dependent blog for ciderpointhq ; lovingly penned by stevie rae
Claire Keane
Today's Document

pixel skylines

shark vs the universe

#extradirty

Kaledo Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
noise dept.
Show & Tell
Peter Solarz

ellievsbear

Product Placement
Not today Justin

No title available

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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Monterey Bay Aquarium

if i look back, i am lost
Mike Driver
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@illumoriafms
dependent blog for ciderpointhq ; lovingly penned by stevie rae
gwyn watched the other woman with a quiet precision, until the words ‘ does your head ever get too loud? ‘ fall from her lips. her gaze dropped to her hands folded on top of the table, studying the lines of her knuckles. her head was always loud, and as much as she told herself ( and others ) that she was good at ignoring it…she wasn’t. even now, she weighed the pros and cons of opening up, and her head shouted all the cons. she wasn't supposed to be in town long, but she was a stranger; she seemed earnest, but people had a tendency to mislead. ultimately, she sucked in a breath and slowly nodded. “doesn't everyone's?” fingers twisting around each other, she offered a small smile. “but…about twenty years ago, i realized the ocean's always louder. especially at night." she snuck out more times than either her father or brother knew, just to scream at it.
its bittersweet, the sense of kinship rory feels at the quiet admission from the other woman. it always brings up a sense of sadness when she is confronted with the fact that others suffer with the same level of heaviness she seems to constantly be fighting off. but also a sense of relief. she lets herself feel the whirlwind of emotions that comes with these quick realizations before offering up a smile of her own. "i know what you mean. i think i'm just desperate for a distraction. well, no it's i'm definitely looking for one." her smile turns slightly playful as she leans her elbows on the table. "and you, unfortunately, are my victim." she takes another moment to study her, eyes curious. "lorelai, but the people who i've trauma dumped on, can call me rory."
at least she has amara’s full attention now, though she doubts it’ll last once another text from zariah comes through. it isn't like she’s doing it behind her back either — amara doesn’t even bother hiding how close she is with this other girl, but somehow that only makes everything feel much worse. how could she be so oblivious to june’s feelings? when amara reaches for her hand, she almost wants to give in, the gentle touch nearly enough to make her forget why she's upset in the first place. it never takes much for her to forgive, after all. june has always been the type to give second and third chances in relationships, never quite knowing when to stop. it’ll get better. it’ll get better. it’ll get better. but this time, she just couldn’t do it anymore. " you always talk to her, " she blurts out, her voice cracking as tears begin to blur her vision. june pulls her hand back, inhaling deeply as she tries to collect herself. " i don’t like that friend of yours, okay? zariah— she— are you even sure she’s just a friend? sometimes it feels like you’re dating both of us at the same time. i don’t like it, babe. " her chest tightens as the words spill out too fast for her to stop them. the thought alone makes her stomach twist, jealousy curling under her skin even as she tries to keep her voice steady. she swallows hard, but it does nothing to ease the pressure building behind her ribs — her heartbeat loud in her ears, relentless, almost suffocating. " if you don’t want to be with me anymore, just tell me. please. " as much as she hates the thought of hearing it, maybe it's the only thing that would put her mind at ease. " i promise i can take it, " she adds quietly, even if she's not entirely sure she means it.
her immediate reaction is to gasp. one of those dramatic, cinematic intakes of air that stops time. instead, she covers her mouth. she can hear her heart in her ears. it feels ridiculous, to have this kind of reaction. but the raw expression of fear and anxiety on her girlfriends face? it feels like a punch to her nervous system. "don't - if i - don't want to be with you anymore? are you kidding me?" and she can't help it. she laughs. an incredulous sound that escapes her in the heat of this moment. it's that feeling in her bones that has been manifesting since they moved to cider point and she started making these new friends, escaping from her body. "why on earth would i come here if i didn't want to be with you? this house, this town? you think that someone i click with platonically," amara takes great effort to put emphasis on that specific word. "would change that?" she hugs herself as she attempts to self soothe the fear that has begun to seep outside of her body. and honestly? she does the only thing that she can think of. she gets onto her knees in front of june. somewhere in the back of her mind, she is well aware of how this could backfire. and she just can't bring herself to think too hard about it. tears begin to spill down her cheeks as she gathers her words, hoping that she can find the right combination to ease this situation. "baby, i- fuck, okay, i hear you. i don't understand, but i hear you, okay?" it's frenzied, rushed, stressed as it tumbles from her mouth. "i love you. i love you so much. it's you, okay? you bring so so much light into my life. what we have built together? this?" she gestures to the room around them. "i wouldn't run out on that. and fuck, i'm sorry i've made you feel like i might."
