Midnight @im-dracula-bleh-blehbleh - Tumblr Blog

I dont want you, boy. I want the kind of bond you have with your parents

#said every traumatised whimsical weirdo ever

I hate how everything about a person just boils down to the type of parents one had.

When i do the evil deed of comparing myself with a fellow homo sapien, convinced ill never be like them. Wheels of over analyzing starts rolling and somehow, almost always brings out the fact that- "oh! She has such a good relationship with her parents!" Or "damn, his parents are soo cool!" Or "wow they definitely never felt abandonment as a children!"

So i sit there violently longing for a mother I never had, a father-daughter relationship that i can only look at confusingly.

#nostalgia tries to blur the sharp edges to seem like it might have been something softer #but it cuts you deep every single time #my shit #i wrote this instead of studying #anxiety disorder #piled up mental disorders #living with cptsd

One meeting with my supervisor reduces 5 years from my lifespan

#i couldn’t even choose my supervisor #they HAD to do lottery #and what luck i have!#no logical direction..no reliable guidance #just freestyle drowning in academic abyss #how will i survive these last 6 months #research #academia #lazy supervisor

that-house

I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

that-house

please i've already hurt so much

um...excuse me, exactly when will that DAMN SITUATIONSHIP WILL STOP DRILLING HOLES INTO MY SOUL please? Thank you.

#i didint mean to be loud imsosorry #It's just demon in my head #im..im a calm person *with teary eyes*#if anyone could give an answer please #plewsepleaseplease #situationship #doomed situationship

imsoofuckingsad

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When i want to disappear from civilization but i have to settle for deactivating my socials

#my shit #i wrote this instead of studying #anxiety disorder #piled up mental disorders #adhd #deactivated account #noone who knows me irl or virtually is here so It's ok

I am my mothers listener and my fathers unsuccessful project

#my brother keeps telling me to stop cradling my traumatic childhood #but his coping mechanisms are worse that mine #so i guess I'll live cradling all the evidences as if there's ever gonna be jury giving me Justice #i trauma dumped too hard to my brother..#shouldn’t have #now he has more added trauma #fuck im a mess #piled up mental disorders

loontattoo

see unfortunately I have this condition where if I am not explicitly told that I am a part of the ingroup then I will assume I must be part of the outgroup

my bones would crawl out ripping my skin oneday starved for a grain of affection

#im not a writer but this could a great horror story #insanely horrific till the last scene when you find out why #so trajic that you’d feel sad for the ghost #breathing is a struggle #but the lungs keep on trying

"Wanting to be sick is indicative of sickness itself"

wanting to be sick is indicative of sickness itself...

Wanting to be sick is indicative of sickness itself...?

wanting to be sick is indicative of sickness itself!

#this quote keeps messing with my head #oh the 11 year old praying to be diagnosed with a chronic illness #that 13 year old dragging the nails over her skin #that 15 year old punching the wall #that older rational one that refuses to take any sort of painkillers #secretly wishes for the physical pain to last..so the internel open wound feels justified #my bones would crawl out ripping my skin oneday starved for a grain of affection #i wrote this instead of studying #my shit #piled up mental disorders #living with cptsd

fairycosmos

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

yellow-cat

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

#this is poetry #love when human makes things sound more whimsical than it originally is #anatomy or something

devinellekurtz

My very first tiger drawing and my latest

formaldehydedoesstuff

Your skill level is unquestionable but listen.

I love him.

toasthaste-art

me also. as well.

devinellekurtz

This is the COOLEST thing I’ve seen in AGES. You both completely made my entire week.

It should be an official crime to show a broken person kindness then break them again

#situationships #situationships are messed up #you go by months thinking eh whatever.. then on a random Thursday night youre sobbing because he just proved youll never be enough #how is it that i felt most at peace with him and now have the worst anxiety attack because him #if this aint fucked up idk what is #i realize that still ranting like a broken record about a situationship that happened 4 years ago is less than healthy #you can tell i never went to therapy at this point #i wrote this instead of studying #adhd #anxiety disorder #my shit

Loneliness has seeped into my bones, there will be no cure

#i wrote this instead of studying #oh and my period started today #hormones i guess #but fr tho will this feeling of utter loneliness ever go away?#yk the thing that people do with hand smoothing down hair consistently... in Bengali there's a precious phrase for this- “Haat bulano”#closest translation is probably petting the head or something #someone to smooth a hand down my hair while i fall asleep- crave this like I'm a starved caged animal #why is it that the kindest people always leave you starving more that before #anxiety disorder #piled up mental disorders #living with cptsd #adhd

razzmothazz

still caring about internet friends you lost touch with years ago is so embarrassing. yeah i had a deam we met up irl recently. the last time we spoke was maybe 7-8 years ago. i still wear the laces we randomly decided was a sign of our friendship. i dont know what any of your socials are or if youre even active on any. sometimes i see someones art resemble yours and i wonder for hours. do you still go by that name you chose? whenever i see it i wonder if its you. we couldve passed each other in this vastness a thousand times and not have a clue.

razzmothazz

we were lonely kids having fun together. do you remember?

#this makes me so sad #old internet nostalgia is real and like irl memories of melting popsicles in a sunny blurry day #there was this hp community with virtual house cup events yule ball #even quidditch matches!#bunch of nerd just being themselves!#i love that time so much!#i found so many people who genuinely care about me to this day!#takes me by surprise everytime how i still have them in my life

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