I write here when I can’t talk anywhere else.

This is where I leave the thoughts I can’t keep anymore.

[ileftthishere]

people think healing is soft.

it’s not. it’s violent in quiet ways.

there’s nothing scarier than waking up one day and realizing your personality was built on survival. that your “calm” was actually suppression.

that you weren’t naturally independent, you just learned not to rely on anyone because it never felt safe to.

healing is realizing all of that and still choosing to face it.

and no, it was never meant to be done alone.

it takes people.

a village.

patience.

time.

[ileftthishere]

today wasn't better,

but it was gentler.

i'll take that.

[ileftthishere]

I didn’t cry today.

At least not the way I did the past few days.

The sadness is still here, though. It’s quieter now, but it’s still sitting somewhere inside my chest. Like a guest that hasn’t decided to leave yet.

Today I spent a lot of time thinking.

Thinking about people. About love. About expectations. About how sometimes the people we care about the most can also be the ones who hurt us the deepest, not always intentionally, but enough to leave us questioning our place in their lives.

I think one of the hardest things to accept is realizing that not everyone loves the same way we do.

Some people communicate.

Some people stay silent.

Some people ask for your opinion.

Some people make decisions and tell you after.

And when you’re someone who values honesty and consideration, those differences can feel like rejection.

My anxiety has been loud lately too.

Work has been weighing heavily on my mind. There are changes happening, uncertainties that I can’t control, and my brain keeps trying to prepare for problems that haven’t even happened yet. It’s exhausting living in a future that doesn’t exist yet.

I wish I knew what next year would look like.

I wish I knew if everything would be okay.

But I don’t.

So tonight, I’m trying something different.

Instead of looking six months ahead, I’m looking at tomorrow.

Just tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up.

Tomorrow, I’ll do my best.

Tomorrow, I’ll keep going.

Maybe that’s enough for now.

Maybe healing isn’t about having all the answers.

Maybe it’s just choosing to continue, even when your heart is still carrying questions.

And if I’m being honest, I still have a lot of questions.

But tonight, I’m choosing rest over overthinking.

We’ll see what Day 4 brings.

Goodnight, Tumblr. 🤍

[ileftthishere]

A Little Lighter Than Yesterday

Hello, how are you guys?

Yesterday was heavy.

Not because something huge happened all at once, but because my heart had been carrying so much for so long. I finally let myself cry. Not the kind of crying where you try to hide it or stop it, but the kind where you just let everything out.

While I was crying, I found myself praying quietly in my mind. I asked God for clarity. I asked Him to show me what to do in the next few days because right now, I feel lost and uncertain about so many things.

One of the biggest things weighing on me is work.

Lately, I’ve been anxious about all the changes happening around us. There hasn’t been any official announcement, but I can’t shake this feeling that I might lose my job before December. Maybe it’s just fear talking, maybe it’s my mind preparing for the worst, but the uncertainty has been exhausting.

And honestly, it’s not just work.

There are other things making me anxious too. Things I can’t fully control. Things I keep replaying in my head at night when everything is quiet.

I’m trying my best not to worry too much. I’m trying to trust Him even when I don’t understand what’s happening. I hope He can carry me through this season because some days I feel like I’m carrying more than I can handle on my own.

The truth is, I don’t know what the future holds right now.

But today, I’m choosing to take things one day at a time.

One prayer at a time.

One step at a time.

One breath at a time.

Maybe I don’t need all the answers today.

Maybe I just need enough strength for today.

And for now, I think that’s enough.

[ileftthishere]

Damn, here we go again.

[ileftthishere]

I never thought I’d be creating a Tumblr account just to have somewhere to put all of this sadness.

Yet here I am.

Not because I have stories to tell or because I wanted a new hobby, but because my thoughts have become too loud, my heart too heavy, and I no longer know where to put everything I’m feeling.

Today feels heavy.

Not because of one life-changing event, but because of all the little hurts that have quietly accumulated over time. The kind of hurts you brush aside, convince yourself aren’t worth mentioning, and carry alone until one day they become impossible to ignore.

I think what hurts the most is feeling like the person I love the most doesn’t always consider me when making important decisions.

Sometimes I only find out after everything has already been decided.

Sometimes I learn about things when there’s nothing left to discuss, no room left for my thoughts, no opportunity to share how I feel.

And every time it happens, I’m left asking myself the same question:

Why didn’t you think to ask me first?

Not because I need control.

Not because I need permission.

But because I thought I mattered enough to be considered.

Lately, I’ve been carrying a question that sits quietly in the back of my mind:

Who am I to you, really?

Because when I love someone, I naturally think about them.

I think about how my decisions affect them.

I think about their feelings.

I think about what they might need, what they might think, what they deserve to know.

Not because I’m obligated to.

Because I care.

Because that’s what love looks like to me.

And maybe that’s why this hurts more than I know how to explain.

I’m tired.

Tired of finding things out later.

Tired of hearing things after they’ve already happened.

Tired of feeling like I’m piecing together truths instead of being trusted with them from the beginning.

I wish you understood that this isn’t about the decisions themselves.

It’s about the feeling they leave behind.

The feeling of being overlooked.

The feeling of being left out.

The feeling of wondering whether my place in your life is as important as your place in mine.

I love you.

And that’s exactly why this hurts.

Because the people we love the most are often the only ones capable of hurting us this deeply without ever intending to.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing tonight.

Because I don’t know how to let this sadness go.

I don’t know how to stop replaying the questions in my head.

I don’t know how to stop wondering why the person I would always consider doesn’t always seem to consider me.

So for now, I’ll leave these thoughts here.

On a Tumblr account I never thought I’d create.

In a journal I never thought I’d need.

Hoping these words can carry some of the weight my heart has been holding for far too long.

🖤 May 30, 2026 — 11:00 PM

“Some sadness doesn’t ask to be understood. It just asks for a place to exist.”