Sleight of Hand

[ Requests: OPEN ] [ Masterlist: Here ] I write for the Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings, & the Silmarillion! I do NOT write smut. All writings are female reader unless explicitly stated otherwise.

[skepticalfrog]

Can you draw gandalf hitting his head on low hobbit doorways and hobbit children giggling at him

[haleths]

Stephen Colbert speaking for the people (x)

+ bonus

[apathetic-revenant]

favorite bits of the cast interviews in the LOTR special features:

Dominic Monaghan, Billy Boyd, Elijah Wood and Viggo Mortensen all taking the piss out of Orlando Bloom for going on about a cracked rib too much, while Orlando Bloom desperately tries to wriggle out of talking about it (special mention to Elijah Wood’s “oh it hurts, babes, and I can’t ride the horse, babes” and Viggo Mortensen’s “they can be very fragile, elves, especially the…Mirkwood strain…”)

Ian McKellen commenting that “they never did find any suitable underwear for Gandalf…”

Dominic Monaghan going on and on about how Viggo Mortensen apparently had a crush on one of the Rohirrim extras (who like a lot of the Rohirrim extras was a woman in a fake beard) while Vigoo Mortensen just mutters “one could perhaps say something about Mr. Monaghan’s…proclivities…”

Dominic Monaghan’s imitation of John Rhys-Davies ordering food at a restaurant for the whole cast. “You have partridge? BRING THE PARTRIDGE!”

John Rhys-Davies talking about an incident with the Lothlorian boats and saying “if an elf and a dwarf are in a boat…and…the boat goes under…let us say that the blame was not placed on the elf” while Orlando Bloom splutters “he’s a big guy, man!” 

Elijah Wood talking about how the hobbit actors shared a trailer with Ian McKellen and sometimes they would hear inarticulate bellows of protest from his side when they played loud music in the mornings

Viggo Mortensen talking about how, while filming with those same boats, Kirin Shaw (Elijah Wood’s scale double) started telling him “if the boat tips over…save yourself…I can’t swim.” 

Elijah Wood describing how Sean Astin would try to direct the helicopters to land while they were on location, while the other three hobbits were screwing around and throwing pinecones at each other

Christopher Lee recounting how he had so much trouble going up some steps in Orthanc with his long robe that he stopped in the middle of the scene and said, “I cannot get up these goddamn steps, Peter.” 

Viggo Mortensen mentioning that he left a weekend rehearsal and went walking down the street still swinging his sword around, and promptly got the cops called on him

[lesbianpervinca]

[i-am-darth-feanor]

I swear I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe

[quarra]

My fav LotR extra is Peter Jackson and Christopher Lee talking about how Peter was trying to coach Lee to be more vocal during his death scene, and Lee straight up was like, “That’s not the noise people make when they die to a knife in the chest. It’s *this* noise,” and while he’s demonstrating, Peter remembers that Lee was a special forces guy in WWII and back away slowly and lets him do this thing.

[overthinkinglotr]

Another hilarious thing I feel we should talk about more is the fact that *film* Aragorn and Arwen break up right before Aragorn leaves Rivendell……. meaning that film!Aragorn spends most of the quest in an “oh my god my relationship of 50 years just ended what do I even do with myself????” depression haze. 

It explains so much…..

Like. Externally Aragorn is on an epic quest to save Middle Earth, internally he’s crying on the couch in his sweatpants eating a tub of the Middle-Earth equivalent of Ben and Jerry’s

[overthinkinglotr]

Legolas: Aragorn?

Aragorn: Arwen used to call me Aragorn…..

Legolas: Because it’s your fucking name

[overthinkinglotr]

To be clear I actually love the film’s version of Aragorn/Arwen’s relationship, there’s a lot of Dramatic Potential/ angsty meta you could write on it, but–.

BUT

It’s also like– you think Aragorn has to put up with Legolas and Gimli’s annoying romance antics? Legolas and Gimli have to deal with Aragorn spending half the quest staring wistfully into the distance and sighing dramatically about What Can Never Be™…with how often he sings the Lay of Luthien,  basically the Middle Earth equivalent of Adele’s Someone Like You….

[overthinkinglotr]

Gimli: You haven’t washed your hair in MONTHS. We’re staging an intervention.

Aragorn (lying flat on the ground with his face in the dirt): aweralwkerjwae

Legolas: You’re only 87– you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You can find love a second time!

Aragorn: I did. Boromir died.

Legolas: Maybe three is your lucky number!

