Always A Shadow

Musings of a college student with no time.

[im-myownshadow]

*when someone shows any remote interest in me*

alright where are the cameras

[memescomedy]

[im-myownshadow]

how do I say “yes I’m sad but if I wanted a shoulder to cry on I wouldn’t have chosen yours” nicely?

[embessie]

When the dwarves dug too deep

Woke a demon from sleep

That’s a-Moria

[english-history-trip]

Macbeth:

[skull-bearer]

[eveninglottie]

I legitimately just laughed for five minutes straight. Tears are leaking from mine eyes. My stomach is burning. I actually cannot stop. 

[enchanted-phoenix-deactivated20]

Oh my gawd, I laughed so hard my face hurts.

[nthsonata]

@cedrwydden

[garrettauthor]

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT TREES LITERALLY ATTACK ISENGARD BECAUSE TOLKIEN WAS SO FUCKING PISSED OFF THAT SHAKESPEARE PROMISED MOVING TREES AND ALL HE GOT WAS DUDES HOLDING BRANCHES

[antique-scarecrow]

of course he was

[taraljc]

Also Tolkien: I was so excited about that whole no man of woman born thing too. Like bitch no I was not thinking Caeserian, I wanted to see a chick as king of scotland we were robbed

[countrygirllens]

My Grandfather is dying and a few days ago he was saying how much he wanted to see snow again. We got 3-4 inches. In Texas. God winked at us.

[im-myownshadow]

Canada, are y’all okay up there? Y’all’s geese are still hanging out in Texas and it’s almost June.

[im-myownshadow]

do you ever just get a random cramp out of nowhere and look down and just be like dude no this is not how i raised you

[im-myownshadow]

me: *figures out my crush has a crush on me*

me: “ok be cool be friendly be nice.”

brain: “play hard to get in person then be his best friend online.”

me: ...

[im-myownshadow]

You know what’s really cool?

Bloodthirsty vampire insects with mildly poisonous and extremely annoying saliva.

Said no one ever.

[jayranwritesthings]

“But how can you KNOOOOOW you don’t like the food if you’ve never TRIIIIIIIIEEEEEEED it?????”

by looking at it to make texture predictions

smelling it to make taste predictions

poking at it with a fork to ascertain the flexibility and chewiness

considering its similarities to other foods I’ve disliked

considering its differences from other foods I’ve liked

knowing that there is an ingredient in it that I hate

trying to chop it with a knife and feeling the gristliness and hearing that telltale horrible creaking noise of gristle and noping right out of that situation

this is how humans naturally decided whether or not to eat unfamiliar foods in the wild thousands of years ago

our senses interact with each other to protect us, so your nose alerts you to an incoming bad taste before you put it in your mouth so you don’t end up eating the bad thing and dying

this is how we survived as a species

it is perfectly rational

it makes perfect sense

so stop

[im-myownshadow]

louder for the people in the back.

[im-myownshadow]

Graduated from nightmares

It’s weird. I don’t have nightmares anymore.

I just get these crazy dreams that I eventually track down to some minute detail from a day or two ago; like someone humming the Jurassic Park theme, and then dreaming that a t-rex the size of a two-story building is chasing everyone through this ginormous mansion with a flaming Phantom of the Opera-esq chandelier stuck on its head and everything is on fire and the three people in my dream are freaking out and ignoring everything I tell them to do, and the next minute I’m in a Walmart bitching about exorbitantly over-priced produce (like, I know a pound of shredded carrots DOES NOT COST $9.38 per bag Sandra, cut it out).

[im-myownshadow]

Whose idea was it to make hoses the same colors as grass snakes?

Like seriously.

Let me just take a nice leisurely stroll and- OHMYGOSHIT’SAHUGESNAKE!!

oh.

Can I have a bright pink hose please?

[im-myownshadow]

Responses to “hand over your wallet!”

Wow, you’re getting this worked up over $0.15 and an old Walmart receipt?

Go fish.

Dude. I’m a college student, have a heart.

How ‘bout no.

Oh hey, William, long time no see.

Ok so funny story, I already gave it to the last guy who mugged me. Sorry?

[im-myownshadow]

Me: “Yeah, mhm.”

Mom: “Wait, are you eating chocolate?”

Me: “... yes.”

[im-myownshadow]

“Everyone has a sob story, kid. The hero. The villain. The sidekick. Even the comic relief. It doesn’t matter if anyone knows about it or not. The only thing that matters is how your decisions are impacted by it. Will you face everything and rise because of it? Or will you fear your failings forever? That choice lies only with you.”

-Probably some wise mentor type

[im-myownshadow]

“Wanna know a secret?”

I ask as I open my bedroom door.

“I’m always decorated for Christmas.”

*hits the lights while “Deck the Halls” blasts from the radio*