live long, then expire

[hedgehog-troops]

normal kids! andreil au in which neil has taken up baking as a hobby all for andrew (no, he still hasnt realised he likes him). unfortunately, he is absolutely terrible at it.

when he makes cupcakes, kevin spits them out and neil gets so offended that he drags kevin to andrew and aarons and is like, you'll see, andrew will like it! he likes everything i do! he told me himself! (tiny 10 year old neil dragging a tall 12 year old kevin to equally tiny 11 years old twinyards house)

before handing it to andrew, neil reiterates that andrew WILL like it, Kevin just has no taste (so now andrew knows that he HAS to like it)

he takes a bite. and its fucking disgusting. andrew stares at neils face and tries to remind himself that he likes this boy and cant see him sad.

neil, however, can fully read andrew so he knows he didnt like it and neils all like :( you didnt like it, did you :( :( :( whilst andrew doesnt know if he should be truthful cz he hates lying ir try to appease neil (also, new discovery! neil looks cute pouting)

kevins absolutely smug and starts mocking neil in a high pitched voice 🙄🙄 "oh! andrew will like it! he likes everything i do!" 🙄🙄

neil stomps out and runs back to his house muttering about ungrateful pieces of shit and hiw he'll never do anythijg for them again (he then starts to bake every night following recipes off rhe internet EXACTLY (hes terrible at folliwing recipes, always ends up adding too much or too little of sth))

andrew and kevin are just standing there wondering if their lives woukdve been easier if they throw the mafia kid back ti the mafia (they would never)

[cloudmind03]

I cried as I wrote it

Neil is incapable of doing or saying anything that would make Andrew cry. Even in their sharpest, most vicious fight, Neil wouldn't be able to say anything hurtful enough to break him.​ But here is a thought. Andrew is volatile, when he has a bad day, the past haunts his mind, disrupting the order of his entire day. He gets irritable, raw, and deeply hurt. If a fight broke out while he was in that state, Andrew would reach a breaking point and throw out something suggesting he blames Neil, blames him for convincing him to have dinner at his cousin's house on that tragic day. That if it weren't for him, it never would have happened.​It would be a devastating blow straight to Neil's heart. He wouldn't be able to stop the tears. He would just stare blankly at Andrew, before running into the bathroom and locking himself inside. He would start crying, practically choking on his own tears. Because that guilt has been festering inside him for years, and now, he’s just heard confirmation that he was right to feel it.​ The moment Andrew realized what he had just done, he would be terrified. He would instantly go pale, his head spinning. He would beat on the bathroom door. Andrew would utterly hate himself for what he said to Neil. Especially because he doesn't actually mean it. He would despise the fact that he used something so weaponized just to hurt Neil, simply because he was hurting himself. Hearing Neil's agony from behind the door, unable to get to him, Andrew would do something he hasn't done in years. He would utter the word "please." Helplessly, he would whisper, "Neil, please open the door."​ And Neil would open it. But the moment Andrew tried to step closer, Neil would flinch away slightly, but noticeably. To Andrew, that reaction would be terrifying. And then came the words, spoken in Neil's weak, trembling voice: "I opened it because you said please."​ It would feel like another heavy blow. Neil hadn't opened the door because he wanted to, he did it simply because Andrew had said "please." The crushing realization that even in this state, Neil was still putting Andrew's feelings first, would be too much to bear. Andrew would break down, weeping as he apologized. They would both just sit there on the bathroom floor and cry, completely shattered.

​It would be an incredibly heavy, painful turning point in their relationship.

Don't worry, they'll fix it, slowly.

