the BAU’s BANISHMENT list (thus far)
—issued as a result of misconduct and the inappropriate utilization of national and federal holidays
easter. reason: hard boiled eggs found in agent hotchners go-bag and dr. reid’s desk drawers days later.
united states’ independence day. reason: we have a temp on record stating: “agent emily prentiss + firecrackers. you really need me to elaborate further?”
national hug day. reason: agent garcia was accused of gently assaulting other agents.
national nothing day. reason: agent hotchner does not like this day, his agents refuse to work.
st.patricks day. reason: green food dye was found in the coffee water. poison concern, poison control center dispatched, false alarm, multiple suspects, no clear unsub. not a good look for a floor full of reputable federal agents.
international cat day. reason: agent’s prentiss, garcia, jureau, and dr. reid smuggled abandoned kittens into the building. agent’s morgan and rossi sent in several complaints when the felines occupied the bullpen for several days.
april fools day. reason: agent’s morgan and prentiss inexplicably engaged in juvenile warfare. additionally, it was thoroughly reported from an inside source that they transgressed multiple office safety and health regulations.
national matchmaker day. reason: “i don’t think your coworkers should be capable- or even ALLOWED, in the first place, to- to shove people into a storage closet with- with their other co-coworkers and lock the door with the message, “You can’t come out until you.. until you kiss and makeup.” … for hours! so, erm… yeah, did-did you get all of that?”
labor day. reason: agent’s jareau and morgan established a “work-free summer picnic” in the middle of the bullpen as protest for being “forced into labor-inducing activities on labor day.” consequently, the grill triggered the fire alarm, agent prentiss broke a wrist slipping on a glow stick, balloons litter the 14ft ceilings, and dr. reid’s shoe is still in the punch bowl.
note: all holidays can be earned back with good behavior and a comprehensive understanding of safety in the workplace.
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