[teddy-after-all]

#for me film Legolas’ main character trait#is that he’s incapable of reading the room (tags via @overthinkinglotr)

[sweetiepie08]

Aragorn, any time he gets a moment to himself during the quest:

[starr-bryte]

Gimli: This lovely Rhohirrim woman is clearly into you. She’s a fighter. You’re a fighter. She loves horses. You love horses (also you smell like one). Give her a chance!

Aragorn: *flashbacks to him and Arwen making out in Imladris while the elvish version of “when somebody loved me” plays in the background.

[ruffboi-mags]

He literally did this. (and then imagined Arwen kissing him before getting woken up by his horse)

[halfelven]

trauma dumping at the Council of Elrond

[daenerysbeauty]

people who say return of the king has too many endings are weak. personally, i think there should be at least ten more endings, with the very last one being legolas and gimli met on the shores of the undying lands by a party of elves, one of which takes one look at the dwarf and screams WHAT THE F— [hard cut to black]

[black-nata]

shoutout to bilbo for not initiating mass murder when the dwarves ate all of his food because if that was me i would have ended the line of durin over a small block of cheese

[notmydate]

Never forget how close he came.

[im-lad-ris]

Stars in Your Eyes: Tauriel X Reader

Prompt: “You’re back!!!!!! Soft Tauriel x reader where they celebrate the Feast of Starlight together please ❤️❤️❤️❤️”

Submitted by: anonymous

Words: ~930

A/N: JEEZ this is so late, and I absolutely apologize. I have been dealing with a lot of bs recently and had to deal with writer’s block on top of it. I hope this come off as too stilted or anything, cause I feel rusty. NOT Edited (yet)

Mellon nin: my friend

---------

“If you don’t stop moving, I’m going to pinch you” you mutter as Tauriel sit in the chair in front of you. You had been helping her get dressed up for the Feast of Starlight and had just started to put in her little hair clips that, when hit with a flash of moonlight at just the right angle, seemed to light up.

She had asked you to help her get ready a few days before the actual feast, knowing you probably would not be interested in going yourself. You had gone every year in your childhood, but as you grew you realized it was always the same. Childhood memories of the nights spent sitting at a table staring at the stars flashed through your head, but at a certain age you figured you could really do that any night you chose too. In fact, you had not gone in the past few years, even at your friend’s insistence and her telling you how flimsy of an excuse you had created.

To her credit, your excuse was flimsy, and you knew it. You simply just could not bear to attend the event anymore. You had harbored feelings for Tauriel since you were both young and watching her with the prince had made you quietly seethe, even if you knew that nothing was official between them. As you let your memories pass, you tucked a piece of Tauriel’s hair behind her ear.

You angled your wrist a little more and secured the first hairclip in her hair near one of her ears, and then the second and third clips followed suit higher in her hair. As you were about to secure the fourth clip, the door was thrown open by none other than the prince of the realm.

“There you are, mellon nin. The Feast will begin soon.” He shuffled over to you both, ignoring you as you secured the last clip in Tauriel’s hair.

“All done” you said quietly before she got off her seat to walk and meet the prince. Not that this greatly surprised you for you had assumed Tauriel had asked for your help getting ready in the first place because she was accompanying him to the Feast. After all, that is a prince, and if you were not already head over heels for the woman whose hair you had just finished, you probably would be trying to impress him too. You sighed but waved back as she gestured goodbye, taking her leave with the prince.

---------

About an hour later, you were in your rooms preparing to go take a nice hot bath. You needed to relax, for as much as you knew being there would hurt, you just could not stand the fact that not going at all somehow hurt too.

As you opened your door to head for the bath, you came face to face with a fist, you blinked before the fist was slowly lowered to give you a view of a rather short elleth.

“I was given a message for you. I know not why, but they have need of you in the library, immediately. The terrace was mentioned specifically.” She said to you, ignoring your quizzical look before she left down the hallway, not even bothering to wait for you to ask any more questions.

You sighed. You had really hoped you could have the night to yourself, but you guessed not. You shut the door behind you and took the few minutes’ walk to the rather large library. You stalked through the stacks and shelves of books, running your hand along the spines as you made your way to the terrace.

As you approached you noticed soft candlelight, before you felt something against the side of your head. You flinched on instinct, but a soft grip on your wrist held you in place.

“There,” Came a familiar voice, “It looks perfect”. You instantly relaxed as you touched the side of your head a felt the beads of one of Tauriel’s hair clips.