[wuzeio]

i am you and you are me

[allfortherot]

winged/avian!AU (CW body horror) where neil wasn't born with wings but lola takes someone else's and sews them onto neil--meticulously stitching the nerves of his upper back and spine into the wings. so, the wings aren't his, something forcibly put upon him that he cannot get rid of, but they force him to feel

maybe he tries to claw them off or tear them off, but cutting through your whole back's worth of nerves causes quite a bit of pain: he always passes out, not being able to complete the job

so when he meets andrew, the junction of where his wings and back meet aren't smooth and silky like it is for others, it's jagged and scarred: deeply rooted into the skin. maybe with andrew and his careful, thoughtful touches, he learns to feel from his wings without guilt, shame or anger burning the back of his throat.

maybe he's never preened before, never wanted to and was never offered. maybe he kept his wings in bad condition and out of sight as a sort of punishment for himself, for taking those wings from that person lola stole them from. maybe his mom had told him he didn't deserve to preen; that it was a waste of time

maybe andrew asks if he wants him to preen neil's wings for him, and neil just tilts his head in question. he never needed to, it was a waste of time--so why try? but the tips of andrew's ears are blushing and neil says yes

maybe with andrew's help, neil finally learns to trust and to love his own body: what comes with being neil josten.

-

andrew pov:

neil's been tortured and hurt all his life--that's evident from the scars littering his body and the wings that rest on his back. rest is a stretch, more like they sit uncomfortably tucked between the blades, stiffly.

andrew knows neil's wings are not his own; something lola had forced upon his body. something forced on him without his say. andrew knows a thing or two about how that feels.

every time any neil's feather falls or even is within the view of neil: he flinches. a short tick of his jaw, a slight widening of his eyes, andrew's studied the reactions, turned it over and over in his mind: trying to figure out what he can do about it. the state of his wings are horrid: old feathers not properly preened sticking painfully into others, poking skin and irritating underlying tissue. it makes andrew's own wings itch at just the sight of them.

one day he caves to his own desires, he asks neil if he could preen his wings for him. he knows the act is vulnerable, it's an incredible act of trust and an act of service between lovers. he doesn't know if neil knows that, andrew won't tell him. but if it's a choice neil declines, it is one andrew would accept

neil says yes, confusion evident but apparently more curious than scared: he bares his back and stretches his wings up to the max, presenting. it makes andrew's face warm and hands twitch; he doesn't know if neil knows what he's doing or if it's instinctual--he doesn't know which option is better or worse.

he spends his time carefully slowly dragging his fingers through the feathers. he appreciates the contrast of the firey red petals and his pale skin. he gently pulls out old feathers and adjusts new ones into their proper place. neil's glowing like this, illuminated from the warm lighting of the afternoon sun and with andrew's fingers lingering on his back

andrew has his own fair share of trauma with wings: both the ones on his back and with having one infront of him, but when he's with neil like this, he thinks maybe it was all worth it, if it all added up to the chances of this moment happening.

[midnights-dragon]

In case anyone is having a bad night

(The best of this post and its reblogs, but with links that work)

Here is a website where you can scroll down to all the different levels of the ocean 

Here is a website where you can see the future of the universe

Here is a website where you can press a ‘make everything okay’ button, over and over, until things really are okay

Here is a website that you can read if you feel like a burden

Here is a website where you can look at strobe illusions (TW strobe/flashing)

Here is a website where you can cut stuff up (TW blood/sh)

Here and here are websites where you can play with sand

Here is a website where you can draw with macaroni and other fun foods

Here is a website where you can paint someone’s nails

Here is a website where you can grow a garden with emojis

Here is a website with hundreds of videos of people hugging you (rightfully dubbed ‘the nicest place on the internet’ because it really is, y’all, it made me cry)

Here is a website that will take you to other useless websites

Here is a website where you can make a tiny cat play bongo drums (and other instruments!)

Here is a website to help give you gentle reminders <3

Here is a website where you can grow a tiny farm

Here is a website where you can take a bunch of scientific personality tests

Here is a website of calm rain noise

Take a breath. It’s going to be okay, I promise.

