even more incredible father, an even more remarkable man than you already were. And somehow, every day you manage to exceed every expectation I ever had. I honestly cannot imagine a better father for our children than you. Not even in my wildest dreams. I can still picture your smile perfectly from the moment you first looked at Liya. That smile will stay with me forever. It was filled with so much love, so much pride, and so much wonder. But there was something else in your eyes too. A silent promise. A promise that you would spend your entire life protecting her, guiding her, loving her, and doing absolutely everything in your power to keep her safe and happy. In that moment, I saw not only the man I fell in love with, but the father our daughter would be lucky enough to call her daddy.

At the beginning, I was afraid. I worried that this tiny little human would completely turn our lives upside down. And she did. There is absolutely no denying that. But she changed everything in the most beautiful way possible. She filled spaces in our hearts we didn't even know were empty. She brought a kind of joy into our home that leaves me speechless. A kind of happiness that steals my breath away and makes my heart beat faster every single day. Every tiny smile, every sleepy sound, every moment spent together reminds me of just how lucky we truly are.

And now, somehow, our story continues to grow. If someone had told me years ago that one day I would be here, married to the love of my life, holding our first baby in my arms while waiting to welcome two more little pieces of our love into this world, I never would have believed them. Yet here we are.

And Eddie, I would choose this life every single time. I would choose every difficult moment, every uncertainty, every obstacle, every sleepless night if it meant ending up exactly where we are today. I would walk every road again and again if it led me back to you. Married. In love. Building a family together. Living the life we once only dreamed about. And more than anything, I cannot wait to see your face when you meet them for the first time. I cannot wait to see that smile again. The same smile that appeared when you first laid eyes on Liya. The smile filled with unconditional love, overwhelming pride, and the realization that your heart has somehow found even more room to grow. Because I know that moment is going to be just as beautiful as the first one. Maybe even more.

I love you more than I will ever be able to put into words. You are my sunshine. You always have been, and you always will be. You are the person who brightens even my darkest days. The person who reminds me how beautiful life can be. The person who gives me hope, happiness, strength, and a reason to smile when I need it most. You are the light that guides me home. And I will love you forever. In this life. In every life that comes after this one. For as long as souls exist and hearts continue to find one another. Because the truth is simple: Without you, there is no version of me. Without you, there is no home. Without you, there is no us. And I never want to know a world where I don't get to love you. Forever yours. Always.

[iceddeath]

I L O V E Y O U

To our little girl.

It’s honestly unbelievable how quickly time is passing. Today, you have already been with us for one whole month, and somehow it still doesn’t feel real. Sometimes I look at you and it genuinely feels like I’m dreaming, like this beautiful little life in our arms cannot possibly be real. And the craziest part is, your daddy feels exactly the same way. We keep looking at each other with the same expression, silently wondering how we got so lucky to have you. You came into our lives and turned everything upside down, but never in a negative way. You changed our world in the most beautiful way imaginable. Suddenly, everything feels softer, warmer, brighter. The smallest moments became the most meaningful ones. The sound of your little noises, the way your tiny hand wraps around our fingers, the way you sleep peacefully against our chests, all of it has completely transformed our hearts. And when we saw you for the very first time, we both knew it immediately. Without a single doubt, we knew you were the missing piece we had been searching for without even realizing it. You were the piece of our little family, the part that made everything feel complete. It’s impossible to describe the feeling of looking at you and realizing that somehow, a love this deep can exist.

Watching you grow and discover the world a little more every single day brings more joy into our lives than anything else ever could. Every tiny expression, every little movement, every new thing you do feels so special to us. We find ourselves wondering constantly about the person you will become someday. What things will make you laugh the hardest? What songs will you love? What dreams will fill your heart? What kind of adventures will make your eyes sparkle with excitement? We cannot wait to learn every little thing about you, the things you love, the things you dislike, the little habits that will make you uniquely you.

You are proof that the smallest things in life are often the most precious ones, Liya. Before you, we never realized how something as simple as a tiny smile could completely heal a person’s heart. Watching you smile, even in your sleep, instantly makes every difficult moment disappear. And seeing the way you look at your daddy, the way you manage to make him smile just by staring into his eyes, is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. The love between you already shines so brightly, and every single time I see the two of you together, my heart feels fuller than I ever thought possible.