open starter for anybody @ciderstarters location: up to player
"i should have travelled by plane, my gosh." alijah pouted, mildly complaining out loud. a five hour drive was killer and she could not remember the last time she had driven that far before - there and back. "car rides just won’t do." maybe she was getting old. that thought sent shivers down her spine. absent mindedly she touched her face with her finger tips. looking over at the person in the vicinity, her brown eyes filled with emotion. "oh please oh please put me out of my misery. or better yet go have some ice cream with me, my treat?"
amara has never been one to turn down a sweet treat. she winces in sympathy at the mention of the long car ride, her spine almost feeling that tightness from sitting to long. “i’d be awful if i didn’t. are we thinking classic? or a crazy flavor? i tried bubblegum with peanut butter last time. and before you give me that look, it was FANTASTIC.” she wiggles her eyebrows in emphasis before busting out into giggles. “in all seriousness, you’re better than me. it takes so much persuasion to make me go on a roadtrip. leg cramps are a waking nightmare for me.”
it’s the way amara says it, so casual and unbothered, like there's nothing to read into. oh, it’s just zariah. sure, maybe if they weren’t so attached at the hip, it wouldn't bother her as much. everything else fades out after that, her mind going blank at the thought of them together, a familiar tightness settling in her chest. it’s only when amara’s phone buzzes again that she snaps back into reality. " it’s candid, " she says flatly, almost distant. everything is better candid. june reaches for the laptop and shuts it down without much thought — it’s not like amara wasn’t just as excited to go through her photos, but now it just feels annoying, knowing her attention is somewhere else. " what are you guys even talking about? you seem really excited about all that. " god, she doesn’t even want to know.
the alarm bells start to go off in the back of her brain. once the laptop is closed, she turns her whole body to june. it's a split second decision, choosing between bluntly asking why june seems to have an issue with her texting zariah or easing her worries by explaining the text thread. "oh, we've just been talking about how we watched the same show as teenagers," her tone is intentionally nonchalant in an effort to express how it's not nearly as important to her as spending time with her girlfriend at the end of a long day. she reaches for june's hand and gently starts rubbing her thumb across the back of it. "but seriously, i'd rather hear about your day. i can always talk to her later. friends can wait, babe." she feels like there's something missing in this equation. they'd never had a conversation about june having an issue with any of her friends and she seemed to like zariah just fine.
Determined to make her way through every old haunt Cider Point had to offer, Gwyn found herself in Shirley's. She ordered take-out, not wanting to risk sitting around and running into any familiar faces. She was brave, sure, but not so brave that she could stomach small talk with people she grew up with for longer than ten minutes at a time. Something else she's determined to work on, though ‘ determined ’ simply seemed to be her word of the week. At the very least, the face that called her over was not a familiar one. The waitress had told her there would be a wait, when she ordered her food. Still, Gwyn glanced down at her smart watch, before glancing up with a shrug. Clearly, this woman needed the company more than she did. “Why not? I've got a couple minutes. I've just ordered take-out, though, so no french fries needed!” Though she had not doubt she'd partake if they landed in front of her. “Just the pancakes. I haven't been able to find any as good elsewhere, so I thought I'd treat myself for the weekend. Why the boredom?”
