Marks and Rec: Misc #2586
(Dialogue from Santa Clarita Diet.)

Love Begins

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oozey mess

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
RMH
EXPECTATIONS
★

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Misplaced Lens Cap
The Bowery Presents

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@imascoldasiceascoldasicecanbe
Marks and Rec: Misc #2586
(Dialogue from Santa Clarita Diet.)
“Why did you follow this person ? uwu”
I’ve been here for fourteen years, do you think I remember? I don’t know who any of these people are anymore. I don’t know why they’re on my dash. I allow them to stay because they haven’t pissed me off enough to unfollow them yet. “Why did you follow this person?” I’m not sure I ever did. They’re just part of my ecosystem now.
To all my fanfic authors, out here writing time travel fixit and time loop fics…
You the real mvp.
Seriously they are my fave.
Bonnie Bennett gets a do over? Yes, please!
Steve and Danny go back and fix their relationship and prevent Danny’s bro from dying? Here for it!
Buck, Eddie, Abuela, Chimney, or someone else goes back to fix all the bullshit… and somehow gets immediately caught out? Put that shit directly into my veins!
Will Graham goes back and truly fucks with Hannibal, or goes back and immediately gives into Hannibal’s vision or Hannibal goes back and is like “I wrote sonnets for you, dear Will, out of people’s murders”? Any of it, I don’t care, give it to me.
Stiles goes back to prevent all the nonsense that Peter kicked off, or better yet the Hale fire? Oh my goodness I want to read it a million times.
Harry Potter going back and bringing chaos and confusion to Dumblesnore? Honestly, healing my childhood trauma.
I personally think 911 on Fox should have gone all in on Eddie being a kitchen diazaster. Like he pours milk into cereal and it catches on fire disaster. Like spreads peanut butter on bread and it catches on fire disaster.
And like in a buddie pining period, Buck is cooking for them and Chris is like “please don’t ever leave us. Please, I’m so hungry.”
It would have been hilarious.
*at Eddie and Buck's house*
Jee-Yun: Uncle Eddie, why don't you have a wife?
Eddie: That's because I'm gay.
Jee-Yun: What does that mean?
Eddie: It means that I like boys not girls.
Jee-Yun: Then why don't you have a husband?
Eddie [looking at Buck who's minding his own business in the kitchen]: I don't know BUCK, why don't I HAVE a HUSBAND?
Hey don’t worry everyone! All of the 118 are FIIIINE. I know because I *found* a page of dialogue from season 7:
Ravi: So… how did you get this baby?
Buck: Well… first, it’s temporary. I was the donor, Kameron is in treatment for postpartum depression and Conor couldn’t handle being a single father. And while they work on their issues, I am taking care of their daughter.
Ravi: so… they’ve baby trapped you? Also, aren’t you being a single father?
Buck: Temporarily. These things happen.
Hen: These things don’t happen Buck. The donor has rights too-
Buck: But I was not an anonymous donor.
Hen: They would still need your consent. Honestly, I agree with Rav, they’re baby trapping you.
Eddie: No, no, they are incapacitated and Buck is taking care of-
Hen: No, they have family too.
Eddie: Maybe Buck is the best choice.
Buck: Exactly! I’m great with kids. It’s not the first time this has happened.
Eddie kicks Buck in the shin.
Bobby: What do you mean? People just… give you their kids? That’s… that’s very strange Buck.
Buck: No, it was more like, if they died they wanted me to take care of their child.
Chim: Legally?
Buck: Yeah in their will.
Ravi: Buck, whoever she is was trying to babytrap you.
Eddie: No she wasn’t.
Hen: Yeah she was. I mean… in her will though? Honestly, that sounds like she was in love with you and was… constructing the fantasy of you and her being married and raising her kid together.
Eddie: No, No, No. It’s a totally, completely normal thing that friends do sometimes.
Ravi: If they’re trying to babytrap their friend maybe…
Hen: honestly, I love Maddie… but I’m not quite sure your sister is good enough for my best friend.
Buck: Look here. Look at me. Chim will marry Maddie. And he will be my brother. And then Eddie will marry me and he will be Chim’s brother. And you are like my sister so Karen will also be my sister. And Bobby will be my dad and Momma Athena will be my mother and your mother. And we will ALL be one happy family AND YES, THIS IS A THREAT.
incorrect 911 quotes part idk
Buck: Hey Eddie, how was therapy?
Eddie: Well apparently all the bad vibes I've been getting are actually "extreme psychological trauma and distress"
i would smoke the saw bathroom cigarette no questions asked