There are moments where we simply sit in silence, holding you in our arms, and think about how much love one tiny person can bring into a home. You have brought a kind of happiness into our lives that cannot even be explained properly with words. A happiness that feels gentle, overwhelming, emotional, and peaceful all at once.

And do you know something else, little one? We are already so incredibly proud of you. Proud to be your parents. Proud that out of all the people in this world, we get to be the ones who love you, protect you, guide you, and watch you grow. There is no greater gift than that.

And even though you are still so tiny, we already cannot wait to see the incredible big sister you are going to become. We know your heart will be just as loving, gentle, and beautiful as the light you already bring into our lives now. No matter how much time passes, no matter how tall you grow or how much life changes around us, there will never be a single day where you are not deeply, endlessly, and unconditionally loved by us.

We love you more than words could ever describe, Liya. More than you will probably ever fully understand.

Forever and always, your dads.

[iceddeath]

YA LYUBLYU TEBYA BOL‘SHE VSEGO NA SVETE MOYO SERDTSE

Today marks one month since we became husband and husband. And honestly? It still feels unreal to me, like we are living inside a dream we simply never woke up from. But this is not a dream. This is our reality. I married the love of my life, the man I desire more than anything in this world, the most important person I have ever known. I know you always tell me not to thank you, but I will never stop being grateful for you. I am grateful for you more than I could ever explain. You walked into my life and pulled me out of the darkness I had been trapped in for so long. You brought light back into places inside of me that I thought would stay broken forever. Every single day, you continue to show me how deeply and endlessly you love me, and do you know what all this time together has taught me? Every moment we have shared, every memory we created, every obstacle we overcame together, it all proved one thing to me: we were always meant to find each other. We were always meant to survive everything side by side. Before you, I never believed in fate. I thought destiny was nothing more than wishful thinking, something people said to comfort themselves. But then you entered my life, and suddenly everything I once doubted became real. Meeting you was fate. Loving you was fate. The way we found each other, the way we love each other, the way we saved each other, none of it was accidental. It was written for us long before we even realized it ourselves. You truly have no idea how proud I am of you. And even more than that, you have no idea how proud I am to be the man standing beside you. The man you chose. The man you love so completely. That alone is one of the greatest honors of my life. You make me happy in ways I didn’t even know were possible. A kind of happiness so overwhelming and consuming that sometimes I still struggle to believe it’s real. And if I had to live this life all over again, I would choose you every single time. I would walk through every painful moment again and again if it meant that, in the end, the road would still lead me back to you. I still remember the fear that surrounded us in the beginning. The fear of being seen, of not being publicly out, of what the world might say or think about us. But there is one moment I will carry with me for the rest of my life: the moment you kissed me on the ice in front of everyone, in front of all those cameras, without fear, without hesitation. In that moment, everything changed. There was no more hiding, no more pretending, no more fear of loving you openly. And it became one of the most beautiful moments of my entire life. Because in that moment, I realized that loving you would always be worth every risk. You are not only my husband. You are my light. The person who pulls me back out of the darkness every single time it tries to consume me again. You remind me every day how breathtaking life can be, how beautiful love can feel when it is safe, pure, and real. And I am not exaggerating when I say that you saved my life. Because you truly did. You saved me in every possible way a person can be saved. And that is something I will carry gratitude for until my very last breath.

And today is not only our one-month anniversary as husbands. Today, our little daughter is already three weeks old. These last three weeks have passed so incredibly fast, and I still can’t fully believe she is really here with us, filling our lives with so much love and warmth. Hearing her tiny happy sounds while she looks into your face, seeing that little smile appear whenever she sees you, it melts my heart every single time. She absolutely lights up whenever she sees her daddy, but do you know what is even more beautiful? Watching you light up when you look at her. I always knew you would be an incredible father. From the very beginning, I knew it deep in my heart. But actually seeing it with my own eyes, the way you hold her, the way you look at her, the tenderness in your voice whenever you speak to her, it is something entirely different. Sometimes I just sit there and watch the two of you together, and my heart beats so fast. Eddie, being your husband and the father of our daughter, our child, is the greatest pride and joy of my life. And somehow, even now, after everything we have already shared, my love for you continues to grow more and more every single day. I genuinely don’t understand how it’s even possible. It feels endless, like there is no limit to how deeply I can love you. I hope these words can show you at least a small part of what you truly mean to me, even though no words in this world could ever fully describe the depth of my love for you. I love you more than I will ever be able to explain. I will love you until the end of this life and in every life that comes after this one. You and I were always destined for each other.

