I never knew where the line between my comfort zone and my danger zone is. I’ve always pushed my boundaries and entered uncharted territories in all senses. My physical, mental, and emotional state have never had a limit that I did not explore. Was it my sense of adventure that compels me to be unnecessarily confident and optimistic in my decisions or was it a lack of common sense to be absolutely optimistic to try new things.
What’s the one thing that everyone’s afraid of?
Some people never enter the unknown. Some warily enter after much hesitation. Yet I dive into the black waters. My urgency to search for something new was probably rooted in my sheltered childhood. I was constantly held in my house and in my mom’s arms because while I viewed the world as an adventure, she viewed the world as danger.
My danger zone is also my comfort zone. I constantly seek out new things to try because I love the thrill of a conquer, or at least the chase.
I never realized that my tendencies to reach new (literal) height was so profound until I explored Los Angeles with Justyn.
Justyn is a photographer and friend from Oceanside, CA (near San Diego) yet knows more about the areas of LA than I do. He would drive hours up to Orange County to pick me up and proceed on our adventures.
The first item on our list was to hike up to a secret spot in East LA where a mysterious swing appeared a few years ago. I’ve often heard about this swing but this was my first time there. I stood next to the seat of the swing and as I imagined myself gracefully sitting down on the wooden plank and swinging myself over the cliff, I toppled over. Not only was the seat inconveniently too high for me, it was completely unstable as the rope that held it up was only connected to two sides of the piece of wood instead of four corners.
It took me while to find something that I’ve never had to balance myself on the seat, core strength, but I persisted. The moment was magical. Me swinging myself over a cliff overlooking East LA, I was fearless and free. Though I was literally teetering on both a swing and a cliff, I was teetering on where my ego stood that would enable me to act more carelessly than the average sound-minded person.
For someone who would go hiking, rooftopping, and swinging over cliffs along the Southern California coast, Justyn is ironically afraid of heights. I’m constantly reminded of his phobia every time I would sit on the edge of a building for photos. He recognizes the dangers of my actions and his anxiety level was over the roof yet I felt fine. Do I actively seek out danger as an act of rebellion or am I just numb to every part of my conscious being yelling at myself DANGER ALERT? I am glad that this side of myself has never stopped me from pursuing the fun and thrill of what life has to offer. I am glad that I chose to pursue whatever I want to do even though the fear of failure constantly looms over me.
I guess that moment of being with Justyn is when I know that I wanted to pursue more of what photography has to offer. I’ve been in front of a camera, and I’ve done my fair share of editing photos. I’ve directed photo shoots yet I’ve rarely held the camera itself. I’ve always been scared of pursuing photography by being behind the camera for once because I don’t know how to use one. I’ve always used every single automatic functions that a digital camera has to offer and I find myself as a novice once again.
When it comes to where I go, how I think, and what I feel, I’ve always been able to explore to my heart’s content with no hesitation yet when it comes to what I do, I’ve always done what feels natural to me. When I actively realize what is natural to me, I go out of my way to do something that does not feel as natural. I guess that’s why I create a blog about my life and photography progress. Even writing about my thoughts is does not feel as natural as when I express my thoughts verbally. My words are not as eloquent when I have to put them down letter by letter. Being behind a camera does not feel as natural as being in front of one.
That’s just how life is. I’m not just going to wonder “what if” every time I want to pursue something that I’m never done before. I’m going to go for it and expand my horizons. Your “what ifs” in life is how you determine where the line between your comfort zone and your danger zone is. Make your danger zone a comfort zone. Make the “what ifs” compel you instead of deter you.
There is always a first for everything, so here is my first blog entry.
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andulkaphoto
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