I'll give you something to cry about -Mom

[iitsallrealhere-blog]

so I got the job yay me!! not surprising that wedding planning is on my mind. I had forgotten about the stress of pleasing people and worrying about what they’ll say about how my wedding went down. I know people will talk. Te conosco mosco… I know what they're about. they can’t fool me. Its pretty easy to say “who cares what people think?!” or the usual “ who’s wedding is it?” 3/4 of those people secretly care. ( I hope that the correct percentage. I only use measuring cups) Oh well, I guess this is something that I’m gonna have in my mind till the day I get married or maybe a month after my wedding. Que fregados gano preocupandome de los demas?… what the heck do I win worrying about the rest? so i have decided, that if this wedding is ever going to happen I gotta just do it and not worry about what friends, family want and expect, but if you know me at all then you know that I will try to satisfy both sides, but only if I’m happy with it. I will not allow anyone to make me feel all crazy and wanna postpone the wedding, again.Let the planning begging! wish me happy planning! I was telling Jeremy about a wedding date idea and questions started arising. por ejemplo, location, entertainment, food which all leads us to $$ sometimes I day dream that I tell my sad story to one of las kardashians and they throw me a wedding. psshh! I wish. at least this time around, I have a job and that makes it all better and for sure a lot easier to plan a wedding. Its all in Gods hands and our paychecks, of course. I think about it everywhere. pinterest takes over my soul every night when I’m supposed to be sleeping. The backyard wedding. thats the type of wedding I want. I think about it everywhere. Pinterest takes over my soul every night when I’m supposed to be sleeping. I'm very indecisive. My fiancé can tell you without a doubt that I change my mind so many times. I need to pick a wedding Idea and just stick with it. I want fireworks. obviously, I aint no kardashian and can't afford my own. I can ask my primos… cousins from Tijuana to bring me some firecrackers from across the border. The loud whistling noise crackers I used to hear at my families house all night and new year morning, but thats not the type of loud noise I want at my wedding. So, I came out with the brightest idea of having a 4th of july wedding. A chill wedding, BBQ reception in a backyard type of theme and fire works. Free fireworks! I hope I make it work. And if not then you’ll hear me rant about another wedding date soon. Happy Superbowl, Sunday, guys! GO CHARGERS!

[iitsallrealhere-blog]

Chillax!! It’s not the end of the world. or is it?? Maybe not the end of “the world" as in its 4th of july and Will Smith is fighting aliens end of the world, but it does feel like its the end of MY world so don’t tell me to “chillax." sigh! maybe I should take a chill pill. or smoke a bowl more like it. Allow me to dwell over my pathetic little problems while theres real life threatening issues going down in the rest of the world. Honestly, I know that what I’m going through is so stupid and easily fixable that homeless dudes in my block are probably saying "this bitch."(I was hoping more for spare change,but criticism is well deserved) One thing I learned today after feeling like my future was officially going down the toilet, was that its okay to cry. its  perfectly normal to cry when you are overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry and maybe even turned on…wait, no. thats not normal. cochina!…nasty girl! After you’re done with your little melt down, put your big girl panties on(not sure why they were off in the first place) wipe your runny mascara off your cheeks and breath. It’s really not the end of “your" world unless you are terminally ill or you live in the middle east. But since I’m pretty sure that the people who are reading this are from my FB, I assure you it’s okay,guys. you’re probably just in National City.(no she didn’t!…Yes.I.Did! *snap*) Its safe to say that you’re not the only person going through problems. While you’re thinking that your life is over because you can’t find a your career job and have a nice wedding and school is too damn expensive(okay, now I’m just venting) there are people receiving news about cancer, death or getting raped(Whoa! that turned quick)or maybe not as serious but there are also people out there getting evicted, divorced, laid off, or don’t have money to eat.See how your problems are so tiny now? Dont get me twisted. I’m not saying that what you’re going through isn’t messed up. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. Just know that its nothing a little prayer and some crying can’t fix. Clear up your mind and you’ll realize that everything is going to be okay. You know why? because you’re loved. I know that you got someone in your life that loves you so much. Someone that will be there to listen because we all know that when we express our sad feelings we feel better afterwards. We just sometimes need to cry. no matter if you’re a female or have a penis. Crying is 100% healthy for the soul (fuck whoever says otherwise) Whatever you’re going through, don’t give up! Even if it means that you’re life has to change or that you’re moving a few steps backwards or that some plans are going to be put on hold (like my wedding whaaa!) It’s all good baby baby!! Thanks Biggie Smalls.. You always know what to say.

