What an Amusing Caricature

John. 28. Comic, sketch, and screenwriter. More cartoon than man at this point. If antidote found, please destroy.

[honey-and-gin]

[gluten-free-pussy]

Is he making a threat?

[ignobel]

A promise.

[ignobel]

MY GOD, THERE MUST BE 50K 🔔 IN THIS DISPLAY ALONE! I can finally pay off that slumlord extortionist 🦝 (at The Evolution Store) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt8iVrcBXzg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17ksdaat0uvse

[ignobel]

Old John is no more. New John likes suspenders and antique dog paintings and rED WINE COURSES THROUGH HIS BLUEBLOOD VEINS (at Park Avenue Armory) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtFTs5YBj9V/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vp81e8a5cur2

[ignobel]

Jan 2010 vs Jan 2019. Same weirdo, now with facial hair and 7 new catchphrases! #10yearchallenge https://www.instagram.com/p/BswqbbRhDWy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1i36xjf4qzsih

[bananatwinky]

1/10

[anancientheart]

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

[anancientheart]

whenever i post this it works  reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet 

[ignobel]

These freakin' nerds. 📸 held up by a napkin holder and a garlic salt shaker. https://www.instagram.com/p/BsRmbW1hLWl/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1an1c6msmaa3t

[c3rvida3]

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

[c3rvida3]

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

[c3rvida3]

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

[ignobel]

I once did a escape room group activity for my then new office.

And inside the room was just the most gorgeous basket of fake granny smith apples you ever did see.

7 plastic, spray painted oblong orbs just begging to be thrown in the air, caught, and repeated.

For 60 agonizing minutes, I had to keep saying to myself, "No, never again. These are new people. That part of your life is over."

Oh God, what have I become ...

[ignobel]

Shape of Water = litmus test

One of my favorite banal moments of 2018 has got to be repeatedly asking my coworker what she thinks about Shape of Water, waiting for her to say, "ew, wtf!", only for me to respond:

"OH I'M SORRY, MARY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO AGAINST THE CONCEPT OF LOVE!!"

*gets office to chant "fish sex!" as she yells at me

[goawfma]

☠☠

[slytherinnpride]

[ignobel]

Pitch: 3 20-somethings during a quarter-life crisis move in with a recently divorced Santa at a cramped apt in DUMBO. Hilarity ensues. (at SantaLand @ Macy's Herald Square) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bru-pcFhpR3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13rmizsib4aa7

[ignobel]

Showing up late to Santa's village with Starbucks. (at SantaLand @ Macy's Herald Square) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bru3RdlBNjn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=sw8omo704mtw

[worldcircus]

[ignobel]

I have a #complicated relationship with my Catholic upbringing but without fail I will always develop an instantaneous, indescribable, almost ethereal crush on the choir leader.

...gulp.

[ignobel]

Channeling my inner Jacques Cousteau/more accurately Steve Zissou (with apologies to Bill Murray & all marine life) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrjhEPgBC-C/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=irpxtv19ajpp

[skeletonize]

i was looking at old photos and i wanted to show you how our story went, a little

bronwyn and i met at age 12 but i dont have any photos from then, really, but this is from grade 9 science class when we were being goofs and i was 13

this is from our first ever sleepover, we couldn’t stop laughing and we were sleeping on a mattress on the floor and we went to boston pizza and got plastic rings that we both still have (bronwyn kept hers on a necklace after that)

i went to bronwyn’s cottage for the first time in the summer after grade 9

we had our first kiss in grade 10 when i was 14 and were in a weird kind of dating limbo period

then i moved to the states and turned 15 and told bronwyn i was in love with her and we visited every chance we could and she sent me flowers and packages

then i went to junior prom with her and bronwyn cut her hair

then we had the most beautiful summer where i spent 5 weeks at her cottage and i cut my hair

then i went back to miami for 12th grade and turned 16 and bronwyn was 17 and we went to senior prom together

then i moved back to canada for university when i was turning 17 and we finally lived in the same place again and we loved each other so much and got breakfast together every day

then after a beautiful summer we started living together when i was 18 and bronwyn was 19  and we went to bahrain together and bronwyn dyed her hair brown and now i get to see her every morning and every night and we adventure in our city and have a coffee shop and love each other more than i could have thought. there were periods of scary intense darkness but we love each other so much and i’ve never been happier. i’ve known bronwyn since i was 12 and now i’m almost 19 and i love her more and more.

[skeletonize]

i’m never on here anymore, but i wanted to share that almost a month ago bronwyn and i got engaged!! under a beautiful tree on a perfect day and for the rest of my life i get to pursue her and care for her and make her laugh. i’ve said this so many times but now more than ever: if this is all i get, it’s so much more than i could have hoped for.

[hopeful-weirdo]

This makes me so happy

[ignobel]

"if this is all i get, it's so much more than I could have hoped for"

Now that was a good cry.

[spellofwinter-deactivated202605]

Night in the Woods (2017)