EmeraldEmpire

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[illbethatforyou]

LSD

I would have never thought I’d try LSD, but I did a few months ago, and a few times after that.  I will never forget my first experience, it was indescribable.  However, I’m going to try to put it into words.  Before trying LSD, you have to be ready.  Your mind has to be ready and you have to be sure and determined to have a good time.  I did LSD for the first time with my friend, Anna, her boyfriend and his friend, Benji.  The only one I knew was Anna.  Being one who struggles with social anxiety, this was not a good situation for me, but I hung in there. About 45 minutes after dropping, I was seeing in frames, like an old movie.  I felt like I was in some movie, and everything felt soooo.. scenic? A mood was developed, with the lighting, and how I felt, and what I saw.  Moments were more romanticized, like how authors will romanticize dull things.  I wanted to take my clothes off and just touch my body and skin against someone else’s, not anything sexual, but to feel like one, to feel like a collaborative form of energy. Words had rings to them.  I loved certain words and their meanings, some of which were white, green, vaccuum, oatmeal, sand, some, etc.  I also thought about my childhood a lot. The morning after I sent a text to my friend trying to explain the experience, and I was still coming down when I wrote it. “I just wanted to take off my clothes and be one with everyone and things just feel so nice. You have little desires that are like accomplishable in the moment and it just feels so good to fulfill them I dunno. And people feel like sand lava in lava lamps and life is good”. I established an unexplainable connection with Benji that night, and we’ve been together since. We actuallly fell for eachother on acid, and I’ve been loving him since with a new, eruptive love that I’ve never felt for anyone else.  I’ve tripped since then, and tripping outside is one of the coolest things ever.  

[illbethatforyou]

I want to tell everyone who touches me that I love them, because I do.  At the  moment, I love them.  You can love something no matter how long you've known it.  Am I in love? No, but I love.  I love anything that has made me smile, laugh, has made me feel good, or given me butterflies.  They deserve to be loved.  And so love, stop denying, stop questioning.

[northvibes]

took some unecessary pictures today :)))

[illbethatforyou]

This one thing my ex said still sticks with me.  To be honest, I never had any real feelings for him, I was allured by his looks and independence. But his intelligence and understanding wasn't really there. But we had a little bonfire one night, his friend, him, and I at his old abandoned house. It was the first time I had drank with him, he would always avoid it. Around midnight he took me inside because I had to pee really bad, and while I'm peeing, I hear things smashing from somewhere else in the house.  When I'm done I come out and see him standing over the railing, tearing up.  I hugged him and asked him what the problem was, and he said 'nothing nothing lets go back outside'.  So I walked with him and he led me out the front door.  He faced me toward him and he said "I don't like drinking, because it always makes me think bad thoughts.  When I was younger, my younger brother and I used to fight for fun and practice our karate and boxing moves on each other. (He actually is super good at it; he got to travel to Asia to compete). And one this one time, I couldn't hold myself back, and I feel sorry to this day... I almost killed him.  And he's messed up because of it.  I ruined his life.  He had to go the hospital, he was in a coma and had broken bones, including a few ribs." I was speechless, i couldn't imagine the guilt.  I told him "its in the past and its okay, his brothers still here to this day, and I know him.  He's smart.  So maybe you didnt break him, maybe you fixed him" I half joked.  He pulled me close and tried to smile.  "Im trying really hard to forget the past.  I wanna let the bad memories go, and I wanna make new, good memories with you" and he kissed me, and I told him we would.  We had a great night, but we broke up a few days later.  He actually broke up with me.  It was a short relationship, but those words hang in my chest and their rattle catches my attention form time to time

[illbethatforyou]

I think it's really important that a relationship never gets to the point where one or both members would do ANYTHING for the other.  One should never change themselves, plans, or beliefs purely because they care so much about someone else.  My boyfriend accepts some big things, which I'm glad, but he cares about image.  He doesn't care that our religious beliefs are far from similar.  But I've been gauging my ears and about a week ago he made the comment "Seriously don't stretch them anymore, I'll cry", and even though I love him so much and wanted to say 'Okay, I won't" I told him it would take awhile but I do plan on stretching them more.  He probably sees it as me thinking my ears are more important than his opinion, but I see it as does he really love me if changing how I look affects him so negatively?  And we talk about tattoos sometimes and one time, he jokingly said  "You should just get a huge one on your back haha" and even though that's unlikely, it still pissed me off a little.  Cause I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and if you have a problem with it I will not have a problem with dropping you out of my life

