Fairly Local (here’s to the new year)
I heard this song for the first time a few weeks ago (shoutout to my cousin Beth for introducing me to the beauty of twenty one pilots), and it immediately brought to my mind two things - the being of Depression in my life, and the True Me that almost disappeared for a while, but lately has been taking back her domain.
I have my own Blurryface.* She really sucks. For a long time, she was the main player in the game of my life. She beat and whipped me, day in and out, for years, told me I had no worth, wasn’t worth life or love, or anything I could ever desire.
These days, she shows up now and then. Sometimes she stays for longer than I’d like. But I push her, fight her, until she leaves. I know that she is a liar now. I know that she can manipulate my emotions, my brain chemistry, zap my energy, mess with my metabolism and appetite, whisper insecurities into my head, but she can’t have me anymore.
Because I know there are brighter days ahead.
I don’t say this to minimize anyone’s journey or lessen the extent that they have been affected by anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness.
But I do say this to say that Depression is a liar and a cheat. And whatever your own affliction has tried its hardest to convince you is true is a lie. You are worth life. You are worth love. You are worth it, even when you may feel that no one else is giving you a reason to believe otherwise.
And if you need help, please ask for it. Whether that means reaching out to a friend, seeing a therapist, going to the doctor, do it. So many nights I sat alone in my room trying to find a reason to stay alive, but I’m so glad I decided to stick around.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it, friends.
*Blurryface is a character created by the lead singer of twenty one pilots to represent all of his, and others’, insecurities
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