"i don't know why i didn't think of pancakes when i sat down, now you have me craving them!" she picks up her phone and shoves it into her back pocket before returning her attention to the woman now across from her. "it's the boredom that comes with trying to get out of your own head. do you ever - uh, does your head ever get a little loud? like you know that everything is going to be okay, but occasionally things just become incredibly overwhelming?" her cheeks warm as she rambles but its too late now. "i'm usually pretty good at snapping out of it but for some reason, it feels like every little thing that isn't perfect, tips the scales just a smidge too much for my liking." she takes another sip of her milkshake to shut herself up before she ends up dumping her whole life story in this persons lap.
“ girl, i think we watched the same channel then. i saw that airport and backrooms one, and the one about the swimming pools? did you see they're making a full ass feature film about the backrooms? handheld style? … i dunno if i could watch it, can you watch it? ” this streams out in consciousness towards her, overwhelming both the giggle in her own voice and the dismissive laughter of their own dramatics in theirs. day follows the line of sight so far as conversations were concerned, and if she purchases a ticket to the world of conspiracy documentary land, day is driving the colourful deadpool bus right into that museum. “ okay, okay, so. it's about how the alien invasion has already happened, and it replaced the cows in texas first. they started in texas ‘cause it’s so damn big, ain't nobody gonna figure out they did it. ” a semi-forgotten-about round of crisp chocolate cookies, meant to be had with their coffee, sits on the table before them. they snatch one up, then push the little basket towards her in silent offering. although silent is in the ear of the beholder. “ what's your fave supernatural beastie? i'm all ears. ” day too has a flare of embarrassment at the idea of talking her ear off, but in a way, it was almost too late to step back and away from that.
rory laughs again, but this time over the absurdity and potential plausibility of the conspiracy presented to her. "i could probably watch it, but i'd have to have a trusted adult with me." the joke rolls off her tongue easily and she relaxes into the conversation, the drop of tension in her shoulders noticeable. "cows? oh my god, can you imagine being on a farm and seeing a random alien in your herd of cows because it thought it was safe to ... like shift back?" she snags a cookie and takes a bite while she mentally flips through all the supernatural creatures she's heard of over the years. it takes her by surprise when she realizes there is way more than she'd ever admit out loud stored in the corners of her brain. "hm, i guess i'd have to say bigfoot or fairies? i mean, bigfoot is beyond relatable. ragebaiting people for centuries? and probably has some kind of multi-dimensional secluded hideout? sign me up, please." she gestures around dramatically to the space around them. "and fairies are a no-brainer. chaotic and cute little demons."
#CLOSEDSTARTER for @illumoriafms, featuring amara zuri jackson, their shared house.
she’s always been a little possessive, but lately june feels like a third wheel in her own relationship. she had been in the middle of showing her girlfriend the photos she took earlier that day when a text popped up, and just like that, amara was glued to her phone. normally she’d let her be, yet this time, she couldn’t help herself. " who are you texting? " she asks, sharper than intended. there is only one person that comes to mind — even if she already knows the answer, she needs to hear it from amara first.
amara really was paying attention. one of the qualities she's been in love with since meeting june was how much care she puts into her work. but she also has been having a back and forth with zariah all day. it wasn't intentional, the beautiful images becoming a backseat to the text message that had her stifling a giggle. "oh, it's just zariah." her tone is casual as she hits send on the text and then returning her attention to her girlfriend. "woah! that ones really good, babe. i really like how you captured the lighting and still kept the subject in focus." her phone buzzes again beside her, face up on the coffee table and she ignores it, becoming engrossed once again in what she was being shown. "was this an intentional shot or something candid you were able to snag today?" she finally shifts her eyes from the photo to her partners face and her awed expression doesn't dim as she waits for an answer.
