so.... I drew Roman and Sergey from the book of the USSR. This book was Sergey Fetisov's autobiography. It was all about his real feelings and life in the army and after, he remembered their quiet love with Roman, whom he eventually lost because Roman died...They loved each other purely and deeply, sincerely, without any dirt. Honestly, after reading it, I cried a lot and for a long time.
my dude friend: when I knew you just for a little time I thought you would be bullying me. you behaved so nice to the lady classmates but around me you behaved so distant
me: cuz you're a man
he: well you're as well?
me: yeah but the first time I heard you talking you was with my friend on the bench discussing white nights from Dostoyevsky and you two sounded like some British people at 5 am discussing fancy topics while sipping tea. I thought you're either pretending to be smart to get her or gay
he: well, I can't say I'm 100% straight, and also for a while I was questioning if I really am a man, or if at least partially I'm a woman. I thought you're bi.
me: well, I can't say I don't know what you mean. I wish I was a shape shifter-
he: SHAPE SHIFTER!! that's so real!
me: YEAH ABSOLUTELY!!
*silence*
*shared so much personal shit through time yet still struggles to touch each other anything else than sometimes pat pat on back while saying "bro"*
bro we are both partially gay and probably something in a non-binary umbrella and we keep pretending we're ok
i sometimes find excuses to pat his shoulder and I KNOW HE DOES IT TOO TO PAT ME AS WELL
oh my god I was in the house of my classmate that I like and i swear to sunflowers if I won't marry him once, plan B for my living will be just blowing myself off during government assassination and plan C is basically the same but during organised revolution of red army against upper class and Contrarevolutionalists.
He has a car. he lives in a different city(village) than me. And he is very much used to having to act like a "man" and so on according to conservative roles in my country but I know he is pretty much feminine when he can and soft when he feels safe and comfortable so I said I will drive to his place by bus so he can sleep longer and he said he will wait on me on bus stop.
when I arrived the bus stopped in the middle of the road instead of the bus stop but I knew where he lives exactly *cough* I'm a stalker *cough* and I didn't realise it's not the bus stop so I just started to walk towards road that leads to his house and I saw him running from the bus stop to me. He woke up kinda late so he was literally waiting at the bus stop in his pyjama which was a light red big shirt. I really appreciate that he really cared about being there no matter if he had just pyjamas.
He even asked if he should carry my stuff but I was like "the fuck? nah I can carry it myself" literally all I had was my usual bag and then a bag with red currant I had for him.
when I came to his place he wanted me to sit down on a chair in the kitchen and he made tea for us. It was so cute. And he apologised for that he is "taking time away" cuz he had belly ache and wasn't in condition to go on the trip right away but I said it's alright cuz we have enough time and it seemed like he really isn't used for people not pressuring him into something.
we later were on a trip and we were building a circle for fairies from rocks in the forest, which he initiated cuz he likes fairies a lot.
the time went pretty quick unfortunately. and I managed to miss the last bus so in fact he had to drive me to my city lol. I'm dumbass. I wanted to pat pat his shoulder when saying "thanks for driving me there" but I wasn't sure if he would be okay with it so I left it not done. I gave him capri-sun and biscuits he likes at least.
not so long ago he told me partially he would wish to be able to be a shape shifter and switch genders and I swear my gay radar knew it because I was calling him femboy before and also I very often call him princess and he doesn't mind not even a bit and sometimes pretends to be one. I'm glad he opened to me about it later. I will support him in any feminine stuff and all else. I actually think we are getting closer the way we don't do anything on pressure and we can communicate PLUS we both have the German autism which is also why we are so connected in sum special way
I wish we could spend time together like this more often. I know I'm not his main interest but I hope it will slowly change once. if I would have to measure how we were at the start of the year and now, our friendship is a good progress to better.
i can't explain how much I just want to gut something and choke it to half death and then rip out its organs after catching it on the street at midnight but knowing that it's just an intrusive thought, I need to replace it because I used to be at the point in past where I really went out on street and wandered for few hours, finding a possible pray before the thought went away
I wonder what it comes from
lack of feeling something around?
I've been daydreaming a lot lately
i want to tear something apart by teeth and squeeze something to the point it will stop resisting for its own safety?
HUGE TW BECAUSE ITS CONTROVERSIAL AND IF YOU HAVE SOME FAMILY TRAUMA OR WAS EVER A VICTIM OF HARASSMENT AND SO ON DO NOT READ THIS
1st day
Right on the train the teacher said I am now responsible for 14 classmates alone because my other friend couldn't go there. (we are the oldest people there and ONLY GUYS who wanted to go on this trip) that means I also had to pick someone else to be in the room with later.
all classmates started to call me dad right after we went to the train. "dad can I go to pee" "dad do you have tickets for us all?" (I carried tickets for them all)
The night came and they gave me to the room with my lady friend, who is the 3rd oldest person from our class. she is chill with me but as I got in pyjamas, she went to our communal bathroom and when she came back in pyjamas, she just held huge ass distance from me and went right to her bed and said "damn you look more masculine than usually. it creeps me out a bit" and I was thinking well oh shit oops damn what should I do
however it faded away because we started to play uno. 6 people.
they made an official lore they're all my daughters and my lady friend I was in the room with became my adopted daughter because "they're dad's special interest and personal choice" YK HOW TERRIBLE THAT SOUNDS RIGHT
we started playing bullshit in the communal kitchen that I'm a dad picking his victim đđ basically it was pretty controversial but at least i learned a lot about their daddy issues and why they hate men in funny, ironycal and parodical way.
