summer child @imnauseous - Tumblr Blog

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emotional mess

is it wrong for me to feel this way?

i can’t tell, but probably. this ache,

this longing, no, they shouldn’t be.

i know it’s wrong to crave that care,

to feel the anger when it isn’t there,

but what do i do when all i wish to

see is what has never been, well,

at least not for me. i beg and plead

with a being up high, screaming up

into the sky. i know he won’t listen,

know he doesn’t hear, but my cries

won’t lessen, neither will my tears.

all i want is for someone to ask

just one simple question, one small

check in. i wouldn’t have thought

that would be labeled needy, but

here i am, told i’m too clingy.

too loud, too annoying, and

definitely too expectant of love

and acceptance, basic human

kindness. all i wish is for someone

to see that i’m not alright, to see

how i fight. but they don’t see that,

they can’t see the war, the battles

within that never seem to end.

they remain unaware, unknowing

of the violence that sits and stews

behind my eyelids. they just don’t

get it, they’ll never see that who

they know is simply not me. they

know the mask, they see the lies,

but stay blissfully unaware of the

pain inside. maybe if they tried,

if they let me know they cared,

then i might not be writing, acting

as though i’m not in tears. i may

be laughing, or playing outside,

doing childish activities and not

wondering why my heart still

longs for the care and love

that has simply passed me by.

#poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem

redesigning greek goddesses 3/9

Enyo

#art #my art #artwork #my artwork #original art #greek goddesses #greek mythology #greek myth art

redesigning greek goddess 2/9

Eris

#art #my art #artwork #my artwork #original art #greek mythology #greek goddesses #greek myth art

redesigning greek goddesses, 1/9

Artemis

this will most likely not be very consistent, considering i dont have a lot of time to draw, but i will be completing Eris, Enyo, Atropos, Oizys, Nemesis, Lyssa, Nyx, and Persephone.

#art #my art #artwork #my artwork #original art #greek mythology #greek goddesses #greek myth art

another Hyunjin drawing!

#my art #art #artwork #my artwork #hyunjin stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids #hwang hyunjin #skz

(dis)belief

The belief in you is made to comfort,

Meant to soothe and heal. So tell me,

Lord, why does it torment me so?

The belief in you, in your world and

All you create should be what brings

Me peace in hard times, and yet, I

Suffer at the very thought of it.

The belief in you, in Heaven and Hell,

Is supposed to be righteous, but how can

That be when it means she is not beside

Me in dark and light times? How shall

It heal when it proves she is gone.

The disbelief in you, one I am solely

Incapable of, would bring the comfort

I desperately crave. It would tell me

Calmly that she still walks beside

Me, still holds my shaky hands.

The disbelief in you, in all that you

Stand for, claims that she still walks

This earth, just not where I can see

Her, but she is still here with me.

The disbelief in you, Lord, and all

You created, states that she may remain

With me, yet no longer in a solid state.

#my poetry #poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem #religious poetry #religious poem

a little drawing i did a while ago and never posted

#art #artwork #my art #my artwork #original art #original artwork #religious art #religious trauma

What to do?

Oh, what to do when the panic sets in

And your feet refuse to hit the floor in the

Morning? When you cry yourself to sleep,

Sobbing into a pillow, biting your hand, just

To make sure no one can hear you?

What to do when life feels too heavy and

Everything is collapsing and you just can't

Stay standing? When the world is too much

And the only option feels like giving up?

What to do when the thought of moving

Fills you with dread? When just breathing

Is a chore, and you're so very tired, and

You just don't want to do it anymore?

What to do when your lungs won't fill,

And it feels as though you are drowning

In your own head? When your heart

Keeps trying to beat out of your chest,

And there is nothing you can do to stop it?

What to do when no one can see what's

Happening underneath that forced smile

And all that laughing? When hiding is the

Only option to keep you from collapsing?

Oh, what to do when you're all on your own

With no where to call home and no one to

Help you? When all you wish is for the pain

To end, for you to be set free from this

Eternal prison that is your own mind?