[illbethatforyou]

People always say "friends before boyfriends" or whatever, and honestly it's really annoying and isn't really true.  My friends expect me to drop all my other prior plans to do stuff with them, and when I say I have plans with my boyfriend they get pissed off and accuse me of putting him before them.  Some of my friends even say stuff like "after high school we probably won't even talk" blah blah. Well if that's how you feel, why should I waste my time for someone who doesn't want to be in my life?  If I'm serious with my relationship, it is a big part of my life that will last.  After high school, its typical to get married have a house and family, not move in with your friends and hangout with them 24/7.  So overall, a relationship is kind of more important if you want to get technical.  I don't have a problem hanging with my friends but its wrong to expect someone to drop other plans to do that.

[illbethatforyou]

Don't convince yourself you love someone just because they changed you.  If that's your logic then you'd have to love tons of people.  If someone made you realize something, gave you an oppurtunity, a fresh beginning.  Don't love them.  For your sake don't love them.

[illbethatforyou]

Love sometimes isn't what you think

There's something else separate from love entirely. Maybe it's just caring for someone, desire, or just liking them.  This type of affection cannot be helped.  It's not a choice. Love is a choice.  The first guy I slept with, I will always have some sort of feelings for him, no matter how much of an asshole he is.  I don't choose to feel like that.  He treats me like shit, and I'm still there whenever he needs me.  I thought maybe I was in love with him. But I know that's not it.  When you get attached to someone, and you think 'My god, why does it have to be you.' that's not love. I'm not sure what it is.  But it sure as hell is as powerful as love, I'll tell you that.  It can destroy you.

[illbethatforyou]

For weeks now I've been working my ass off in cross country.  I've been doing it every year since 9th grade.  I'm by far not one of the best runners.  But every single day, and every weekend practice, meeting, and meets... I'm there.  I push myself every day, and I'm always sore.  If I'm in pain, I push through it while some of the other runners would complain and take a break from running.  While some of the other runners would walk once the coaches were out of sight, I would just run faster.  I put so much time and effort into this sport, and my work was never really recognized.  I didn't care though, I was doing it for myself.  I liked to run, it gave me peace of mind. Recently, some runners were told they were finished because it was now post season.  Me and three other girls were placed as alternates.  We had ridiculously easy workouts and were just kept around in case one of the better runners couldn't run sectionals.  Which is saturday.  Today, after we did some long strides, the coach approached me and asked if I wanted to run in sectionals. Only 7 girls could run (out of our 14). I said yeah, I'd like to.  He said that out of all the girls, I've been working the hardest.  Point of the story, work hard, even if it's not noticed.  You never know when it might be.

[illbethatforyou]

Everything will fall into place eventually, and remain in place.  I don't mind waiting.  I'm waiting for a reason... some reason that I don't need to know.  But I'll be better, I'll learn, and I'll get what I want when I'm ready and have earned it.

[illbethatforyou]

So I have sort of a thing with this guy now... and how we met and became a thing is like my new favorite story so I wanted to share it.  So my best friend was supposed to sleepover.  I spent hours cleaning my room so she could come.  At the last minute, she told me there was a change of plans and to come sleepover her house instead because her other friend wanted to hang out too. My mom told me i should stay home so i dont feel weird or excluded, but i decided to go anyway. So i go over there, her other friend is already there and she tells me that her guy friend from work is gonna come by for some sort of bible study because he's a jehovah's witness.  I kinda freaked out because im not religious and it would just be really uncomfortable for me.  So this kid comes, he brings two of his other friends with him.  I recognize one of them from seeing him come into my graphic design class sometimes. His name's Vinnie.  The Jehovahs witness kid asks me what I believe in... So i tell him I don't believe in a God.  Vinnie asks me if im atheist or i just don't care.  I told him that Im open to the belief in God and that I don't wanna stick to one belief when its not proven true.  He told me he's the same.  Which I thought was weird because I thought they were all religious. But he sat next to me and we talk and laugh for awhile with everyone, Soon enough he suggests watching a scary movie and we end up cuddling til 3 in the morning. Then they had to leave so my friend and i walked them home.  He had his arm around me the whole time.  And this is the chessiest thing ever but i'll never forget it.  It was just one of those moments.  We were so close together it felt like we were one, and someone says to look at the stars.  I usually cant see them without my contacts, but I look up and the sky is clear and the stars are so bright... Vinnie says 'ya know, whenever we look up at anything, we open our mouths.  Its so weird but we all do it" i noticed he was right cause mine was open and i just smile at him and its just one of those memories thatll stick with you.  after we got back to my friends, i got a message from him on facebook and it just said 'nightt'.  the next morning he got up really early and brang a bunch of bagels to us for breakfast from a local bagel shop.  Aaand we've been talking since.  I just have a good feeling about him.  But this story goes to show everything happens for a reason.  I was meant to be at her house that night, so was he.  