“I know you don’t like the Feast, but I had hoped you would spare a few moments of your time for me” she said to you, a slight sparkle to her eyes. You couldn’t help but to smile at her and nod in affirmation.

“I always have time for you, mellon nin” you replied, as she laced her fingers with yours and pulled you toward the balcony. As you reached it, your eyes lit up as they noticed the twinkle of the stars above you. It was magnificent, and just ten minutes ago you had been missing out on it.

As Tauriel led you to one of the benches, she blew out the candle, causing the dark of the night to settle over both of you. She sat on the bench besides you, her hand still lightly lying within yours before she laid her head on your shoulder. As you sat you couldn't help but to twirl her auburn hair around your fingers. A small smile grazed your lips as you noticed the way the moon splayed light on her form.

You somehow spent the next few hours in complete silence, watching the stars with your hands laced together. As you waved goodbye to her, hours after the festival festivities had died down, you cradled the hair clip to your chest with a bright smile on your face. And if the next day you felt as if you had a leg up on the prince, you did not think anyone would blame you for it. 

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Tag List: @writing-fortolkein​ @your-pixels-are-showing​ @emastrangee​ @abbiesthings​ @bilbo--watson​

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[im-lad-ris]

You’re back!!!!!! Soft Tauriel x reader where they celebrate the Feast of Starlight together please ❤️❤️❤️❤️

About to be posted. Enjoy 💙

[moist-astronaut]

the three genders are girl, bestie, and king

[fullmetalballchemist-deactivate]

[saurons-pr-department]

What are some the weirdest Sauron concepts you've come across in the fandom? Or maybe just some weird ideas about him you have? I love off the wall character interpretations, and I'm relatively new here, so yeah.

Hmmm... this is actually quite tricky... especially once you consider the canon for Sauron. Shapeshifting Demi-God, that sometimes spends time as a vampire, a werewolf, is really good at fighting with song but not so much with his fists, thinks it’s funny to call a giant man-eating spider his “cat”, started a human-sacrificing cult dedicated to his dead/banished former boss, which eventually resulted in an entire island civilisation being drowned beneath the sea by a God who was Done With Sauron’s Shit, broke off part of his soul and put it into an extremely powerful piece of jewellery but stupidly made it a piece of jewellery that’s actually quite easy to remove from his person, once yielded an entire fortress because a woman set her dog on him and then scolded him into submission, in one version of the story he is literally a cat with a chef called “Meowle”, appears to be giggling/laughing/chuckling in every scene that he appears in, has a hilarious Skype Palantír call with Pippin of all people, is a major drama queen who stood on top of a temple in the middle of a lightning storm knowing full well that God was Done With His Shit but thought he'd laugh in his face anyway, once thought he was the greatest wolf to ever live that was described in a prophecy and then got his ass handed to him because he was decidedly not the greatest wolf to ever live.

Like, I don’t think you can get much weirder than what Tolkien already wrote about him, if I’m honest!

[im-lad-ris]

Do you respond to requests ? If so can you respond to mine it has Kili in it

I do respond to requests. I'm just having trouble writing as of late, writers block is trash.

I will get to it as soon as I can, but I do do the requests in the order I get them for fairness, so I won't reach for a bit even if my writes block ends.

I'm sorry it's taken so long, to you and everyone else. I hope to get back into the groove soon.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Can you tell me why Frodo is so important in lotr? Why can't someone else, anyone else, carry the ring to mordor?

but someone else could.

that’s the whole point of frodo—there is nothing special about him, he’s a hobbit, he’s short and likes stories, smokes pipeweed and makes mischief, he’s a young man like other young men, except for the singularly important fact that he is the one who volunteers. there is this terrible thing that must be done, the magnitude of which no one fully understands and can never understand before it is done, but frodo says me and frodo says I will.

(when boromir is thinking of how he can use the ring to defend gondor, when aragorn is thinking of how it brought down proud isildur, when elrond is holding council and gandalf is thinking of how twisted he would become, if he ever dared—)

but then there’s frodo, who desires nothing except what he has already left behind him, and says, I will take the Ring.

it is an offer made out of absolute innocence, utter sincerity. It is made without knowing what it will make of him—and frodo loses everything to the ring, he loses peace and himself and the shire, he loses the ability to be in the world. It’s cruel, the ring is cruel, it searches out every weakness you have and feeds on it, drinks you dry and fills you with its poison instead, the ring is so cruel.

and frodo picks it up willingly. for no other reason except that it has to be done.

