Sentimentality @idreamtofgravity - Tumblr Blog

A Bitter Pill.

I laid there still.

Not in a bad way, definitely not in a good way.

More so, awkward. I like I used the wrong animal in a poorly used idiom.

I laid there like all my mountain goats weren’t in a row? No. They definitely weren’t.

I laid there like I was quaking up the wrong tree? Well, kind of.

I laid there like I was beating a bed of roses.

Or, maybe that one is so wrong that it’s right.

Just like us.

Just like we laid there separated and distant after being one. Laying there I realized that sometimes you squeeze all of the momentary compassion and companionship out of someone just to realize they’re not the one to swim in.

And it’s not that it’s bad. But it’s definitely not good. It’s just that I usually count my chickens before they hatch- forgetting that it takes two to tango- forgetting that you’re not under my thumb.

Look at your face in the mirror one more time and get dressed before I call you a cab because I’ve run dry of words to say to you You say, “you look pretty without any makeup on,” but you look prettier when you tell me that this is exactly what it feels like I’m starving for honesty; for every flower in the field looks like a daisy but they keep floating away I sit and put my make-up on in the mirror and you wait to tell me that I don’t know the weight on my own reflection You stare at my hair drying like its the highlight of your day and I’m underwhelmed with how shallow you dig

It’s a very confusing thing to like your body. I like my body because that’s has been the only thing that has made the ghosts of my past linger. I like it when they linger because it gives me a chance to feel good outside of myself, and it’s cool to feel good outside of myself because I usually just feel good, inside of myself. I like me. That’s not confusing. It’s just this whole “body” part. When you grow up as the “tall girl” it makes you want to shrink It makes you stick out when you’re not quite ready to say hello yet. When you grow up as a musician and a poet but everyone tells you-you should be a basketball or volleyball player, your identity crawls under the bed. When people tell you could be a model, you reach behind you to tear off the size tag of your jeans and swallow it.

It’s a very confusing thing to like your body. I don’t like my body because of it being the first thing that people see I try to cover it in flowers and colors and loveliness and distractions because I like my body when it allows me to do the things I love but I don’t like my body when my brain tells me not to It’s actually a very simple thing to like your body I just think that I don’t listen to it enough.

We are always present in the room of time, but it’s not so much a room. It’s more like a field of texture but not a field that you can walk through, more like a pool of space. Or sometimes it’s easier to think of time as sound. Resonance. You can’t really point to sound because it’s a fog that dances in you; above you, beyond you. A breath you can’t draw circles around- like floating. There are no shores, or at least we’ve never seen them. Real-time never walked on a flat line, we made that up. I don’t know why - maybe because the sun was in one place and then in another, over and over. We stretched that pattern out until it was straight; called it a day. Put numbers to it. Scheduled meetings. Told each other, “You’re late!” but you’re never late. You’re always on time. You’ve always been on time.

I wish to hush my heart to be as silent as snowfall with the bitter cold and all so I can learn how to warm up without making a sound

#poetry #creative writing

nevver

Everything @itsPeteski

I’m looking forward to the day when a man doesn’t think my love is “too much.”

remanence-of-love

The choice.

corvidaet

text piece//

They’re all big moments to me; that’s how I love, that is how I show you that I care.

I don’t think my goal is to be happy. My goal is to abide by my emotions; whatever they are. My goal is to understand that my sadness or frustration plays just as much of a role in my life as joy or excitement; that there is no such thing as a “negative” emotion. It’s all natural and necessary to feel and feel deeply. I want my end goal to be the ability to step back from a situation to accept and explain to myself the greater purpose to my mental state, because everything has worked out so far. I’ve been through enough emotional damage to know that the heart repairs itself and I am ever changing. I will come out of every hardship and fortune altered but restored, and it’s always going to be enough. The things that happen to me are beyond my control and benefit. There is more at work with life’s force than just my individuality. I am a part of a whole and I am working on making this span of my life count. I think the best way to do that is to think apart from myself and know that every curveball is a push in the right direction, whether I see that clearly and at dawn, or not. My goal is to feel and to allow that to make me satisfied.

#personal #goals #contentment #goal #mental state

I’m face to face with myself in the way that you stand in a room full of mirrors and you don’t know what way is up I’m getting compliments on my mood ring and not on my mood the way they say everything beautiful is damaged but you’re still so damn ugly but i'm still there to gel your hair back i love you in the afternoon not something i adored waking up to not at home in your arms as you held me as you kissed my forehead i used to love the taste and would do anything for it now i would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth

I’ve never once owned a car that was guaranteed to start when I put the key in the ignition. (As a girl who drives a car 5 years her elder I’ve learned patients I’ve leaned that strangers are not but they are, at times, very kind I am, at times, very irritable As a girl who drives a car 5 years her elder I’ve learned how painful silence is for she severely lacks a stereo It’s taught me that lively components die but it only takes a few moments to come back to life It’s taught me how much music makes my head lighter but I lack the kindness to the worldly amplication As a girl who drives a car 5 years her elder I’ve learned there are two types of persons those who appreciate and those who disparage As a girl who drives a car that does not guarantee anything I’ve learned you cannot segregate humans by the two sides of gratitude when you yourself qualify as both) And I’m really thankful for the walks to work and air that’s brushed my skin along the way.

#poetry #personal #prose #spilled thoughts #spilled words #split i #spilled ink #spilled poetry #creative writing

I remember thinking about how much I loved the sight of you grabbing ice out of my freezer before I even asked if you wanted any. Like you were the only one who took the Welcome mat seriously. I liked how I felt when I was with him. Captivating, sexy. Him, turning to me and whispering flattery. Me, not knowing what to do with my cheeks. I feel as if I have spent my whole life learning how to hold my breath underwater while everyone else was learning tricks on how to get into it.

I’m running out of ways to describe this same feeling.

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