[emry-stars-art]

@anon-lemon and the stray cat Neil au…. the latest installment got me good lol so behold; insta stream results of mullet Andrew and his this weirdo stray cat Junkie (I don’t know if these would make sense in context of the au but I was dreaming and found too many good references to resist)

[allfortherot]

earlier i saw a post on twitter on how rabbits assert dominance by demanding to be groomed, and how cats assert dominance by grooming the other and like omg??? andreil??

no think about it, cat shifter andrew and rabbit shifter andrew both slyly without words playing around in their animal forms and they're both just thinking: "ha. i got him. im so in charge." (ofc neil knows he isn't rlly in charge anyway because he wants andrew to be in charge, he just likes the vulnerability it takes for andrew to give him the reigns) and they're both like smug about it for the entire day

IT FITS SO PERFECT GUYS PLEASEEE

[illegaloctopus]

there just a lil sleepy (the menace by @kingfluffkinss)

[jordiipordii]

The concept of a sleepy Andrew straddling Neil’s lap sometimes late at night when Neil is still up going over his math homework. Neil’s body relaxed and at ease as Andrew rests his chin on Neil’s shoulder, his knees resting to the sides of Neil’s skinny-strong legs. Neil basking in Andrew’s warmth and weight until he finally feels ready for bed, but when he’s ready to go he doesn’t dare to touch Andrew. Instead Neil sets down his pencil and tap tap taps it on his desk. The specific noise rouses Andrew but he doesn’t make a move to get up and head for bed just yet. Instead he and Neil lounge like that for a bit longer, their sleep shirts curling and wrinkling against each other. Andrew’s hands find the wild curls at the nape of Neil’s neck and he quietly asks “Yes or no?” before, with Neil’s permission, he starts the slowest and softest make-out session. Neil kisses back in earnest, his hands lazy where they’ve come to rest on Andrew’s knees. The two kiss like that for awhile before Andrew finally rises and he leads Neil to bed, where they slip under the sheets in their usual pattern of Neil first, Andrew second: Neil closest to the edge while Andrew gets the spot against the wall. Neil lying on his back and forgetting all about math problems and arithmetic as Andrew slings an almost protective arm over his midsection and together they drift off to sleep, the only things on their minds being how comfortable & cozy their shared bed is, as well as each other.

[serafinapickelda]

"I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be"

Except the "them" that Andrew is afraid of turning into isn't Drake. Andrew is terrified of being like Cass.

We all know that Andrew hates Cass so ardently partly because he also loves her so much. He's scared of allowing himself to want so desperately, and he's filled with self-loathing at the suffering that he's willing to endure to keep Cass.

But he also hates her because she failed to protect him. She unwittingly used love as bait to capture Andrew and hold him down, while allowing him to be harmed beyond measure.

Andrew's moral compass, the way that he loves, and (at points) his very reason for living are all built around being the exact opposite to Cass.

It's why Andrew has himself thrown into juvie to keep Aaron from being in the same room as Drake. Andrew refuses to be the loved one that lures Aaron to Drake, refuses to let Aaron's wish for a family be the thing draws Aaron to harm.

It's why Andrew won't stop shaking at Thanksgiving until he can see that Aaron is alright, until he knows that running into the room with a weapon out of love for Andrew isn't what put Aaron in Drake's path.

It's why he kills Tilda. He will not stand by and watch someone hurt the people under his protection, even though the person doing the hurting is his own blood.

It's why he protects Nicky. He won't let Nicky's love for Andrew - Nicky's insistence on raising him and Aaron - be the thing that damages Nicky.

It's why he protects Kevin and why he protects Neil. To be that person, that safe person who uses himself as the bait that keeps them there, while refusing to let anyone touch them.

Andrew loves with his whole heart. But people miss it because the way that he expresses love is calibrated to be the exact opposite of the way that Cass loved him. Don't you think that Andrew wishes that Cass had loved him like this, too? That she had shadowed him, monitored him, fiercely controlled who came near him? Violently extracted all of the secrets that he was keeping from her, bullishly inspected his scars? Threatened to stab and hit until one single glare was enough to make everyone stop?

