[pseudomantis]

What the fuck

[astarlingdiscovery]

It's a yellow bittern! They are very creechur.

[x] [x]

[bogleech]

Nature is incredible, you can really see just at a quick glance how these evolved to speak together in rhyming riddles while performing a spooky dance, laughing at you because they're The Wee Creatures Three and you will Never Get Their Key.

[ceanothusspinosus]

foot to head ratio off the charts

[thesevenumbrellas]

Lawyer: How would you like to handle the custody agreement?

Parent: I want my wife to take one of my infant daughters to the UK and I’ll take the other one and we will never see each other again.

Lawyer: You want to fucking what?

[pumpkinspicebluntwrap]

[shadow-von-vamp]

reblogging a post that says “do it scared” vs actually doing it scared

[tractorgoth]

[vulpinesaint]

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

[softichill]

I loooove ominously giggling when I'm getting my friends into smth new. They ask me a spoilery question and I get to do this

[violentoffender]

[transmechanicus]

Good naps will have you sleeping in poses usually reserved for dead insects

[best-of-inspirobot]

[tearlessrain]

this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

[tearlessrain]

Rule #2

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

So don’t ever hug a lobster, simply put, it’s impolite.

[trigona-necrophaga]

my devoted but dangerously unstable knight will be hearing about this

[pansyfemme]

close your eyes and imagine freshly roasted root vegetables perfectly seasoned and crispy as far as the eye can see

[nighttimepatrons]

Sam trying to get Frodo to take one more step

[nighttimepatrons]

Sam psychologically tormenting Gollum

[duckngk]

who up curlin’ up they markeplier into ryan gosling’s arms

context:

also IRON LUNG IS OUT ON YOUTUBE YOU CAN BUY IT NOW

[sylferino]

every $30 purchase is like a razor sharp arrow stuck firmly in my muscular wearwolf back

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

“i have of late lost all my mirth” should be a valid reason not to come in to work

[kayivy]

a moment in time  from AD 120 to 2020 

—

here’s my andromaquynh secret santa gift for @aahaanaa, i hope you like it! :) 

i had a lot of fun researching a little bit of roman history for this 

[xandyflare]

Simon saying "fuck that" to literally every other problem was so real of him. He really felt like one of the top five horror movie protagonists that I've watched. Cursing up a storm seeing the dark crawlspace for the first time. Labelling the map with stuff like "buncha rocks" and "alien shit". Drinking the rubbing alcohol like it's the last liquor shot he's gonna get before deployment. Wasting almost all of his tape just trying keep that damn button taped down. The more I think about him the more I'm delighted by him. Mark played him so damn well

[beanswithbones]

I cant believe he did that...