Hello. My name's Cam.
This is my last post ever. I'll be honest, the past few weeks have been really horrible. To me, Ana is like a persona, another version of me. All though I've tried to love and embrace Ana, she hasn't been that good to me. My hair has been getting thinner and thinner, my nails more brittle, I can barely stand without feeling dizzy and I'm always weak. I've been trying to romanticize Ana but there's nothing fucking romantic about it. It's honestly so miserable. And on top of that, I'm not even fucking skinny. I just thought "what's the point of starving myself and working out for 3 hours a day if no one can even fucking tell". I'm honestly angry and annoyed at myself. To think that I wasted all that time, obsessing over body image and calories, and I'm still the fat friend. I'm still fucking overweight. I'm not skinny. I'm fucking ugly. I hate it. I hate you Ana. I'm annoyed that I wasted so much time glorifying and romanticizing ana when I was so miserable. When most of the time I just wanted to disappear. I'm so mad that I wasted all that time believing that food was my worst enemy. I can't believe how hard I made it to enjoy living. I can't believe how much internal torture I put myself through. I can't believe I thought something as horrible as ana was part of me. I can't believe I just accepted that and never questioned myself. instead of hanging out with my friends and enjoying life, I was at home, in bed because I was so tired. What was the point of all that? I didn't gain anything from it except pounds. Yes, I gained weight instead of loosing weight. What the fuck man. Why would I do that to myself? I just can't believe how much fucking misery I put myself through, all for the sake of being 'beautiful' and skinny and perfect. You know what? Fuck being beautiful, fuck being skinny, fuck being perfect. I'm gonna live life like a normal fucking human. I deserve to be normal. I deserve to live life. Why did I make myself think anything different? So yeah, I'm just gonna stop caring. I don't fucking care about how many calories im eating anymore, I don't care about how many calories in burning. I don't care if I think I need to purge. Shut the fuck up ana. Honestly, shut up. Ana ruined my life. Fuck Ana, fuck eating disorders, fuck being pretty, fuck being perfect, fuck being skinny, since I can't fucking succeed at any of those, I'll just stop trying. What's the point? I'll never be pretty, I'll never be skinny, and I'll never be perfect. I'm disappointed in myself for ever thinking I could. I'm so disappointed because I thought ana was the answer. No it fucking wasn't. I'm done. I'm done trying. I give up. I give being obsessed with calories, I give up starving, I give up purging, I give up all of that ED shit. I'm fucking done man. I'm so tired of trying. I've tried so hard but never succeeded. I'm done. Fuck anorexia, fuck bulimia, fuck binge eating, fuck restrictive eating. Fuck it. I'm done. I can't keep living like this. I'm sorry to anyone who followed this blog for the ED stuff. I hope you can find your way in life. But as for me, I'm done. I choose recovery. This is Cam. Not 'kc4l-cam'. I'm done with that kcal shit. Fuck it. I'm out man. This is my last post ever, goodbye ED Tumblr. Goodbye.