I am Untitled and Sad

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Get over yourself

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Fuck man. I am definitely not doing OK

Wether it's.thr age or the loneliness or heck, even depression... It's not going great

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I asked for help and got NOTHING in return. She just went to sleep...

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I am so unhappy right now. Disappointed with myself and the decisions I've made. I'm so tired of taking all the responsibility...

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"do one small thing future you will be grateful for". Fuck you. Fuck this. I can't be bothered to get out of bed. I'm so tired all the time. Crying into my drink tonight.

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She is not talking to me. I can't go in like this. It's eating me from the inside. Why can't she trust me. I did everything right for _years_. It pains me so much, I want to rip my heart out.

#wlw #myrelatioship #alltgefeels #lesbian #bisexual

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I hate it here

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I just want this thing to be over. Want to go to sleep and wake up much much later. Or never.

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"stuff" adds up... work stuff, family stuff, health stuff, big big world stuff, small town scary stuff, people talking stuff, my own bullshit stuff... Just you know, "stuff". What to do when it all get too much...

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And again I find myself thinking. Did she do it again? Was she hoping to see her and it didn't work outs like the last time? Did they meet. Do they talk about her life? Do they share things that have meaning. For them? For me? Is it all about money now?

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I am just so fucking angry

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She brought it up again. I thought I was over it but I got so angry so quickly. She thinks I'm a fucking idiot. She will be there in a week. I don't have it in me anymore...

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Everything that brings me joy is toxic. I want this to stop. Stop.

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I have these mood swings. From one hour to another. Sometimes I cant stop them from showing. Im so drained.

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Nope, nope, nope...

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I am in so much pain. I think I got good over last months at numbing it down so I only feel it once it really painful. And it's always a suprise when it comes. My head is killing me and my stomach feels like it's about to explode inwards.

I wish someone was here. Her. But if she was I would pretend I don't feel the pain. I wouldn't want to bother her.

How did I get here.

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I don't want to be me anymore.