Andrew is not making the same mistake. He won't be like them, he won't let the people that he loves let him be.

[fivescocoa]

autistic andrew minyard headcanons

he pain stims, frequent enough that (in trk bonus chapter) a simple rap on the table from betsy reminds him to stop hurting himself.

on his meds he can’t mask his stimming — like at all. he’s constantly moving in repetitive ways, constantly fidgeting. off his meds, he doesn’t allow himself to stim unless he’s alone.

breaking from their weekend routine of eden’s and columbia disregulates him so much. starts the upcoming week off on the wrong foot

trips to eden’s are sensory seeking

wears clothes too big for him, baggy tees and loose jeans. more often than not he is drowning in fabric. clothing hugging his frame the wrong way is the fastest way to a meltdown, and all of his club clothes are very strategically picked to meet his sensory needs while being club friendly

his goalie gear is heavy enough that it regulates his nervous system just right

has more shutdowns than meltdowns (off his meds. on his meds i think he’d be more meltdown prone).

wakes up with his battery half drained already

verbal shutdowns disguised as obstinance

cannot stand the textures of a lot of different foods and will simply not eat if there isn’t an easy safe food to turn to

doesnt even really like smoking or the way nic feels. he took it up because smoke breaks were a socially acceptable way to excuse himself at anytime from just about anything

[illegaloctopus]

I cannot stop thinking about the menace by @kingfluffkinss.

if you havent read it highly recommend! This is definitely my favorite comfort fic.

[tinmate]

Neil Josten 🤝 Jeremy Knox: fastest strikers in collegiate Exy. Big thighs, trim waist, sculpted calves. Wears teeny tiny running shorts. Happily Easily manhandled by their defense playing boyfriends. Captains. Drinks their respect women juice. Disarming smile. Found a family in their Exy teams. Start their series with no legitimate legal documents in their possession. Poor sleeping habits. Disappointing their mothers. Clinging to themselves.

[ajosm86]

Andreil.

[not-aaronminyard]

Personal Headcanon:

Aaron has twin girls and Andrew loves them.

Loves seeing their recitals, loves when they draw him pictures, loves when they run to greet him etc.

One day while they’re standing next to each other in Aaron’s backyard watching the twins play happily and carefree, Andrew says something along the lines of:

“A version of us done correctly.”

And Aaron is shocked. And its melancholic because maybe in another life where they were loved this couldve have been them but they cant change the past. However, they can make sure to break the cycle of abuse.

[jordiipordii]

Something about the Twinyards napping on Nicky speaks so sweetly to my soul. Aaron on one side -exhausted from studying and med exam prep- and Andrew who never sleeps well anyway on the other. Nicky Hemmick on the center cushion of the sofa with his younger cousins on either side of him, dozing with their matching relaxed faces and synchronized heart beats. Nicky almost unable to help how giddy he feels at having been chosen as their trusted thing to lean upon; Nicky feeling a strong sense of love and protection over the Twinyards the likes of which he has always known, but in this moment it’s more fierce. That coupled with endless happiness and joy that wants to burst thru his system like static shocks; it’s pure strong will that has him taking three, five, eight minutes of his time to carefully ease the blanket on the arm rest closer. Nicky goes slow so as to not disturb his cousins and eventually gets the throw blanket right where he wants it: tossed over his own lap and snuggled up carefully around the waist’s of his younger relatives. Aaron stirs and Andrew scrunches his face, but neither awakens. In fact they lean into Nicky, chasing his warmth like he’s a momma bear and they are his cubs. In a way perhaps that is true. The smile that lights his face is gentle and kind; novel and wholesome; polite and calm. He closes his eyes and allows himself to doze with them, hands in his lap as the Twinyards lean and nuzzle and sigh into him. It’s sweet.

[paradoxolotl]

Much thanks to The Bog for helping me with this