What to do when you can't stop asking the

Question of whether or not you'll make it out

Of this one alright? When you can't help but

Wonder and desperately crave the answer

To the question of what to do?

#poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem

What If?

What if this time, the loneliness is

Too much? If this faux sense of bliss

Ceases to exist and I am left in quiet

To ponder and think, I do not feel it

Will be such a simple thing to survive.

What if this time, my mind will not turn

Off? I shall fret over the thoughts that burn

Themselves into my very being, even

If there is no way to rid of them, and when

I fail to break free, surely, they will thrive.

What if this time, it kills me? If I can not

Stand to remain in the presence of the robot

I have become, yet must still endure this

Unfeeling, heartless soul that shall miss

Yet never be missed, I may not survive.

What if this time is the last? If I fail to

Continue marching forth, onward through

The tangled mess of emotionless and

Thoughtless prayers that lay over the sand

Of the deserted plains of my mind, I may die.

#poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem

Fallen Angel

A vile and revolting

Beast. a creature to be

Cast out upon the land of the

Dead. belonging to the valleys of

Emaciated beings such as the one who's

Falling from the grace of God and making a

Gruesome landing on the cold, cracked,

Hard ground beneath the feet of the

Illustrious figures. the type to

Justify wrongdoings as

Kaleidoscopic,

Lurid acts, unintentionally

Malicious. a spirit belonging to

Nature, surviving in a cold world, an

Open book whom no one wants to read.

Precariously teetering on the very edge of

Quiet and storm. A ledge unbeknownst to the

Radiant life forms surrounding this foul and

Sickening fiend. A numb critter with little

To no life. A being built purely on the

Unflattering and brutal instincts of

Violence and survival. One

With no thought beyond

Xenacious need and

Yearning to not be seen as a

Zany, comical, yet disturbing illusion of life.

#poem #sad poetry #poetry #original poetry #original poem

Keep It Hidden

You keep it hidden, but you wish they'd see

You hope and pray for their attention,

Because it truly can't be that hard

For them to treat you as their

Child. It shouldn't be a

Chore for them to

Care. It really

Should not

Be a

Torturous

Task to love

You as they are

Expected to. To love

You like you are their child,

Their own flesh and blood, a being

Created solely by their own hands and at

Their own will. They should not take delight

In watching you suffer as they blame you

For your own being as if it is not their

Own fault that you exist. They act

As if they had no part in it, as

If you begged and pleaded

To be a part of this world.

They simply do not

Understand

That you are a

Product of their design.

You pity them, though you

Crave the same from them for

Your own sad soul. You wish to cry

And scream, to cling on and plead for

Their love and acceptance, but they would

Turn from your sorrow, so you keep it hidden.

#poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem

smiling

everyone's smiling so long as i'm talking. if i seem alive and well, they can accept that as fact. they won't question the reality of the situation. they want me to be fine, and so, as i appear as such, they believe without a second thought.

everyone's smiling, even as i start to slip away. having always been quiet, i allow their simple minds to believe all is well no matter the circumstance. i pull back, hide away, yet they see no change. they pay little to no attention to the truth, as they refuse to believe that something may be wrong.

everyone's smiling, although the mask has started to crack. the fine lines hardly being visible to those who don't wish to see. it still hides the tears, still masks the scars. it prevents reality from seeping out, but the pressure is becoming far too much.

everyone's smiling when the illusion that all is well remains in place, no matter how frayed and decayed it's become.

but no one's smiling when the mask shatters on the cold, hard floor and i collapse into the tiny, sharp ceramic pieces. they carve into my flesh, ripping and shredding any place they make contact with. the pain seeps through the tears in my being, pouring out for everyone to see. the brutal truth is unleashed, violently clawing it's way into the hearts of those who thought they could say they know who i am. it forces it's way inside everyone who gets too close, ensuring they all feel that same hopeless and degrading feeling that seeps into the marrow of my bones as i lay discarded on the floor, covered in streaks of crimson.

#poem #poetry #sad poetry #original poetry #original poem

stray kids drawings!!