You are, and always will be, the love of my life.

[goldenroz]

You are my world

You are everything I knew you would be.. patient, kind, and so full of love. I am so incredibly happy that she has you as her Dada, and I’m even luckier that I get to walk this path by your side. There were so many things I imagined about what our life would look like together, but seeing you step into your role as her Dada has been even more beautiful than I ever could have dreamed. I watch the way you look at her, the patience you show when she’s fussy, and the way her face lights up the second you walk into the room, and I am reminded every single day of how lucky we are. You are such an incredible father, Tristan. You bring so much strength, comfort, and joy to her, and knowing that she gets to grow up with you as her guide, her protector, and her biggest fan brings me a happiness I can’t quite put into words. Thank you for being the heart of our family. Thank you for every sleepless night, every gentle cuddle, and for loving her with every fiber of your being. I am so deeply proud to call you my husband, and I am the happiest man alive that Liya gets to call you her Dada.

​I love you more than words can say. Happy Father’s Day, @iceddeath

[iceddeath]

You really want me to cry happy tears today, huh? I would choose this path with you over and over again, and honestly, we will keep choosing this path together again and again. Our little sunshine may be the missing puzzle piece we were waiting for, but we both know very well that she will not be our only sunshine, and I already look forward to watching our family grow. Seeing you become a father, watching the light in your eyes grow brighter every single day, has been the greatest gift you could have ever given me. I would never want to walk this journey with anyone else. And honestly, Eddie? Every sleepless night is worth it to me. They are not a burden to me. To me, they are a blessing and do you know why? Because of our little bundle of love. She is worth everything that ever stood in our way. Every bad day and every painful experience we ever had to go through in our lives. And I would go through every single one of them all over again if it meant that at the end of the day, I could be in your arms and walk this incredible journey with you. I could not imagine a better father for Liya than you. And no better husband. I love you more than all the words in this world could ever express. Happy first Father’s Day, my love. You are the love of my life, and I am so proud that I am the one who gets to go on this journey with you.

[iceddeath]

Happy 25th birthday, idiot. You should be here for this. Third birthday without you and somehow it still feels unreal, like you’re just late, like my phone’s eventually going to light up with some dumb message making fun of me for posting anything emotional in the first place. I still hear you everywhere. In old songs. In late-night drives. In laughter that sounds a little too much like yours. It’s strange how someone can be gone for years and still exist in almost every part of your life. We spent our whole childhood side by side. Same bruises. Same chaos. Same house that felt too loud some nights. Us against everyone. Against dad. Against the pressure. Against the world, honestly. And no matter how bad things got, I always knew if I looked beside me, you’d be there. That’s the part I still haven’t gotten used to. Looking beside me and not finding you anymore. A lot has changed since you left. I’m married now, to the love of my life. Still weird to say that out loud, because it still feels like a dream. He saved me from drowning. Eddie would’ve loved you like you would've loved him and you absolutely would’ve been a terrible influence on each other. I can already hear both of you teaming up against me just for entertainment. You would’ve spent the entire wedding making sarcastic comments while pretending you weren’t emotional about it. And now I have a daughter. She is the purest little sunshine you've ever seen. Because she has this smile that would’ve made you instantly obsessed with her. And I know for a fact she would’ve had you wrapped around her finger within a day. That’s the part that gets me. Knowing there are versions of my life you were supposed to exist in. Versions where you’re standing next to me in family photos. Versions where my daughter grows up hearing your laugh from the next room. Versions where she knows exactly who her uncle is instead of only hearing stories about him. But I’ll make sure she knows your name. I’ll make sure she knows you were my brother before you became my loss.

Happy birthday, E. Miss you more than I can put into words.

[iceddeath]

My husband.

