mindless thoughts

[igaveyouall-ox]

And once again my feelings do not matter to you. Nothing I say will change your mind. Why am I even trying to hold on anymore???

[igaveyouall-ox]

I didn't know it was possible to have such pains in my heart after so many years. It is still broken by you, it will never be the same.

[igaveyouall-ox]

How after nearly ten years can you still have this hold over me without even knowing? I want to hear your voice, I want to know how you're doing. How don't you feel the same way? I don't understand. I want to understand. I do not think I ever will.

[eeuuphoriaa-blog]

do you know what it’s like when you’re laying in bed and it’s 3am and you can’t sleep and even though you feel like you should be crying, you can’t do that either. you’re just laying there looking at the ceiling, thinking about all the things you should’ve done and thinking back to when things started going wrong and just not knowing what you did wrong and it’s just one of the worst feelings ever.

[aseaofquotes]

James Joyce, Finnegans Wake

[igaveyouall-ox]

[igaveyouall-ox]

So it's happening again. Today should have been a happy day. Today should have been a good day. But it has not worked out this way. Instead I have spent the entire afternoon and evening with my partners parents, whom I am sure despise me. Who seem to gain a thrill by slyly putting me down and shaming on me, slyly suggesting I am not worthy of their "precious" son. I am not sure how much more I can take of this. I am not sure how much longer I can feel so unworthy whilst trying to plan a life with someone. Why are my actions always judged? Why am I always judged?

[gqandw]

B. Photo by: @danielodowd

[bookworm-on-rainy-days]

[bugtears-deactivated20150413]

I get jealous really easily but not like an angry vengeful jealous more like a really sad lonely jealous because everybody likes everybody more than they like me and I really really don’t blame them. 

[igaveyouall-ox]

I just feel so sick with what's going on right now, Christmas is going to be a disaster. I feel awful.

[igaveyouall-ox]

There is still a hole in my heart where you walked out, even after all these years. Over six and a half years since I stopped meaning anything to you and you still cross my mind everyday. I still want to message and see how life is treating you, how your new girlfriend is and what degree grade you ended up graduating with. Part of me is always going to love you, no matter who you’re with, no matter who I am with. It breaks my heart not to speak to you. I just really miss you.

[aseaofquotes]

Christopher Barzak, The Love We Share Without Knowing

[planetoargentina]

[igaveyouall-ox]

...

Life is fragile. There’s been plenty of people I have lost along the way in my life, but none that hurt quite so much as the ones you know you will never (or should never) speak to again. There’s always this ache in my chest when I think of these people, which is more often than it should be in some cases, and not quite so often as it should in others. I should be a happy girl. I have a wonderful family, friendship group and boyfriend. But, alas, I am not. I have this pain that is so profound so often I cannot ignore it. I miss them all so deeply. How do I stop this?