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[lavenderprose]

As a married person I do need to tell you all that Shane and Ilya do weird shit all the time.

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

I just think that we as a fandom need to embrace how Weird married people get about each other. From personal experience I am telling you it is SO FUN.

[gaynehollander]

not big on the move of simply screenshotting posts from other websites but needs must

[oknotgood]

I can be sooooooo normal about this. (It's not even a new interview. I'm only just discovering it.)

[mimispaw]

I LOVE when people draw shane like this

like yeah he’s an omega with anxiety and A LOT of shit going on BUT ☝🏻 he’s also the CAPTAIN of the metros and THE NUMBER ONE PLAYER in the league

still my baby btw

[femdreamland]

Me when I read a fic with jealous Ilya:

Me when I read a fic with jealous Shane:

No cause don’t do my baby Shane Hollander like this

[polartss]

’tis heated I guess

[hollanovgremlin]

shane learned russian for ilya because of love bla bla bla what about Shane 'Competitive' Hollander learning it so he can trashtalk Ilya in Russian?

[eastofshane]

I can't get over how fucking hot shane hollander is. like, he's so strong and he has these beautiful freckles and thick thighs and broad shoulders and sweet smile. and he's so competent and so good at what he does. he takes charge in domestic situations. he is funny and smart and so incredibly earnest. he loves being the hole, not the peg. he makes a burger recipe for eight. he reads books about hockey. he wears reading glasses. he makes plans for his future with ilya. he's a horny little freak. he has a dildo. he drove two hours to see ilya. he wants to grow old with ilya. he loves his parents. he has an ed and anxiety. he gets all grumpy when ilya teases him. he loves being teased by ilya. he loves ilya. he knows how good he is at playing hockey. he loves ginger ale. he would do anything for the people he loves. he is a problem solver. he he's autistic. he's so full of love!!!

[cranium-thinks]

One thing I will never get tired of reading in fanfics is the ways in which the world discovers that Shane is a little sex freak.

It's so funny how everyone sees hollanov getting married and immediately jumps to "Wow Roz you got domesticated" as if Shane didn't use his gay virginity to do sex magic so powerful he soul-bonded Ilya's dick to his ass

[totallyboatless]

I think it’s important to acknowledge the ways Yuna and David fucked up, and also that they operate trying their best for the son they sincerely love and want to do right by

But i don’t think i will ever, ever be over that they didn’t know what to do when Shane was having a meltdown at the table and Ilya did

Ilya looks to them first, giving them the opportunity to act, assuming they will bc they (in theory) should know how to handle this better than him

But they don’t. Being gay isn’t the only thing Shane has masked from his parents and it makes me want to sit on the floor and cry

[academicblorbo]

Ilya meeting Shane's parents must be insane for them like. Mr Ilya "The Terminator" Rozanov, terror on ice and menace in bed, politely stands there. Your very shy son admonishes him for using the word "lovers" and Russia's Greatest Rage Machine just takes it.

You ask when this started and Mister Dickhead makes sure Shane is accurate about when they started this. How dare you stave off half a year of us, Shane?

You ask if they talked to Scott Hunter and Ra Ra Rasputin says that he, famous asshole extraordinaire went to talk to Patron Saint of Hockey Gays to offer him congratulations.

You ask if he has no loyalty to Boston and Mr Fucking Fuck San Francisco is like. Nyet

Your son is having a panic attack and Miike Snow Genghis Khan calls them "boyfriends" and it's your own extremely shy and sensitive and loving son that is like MY WHAT

[ahskp]

LOSING MY SHIT AT THE OMEGAVERSE MENTION LMAO

[caarzzz]

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[i-am-church-the-cat]

Okay so sorry for this ask. I just had this random thought blurb and wanted to share with someone. But like imagine:

Lando decides to suggest to Oscar that it would be funny if they get married in Vegas. Cause like that would be hilarious. Except Oscar looks him dead in the eye and says “I can’t, I’m already married” before walking away.