I want to use this post to thank you. Ever since you stepped into my life, you turned my entire world upside down, but never in a negative way. You changed everything for the better. You brought so much light, warmth, and happiness back into my life. You gave me my light back when I thought it was gone forever, and you showed me just how beautiful life can truly be… how beautiful love can be when it’s real, honest, and unconditional. You are not just my husband, Eddie. You are my home. You are my safe place whenever life becomes too loud and the storms inside my mind try to pull me under again. You are the one person who can calm those storms, the one person who makes everything feel quiet and peaceful again. No matter where we are in this world, as long as I have you beside me, I feel at home everywhere. Home was never a place to me until I found you. Home is you. Everything we have been through, every challenge, every difficult moment, every lesson, it was all worth it. Do you know why? Because every single step led us exactly to where we are today. And standing here with you now, I wouldn’t change a single thing about our journey. The last few weeks have truly been the most beautiful weeks of my entire life. First, we got married in Bora Bora, and it honestly felt like the purest dream come true. It was more magical, more emotional, and more perfect than I could have ever imagined. And only a few days later, I got to celebrate another beautiful day with you, your birthday. But truthfully, that day felt more like a gift to me, because without that day, without your existence, I never would have had the chance to meet the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. And the beautiful moments didn’t stop there. For the past two weeks, we have been holding this tiny little bundle of our love in our arms, in our home, and my heart has never felt fuller. Liya is truly the missing piece we didn’t even realize we were waiting for. She completes our little family in the most perfect way, and I cannot put into words how grateful I am for that. Thank you for giving me a love so pure, a life so beautiful, and a family I once only dreamed about. You fulfill so many of my dreams every single day. You treat me like I am the most precious person in this world, and for such a long time, I never even believed a love like this could exist. I never thought I could deserve something this genuine, this deep, this safe. But you prove me wrong every single day. You show me, over and over again, that I deserve to be loved exactly the way you love me. You understand me in ways nobody else ever could. Somehow, you always know exactly what I need before I even realize it myself. We complement each other so perfectly in so many ways, and every time we share those small little moments that remind us we were always meant to find each other, my heart still starts racing like it did from the very beginning. You are my everything. My greatest love, my soulmate, my once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. In this life, and in every life that comes after this one, it will always be you. I love you, Eddie Jair Rozanov.

[iceddeath]

Словами невозможно описать, как сильно я тебя люблю.

Kak zamechatel'no, chto ty kazhdyy den' pokazyvayesh' mne, kak sil'no ty menya lyubish'. YA tebya lyublyu.

[goldenroz]

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. And I will love you forever. Forever and ever. I will keep you forever.

3:39 pm. 𝑨𝒛𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒚𝒂 𝑰𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑹𝒐𝒛𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒗𝒂 (4/25/26)

W e l c o m e t o t h e w o r ld

I’ve only known you for a few hours, but I already know I’d move mountains for you. You are the best thing I’ve ever been a part of. Welcome to the world, little teddy. I promise to be the dad you deserve. I never knew my heart could live outside my chest until today. You’re here, you’re safe, and you’re everything. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much you are loved. We love you endlessly, @iceddeath

[iceddeath]

You truly are the missing puzzle piece we’ve been searching for all this time. And finally being able to hold you in our arms is, without a doubt, the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced in my life (well… aside from the butterflies I felt when I married your daddy). I’m so excited to get to know you, to discover all the little things about you: what you’ll love, what you won’t like, what your first word will be, and what hobbies you’ll grow into. But one thing I already know for certain is this: you will have two fathers by your side who will never leave you alone with any decision you face. We will love you so much that, by the time you’re a teenager, you’ll probably be a little annoyed by it.

[iceddeath]

[I captured the moment of our first morning in our home we build together with our love.]

Happy Birthday to the love of my life, my husband, my soulmate, my person, my babes.

I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, you made an excellent life choice. Truly. Outstanding judgment. Elite level decision-making. 10/10. I mean, look at what you got: someone who looks good, has great taste. You really hit the Jackpot. You’re welcome. Okay jokes beside. I actually made this excellent life choice. Eddie Jair Rozanov, you didn’t just come into my life, you changed it. You turned ordinary days into memories I never want to forget. You made difficult moments feel lighter, simply by being there. You became my home in a way no place ever could. You always manage to pull me back from the darkest moments of my life, when I get too caught up in my own thoughts. You hold me, you are the support of my life. You brought light back into my life, and for that I will be eternally grateful. You truly are my dream come true. And all these moments we create and experience together are moments I would choose again and again. Today is your special day. And I will celebrate and love you (yes, just like every other day) so you can see what a special man you are for me. I still can't believe we've been married for a few days now. You've given me with that the greatest gift, even though it's not even my birthday. Thank you for letting me spend your special day with you. I will make sure this day is special, just like every day that will follow. Happy Birthday my love, I love you so much @goldenroz

[iceddeath]

You’re the air I breathe, everything I need.

