âThe journey of life is a long one, we might as well sit back and enjoy it.â
They say that good things come to those who wait. I would say that the good things that come are peace of mind and calm amidst turbulence. Patience is a virtue and it has evaded me for years. The fast-paced nature of modern society complicates the intricacies of patience. From the unspoken social norm of responding instantly to emails or messages to cursing under our breath when our internet is slow. In fear of sounding ancient, I remember when you had to gauge whether or not data was moving by putting your finger over the end of the green bar and waiting for it to pop out the other side. Now, I blink a little too long and canât judge whether or not itâs been copied or moved because it was too quick.
As the wonderful human beings that we are, some facets of our society simply are just true. One interesting aspect is that we become more impatient the closer we get to the end of the wait. We are also more fond of quick hits and shorter waiting periods which was proven by a study asking whether or not someone would want $10 now or $15 a month later (Roberts, 2023). Yes, most of us would have just taken the $10 and gone on with our day but why? Well, it has a lot to do with our desire for closure and the sweet sweet hit of dopamine when we get it (Berridge, 2017). However, distractions deceive the brain and give us a taste of instant gratification. The issue comes when we can no longer concentrate, which doesnât only make getting work done more difficult, but also affects how we achieve our goals. Not only that but also how we feel when we hit those milestones.
For one main reason, we rely on the magnitude of the reward received. You see, if we expect no reward but get one, no matter what it is, weâre genuinely pleased. However, when we get less than we thought there is nearly no reward chemical buzzed through our brain. Now, if we were to melt all of these factors together we can see exactly why we struggle with serenity. Thus, what we must do is band together and practice this seemingly intangible art of patience. For me, one of my best practices is to reframe the way I think and feel about the goal or waiting period. We all know that good things take time but we often feel uneasy when weâre unsure of how much time exactly. Regrettably, we can never truly know when that time or reward will come, and sticking to the mantra of âit will happen when it happens, all I can do now is keep pushing forwardâ is a helpful way of reframing the destination deadline. Additionally, we can take a look at this three-step plan to get us through the foot-tapping turmoil of impatience.
Step 1: Noticing The Discomfort of Impatience
Each of us reading these words has had the dreaded nightmare of missing deadlines, being late for work, or the more obscure versions including nudity or some kind of embarrassment. In addition, these feelings of impatience follow us into our busy work days and even hover over us at home. Often these feelings just become the norm and we live with the uneasy tension constantly ready for when the deadline drops. Unfortunately, this holds no benefit for any of us and instead, we should fill the free time we do have with feelings of fun and calm. Simply because this will make us more adept at getting done whatever needs to be done.
Thus, it is time to take mindfulness seriously and incorporate it into our lives. At first, the biggest challenge is remembering the practices and even practicing them. So, what we can do is set reminders on our phones, plan ahead, and get into a routine. Ultimately, we want to be better acquainted with any changes in our minds and bodies that could be doing quite a bit of harm when it comes to our behavior and thoughts which is also why we need to be mindful more often. Luckily, we have access to hundreds of short and simple mindfulness meditations on most streaming platforms such as YouTube, Spotify, and countless apps dedicated to mindfulness alone.
Because we donât have time for me to drone on about mindfulness; we can rather discuss the signs and symptoms of impatience in order to help us identify when weâre experiencing it. Numero uno would be irritability and this one is sometimes hard for us to see but is noticed plain as day by those around us. Itâs the moments we get fidgety or have this sense of impending doom even though weâre in our jammie-jams at home. Or the times we feel overwhelmed and on edge, our hearts are racing, and our minds go blank while weâre desperately trying to figure out what to do first. Sadly, when we find ourselves in this state we tend to act a bit more impulsively and end up doing things we normally wouldnât like shouting at the kids or having bursts of road rage that could have been avoided.
Step 2: Creating A Plan for Feelings Of Impatience
To-dos are unavoidable in life but the way we approach them and what we do in between them is entirely up to us. Firstly, however, we must accept that this is just the way the cookie crumbles, and life is jam-packed with things to keep our hands from sitting idle. Also, we have to understand that sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do and that some things we just have no control over. This not only frees up some mental space but also allows us to spend time on the things we genuinely enjoy that may not be conventionally âproductiveâ. And this is where we get to focus on the fun part of patienceâplaytime.
We may be old and we may be tired but life is too short to miss out on the sillier side of things. Plus, this helps us practice the mindful goal of taking things a little less seriously. After all, getting creative is a great way to improve our problem-solving, let go of stress, boost confidence, and forget a bit about the seriousness of life. But, donât take my word for it alone and take a look at these statistics: two groups, one of working adults, and another of studying university students were put to the test to see if creativity really does make us feel happier overall. What the study found was that there was definite evidence to support the claim and all participants who got creative before stressful tasks felt better about themselves and their performance overall (Tan, 2021).
It should be said that getting creative is different for everyone and we just have to find what helps our imagination wander again. If weâve been stuck in a creative rut for a while this may push us to do the more common creative activities such as painting or taking up sculpting. However, for a few this can be a rather laborious task and end up doing more damage than good. With that said, I would suggest trying to add creativity to aspects already a part of our lives. For example, we all have to eat and cooking is a great way to practice mindfully nourishing our minds and bodies. Plus, you get something tasty at the end of it.
Now, I know cooking may not be for everyone so picking up reading is also a wonderful way to get the brain focused on other materials but also to inspire us. You see, when weâre indulging in the words and thoughts of others we should try and be present. Thus, taking our minds off of the daily stressors we feel, improves our focus, memory, and gives us a taste of what creativity looks like. If words are not really your thing, perhaps you could try getting your hands dirty in the garden or by adopting a few house plants to improve the landscape of our homes. Ultimately, whenever weâre adding new objects to our environment our brain is lit up by the change and the natural beauty of plants is never a bad addition to any abode.
As a last note, we never know when impatience will hit and we should be prepared. For some, it could be returning to some meditative breathing, a quick jot down or scribbling in a journal, but there are also other options. If you have children or have close friends who do then you know the need for go-to activities to keep them entertained. And, even though we may not be as youthful as we once were we cannot give up on this practice altogether as we get on in years. The trick is to have a few activities close by to take our minds off of the wait and avoid ruminating on what cannot be done right now. This type of tool has a few names but we will refer to it as the self-soothe kit. In this kit, we can have a few items that help us get into a space of creativity or help us take focus away from the wait time.
We could pack things like a set of headphones, scented candles, stress balls, coloring-in equipment, a good book, origami paper, mini-puzzles, fidget toys, or whatever your creative heart desires.
Step 3: Be Kind To Yourself
The last step may seem a little out of sorts but I think we do forget that self-kindness means taking a few minutes to ourselves every day without guilt or fear. I would say that often we feel obliged to feel stressed or as if we could have done more because of the way the world revolves. Weâre bombarded with images of people having unbelievable experiences, achieving things we thought impossible, and yet it feels as if weâre just trapped in the space we are right now. We feel unhappy, unsure, and most of all in a constant state of wait for a little rest, some peace of mind, and a long long holiday. However, we have to give these things to ourselves and make time for our own mental health and well-being.
So, with patience we can accept that right now I donât feel great and I need a little bit of an escape so that I can come back feeling rested and ready. I wish you all well on this journey to appreciating that things take time and donât forget to breathe, get creative, and take time out of your day to take care of you.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/19485506231209002
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5171207/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8305859/
https://www.mindtools.com/a4xvpkl/patience
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