Who: Open to all @ciderstarters
Where: Anywhere in town
When: Afternoon
Now that the weather was heating up, Jason couldn't wait to skate around town again. As he was skating to get something to eat, he noticed someone stepping into his path. "Hey watch out!" he called as he swerved to avoid hitting them. Jason came to a quick stop, kicking up his board. He pulled out his airpods as he spoke to the person. "You good?"
amara has this terrible habit of getting caught up in her own little world, especially when she is listening to music. truly at this point, she should have only one earbud in when she takes her daily walks. it would've avoided exactly this situation. she startles when he stops in front of her, her arms out in front of her in a surrendered motion. "shit! yeah, yeah, oh my god. i'm so sorry!" her tone is panicked and she takes a moment to recover. "this new album came out and i just- yeah i wasn't paying attention."
YARA SHAHIDI 📹 for Gucci, spring 2025
goro's eyes tick, tick, tick across the keyboard as rory types. she seems to be into it so they don't really say anything else. at the 'it's fine', they know it wasn't fine. typical excuse, casual dismissal. not even with just her— regardless they give a slight nod and shift around in the chair they'd pulled. they expect to feel on edge, but the edge never comes. that small, twisted bit of worry seems to unfurl in a slow bloom. in tandem with it, they release a heavy breath they weren't sure how long they held. " yeah ... well. you know i get caught up in nothing, really. " which, true, they get caught up in absolutely fucking nothing. poor excuse, but all goro has is poor excuses. a frown crosses their face and then— interest. they perk up and move the chair closer as the clacking keys come to a halt and she pushes the laptop over. a light always seems to spark up in goro's eyes when they're shown her work— almost always they had something to say about it, but that never meant it was bad. it's different than the sheepish show of their own ... that passive push of an open program. this is active, working intrigue.
" aren't you always talking about a hit though? you're optimistic more than egotistical. " they track the scroll bar to see the different lines. their focus seems to zero-in as they lean over the chair for their headphones from their bag. the wires, of course, are a bit twisted and they have to save themselves from nearly tipping over fighting with it. it makes them choke out a slight laugh, but they brush it off with a small shoulder shrug. a pause, a glance over. it's sheepish: " i'd hope you're this passionate about your job, anyway. it's good for you. " they sure weren't, not really. goro stops stalling and connects the cord and presses play. they lean their elbow against the table, hum a little with the bassline. they don't say anything until it completely follows through and once it does, they remove one ear and rewind it. " okay, what were you thinking about when you made this? inspiration and shit ... walk with me, i wanna hear it. " said as they turn to her.
rory can barely contain her relief when any perceived tension seems to drain from the room. she barely contains a laugh at the compliment and eagerly awaits their reaction. she watches them take in the music, the beat and rough patchwork melody she'd thrown in to give it some more potential. her eyes trace their profile, the crease in their brow that smooths out seconds later, and suddenly her mouth feels a little dry. she clears her throat once they are finished and fidgets with her hands, picking at her nailbeds as she thinks. "well, i mean, i guess i was trying to take the listener on a journey? a transformation kind of thing." she laughs at how it sounds, how she sounds spouting the things that she has often quietly judged others on. "its, uh, its inspired by how i feel like i've had to rebuild myself at times. it starts soft, almost tentative. and then it-it swells into this big, beautiful, and god, doesn't it sound just slightly ominous in spaces? like-i don't know maybe you're waiting for an epiphany that doesn't come?" she knows she is rambling, and that maybe the music doesn't exactly hit that mark to anyone else, but she truly cannot contain how excited she is about this. "if i could get the right voice on it? maybe even tweak it just slightly to fix some of the rougher edges," she momentarily sucks her lower lip between her teeth, the self doubt creeping in. "i think it could be something. something big."