[illbethatforyou]

Alright time to make a little peace with the past.

Besides the obvious fact that you're an asshole, let's put some closure to the whole thing by making my last thoughts about you good ones.

you're strong but gentle

you made me feel safe

your arms were home

you bought me icecream

you took time and gas money to come over all the time and cart me around

your voice

your eyes

your heartbeat

your cuddles and snuggling and big hugs

how good you are at kissing and being passionate

how youd kiss my nose and head

you respected me

always liked my pictures

compliments and friendly hellos and looks that said you cared

you'd tell me about things that bothered you and wanted to know when things bothered me

And this is why I have to let all of that go and leave it in the past

you tricked me and used me

empty promises

ignored me

tried to get me to cheat

everything would be intimate.

you picking fights

avoiding me in public

that look and tone youd give me when i frustrate you

how youd leave suddenly

talked to other girls

leading me on

but mainly, you hurt me. and that alone is enough to let you go

I'm going to remember you by the good things.  I forgive you, but now I need to move on.

[illbethatforyou]

When someone does something nice for me I would never forget it.  I would be there for and have that person's back forever just for being nice without being asked to.  But I've realized that as time goes on, of course, things change, people change.  A person who has done many kind deeds in my favor is a different person now.  All this time I've been defending and trying to stay close friends with this person.  But he's different now.  Sometimes, people who you would take a bullet for, would no longer do the same.  And when you realize that its time to let them go, regardless of the past.

[microscoped]

~Must be following me at http://northvibes.tumblr.com , don’t follow the microscoped network itself.

~Reblogs only, likes don’t count!

~Blog types: Indie, Hippie, Nature, that kinda stuff 

~14 spots open.  However I can add or remove spots so its adjustable.

~Picking on September 20th, 2013 or whenever I feel like there are enough reblogs.

~If you are chosen you need to have a link to the network on your blog, (I’ll help if you don’t know how), you would need to tell me what you would want as your description and picture on the microscoped network blog, I’ll explain more once I choose you :)

Thanks!!!!

~Message me (northvibes) with any questions

[illbethatforyou]

how to get an UNFOLLOWER TRACKER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1XDP3qBDKM&feature=share&list=UUcm2EosGZcLLFJdYrwMhSUg

[illbethatforyou]

so pissed

So today I went to 6 flags great adventure with my family, and my sister and i are waiting in line for Nitro and this woman was behind us with her daughter, who looked about 8 years old. If you've never been to 6 flags, its very diverse, all different kinds of people there.  And there were a few people around who were crossdressed i guess. And as soon as she sees one she started complaining about how 'disgusting'  it was and how people like that should 'be put on medicaton'. And keep in mind she is telling her young daughter all of this.  She then went on to say how she was 'a very loving person but had no tolerance for that'.  By now i was already angry, but it was a 2 hour wait AND SHE WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT. I really wanted to say something.  It just really bothers me. You don't have to like gay people to have the decency to support their rights.  This bothered me because of the following reasons:

she wouldnt just say her opinion and shut up. She kept going on and on. and everyone could hear her cause she was so damn loud. the people she was talking about probably heard her.

she was imposing her beliefs on her young child.  personally, i believe each person has their own right to believe what they want, and they shouldn't be brainwashed to think a certain way at a young age.

it really upsets me to think that certain people cant enjoy a day at the amusement park without being criticized by ignorant people.

medication? really? someone needs to put you on some if you think putting other people on medication will solve your problems.

ignorant bitch. damn it gets me so mad.

[illbethatforyou]

I longed to be something more beautiful than a human being.  I longed to have the warm, coarse fur of a grizzly bear, the shining scales of a fish, or the chirp of a blue jay.  I hated being human.  Humans are odd, cruel, and are associated with the destruction of the Earth.  But then I met you, and my eyes got lost in your smile, my ears drowned in your voice, and I sought comfort in your soul, and you know what? Some humans aren't so bad afterall.  Some humans are beautiful and breathtaking in what they are.  And you proved that to me.  If I wasn't a human, I would never have met you.  And I'm grateful for that, thank you.

Kaylee A Williams