[idleunsung]

everything amateur (03.02.20)

[idleunsung]

[selfescaping]

You’re only as good as what you leave behind. The people; how you treat them.

Made some bad calls. But I try to be a little softer and warmer. Not too malleable, I work with wolves. 

But the more kids you help imagine, the more souls you lighten a bit without pitying them. Hell of a thing when you get a sad man to chuckle.

[idleunsung]

gonna be who i am, be who i am (10.8.19)

[idleunsung]

idle being; heaven so far out of reach

[idleunsung]

9.25.19

[idleunsung]

haunted house - florence + the machine (9.23.19)

[idleunsung]

Niagara Falls, some time ago

[idleunsung]

i am not as much about breathing as i used to be. things are what they are, as i am what i am.

still, i can’t abandon the desire to turn every breath into a work of art.

yet, my eyes will not see the beauty that waits behind a closed door. my heart won’t open it. the thought of it turns breathing into a nightmare.

so i leave it closed. the desire stays with me.

some nights when my lungs feel lighter, i call it hope.

[idleunsung]

in search for the river to clean our hands

[idleunsung]

i am not as much about breathing as i used to be. things are what they are, as i am what i am.

still, i can’t abandon the desire to turn every breath into a work of art.

yet, my eyes will not see the beauty that waits behind a closed door. my heart won’t open it. the thought of it turns breathing into a nightmare.

so i leave it closed. the desire stays with me.

some nights when my lungs feel lighter, i call it hope.

[selfescaping]

Back to the wall, everything spinning, smelling like shame and regret and anger and isolation. Whatever put you there, you can get out. At the end it is you or them and you make the hard call. Develop film and keep it somewhere with you, for a more beautiful day than this one.

[fleurren]

we are capable of being unclean but that does not define us

[idleunsung]

bless the weeds that grow

on my broken body

they cover the cracks

they keep me warm

bless the birds

who’ve found their home on me

they nest in my crown

and i am never lonely

bless the sun,

it caresses my mind’s garden

and darkness has learned

he has no home here

bless my broken body

for she is mending

and she is growing

she gives life to that around her

she entered the forest as war

and will emerge as peace

[idleunsung]

let’s escape barefoot to a storage unit

[idleunsung]

“it has always been you and me and some kind of road.”

there weren’t any words between us after that. the two yellow lines of the road slipped to white dashes before the headlights and i swore i relived every midnight i was desperate for lights and i couldn’t even begin to confess the fog clouding my head. it still clouds.

the highway was always kind. the backroads were a friend. downtown, a lover. now it seems i’m unable to reach them when i need the escape most. if i close my eyes i can still see the city lights twinkling in the distance, buildings growing larger and colorful and so much brighter.

the fog would clear, then. hope would shine through your eyes. for a moment we would be whole.

[idleunsung]

sometimes i fear i have no place in this world