408

[the-taintedtruth]

“I used to think the years would go by in order, that you get older one year at a time. But it’s not like that. It happens overnight.”

— Haruki Murakami, Dance, Dance, Dance (via wordsnquotes)

[nghtmrefu3l]

sigh

[queerlove]

me: *catches myself being judgmental* me to me: i did not raise u this way

[incidentalcomics]

https://linktr.ee/grantdraws

[dankmemeuniversity]

[notdavidfincher]

That was the moment I saw beyond myself. My pain was selfish. Because it was never only mine. For everybody in this place there was someone who mourned their loss. Even if they didn’t know why. We were all bound together. The living and the damned.

Westworld | Kiksuya dir. Uta Briesewitz, DoP Darran Tiernan

[j-alias]

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this… When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.” “Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.” But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around… and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills… and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.” And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things… about Holland.

Emily Perl Kingsley

[officialiwrotethisforyou]

[32trbl]

[samxcamargo]

You can begin again. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go.

[ilikecitrus]

A couple years ago, a ten minute conversation with my dad that was not comprised of his criticism and my silent apathy would have been a quality interaction in my mind. Several years before that, a rare academic achievement, or often not even an “achievement” but really just me reaching his most basic expectations, would there finally be a dose of warmth between us. Not enough for a hug, that would be strange, but maybe just to feel okay about the relationship.

One of my favorite TV shows, Fraiser, captures the difficult, but moving reconciliation of a middle-aged man with his retired father. An estranged pair brought together again, sharing nothing in common more than their bloodline and a distant past, and living together uncomfortably. I love the show for the wit, self-aware & self-deprecating humor, but mostly for this. Over the course of 10 seasons, they rebuild their relationship and it’s stressful, ugly, and awkward. It takes a lot of effort and I’ve always been very inspired by it.

I never had a bad relationship with my dad. It was civil and we rarely talked. But, as someone who tries hard to make each of the connections in my life as meaningful as they can be, as someone who has always chosen the company of my friends over any other priority, I wanted to connect. I wanted to truly get to know each other.

Today we talked for 4 hours straight and it was.. actually easy. We don’t agree on much, religion being the major one, but I was impressed. I thought of my dad as this stubborn, riled up man but he actually really values respecting others for their thoughts. Conversation flowed from discussion of marriage & remarriage, the importance of personal equity in California, the balance of ambition, people/relationships, and happiness, my relationship, etc. 

I feel pretty inspired again.

[cycleofnature]

[ilikecitrus]

I'm slowly becoming a repository for decomposing sorrows, regrets, ignored injustice, and forgotten promises. I can still feel its stench. But when I get accustomed to it, I will call it experience.

Meša Selimović (The Fortress)

[ithelpstodream]

[stars-bean]

[ilikecitrus]

my surprisingly precocious fourth grade sister;

My little sister, the youngest of three, spoiled nearly rotten by my dad and adored by my mom, surprised me with her enthusiasm for science and aptitude for chess this weekend. 

For a long time in our family, she was considered the baby of our family (and she still is our baby!) and wasn’t pushed the way my brother and I were. She was the one without book smarts, the one without the patience to sit still and read through a chapter book from the first page to its last in one sitting, the one who would rather play with dolls than accomplish a math problem (totally understandable for a child of course), the one who would rather give up if it’s challenging than give it a second go. However, she’s overcome these labels and her young 9 year old mind sought to prove us wrong. 

Her current passion is natural disasters. She’s read book after book on tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, etc. She knows so many facts and terms that I’ve never heard of. “Did you know ___? Did you know _____?” She watches YouTube videos for further learning. 

She’s also intrigued by the human body and healthcare. We discussed the extra chromosome if you have down syndrome, we discussed autism and ranging functionality levels, and we discussed diabetes. She innocently asked me, “What happens when someone with diabetes eats a lot of sugar?” I wasn’t sure so we googled it together. We read a few articles, moved to a page on hyperglycemia and its symptoms, landed on another link with details for another condition, pronounced long drug names correctly together, and so on. There is so much she wants to know and with the Internet at her disposal, she is free to wander down the rabbit hole in pursuit of knowledge.

Later that day, we played Chess and within her first three moves, she had taken two of my pieces. I took a solid 5 minutes to carefully ponder my moves while she moved her pieces swiftly, with the gravitas of someone who knows exactly what they’re doing. I was constantly on the defensive as she strategically cornered me with every move. 

I am wildly impressed and super proud of her. She’s exceeded me in light years in her curiosity for the world and determination to find answers. 

[writing-prompt-s]

Scientists invented a pill that enables dogs to fully speak and understand English. It lasts for ten minutes, and will only work one time. You give a pill to your 12 year-old Border Collie, whom you’ve had since they were a pup. Your dog immediately says “Alright, listen very carefully…”

[pumpkinstep]

“…you have always been the good boy. You get down on yourself but the good boy was you all a long.”