Today isn’t just our anniversary. No, today is also the beginning of an entirely new chapter for us. And honestly? A few years ago, I would have never believed that we would be standing here, exactly where we are today, even though this has always been my dream. Because you, Eddie, you are my dream come true. From today on, everything changes and at the same time, it feels like everything just becomes even more real, more certain, more us, you know? And yet, it still feels unreal in the most beautiful way, that today, we actually got married. That today, we said “yes” to each other. But the truth is that wasn’t the first time I said yes to you. You walked into my life, and something in me just knew: “Yes. It’s you.” And if there’s one thing time has shown me, it’s this: No matter how much time passes, no matter what life throws at us, it will always be you for me. You came into my life and turned everything upside down in the best possible way. You are it. You always have been. You are the love of my life. And since today you are also my husband. And trust me, you better get used to that. Because from now on, I will call you that in every possible situation. Simply because it makes me unbelievably happy that we get to walk this chapter of our lives together. I can’t wait to see what this life still has in store for us, all the surprises, all the moments, all the memories we haven’t lived yet. But there’s one thing I know for sure: I will spend every single one of those moments with you. By your side. Exactly where I belong. There won’t be a single day where you have to be without me. I will protect you, support you, stand by you and cheer you on - in the good times and in the hard times. No matter what. I love you with everything that I am. With every part of me. And I always will.

[iceddeath]

I love you so god damn much.

I love you with everything in me, every heartbeat, every thought, every piece of my soul. You’re not just someone I love, you are the love of my life. The one person who changed everything without even trying. Before you, I never knew a person could feel like home. But with you, everything makes sense. You make the world softer, brighter, better. You make me want to be the best version of myself, and somehow, just by being you, you make life feel unreal in the best way. I want you in every part of my life, in the quiet moments, the chaos, the late-night drives, the random laughs, the deep talks at 3 a.m., the good days and the hard ones. I want all of it, as long as it’s with you. You’re my favorite feeling, my favorite person, my peace, my chaos, my once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. And if I had to do this life all over again, I would still find you, still choose you, still fall for you, and still love you with everything I am. The next weeks are going to be so special for us and I can’t wait for all the memories we are going to make.

[iceddeath]

You are, without a doubt, the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life. And I truly cannot put into words how deeply I love you, they will never be enough. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I say it, it will always fall short of what I actually feel for you @goldenroz.

But honestly? If someone ever asked me what heaven feels like, or how I would describe the color gold, I would think of you. I would describe you. Because to me, you are exactly that. You are what heaven must feel like. Your love, the way you love me… it’s something beyond anything I ever knew existed. You are like a sunset painted in the most beautiful shades of gold, the kind that makes everything around it glow, soft and warm and perfect in that golden hour light. You don’t just exist in my life… you are my life. And honestly, Eddie? I would choose you over and over again, without hesitation. It’s the easiest decision I have ever made. There’s no doubt, no second thought, just you. Always you. You make me feel things I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling. You’ve shown me a kind of love that is impossible to fully explain. And believe me, I will spend my entire life trying, trying to find the right words, the right way to show you just how much I love you. But deep down, I know that this lifetime won’t be enough. So I guess you don’t really have a choice… you’ll have to spend every lifetime after this one with me too. Because I’m going to need them, all of them, just to even begin to express what I feel for you, to show you what you do to my heart, how you make me feel. And what makes everything even more surreal, even more beautiful, is the future we’re building together. Our future. I find myself thinking about it all the time, about the life we’re creating, the home we’ll wake up in, the quiet mornings and the loud, chaotic days, the laughter that will fill every corner of our space. I can’t wait to move into our home with you, the place that will hold all of us, all our memories, all our love. A place where we get to just be us. Where I get to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep beside you every night, knowing that this is exactly where I belong. Watching you become a parent… loving Peanut together… building a family with you, it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. I catch myself imagining everything, the tiny hands, the first laugh, the sleepless nights that we’ll probably be exhausted in but secretly love anyway. I’m so excited for all of it. For every little moment, every milestone, every challenge we’ll face side by side. For growing not just as individuals, but as a family. For learning together, loving deeper, and creating a life that is entirely ours. And I promise you this: I will keep choosing you. In every moment. In every phase of life. Through everything that comes our way. I love you so much, Eddie Jair Rozanov, more than I could ever truly put into words. And I cannot wait to spend this life with you and every life after.