a spin on the heel takes minnie in a full circle, expression doubtful, wondering to whom she spoke. purse tucked into the crook of their elbow, no one else makes themself known in the immediate vicinity, so it has to be about her. that is the normal outlook minnie has: when no one else is around, take credit. that's how you manage to get somewhere in life. “ … sure. ” an evaluation in a single word, nosiness driving her to notice the close proximity of the phone, her own in her hand as it buzzes, but she drapes herself into the booth and gives one of those opening, practised smiles. “ boredom? what's boring? not enough funky people to watch or something? i deal with too many people, i think. ” free food, though. this perks her ears up, with their diamond drop earrings and all. the smile warms. “ duh. we're famished, i already know it. i got, um, well … actually. i didn't order yet. is that okay? i was super in my own world. we can start with the fries though. ” the banana chocolate shake also looks divine, and minnie gives it a longing look with a little sigh to punctuate. “ for somebody in no trouble, you sound troubled. you good? ” curiosity killed the cat, and minnie makes good use of the nine lives each one gets. it was always some delicate balancing act with them, to find out what happens around them without revealing too much about themself. image or whatever.
rory lets the flash of embarrassment fade. who cares if her stress is obvious. everyone gets stressed, she mentally reminds herself as the other gets situated across from her. she prides herself on being a good worker and enjoying what she does, so of course that's going to come with a level of stress occasionally. she relaxes into the booth, smiling at the question while she stirs the shake in front of her. "yeah, yeah, just normal work troubles," she politely flags down the waitress and orders a basket of fries before returning her attention to their conversation. "i worked with this client today. they weren't particularly difficult, i could just kind of tell they maybe weren't all present for the session. and yeah, normally, i don't think that would be a problem." she pauses to get a grip on the emotions that have been running around in her mind. "i think it put me on edge? like if they weren't all there for it, how was it supposed to be productive? i felt like once they left and i was going over the track, i didn't have a grasp on what they were expecting. so now, i'm just anxiously waiting for feedback on something i feel like i just ran with."
do you hear A NIGHT TO REMEMBER BY BEABADOOBEE playing? oh, that must be AMARA ZURI JACKSON breezing by. i don’t know if you recognize them, but they look like YARA SHAHIDI to me. i heard that SHE has been in town for ONE MONTH, which is crazy considering they are TWENTY-SEVEN years old. yeah, they live over on OCEAN AVENUE, and i heard that they work as a RADIO HOST @ CIDERPOINTFM ( IN TOWN ). i love that they remind me of A SWEATER FRESH OUT OF THE LAUNDRY, but … ugh, their playlist is so weird. why is I CANT HAVE YOU AROUND ME ANYMORE in the queue?
it's not that rory isn't used to the occasional stress associated with her job. she was always weighed down by a strange sense of guilt when she became overwhelmed with it. she is constantly grateful for finding something she enjoys as a career. but holy shit, did she sometimes feel her clients expectations adding tension to her shoulders. she had reasoned with herself hours ago that she deserved a sweet treat. that’s how she found herself sat in this booth, sipping on a banana chocolate shake, actively fighting checking her phone to see if the client she’d sent off earlier in the day had responded to the finished track. the urge to distract herself turning into an itch that needs to be scratched, her eyes landing on another patron of the diner. “hi, oh my goodness, do you wanna join me?” this is so entirely out of her character, but she is well aware if she doesn’t get out of her own head, she’ll start double texting her client like a weird situationship. “really, it’s no trouble. i’m honestly kind of going out of mind with boredom over here. what did you get?” she leans forward, propping her chin on interlaced fingers. “i’ll even order fries we could share!” she is begging the universe the other cannot sense the desperation she feels like is permeating from her words. @ciderstarters
open starter ♩ with day mbabazi, 4 / 6 .
location ♩ anywhere outdoors / suitable . @ciderstarters
the conversation continues in an outpouring, a stream really. “ don't give me that look. this is shaping up to be one of the most exhausting days of my life. ” they stand in blue jeans, a loose button - down, a kerchief, squinting off at the distance, hands on cocked hips and disappointed at cider point surrounding them. here they are, an apologist about her and she has to go and betray them with this weather and this vibe. a deep sigh follows. “ i knew i shouldn't have stayed up watching that crazy ass conspiracy theory documentary, but it was too juicy. ” they stare at their palms and wince. “ god, the calluses. … did you watch it? ” they've sparkled through the seams of town with curious and social intentions, a thousand questions, and a million texts having gone unanswered. their palms also contained an amount of calluses invisible to the normal person. “ like, and i thought texas had big conspiracies. at least the farm here has actual grass, like i'll give it that. ” do they converse in streams or in jumps from one topic to the other? that's the conundrum: having so much to say and then ending up running around in a circle.