My lady friend went into an empty room during that chaos and for funsies I went in and turned lights off and locked the door. the fun stopped when I realised no one else noticed me doing it and I told her "bro if I was really a potential rapist and pedo they literally would let you be devoured" so I unlocked the door and she, in rage, started to yell in them for not noticing. she ran out of the room and I swear she wanted them all to explode
2nd day
we started to rage bait and roleplay with our friend(through chat)who could not attempt the trip. The dude played something like a good side or a saviour who is mad at me for being a pedophile father or molester. He in fact was called mom, because I was the dad. and he was a mom because he stayed at home "in kitchen". that's shit was crazy and we even took a few photos that looked like "few seconds before the daughter became a victim"
all I can say was that literally no one from us felt comfortable after a while because we played it too realistically and my lady friends found out I can talk very dark shit and behave as an asshole very realistically even though it was my role there. I have to mention the dark shit we were playing was always at night to make it more creepy.
here is a picture of how they normally know me (gay as shit a lot) and then what photos we made during the roleplay with my friend who played the adopted daughter (i had to delete the rest) also I was wearing normal dark clothes so that's why I probably appeared more manly. straight man are basic as fuck.
I see posts all the time on r/therian that go something like:
âWhy havenât I seen a bug therian?â
âŚand the comments section is flooded with dozens of accounts talking about their bug theriotypes theyâve had for half their life.
Itâs strange how thereâs this lack of object permanence that occurs with theriotypes / kintypes when itâs not being blasted online. Just because a bug therians isnât active 100% of the time in the community / in online spaces doesnât mean they are suddenly ârareâ or âuncommonâ.
And the implications of this are quite unsettling, as itâs suggesting that in order to be seen / validated you need to willingly put yourself out on display, and showcase your theriotype in a manner that everyone can notice.
Otherwise the only attention your theriotype gets is others treating you like a presumed extinct species. And if said theriotype is found, itâs treated like a ârare speciesâ and placed on an online pedestal, appreciated only because itâs assumed to be the few of its kind.
I think about this a lot when I come on here. Like thereâs so much to my therianthropy, and I knew (at least in some way) that I was a bee before I joined tumblr. I very easily could have never made myself known in the community at all. I still would have been a bee, and I still would have been out there. I do get quite a bit of âomg a bug!!â And âI didnât know that was an option!!â But I have also found a lot of other insects through tumblr alone, and a handful of other bees specifically, some of which who discovered that part of themselves through my blog. Dont get me wrong, Iâm incredibly greatful, and I will admit Iâm a heck of an attention whore, but I hope Iâm not appreciated only because I am a bee. I hope I am remembered for my optimism, kindness, and creativity, all of which i actively worked on (and still am working on!!) for so long to achieve. Not just because I am niche or rare or some bs. I am curious how many niche or uncommon alterhuman species are out there though, who are not forming an internet presence the way we are. If youâre out there, youâre not alone <3
and Iâm aware a lot of folks probably put less common creatures on a pedestal unintentionally (I know because I have caught myself doing it on more than one occasion) but this just really resonated with me idk
this bee is busy as shit with communism and environmentalist stuff so I'm inactive as fuck
ngl I wish I could dig a hole and bury myself in it
with the amount of therians, othekins, nonhumans and alterhumans and so on, I always thought we will be the main group who will fight for animal rights, right after the human leftist groups. but unfortunately I was wrong, and that is saddening. specieism, discrimination, racism and so on, crazy words. were not any better than humans at this point. And unlike animals born in the wild, we have the power to participate in change even in human surroundings, yet we waste it
i do not plan to come back any soon right now as the word is burning and being yapping digitally about shit brings absolutely no change, not even the smallest, until it's spreading awareness or informational issues that can inform other groups how to fight better against capitalism
we have only one home
may we protect it and may we be kind to our comrades of all kins
go touch grass fellas and stay hydrated
discovering other fellas of my kind was great but unfortunately it hasn't moved me anywhere at all
something so bizarre to me is the strange subset of self proclaimed marxist-leninist tumblr users that also have a massive hard on about AI and accuse you of having bourgeois morality for being against it. Like excuse me, sorry I donât support the consumption machine made by the literal definition of the bourgeois (or at least the modern day equivalent) which exploits workers in poor countries and takes even more land to fuel something useless. And before you say âbut but youâre on the internet right now, youâre using energy tooâ. The internet serves a purpose. I donât know what ai does besides spew out misinformation and ugly videos and pictures and the worst prose youâve ever seen.
It's really sorrowful that ai became just a tool to make people dumber, lazier, more asocial and most importantly, unemployed
the concept of ai was cool, it had a potential as a program
but the current use is in favour of bourgeoisie to keep people in place AND replace them
sure the ai in the workplace can make OTHER job positions after it replaced you, but not everyone can do that other position, which would more likely need another qualification and so on and so on. not everyone can do everything
for one, losing a job can be fatal. and when it happens massively, how big is the chance that you will be the one who gets a new job, when there's so many unemployed people?
Besides society issues, I probably don't even need to mention environmental issues.
Marxist Leninists definitely cannot support the current use of ai. But can see the lost potential in it that could serve workers. But unfortunately, now we DO have to be against ai, exactly because of it's current use and bourgeois exploiting workers through it. Until capitalism will be defeated, the ai will never serve for the good of people.
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