Department of Imperial Regulations

Those who choose to undermine the will of the Emperor had better locate a good hiding place. You don't want me to find you. No younglings per Imperial regulations. (a Meme Force 99 blog, pfp by Shyranno)

[imperial-strategist]

This is your only warning.

The viewing of Imperial communications is only for galactic citizens who are eighteen years of age or older. The transparency of our public communications is required by a Senate bill recently signed into law by our great Emperor. That same law includes an amendment stating that any citizens under the age of eighteen be immediately removed from access to ALL Imperial channels if they are found to be interacting. 

Though it is not part of the law, the same applies to any citizens who behave as if they are under eighteen. You will be removed without further explanation. 

For the continued glory of the Empire.

[prokopetz]

Level 1: Porn with plot

Level 2: Porn with social commentary

Level 3: Porn with troubling philosophical implications

Level 4: Porn with maddening revelations of humanity’s place in the cosmos

Level 5: Porn with math

[imperial-strategist]

That sums it up.

[imperial-science-officer]

Boop🐾

[imperial-sniper]

Rest In Pieces, "anonymous."

[imperial-strategist]

Anonymity is a short-lived security when a digital trail like this has been so nicely laid out for me to follow.

[imperial-sniper]

Didn't know the Empire assigned these.

[imperial-strategist]

It stands for willing intern for experimentation according to some.

[imperial-science-officer]

Hypothetically, if you and your brothers/Squad would square off against each other (1v1v1v1v1) in—let’s say—a controlled environment, (like a training arena), who do you think would win?

Factor in an incentive to win: prize for the winner ofc :DD

While each of us possesses our own area of expertise, I believe it is quite clear who would emerge the victor.

[imperial-sniper]

Mmhm.

I would.

[imperial-science-officer]

You are not the one to whom I was referring.

[imperial-strategist]

I'll visit you all in the medbay...assuming you survive.

[imperial-tracker]

I know where every single one of you are at all times. So. Try agaaain.

[imperial-science-officer]

And I know where each one of you sleeps.

[imperial-strategist]

In safe Imperial beds inside quarters with computerized atmospheric controls behind electronically locked doors. You're right. You have nothing to worry about from me.

[imperial-science-officer]

Hypothetically, if you and your brothers/Squad would square off against each other (1v1v1v1v1) in—let’s say—a controlled environment, (like a training arena), who do you think would win?

Factor in an incentive to win: prize for the winner ofc :DD

While each of us possesses our own area of expertise, I believe it is quite clear who would emerge the victor.

[imperial-sniper]

Mmhm.

I would.

[imperial-science-officer]

You are not the one to whom I was referring.

[imperial-strategist]

I'll visit you all in the medbay...assuming you survive.

[phlebasthebroenician]

[imperial-science-officer]

I may be able to assist in two of three ways.

[leos-multifandom-corner]

fuck yeah drugs and cheese

[imperial-science-officer]

Do I give off the air of someone gainfully employed in the fine art of cheese production?

[imperial-strategist]

You don't get paid to provide the other two either, but here we are.

[imperial-strategist]

*leaves a rose on your desk and scurries away*

*Huh, and in my favorite color. Interesting.*

[cyaretra]

hey so um imperial!Tech

[imperial-science-officer]

Are you purposely seeking my attention, pet? How very unwise.

[cyaretra]

Oh, always, sir…but it would seem that you’re the one seeking mine since my post is nearly seven months old.

[imperial-science-officer]

Work takes precedence, darling. I trust that is not beyond your grasp.

[imperial-strategist]

Any chance you could stop flirting with civilians on Imperial time?

[imperial-science-officer]

Might your reaction indicate a latent envy toward my demonstrated proficiency in social magnetism?

[imperial-strategist]

Gradually increasing the amount of iron in your subjects' blood doesn't count as social magnetism.

[cyaretra]

hey so um imperial!Tech

[imperial-science-officer]

Are you purposely seeking my attention, pet? How very unwise.