she tries to contain her giggle. she really, really does. not in the sense she is laughing at them and their very clear rough day, but more so in what they're saying is so relatable to her. it's another gentle reminder to her that she isn't unique in her occasional struggle, minute as it may seem. "i'm not entirely sure which one you are referring to, but please enlighten me?" her smile is kind to cover up her laughter and any unintentional irritation it may have caused. "i can't tell you how many nights i've spent watching a few of them back to back. i've seen a bunch about airports and backrooms. the unknown or supernatural definitely fascinates me. even if i'm not giving too much credit to it, it's still so fun to fall into those rabbit holes." she tries to push down the flash of embarrassment she feels when she realizes she's probably rambling. "but seriously, you have to fill me in. am i supposed to start preparing for an alien invasion? oh, or maybe some crazy totally predicted natural disaster?"
Open Starter for: Anyone @ciderstarters
Location: The Taproom
"Don't worry honey, I'm allowed to smoke here, you don't have to weigh a moral quandary." Piper said, blowing cigarette smoke out in a long stream. She wasn't an asshole, she could go outside to smoke so she wouldn't bother other people. The cool night air ruffled her hair, down from the chignon she'd had it in earlier that day. Inside, she'd order a martini, though the quality was less than what Piper preferred. But for all it's charms, Cider Point didn't exactly have a high class lounge.
it isn't often that rory finds herself at a bar, let alone outside of one at night. going out like this wasn't typically her style. and yet there she was, stepping out to get some fresh air. she immediately startled at the other woman's voice. she began to wonder if maybe she had unintentionally stared at her for just a little too long. when she was overwhelmed, she had a habit of almost completely swapping to autopilot to calm some of the noise in her brain. "shit, sorry. uh, i actually don't care." her eyes widened as she realized how rude that might've sounded. "i mean - jesus christ. i don't care that you are smoking. in fact, with the week i've had, you're making me want one. and i haven't smoked since high school."
status: open @ciderstarters location: penny park
the park was , admittedly , a bit more crowded than jude was used to ; he'd woken up earlier than usual that morning. naturally , freddie – so named for the legendary mercury – took his early rise as an obvious effort to take her for a walk. he was a little grumpy about it , but one could hardly say no to such a docile & sweet creature. this , of course, is what came to his mind as the golden retriever bluntly forced her way into another park-goer's day to demand pets. ❝ i swear to god, i'm never taking her out this early on a saturday afternoon again, ❞ he muttered haughtily. ❝ she's such a pain in the ass, it feels like i've been out here for hours because she stops for every person she sees. but it's not like i can be mad about that, she's brightening everyone's day. and obviously i need to set up some boundaries, too, right? ‘cause i could’ve told her no ; the yard exists for a reason. ❞
getting up early and deciding to go to a park to do some journaling? it felt like opposite day for rory. she couldn't remember the last time she hadn't spent a saturday morning, glaring at the sun that had the audacity to stream into her bedroom or throwing on a comfort show that she would drift in and out of sleep to. surrounded by the breeze with her notebook and pen, she one hundred percent started to understand the appeal. and then, there was a dogs snout gentle sniffing at the open pages. her immediate reaction was delight. she let the sweet creature smell her hand as he approached, and by the time his statement was finished, she was fully invested in giving the best behind the ear scratches. "so , what you're saying is that this dog has you wrapped around her paw?" she briefly turned her smile to him before returning her attention to giving said dog the demanded pets. "you are right though. totally not fair to be mad at her. i mean, seriously, look at that face, oh my goodness." her voice had taken on a soft edge, so much so she felt her cheeks turn a little red. "i think i might actually need to get a dog. i forgot how .... calming they can be. even the most chaotic ones."