[iceddeath]

I will look for you in every lifetime and love you there

My love, you are the love of my life, there has never been a single doubt in my heart about that, Eddie. You are my soulmate, the one who feels like home in every possible way. Building a family with you… sharing a home, a life, a future, it means more to me than I can ever truly put into words. Seeing how you can barely wait for the day when we finally become a family fills my heart with a kind of joy that’s almost overwhelming. Knowing that you feel this same longing, this same beautiful impatience, makes me feel so understood, so close to you. It reminds me that I’m not alone in dreaming about our future, in yearning for the life we’re building together. Finally moving in together, sharing the same space, the same air, the same everyday moments, it feels almost unreal. I love you. Not just in the easy moments, not just when everything feels perfect, but in the chaos, in the struggle, in the reality of it all. I love you in this life, with everything I am, with all the depth and intensity I carry inside me. I am connected to you in a way that goes beyond words, beyond reason. It’s something I feel in every quiet moment, in every breath, in every thought of you. You are my air, the very thing I need to breathe, to live, to feel alive. Loving you isn’t just something I do, it’s something that flows through me, something I can’t separate from who I am. And I swear to you… I will love you in every life that comes after this one. No matter where we are, no matter how we find each other again, I will always choose you.

[iceddeath]

It’s been two and a half years. Two and a half years without your voice, without your stupid jokes, without you barging into my space like you owned it. I count the time in seasons, in winters, in games played and games survived. And somehow it still feels like it happened yesterday. And at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago. There hasn’t been a single day where you didn’t cross my mind. Not one.

Sometimes it’s loud, like a punch to the ribs when I hear a song you liked. Sometimes it’s quieter, just this constant ache under everything I do. But you’re always there. I miss you in the in-between moments the most. After the noise dies down. After the arena empties. When I sit alone and the adrenaline fades and there’s nothing left but silence. That’s when it hits hardest, that you’re not here to call me, to tease me, to tell me I overthink everything. We were never just brothers. We were a unit. Two halves of the same stubborn, reckless heart. I wish I could tell you how much has changed, what is going on in my life. How much I’ve changed. I wish you could see the man I’m trying to become or maybe just remind me who I was before everything broke. There’s someone in my life now. His name is Eddie @goldenroz. He helps me remember things about myself I forgot. The way I used to laugh without checking who was watching. The way I used to care without pretending I didn’t. I didn’t think I’d ever let anyone close enough to see the cracks. I built walls so high I almost believed they were permanent. But he didn’t try to climb them. He just waited at the door until I opened it myself. He makes it easier to breathe on days when the weight of everything feels unbearable. He reminds me who I am when I start drifting too far into the dark. And you two would have been unbearable together. You would’ve loved him. Not just tolerated him, actually liked him. I can see it so clearly. The two of you teaming up against me within five minutes. Teasing me about the way I get quiet when I’m thinking too much. Making fun of how serious I pretend to be. Calling me dramatic. I can picture you both sitting across from me, exchanging looks, plotting some harmless ambush of sarcasm. You would’ve tried to intimidate him at first. Little brother energy, protective, testing him. And he would’ve just smiled and said something sharp enough to make you respect him instantly. You would’ve laughed together. Loud and unfiltered. The kind of laughter that fills a room. Sometimes that’s what hurts the most, not just that you’re gone, but that you’ll never meet the people who matter to me now. You’ll never see that I found someone who makes the world feel a little less heavy. Someone who reaches for my hand in the dark without asking questions. But he helps me remember that I’m still capable of loving. That I’m still capable of being loved. And I think… I think you would’ve been happy about that. I think you would’ve looked at him, then at me, and said something like, “Finally. Someone who can handle you.” God, I wish I could’ve seen that moment.