(the ring warps boromir into a hopeless grasping dead thing, the power of the palantir turns denethor into an old man, jealous and suspicious, it bends even saruman, once the proudest of the istari, into a mechanised warlord, sitting in his fortress and bent over his perverse creations—all the best of intentions, laid waste)

but there’s a reason gollum exists in the narrative, which is to show—well, to show what frodo might have been. because even as frodo grows mistrustful and wearied, as the burden of this ring grows heavier and heavier, he is never gollum. he is gentle to gollum. he is afraid—god frodo is so afraid for 2/3 of these books he is so tired and afraid, but he keeps moving, he walks though it would pull him into the ground, because he asked for this, he said he would.

someone else could have carried the ring to mordor, I suppose. the idea of a martyr is not dependent on the particular flesh and blood person dying for some greater purpose. but such a thing has to be chosen, lifted onto your shoulders for the right reason, the truest reasons, and followed into the dark, though it would see you burnt through and bled out.

I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way.

[mushfromnewsies]

y'know say what you want about tumblr (and I have), but this is still probably the simplest and most powerful distillation of the heart of the Lord of the Rings I’ve ever read. I think back to it all the time

[im-lad-ris]

UPDATE

Hey everyone!

I know I have been extremely behind, so I thought I would give you guys some insight.

I recently got diagnosed with agoraphobia, and have been really bad mentally (a mix of my severe depression and anxiety). Besides this, a bunch of stuff has been happening recently that I have to try to fix/do, which is hard when you know, you have an extreme aversion to leaving your home alone (mind you, I've been suffering with moderate agoraphobia for at least 2 or 3 years but have always brushed off the symptoms until I finally brought it up with my therapist).

All of this has made it exceptionally hard to write anything, besides the bare minimum for any of my class work.

I am not trying to take a hiatus, but I want to let you all know that I'm not having a good time and that is making it exceptionally hard to write, even for the characters I love. It has taken me a while, and alot of building my nerve, to talk about how much I'm suffering with you guys.

I appreciate your unyielding support, love, and patience! It means the world to me and gives me some semblance of happiness. However, I feel like I have let you guys down, and that hurts me.

I hope to write something soon.

Thank you all so much.

[lifblogs]

Look, it kills me, it absolutely slays me, that The Lord of the Rings isn’t a chosen one story when it comes to the One Ring. Yes, the ring was passed to Frodo, at first by the ring’s own choosing, but then came to him from the choice of hobbits. Bilbo wasn’t supposed to find the ring, wasn’t supposed to take it out of those mountains. And it was as if fate and magic had forgotten about the hobbits and underestimated them. And Frodo, that lad, that beautiful, strong lad takes the ring to Mordor! Not even because he’s a “chosen one” or has to. HE. DECIDES. TO. A tiny hobbit who had never known true adventure fought for the good in his heart. He chose to save Middle Earth. HE. CHOSE. THAT. Frodo’s story is all about choosing to be good, in the small things, the big things. It’s about showing everyone’s importance in this world. It’s about choosing to be better than those who would crush you, to fight against them, to fight for the good in the world. It’s about choosing that.

[moldstars-deactivated20230721]

writing is simple. i put my characters into a situation that i, the author, cannot figure out how to get them out of and i close the document

[morgarine-deactivated20131230]

This isn’t a fucking competition Legolas

[edgebug]

Any time anyone says Tolkien isn’t funny, I bring up this scene.

To put it in context, Aragorn is a ridiculously good tracker. He had just been literally lying flat on his belly on the ground, his ear pressed to the dirt, so he could listen for footsteps of the army that was way, way out of sight. We’re talking miles away, here. Aragorn was listening to the ground. And from that, he figured out that there were a lot of riders, on hecka fast horses, heading right towards them, with the intention of fucking their shit up. Pretty badass, right?

Cue Legolas, a.k.a. You Little Shit. Legolas is an elf. His eyesight and hearing is ridiculously good. Like, it puts any human’s to shame.

He literally let Aragorn lie there on the ground and strain to hear footsteps in the distance for no reason. And when Aragorn got up, the little shit drove the point home by saying “Oh yeah, I see them, I’ve seen them this whole time, there’s a hundred and five of them, oh yeah and they’re all blonde and they’re carrying spears nbd”

Cue Aragorn gritting his teeth in frustration and Legolas smirking like the sassy pointy-eared fuck that he is.

This may actually be my favorite part of LOTR okay