saw fans, trying to peacefully enjoy a silly little horror movie: ...
said movie: WELCOME BACK 😜 TO THE BATHROOM ‼️🚽 BITCH 😌🫶 OH BTW ‼️ 🤔🤔 YOUR FAVE BOY 🥹❓HE IS STILL VERY D E A D 💀💀💀 THOUGHT YOU'D LOVE 🥰 THE REMINDER 😉😘😜‼️✖️⭕
today on the train home the guy next to me was on his phone and at one point i saw him go on tumblr and he just had like. a normie dash. like it was all photography. of nature and architecture. he was using tumblr the way a heterosexual landscaper for rich people might use instagram. i actually had to watch his screen for a few seconds to be sure it really was tumblr because i was so taken aback by the content he was viewing. this is why algorithmless websites are so beautiful btw because i genuinely didn't know that this side of tumblr even existed. he didn't even so much as scroll past any text posts.
CBS elementary is absolutely bonkers, okay?
Sherlock crashes Joan’s car in the first episode. This is never addressed again.
Sherlock goads Joan into an illegal autopsy after he kept doing it wrong
One time Sherlock comes home with a human head and has no idea where he got it
Moriarty has a daughter who is kidnapped. Sherlock and Joan have to rescue her. With Moriarty.
Moriarty kills someone who tries to assassinate Joan and then sends her a letter basically equaling out to “only me kill you <3″
Joan beats up a cop in a boxing ring. Then she annoys Joan again so Joan prepares for round #2.
Joan shaves Sherlock’s head on purpose. At his request. He is bald or almost bald for several episodes.
Someone mocks Sherlock and Joan asks the man “what’s the hardest you’ve ever been hit?”
Joan threatens to stab Sherlock in the thigh with a push-pin if he doesn’t pay attention to a meeting (she has the push pin the whole scene in her hand)
Sherlock and Joan take down an entire drug gang in like a weekend.
Sherlock goads Gregson into marrying his girlfriend for insurance.
They keep roosters for like four episodes because Sherlock is trying to teach them to get along
Lestrade takes a helicopter to go down the block
“I’m Gay” “I am not” “No that’s my name. But I am actually gay, so it saves time.” “How efficient.”
Sherlock becomes friends with a serial killer
Sherlock and Joan need help with a case so they go visit a detective in stolen antiquities who demands their help with a SEPERATE case that Sherlock solves in ten seconds
“Tell me you didn’t start that fire” “I didn’t start that fire”
Sherlock’s solution to dealing with annoying neighbors is to start sculpting bushes with a chainsaw
In order to stop Marcus from assaulting someone, Sherlock assaults them first
Joan gets attacked by a serial killer and when Sherlock looks at her with big puppy eyes of apology she tells him that she’ll break his rib if he apologizes
One of Marcus’ professors refuses to teach Marcus because of a grudge they hold against Sherlock
“I’ve been robbed. How offensive.”
A LOT of people Joan knew get murdered (this is weird now that I’m thinking about it, I can think of at least three people)
Mycroft and Joan dated
“Her first hidden body, you must be so proud.” “You’re jesting, but I am.”
“You don’t know I play the violin?” “Until last week I didn’t know you ate food.”
Sherlock gets into a disagreement with his father and his solution to dealing with his frustration is to squeeze an entire honey jar down the drain
Joan publishes a book detailing Sherlock’s life SOLEY for revenge after Reichenbach
No one can understand Sherlock’s texting except for Joan, who used the fact he WASN’T talking like a teenager to realize he’d been kidnapped
“It’s the orange high lighter, it always brings bad luck.”
Joan dyes her hair blonde to deal with a personal crises
Joan and Sherlock lie under oath about breaking into people’s houses because they “heard puppies and babies under distress”
“Holmes and Watson are tracking down some sort of Holmes and Watson thing.”
Joan’s adoption lawyer lies about failing to notify her of meetings and Sherlock gets a king involved
Joan meets her sister because her sister runs an illegal poker game
Clyde. Just. Clyde
Joan’s mother tells her that she thinks Joan’s brother is having an affair and when Joan vents her frustration about this, Sherlock tells her she can (and should) cut off her family
The first half of season three is basically Joan and Sherlock mentoring/parenting Kitty
Sherlock was SO CONFIDENT that his father wouldn’t show up to the meeting that he hired an actor to stand-in for his father (and he was right)
A consistent running gag of the series is Sherlock waking up Joan in new and strange ways
“Uncle Detective” “My child is not calling you detective.”
“What does the moon landing have to do with someone trying to kill your father?” “Nothing. Or everything.”