a lonely romantic

on a journey to find love

[tenitchyfingers]

“We chose the term “asexual” to describe ourselves because both “celibate” and “anti-sexual” have connotations we wished to avoid: the first implies that one has sacrificed sexuality for some higher good, the second that sexuality is degrading or somehow inherently bad. “Asexual”, as we use it, does not mean “without sex” but “relating sexually to no one”. This does not, of course, exclude masturbation but implies that if one has sexual feelings they do not require another person for their expression. Asexuality is, simply, self-contained sexuality.”

— The Asexual Manifesto, Lisa Orlando and Barbara Getz, 1972

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Note the date, people:

That’s 1972

29 years before AVEN was started online,

and 47 years before the present.

And that’s only the date that Manifesto was written, so asexuals as members of a community must have existed at least some time before that.

So, no: we are not just Tumblr trenders. Get out of here with that.

[queerhumanbeing]

supporting my asexual friends and foes by rebbloging this

[freyjawriter24]

It’s 50 years this month since the first version of the Asexual Manifesto was written. Aces have been writing about our experiences under this name for at least half a century. We are not an internet fad.

[nonbinarystarlord-deactivated20]

whenever i see a post about someone wondering how an  asexual and a sexual can be in a healthy relationship there’s always someone being applauded for saying well asexuals can have sex too or just because someone’s asexual doesn’t mean they won’t have sex but i have never, not once, EVER seen someone say well hey, some sexuals don’t have sex. you can have a full relationship without sex. just throwing it out there

[applesandbannas747]

Everyone in the notes saying polyamory and open relationships are great fixes for this too are missing the point. Ace people can have sex—and, yes, some enjoy sex. Yes, open relationships can be loving and healthy for ace people too. But ultimately you’re saying asexuality needs to be fixed by access to sex somehow. To quote op ‘you can have a full relationship without sex’. Your suggestion to find sex outside of the relationship with an ace partner completely misses that point.

[answrs]

sorry but you’re not hiding this in the tags:

#it may be surprising to learn this. but allos can choose to be celibate. famously there are entire religious orders where this is a thing #and a catholic nun who stays celibate her whole life can in fact still have a very full and meaningful life with important relationships #it’s not the end of the fucking world #there are people who don’t drive too. there are people who have never seen a mountain. there are people who don’t play video games. #human experience is too wide to be like ohh if you never do This One Thing then you are sufferinggg like chill maybe

[im-too-ace-for-this]

Tonight the feeling of never be going to be good enough is very strong ):

[artsekey]

[spacezeros123]

wanting and not wanting at the same time

a comic for asexual awareness week

[im-too-ace-for-this]

I'm never going to be a choice pfff

[whollyshimmeringsword]

Asexuality is crazy because it's like I'm so horny and my little fictional characters are so horny and we're all horny little guys in my head. I make my little blorbos kiss. But then a real human person wants to have sex with me and I'm like hahhahaha wtf how would that even work? You're not a blorbo?

[femalepope]

how many times have you been in love

0

1

2

3

4+

Voting ended onJan 22, 2025

[beaft]

being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn’t made to feel like a literal death sentence

[beaft]

it’s all very well to say “friends are just as important as romantic partners” but in practice this simply is not the case lmao. you can share a flat with a friend but it’s expected that sooner or later that friend will meet someone and will move out to go live with that person instead. if you’re hanging out with friends you can bring your partner along but your friends can’t come on a date night with you because that’s third-wheeling and it’s weird. you can know somebody for most of your life and still be second-best to some guy they met on tinder 6 months ago. you’re meant to just accept without question the fact that your friends will prioritise time with their partners over time with you. being single is treated like a problem that needs to be fixed. we casually use expressions like “just friends” or “more than friends”. everything we read and watch reinforces the idea that romantic love is what gives life meaning and therefore your life is meaningless. i try to keep my chin up but my god it is bleak out there

[sellingsecrets]

Also like the economy expects you to have a “household income” that’s >1 person’s, hence cohabitating with roommates -> a partner. If I want to live by myself because I have a low tolerance for other humans’ bullshit then that choice shouldn’t fuck me over as much as it does lmao.

[erotomanicpixiedreamgirl]

i blog for girls who are plagued by loneliness despite being overall well liked

[bakwaaas]

the problem with dating apps is there’s no yearning… i feel like true romance involves a little crush and some longing for at least a month or so instead of going straight for a date with someone who doesn’t even know or care about u at all

[tongue-twists]

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[tongue-twists]

meeting up with someone with the explicit goal of figuring out whether or not you want a relationship with them spoils the dynamic. it sucks. it's terrible. fall in love with your friends like normal people.

[tongue-twists]

as expected this one is a hit with the autism website

[dragon-in-a-fez]

apparently someone in Edinburgh has been updating the street signs for pride

[rhaenyramour]

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

Xie Lian is the best protagonist ever.  (You guys really like these, huh.  :o  Thank you so much!!!  I’ll keep making them as long as people are interested and I can find posts!)

ID in alt text and under the cut; first post / second post / third post / fourth post / fifth post / sixth post / eighth post

Keep reading

[daybringersol-deactivated202605]

fun fact (not fun at all fact actually) :

aromanticism and asexuality are still treated as issues to be fixed in most therapy settings, at least in the western psychiatric institution. i cannot fucking mention my aromanticism or asexuality to a therapist or it’ll immediately become their primary concern and goal to fix. whether or not i have a partner/am trying to have a partner is actively being used as an indicator of my wellness, regardless of if i WANT one. i cannot have access to needed mental health ressources because of fear of conversion therapy. aro and/or ace conversion therapy is the norm in most psychiatric institutions and we are getting told by the rest of the queer community that our oppression isnt real and that there is no link between our struggles and theirs.

[acesnyc]

Unfortunately, this is the reality for many ace and aro people.

Although the websites aren't very extensive, Aro Recommended and Ace Recommended are two sites where you can find mental health professionals who are aromantic- and asexual-friendly.

The sites also have other ace- and aro-friendly professionals listed, such as medical doctors, religious leaders, and aro-owned businesses.

If you're aware of any professionals (especially doctors and therapists) who are ace- and/or aro-friendly, please feel free to submit recommendations! The recommendation forms can be found on the sites themselves.