I miss you in ways I don’t have language for.

[goldenroz-deactivated20260315]

Sitting here and trying to find the right words to send this, but I’m realizing that I’m actually a little terrified because I don’t think the right words even exist. I say "I love you" all the time, but lately that word feels too small. It feels like a placeholder for something much bigger. What I feel for you... it’s more than love. It’s this deep, constant realization that my soul just recognizes yours, no matter where. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to fully express the depth of it, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying. And i‘m still buzzing from a few days ago. I was so nervous to ask you to marry me of course not because I doubted us but because the weight of how much I wanted a "forever" with you was almost overwhelming. When you said yes, it felt like everything finally settled into place. It’s the little things that convinced me I couldn't live without you. It’s the way Sola curls up between us and how we’ve become this little family without even trying. It’s those slow mornings just laying in bed together, where the rest of the world doesn't exist and I just get to watch you breathe, and how beautiful you are those sleepy green eyes when you wake up.. damn let’s not start. And then there’s the way I feel when I’m watching you play hockey. Seeing you out there the focus, the strength, the way you move I get this surge of pride in my chest that’s so heavy I can barely breathe. I just sit there thinking „That’s him. That’s my person.” Whether we’re in the middle of a crowded arena or it’s just us and the cat on the couch, my heart is always in the exact same place: right there with you. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for choosing this life with me. I might never find the "perfect" way to say how much I adore you, but I can’t wait to be your husband and show you every single day. I love you more than everything, @iceddeath

[iceddeath]

I still can’t believe that this man is really going to be my husband. Saying yes, saying yes to you, was the easiest yes of my life. And I truly can’t wait to see what surprises and what beautiful moments life has in store for us. I’m looking forward to every single little memory we’ll create together. I love you endlessly. And even now, you still manage to take my breath away so effortlessly, and you have ever since the very first moment you walked into my life. I love you and our little family. Thank you for loving me.

[iceddeath]

my soulmate, i love you

I still can’t quite believe that we’re actually here, standing in this moment, in this chapter of our lives, together. A few years ago, you stumbled into my world so unexpectedly, and even then you had this way of turning everything upside down in the most beautiful way. Every single time our paths crossed again, something shifted inside me. It was never random. It was never meaningless. It was always you. And now, it was finally our time. No more almosts, no more missed chances. And honestly, Eddie? Choosing you, choosing us, was the best decision I have ever made.

Loving you is the easiest thing in my life. Showering you with my love comes so naturally. It doesn’t feel complicated. It doesn’t feel forced. It doesn’t feel like work. It just… is. Loving you feels natural, like something my heart knew how to do long before my head caught up. I love pouring my affection into you, reminding you how much you mean to me, being soft with you. It makes me happy in a way that feels calm and steady. You brought so much light back into my life. Real light. The kind that slowly fills up the darker corners without me even noticing at first. You brought laughter back in moments where there used to be heaviness. You brought excitement back. Hope. Warmth. And I don’t think you even fully realize how much that changed me. And the best part? You love me unconditionally. I could quit hockey tomorrow and I know you would still be by my side, supporting me and continuing to love me. The fact that we get to share our passion and complement each other so well in that way, truly understanding how much time and energy this sport can take, is a beautiful bonus. But the greatest bonus of all is your love. You truly are my dream come true. You show me how much you love me, and you make me feel it over and over again. It’s so easy to let myself fall with you, to give you glimpses into my mind without being judged.

And I love you deeply for making sure Elliot is still part of my life, part of our life. That means more to me than I can ever fully explain. You don’t avoid it. You don’t get uncomfortable. You make space for him. And that kind of love, that kind of respect for my heart, is something I will always cherish. He would have loved you, I’m sure of it. Just as much as I do. And let’s be honest… the two of you absolutely would have teamed up against me and teased me nonstop. I already know I would’ve been outnumbered.

Thank you for loving me the way you do. For choosing me. For standing beside me. I can not wait for all the moments still ahead of us, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the chaotic ones, the beautiful ones. I can’t wait to build memories with you, to grow with you, to continue writing our story together. I love you, Eddie. More deeply, more fully and more certainly than I ever thought possible.