[cyaretra]

Oh, always, sir…but it would seem that you’re the one seeking mine since my post is nearly seven months old.

[imperial-science-officer]

Work takes precedence, darling. I trust that is not beyond your grasp.

[imperial-strategist]

Any chance you could stop flirting with civilians on Imperial time?

[imperial-science-officer]

How would you define your work?

Science without limits, ethics optional, with the occasional cackle as accompaniment—purely for effect.

[nika6q]

How would you define your play?

[imperial-strategist]

Subtly supervised.

[nika6q]

rECHOnnaissance

[imperial-strategist]

Clever.

[imperial-science-officer]

How would you define your work?

Science without limits, ethics optional, with the occasional cackle as accompaniment—purely for effect.

[nika6q]

How would you define your play?

[imperial-strategist]

Subtly supervised.

[superiorsniper]

Cross, which was the hardest target you have ever tried to hit?

[gars-weaponeer]

Crosshair please! That's a married man!!

[superiorsniper]

https://tv.yarn.co/yarn-clip/0fa1893d-b49b-4d39-9295-c8129ed9fcd5

That would explain things.

[thistechnologicalterror]

YOU TRIED TO WHAT.

...

WELL, IN FAIRNESS, IMAGINE THE GALACTIC HEADACHE YOU WOULD HAVE PREVENTED, HAD YOU SUCCEEDED.

[imperial-strategist]

My lord, I think you may have misunderstood. The phrase "tried to hit" in this case means tried to "hit that."

[imperial-strategist]

Random question that you might be able to answer (unless I need to go somewhere else) Are citizens allowed to pretend to be Jedi or would that raise suspicion against them and then be wrongfully detained?

The Empire allows it, within reason. There are certain situations that warrant it, like theatrical productions showcasing the fall of the order and this week's costume-wearing events...although choosing to dress as a known traitor to the Empire is in very poor taste.

If you must pretend to be a Jedi, take proper precautions. All lightsaber props MUST have orange tips at both ends, and all robes should include reflective fabric bands that are visible from all sides.

Keep in mind that impersonating one of the Empire's enemies may get you rightfully detained. Clear several months on your calendar for questioning if you choose to dress as a Jedi in public.

[newtlesbian]

he shouldnt be at the club he should be in a dark old basement laboratory saying shit like “fascinating” or “by jove” and conducting experiments on himself

[imperial-science-officer]

I have good news.

[imperial-strategist]

Result: I have more paperwork.

[weirdness-is-good]

[imperial-science-officer]

This includes the Department of Imperial Regulations. Their skulking about the corridors is severely disruptive to my work.

[imperial-strategist]

I don’t skulk. I monitor. The blood oozing out from under your lab door was yours once, remember?

I still don’t understand why it was purple that day, but that’s not the point.

[imperial-science-officer]

What you do not understand, I call progress.

[thistechnologicalterror]

I HEARD THE SOUNDS OF TORTURE AND…

WELL I CANNOT RUN, BUT I CAN WALK VERY FAST AND VERY IMPORTANT-LOOKINGLY, WITH A VERY DRAMATIC BLACK CAPE.

[ claps hands together ]

SO, WHO IS GETTING THE, AS THEY SAY, “THE BUSINESS”.

[imperial-science-officer]

@imperial-tracker is simply utilizing the interrogation rack for a little impromptu vertebral adjustment.

[thistechnologicalterror]

AH, I SEE. I SUPPOSE HE IS… RACKING UP, THE POINTS.

[imperial-strategist]

I think he might also be trying to rack up an extra inch or two through spinal decompression, my lord.

[weirdness-is-good]

[imperial-science-officer]

This includes the Department of Imperial Regulations. Their skulking about the corridors is severely disruptive to my work.

[imperial-strategist]

I don’t skulk. I monitor. The blood oozing out from under your lab door was yours once, remember?

I still don’t understand why it was purple that day, but that’s not the point.

[imperial-science-officer]

What you do not understand, I call progress.

[imperial-strategist]

I'll call it progress when you finally admit you have a favorite color.