(Vent)Nightwolf x Adopted Reader: You were Right💔
I lost my virginity + first kiss last week with someone who didn't want to pursue a relationship. That was stated BEFORE and after. Yet I still fell in love.
They can't be fully antagonized since its on me but they just went back to not putting effort in whatever "friendship" we have. And they confirmed they practically used me.
So now I'm just like 😐 and feel disappointed and disgusted with myself. I should be happy I lost it to a crush at 19, but I'm not.
Moral of the story: Listen to when they say do it with someone you love. Bc this shit sucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's too damn soon to go through it again. Too soon.
You should've stayed in that box, shielding yourself from whatever is out there in this mad, mad world.
Now you have to sit there in shame and disgust with yourself. No one to talk to, no one to hold you, no one to give you the desire you need.
Funny. The day it happened, you never felt a high amount of joy. It was risky for you to leave the house since you never go anywhere, but you managed to. And you found it worth it.
Then just like that, the next day it slowly fell from there.
Nightwolf questioned your whereabouts.
And you didn't like to lie to him.
"How much should I tell you?"
"As honest as you can be, Y/n."
"Well, what's the worst thing that you can think?"
Nightwolf sighs, his hand going to his face in that old man dad disappointment. Good thing he didn't have his face paint on.
He can't be mad at you. Great Spirit sake, he was definitely wreckless at your age.
You had an extremely wide smile and slowly nodded.
Then came the common questions.
"Who was it? Are they bad? Did you at least use protection?"
They did use protection. Yet odd enough the period you seem to got doesn't seem like a period. (I fear it could be implantation bleeding, I need to wait next month)
"Aren't you happy for me? I found someone!" You grew anxious of his opinion. This is what you were dodging your father for. Please don't be mad.
"No. Just slightly disappointed. You're supposed to really do it with someone special. A significant other if you will. Not a friend... You let them use you-"
"No, they did not! I agreed to it, I went to their house!"
"Very well." Again with the sigh. "I wish you were more open to me about these types of things."
You felt kinda hurt. Some daughter you are.
"Good conversation." You walked away from him.
Back to the current day, you were back into a million pieces. So confused. So lonely and anxious. Afraid.
Why don't they want to see you? Why aren't they asking you how you're doing? They don't know about how much your body and mind seemed to change right after. They don't care.
And then you got the message that confirms everything.
(Pieces of it.)
"...I don't feel anything... the only thing I'm looking for is occasional sex... I'd rather be someone you hate than obsess over."
You opened up to someone again like this, gave yourself to them and it's nothing.
The embarrassing part? This just immediately makes Nightwolf right. You were avoiding the headcanon but no. It's true. It's unfortunately true.
What a dirty girl you are. This time, it's mostly your fault. Should've just listened to everyone.
If it was just possible to rip your heart put your chest and continue to breathe without it.
And you can't even distract yourself. You haven't been in the mood for your favorite games. You associated the songs you listen to them. And it's just an easy trigger.
And just trying to be the strange aroused creature you were before, it felt shameful and weird. Did they take your libido away as well? You want it back.
The sex itself wasn't even that pleasing. You were more self conscious than wet.
You got first time head though, it tickled but it rubbed your heart in a very nice way, you can admit that easily.
But you could've been fine with just the kisses and cuddling. So, so sad it's looking to be a one time thing that didn't last a full hour.
Now you're just much more lonely than before.
Peeking around the corner, Nightwolf was there doing whatever. Fujin left a little ago, so now would be a good time to go up to the warrior and tal-
It's embarrassing. He was right. You sighed and went back behind the wall. It must be so humiliating to have a messy daughter like you.
You can imagine his look when you tell him. One that screams, "I told you."
It wouldn't have helped you.
But you were just hurting. You need your dad.
Approaching him, you clear your voice. "Um, Nightwolf?"
He turns to you, silently looking with curiosity wondering what you need.
At first you didn't even know what to say until you just looked at him with such a tired, pained eyes.
"You were right." Your voice was hoarse. You waited the look of subtle triumph. The look that would bring you the much more deserved shame.
But Nightwolf's face to your words never showed small victory. Just empathy and shared hurt.
A hand rests on your cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear. Your weary eyes looked away, your hand placing on his as if you just seek the touch of comfort. You press your face more against his palm, nuzzling it.
It doesn't heal you but you need it.
"I don't get it. They made it clear they doesn't want me yet... I still fell for them."
"Naturally, because you were intimate with them."
"So how do they not feel what I feel?!"
"Little one, the world is filled with users. But please don't let it take you down. You'll know what you're looking for next time."
"There won't be a next time." Maybe you can live without a real relationship. That sounds so much relieving than repeatedly getting your heart ruptured until you're not human.
"You say that now when you know better." Nightwolf states. "You know you'll heal with much more strength and wisdom. You'll get back up, get knocked down again, learn, and still stand higher than ever."
He smiles. "That's how life works. Don't let anyone keep you down."
You'll try your best to listen to his words.
"Now, please get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow we can get your boba tea."
Yeah, you like those words.
"Nightwolf?" You call to him as he was about to head back into his room.
"If Fujin isn't coming back can I sleep in your bed?"
"Okay, fine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ta da🥹
I feel slightly better writing this. But lowkey still hurt and confused. It's not my first heartbreak so I hope I heal fine but since this time includes physical things I feel kinda gross.
It is what it is. Dear Virgins, I can't even say fellow virgins☹️, PLEASE learn from me. Do it with someone that loves you or you'll feel disgusted with yourself and hella pain.
Be a virgin at 50 and be proud of it because heartbreaks are no flex.