So of course Lando has a major freak out trying to figure out who he married and ropes the whole grid in the search. There is a strong rumor it’s Daniel (which Daniel started cause it’s funny). There is also the rumor that is Taylor Swift (that’s Este trying to annoy Nando). And of course there are suggestions of Fred, Liam, and even Arthur (which Pierre and Charles’s shut down right away because they would have to kill him).

And everyone keeps asking Logan if he knows and he just keeps laughing it off. But he’s also it’s a sad laugh because he’s a little sad to thing that nobody thinks he could be worthy of Oscar, even if he agrees.

And of course this pisses Oscar off. Because his husband is the sweetest man around. Because who the fuck cares if he is having a bad season when he is always there to make sure Oscar does things like eat breakfast or makes sure he isn’t too hard on himself.

So when the grid decides to do a group breakfast the morning after in Vegas (to compare horror stories). Oscar marks the shit out of Logan as they show up with their wedding rings.

Anon, never apologize for being the smartest motherfucker in the room. As a secretly married loscar truther, I am in love with this. And you’re always welcome to come in my messages or my ask box with stuff like this.

I can imagine Oscar being so smug at that breakfast. It’s his ring around Logan’s finger, it’s his marks on Logan’s body, it’s him who gets to keep bringing waffles for Logan to devour in record speed.

And I think the reason no one suspected it could be Logan Oscar was married to is because they would’ve known, right? Surely they wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret for 9 months?

(Well, Alex and George had known pretty quickly who it was but they weren’t going to spoil the surprise.)

But even now with them both declaring themselves to each other for all of them to see, they barely act any different. Small touches, leaned in whispers, pressed as close together as two people could in opposite chairs, but still completely level-headed.

And finally Lando snaps and is like “How? How are you two so calm around each other? If I had a partner on the grid, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of them.”

Oscar shrugs and Logan laughs awkwardly and even now they’re like twin planets - always together but never crashing.

“We’ve been together for a long time,” Oscar answers which, they would hope so for the youngest married couple on the grid. “And most of that time it’s had to be a secret. I guess we’re just used to it.”

“Plus, neither of us are big on PDA.” A rather ironic thing for Logan to say while covered in bite marks and red-purple hickies. “We like to keep our private life private.”

And suddenly Lando feels bad because maybe they had never planned on coming out to them, or at least not so soon, but Lando had practically forced their hand because of his little goose hunt. But Logan smiles understandingly at him and is quick to reassure.

“Don’t worry, we were planning to tell people on the grid sooner rather than later, probably when my contract extension was announced, if it’s ever decided.”

Oscar makes a face at that but doesn’t interrupt.

“We just chose now because…” And suddenly Logan gets this look on his face, something pained and almost embarrassed. Oscar tangles their left hands together to stop him in his tracks, proudly displaying their matching rings before continuing.

“None of you thought I could have the honor of being married to Logan - hurtful, by the way, I’m obviously a catch - so I wanted to show everyone who I belonged to.”

Logan blushes a light pink, but he’s smiling. Oscar feels a bit of relief as Logan lays his head on his shoulder, allowing him to turn his nose into the gel-less waves of his blond hair.

The rest of their drivers start to clamor their excuses - you’re too good at hiding it, we thought Logan was dating that Instagram model, actually you’re right you aren’t good enough for my junior Williams driver but you make him happy so I guess it’s okay (this one is of course from George who is met with a lot of boos and biscuit throwing) - but it doesn’t really matter.

Who cares what any of them thought? At the end of the day, Oscar is the one sitting here with Logan Sargeant’s hand intertwined with his, he’s the one that will get to go back with him to their shared apartment, bundle his Florida boy up against the cruel English winter, and indulge in the domestic bliss of being with someone he truly loved.

When one had that, who cared about anything else?

[wenevrknew]

[solaireverie]

why is logan in p19 now wtf

[baggnshield]

booping his prostate