i read this book because some of my favorite people did it. so, my gratitude sent to kim namjoon and min yoongi for introducing the book.
the story begins with Yunjae who was born with alexithymia that made him unable to perceive emotions, let alone express them. things escalated downhill when his mom and his grandma--the only closest relatives he had who had been ācoachingā him how to show emotions--were murdered. on a christmas day. his grandma stabbed to death; however his mom was in a comma, hospitalized.
the problem ensued when Yunjae was asked to act as a son whose mom was in the verge of death. the real son had lost when heās still a kid in the park near the house and hadnāt found until the very last days of his mom death. yet, the father didnāt bring him, and chose to take Yunjae instead, because the son who was coddled and loved became a rebellious person he couldnāt recognize.
it was Leesuās mom whom the son later became the person that swore heād make Yunjaeās life a living hell. Leesu did try his best to provoke Yunjaeās response, but little did he knew, that guy couldnāt feel a thing.
-- remarkable (yet broke my heart) part:
āWhenever life pulled brutal pranks on him, Gon would think that life was like having your mom hold your hands one moment, warm and safe, then suddenly drop them with no explanation. No matter how hard he tried to grab hold, he was always abandoned in the end.ā
-- my opinion:
at some points i wanted Leesu to find someone who understood him for his upbringings, or simply just being patient with him during his wildest rage. and thank god, the author granted my wish in a waaaay that beyond my expectation. he made these two polar opposites became best friends. so, yes, we get an enemies to friends dynamic, except Yunjae was the only person who didn't realize that Leesu hated him to the core. since his alexithymia stuck with him like his second skin.
at this particular section i started to think, oh maybe his inability to experience emotions isn't so bad after all?
wrong.
Leesu put himself in a dangerous situation without a wingman.
you're aware when you're in a threatening position when youāre fear what happens next would harm you. and let me stress the sentence once again, Leesu, is unable, to identify emotions. he fears nothing, because he couldn't feel it.
the rest is unfold quite in a rush i'd say, but everyone gets their closure. happy ending for all? not really.
it's hard for me to grow attached to the story or the characters since it's a very light book and the pace it's presented is pretty fast too. you won't be put too long in one scene. so what usually happened was, i didn't get to process my emotions at the certain section because they already moved into the next stage of life when i turned to the next page. Leesu definitely has a spot secured in my heart, nevertheless. i don't know it's a good thing or not, the violent scene in this book also isn't described too graphic. sadly, i love reading an expressive slaughter scene, so.....
but, think this book is a suitable fiction for winter readings, it really can be finished in one sitting!
my internet is out so i donāt have access to my online textbooks, which means iām going old-school today and sticking with my books and journals. i went on a bike ride earlier and it was the first time in months iāve left my house alone. iāve been too afraid to go out for a long time. i was only gone for around 20 minutes before i started panicking, but it was progress! now iām trying to let myself relax and recover because my muscles are sore from the stress. i hope youāre all having a good monday.
just found a fitting description for my neglected soul: an insignificant lighthouse keeper. here's why, lighthouse often gets crashed by wave that much higher than the height of the building. but bitch doesn't budge. bitch! is! that! tough! but the keeper itself possibly gets swept away by the crashing waves and ended up nowhere to be found. ācause that shit is a fragile useless creature.
so, the keeper, now probably stuck on the sea floor, trapped in the fishing weir or got tied on a statue underwater in the Black Lake like sheās an offering for the second task in the Triwizard Tournament unless she got no harry potter to rescue her and the building coming down from the intense wave crashing with no scratch but a lost keeper.
so, i prob alr had my soul drowned and dead on antartica sea floor, but you still gotta see the physical me cause this bitch is a solid flesh, with no outstanding inner self since that fragile shit is gone. and what is a lighthouse used for without its keeper? nothing. it's just a human-made huge ass thicc pole in vain
my mind always go exploring in several nights, the nights when it doesn't rain and sense gets heightened.
sometimes it roams into the year of 2008.
cracked glasses
void
so much of it
damped pillow
and this tiny plush with your photo on it.
sometimes i think i've survived. showing less emotion was a good thing cause telling people about your wrecked headspace wouldn't sound great.
sometimes, days were easier.
i had nothing to hold but it's fine.
it didn't seem to work but it's okay.
until some days has stopped being easy.
it's hard. i'm sorry. i don't know when this will end and i'm sorry for not knowing how to snap the thread and move forward. it's hard and i know i'm not trying on anything. i'm sorry for not wanting to stay and still haven't found a reason to.
Things I was stressed about turned out just fine, the ikea chair I wanted came back into stock, pretty decent week all round
30th Aug: What is your plan for the upcoming week?
Going to treat my boyfriend to a birthday dinner on Monday and help him move in. I've just been told who my supervisor is for my dissertation so I can figure out what sort of topic to research now (any ideas for cognitive neuroscience?)
31st Aug: What is your favourite thing about school/uni?
I love learning, I love having my own life, I love being here
1st Sep: Favourite school/uni memory?
Going to the pub straight after our lest exam in December
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