Fitz let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding when Jemma told him that was not, in fact, what she’d been saying. “Thank god for that,” he mumbled under his breath.
“Wait, what?” he blurted again when she told him that she’d thought of them together before—and getting married, apparently.
He brought a hand to his forehead, a pained expression on his face. “Jemma. If you were that sure…why—for heaven’s sake—wouldn’t you have said anythin’?”
“Yes, it would’ve been worse that way,” he agreed. “Because if I’d gone through with the weddin’, even if you’d told me later…I wouldn’t have left. I know it’s an arbitrary line but it’s the one that I’ve drawn for myself. I wouldn’t just leave. I would’ve stayed and we all would’ve been unhappy.” More than that, he felt it likely would’ve ruined his and Jemma’s friendship along with it.
He didn’t mention it but Mara had wanted to start trying for a baby sooner rather than later and Fitz already knew that, had that happened, he and Jemma never, ever would’ve happened.
Fitz could never do to his child what his own father had done to him. Sometimes he thought the abandonment was worse than the rest.
When she refused to wait for him upstairs, promising to bring her mobile and wait back at the door to the building, Fitz could see that she wasn’t going to be reasonable about it.
“He won’t hurt me,” he said with far more confidence than he felt. “But if—if—anythin’ happens, or anyone gets close to that door, you close it and call the police. Promise me?”
He put an arm around her that was half reassurance for her and half for him. “It’ll be fine. I just want to be cautious.”
“What?” She practically spluttered again, when he asked why she hadn’t said anything before, if she’d been so sure. “Because I never thought you felt the same way, obviously!” She retorted, crossing her arms against her chest indignantly.
“ I just meant, there was a time I’d imagined it -- but once you and Mara got together... I tried to forget about it.”
The first time she thought she had been sure, she chickened out of actually ever saying anything, and then he introduced her to Mara, and she knew it was too late. And her assumption, and hope, that it could be them that end up together quickly started to deteriorate.
He didn’t fight her too much again when she offered to wait by the door at least, and she had to consider that a small win. “It’ll be fine,” She agreed, sliding her hand down that had been crossing her chest to graze her fingers against his at her side.
“No one is getting past that door without setting off an alarm unless they’ve been buzzed in anyway. I just... I’ll feel better if I’m closer.” She added, offering him a smile that didn’t completely meet her eyes.
