iguanagwen

Recovery blog || Getting my life back slowly

[iguanagwenscreeches]

Yello! My name’s Isha Gwen/Iguana Gwen and I dedicate this blog to my ed recovery journey that killed and destroyed me and my life, my relationships, my dreams. Before anything else, if you’re reading this:

It is a mental disorder - not a weight disorder. Your suffering is valid at any weight. Everyone deserves recovery.

My dm’s are open for anyone to talk!

More about my story:

Developing the ed was a slippery slope that I didn’t even notice took my entire life, my personality, my happiness. Although I didn’t choose the ed, recovery was a choice I made after hitting rock bottom and actually deciding to €nd my life. I had a previous recovery attempt that led to an even harder relapse due to the recovery i did was not sustainable. I was then put in psychiatric hold in the hospital when I reached my worst state. I made the conclusion that I couldn’t keep living this way— I was barely alive. Everything the ed made me do was horrible and tainted me. With guilt, with shame, with battling my own mind. I became a shell of myself and I’m now determined to find who I am again. To hopefully develop a healthier and more stable relationship with food.

I am choosing to remain vegetarian but I do not restrict myself throughout my recovery. I’ll try to show the reality of true recovery, the hard parts, and of course hope for a better life for everyone.

[armandsminion333]

i better see some nasty wicker smut once wicked comes out

[positivelyqueer]

You've gotta have good biodiversity in your reasons for not killing yourself. Rotate them out like crops when the yield gets low and the soil poor. We're mixing our metaphors. Whatever helps it stick.

You like warm blankets. You like the sound of birdsong. You have a pet that needs taking care of. You have someone to outlive. You have a loved one. You think death would be boring. It's coming for you anyway. Death is patient. When was the last time you had cake? Your favourite musician is going on tour. Or maybe just a halfway decent band at your local bar. You've never seen an elephant. Isn't it amazing that the sky is blue? Aging is a gift not afforded to most. Don't let the bastard grind you down. You can't mend any suffering in the world with your death. You want to see if you can grow herbs on your windowsill. Killing yourself seems like so much effort. What does tiramisu taste like? You're trying to be curious. You're angry and spiteful. What you want more than to die is to rest. This sandwich is so good you don't want to die. Not so long as there are plums to eat and somebody, anybody who gives enough of a damn to haul them to you. A stranger on the internet is holding their hand out and asking.

[draconym]

You haven't finished that book. It's almost strawberry season. There's a chrysalis on the porch that should open soon. There are pastries you've never tried. It's going to be sunny tomorrow. You're going to look very distinguished with gray hair. You have to outlive him. There aren't any easy ways to die. Your package is supposed to arrive on Friday. There are people who will love you that you haven't met yet.

[offthescalez]

Mental health isn’t a competition

A good day doesn’t make you better. A bad day doesn’t make you worse. Consistency matters, long term changes matter and overall difference in ability to process emotions and daily challenges matters.

Having a good day doesn’t invalidate your struggles, your pain or your trauma. Enjoy those days. You don’t know how many of them will be there in the not so distant future. Don’t let anyone rob you of them.

Having a bad day doesn’t invalidate your progress or your healing. Recovery from trauma takes months to years. Recovery from eds takes a long time too. Change doesn’t happen overt night and your body and brain take time to adjust.

Most importantly other people’s pain and experiences don’t invalidate your own. Others’ traumas doesn’t have to be used as a comparison or as evidence that your feelings are real. If they don’t have good days and you do, that doesn’t mean that your trauma is less valid or that your pain is any less than theirs. If you have bad days that seem never ending but they do seem to improve, that doesn’t mean that you will never heal.

I am not here to compare myself to anyone else nor do I wish to be taken as a baseline for how improvement and healing takes place. I can say I am healing and then have a mental breakdown all in the space of 3 days. We are all different. That doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle or that my trauma was never real. That especially doesn’t mean that someone struggles more or less than me based on how many good or bad days I have. Stop using me as a baseline. I don’t consent.

[vincian4]

I wish I had a girlfriend who would spoon feed me yogurt

[importantcatpics]

[curlyheadbrunette]

recover for the angels who couldn’t! 🪽

[thepeacefulgarden]

[letterfrommary]

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

You have so much more purpose in life than trying endlessly to offer the world a thin body.

[offthescalez]

People who act predictably and make you feel safe by demonstrating care and compassion are the best friends you could ever ask for.

It’s not about hobbies, shared interests, even shared goals. Sometimes the person that you need when you are in a dark place is someone who will just quietly say “I know it’s hard” and just sit there.

[iguanagwenscreeches]

my before bed fruit, pineapple is so yummers i’m to lazy to cut it so i’m chomping on it

[iguanagwenscreeches]

had salad WITH dressing, boom! it was delish- i had to request the bacon and chicken on the side since i’m vegan and they served it cold? lmao. anyways i gave it to my sister. i also have mixed veggies which was gooddddd

[librarycards]

keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak.

[thesweetiepienovels]

People who recycle and put their trash in their pocket until they find a trash can and people who pick up liter when they see it and people who still cut the six-pack rings so animals don’t get trapped or choke on them and people who move turtles out of the road and people who stop for ducks and geese to cross all have a very special place in my heart. You are so good to this world and earth. I hope you know that.

[vittosecretdiary]

[wheelie-sick]

honestly? I think one of the scariest things about bipolar disorder is the periods of stability because you know the pain will always come back. you spend so long chasing it and then you have it and you can't bear to let it go. you spend your time stable dreading the inevitable depressive or manic episode that will follow it. it feels like every day that you aren't living to its fullest you're wasting because your time with stability is so short.