Like I've said on my first blog.. I don't do this professionally. Don't be trippin balls because my punctuation and grammar isn't on point.

finally, still learning my way around this website. I'll get better at it eventually.

peace!

[iitsallrealhere-blog]

Give me a break! and I don't mean a KitKat break

Pilot (cause isn't that what they call every 1st episode of a show? and this is my show :)

      My very first blog. Sorry, Im typing out loud. Technically, my brain is typing it's feelings. nobody is going to really read this. I mean, this whole page is so unprofessionally done. it's ok though. this is just a hobby for me. A place where I can write my stories. I've always wanted to write and i really dont know why i never pursued it. I did so many other things in life to earn money and none of them were my dream job. why? i have no clue. I wish I was ambitous. Whenever i see people going to school and pushing themselves to better their lives I stop and think to myself... what the fuck happened to me?! I think back and school really wasn't that bad.  All I had to do was my homework, classwork, pay attention and the biggest most important thing was to show up. That's really where I failed. Through out my life I've had multiple jobs. none that I ever was happy with. I had the typical fast food drive thru job (that was cool cause I was like 16) I was a security officer at one point in my life (probably the most boring job in the world) I was also a bus driver (that was cool, but not something I wanted to do forever) I did the whole 6 month program to become a medical assistant. well let me tell you those assholes were just a waste of time and money. took another program, this time a free one. I got my Phlebotomy license, but nobody wants to give me a chance because I lack experience. I decided that since I have no kids I will volunteer to get experience, but I need more experience for that! the fuck?! I don't get it. maybe a few years ago I didn't really care about my career, and where life was taking me but now I'm engaged and want to have a nice wedding and live with him anywhere, (except his moms house. Ta' loca la vieja!...old lady is crazy!) and make my own money. I work as a waitress once a freakin week for the past 9 years.  its ok money especially when I don't have rent to pay or kids, but I really want something where I can go in at 9 and be off at 5. I know... I'm not stupid or ignorant. I know that you gotta start from the bottom like everyone else to earn something that. what's wrong with me?! :'/ am I just lazy? probably. I'd like to blame my parents for not being Asian and pushing me to do my best. (please don't be offended by my poor choice of words. I know a lot of asians. I really appreciate the noodles they make. sooo good!) but i need to get it together. I'm young, no kids and I live in the USA where other kids from other countries come and do what I'm supposed to be doing. They take advantage of what I get for free. I'm just full of disappointments. I wish I could go back in time. I would do so many things differently, (school, work, family, and even not date the dudes I did) but if I did that then maybe I would't of met the most amazing man that I'm deeply in love with. (and if you watch Once Upon a Time, then you know changing the past will screw everything up. just saying.)  I'm not a very religious person, (I mean, geez I curse like a chola...female version of a  gangster. I like my herbs) but whatever God and I got going on is between me and him, but all I know is that I believe that he's had my life story written down way before I was born. Hey, I gotta believe in something, right? and if believing in him makes me more comfortable then I sure damn will. He would't put me through this struggle if he did't think I couldn't handle it. like my annoying sister says. let go and let God. wait I think thats how it goes.  So, this is my first blog and quite honestly I enjoyed letting out all this drama. who's gonna read it? probably nobody. I mean, I don't blame them. poor grammar, punctuation esta para la chingada...is all fucked, but it's me. unless I'm writing a book then I don't really care about it.

I am awesome at giving advice when its asked for, but I'm terrible at taking my own advice and using it toward my life. I will try to give one type of advice at the end of every blog for those that could use it. Advice #1. YOLO. seriously, you only have one life so make the best of it. I'm not saying go and do all types of drugs and have unprotected sex. (which is probably super fun too) I mean, set a goal, reach it, but also have fun while working hard. it's awesome feeling accomplished when you're having fun...if that makes any sense =/ and please please please! don't bother with negative comments. They will be deleted. and if I know you, I might judge you in private but not in public so please refrain from embarrassing yourself here.